Falling apart

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of

smobriety.

Quoted message said:

In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but

hardest

Quoted message said:

things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I

am

Quoted message said:

fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't

know

Quoted message said:

how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to [censored] stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would

be

Quoted message said:

somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to

stop

Quoted message said:

eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Have you tried taking l-glutamine as a stop gap measure. I realise that
this is simplistic but it couldn't hurt. I used to take it in pill form
which was 500 mg and it didn't do as much. I've recently tried the powder
form which I add to a drink and it is 5g per dose and seems more effective.

You may just have to ride out this roller coaster and try not to gain. Your
exercise is helping you minimise the damage till your body is used to life
without nicotine. You can resume weight loss when you have a handle on it.

Another thing that might help is minimise the food on hand that is ready to
eat.

Sid...

Luna said:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to [censored] stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Michelle - two comments for you...

1. You say that it "all falls apart" once you get home...maybe you should
make plans to get out of the house. I have a good friend who sometimes gets
into negative patterns at the end of the day when she's home, so she makes
all kinds of plans to keep her out of the house until she's feeling more
stable.

2. If I remember from a previous post, you were smoking 3 packs a day,
correct? Why did you decide to give up 60 smokes a day cold-turkey? It's
possible that cold-turkey is the best method for your personality type, and
that you already know this...but I would have given myself a few weeks of
cutting back to 2 packs, then 1, then 10 cigs, etc. I don't want to
encourage you to step backwards, but you did decide to take on a lot all at
once. No one would fault you for taking it slowly.

S t a c i

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of

smobriety.

Quoted message said:

In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but

hardest

Quoted message said:

things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I

am

Quoted message said:

fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't

know

Quoted message said:

how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to [censored] stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would

be

Quoted message said:

somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to

stop

Quoted message said:

eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

In article <[email hidden]>,

Luna said:

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

Michelle...talking is what leads to learning what the "stuff" is that
you need to work thru. There are lots of wonderful tools that
therapists can use to help you thru whatever it is that you learn.
Jeez...I hope that made sense! Anyway, therapy isn't a waste of time
with the right therapist. The key is in finding the right one. Easier
said than done, I know! Regardless, I'll send positive thoughts your
way.

HTH and Aloha...Sue

Luna said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

therapy isn't necessarily "just talking about stuff" and if you didn't
get anything out of it the first time, you probably weren't working with
the right person.

it may indeed be that it's just your personality. you could try st.
john's wort or 5htp on your own if you wanted to. 5htp has been helpful
for me in that it has almost completely eliminated my desire to overeat.
mind you, i quit smoking sixteen years ago so i wasn't battling that.
still, it's helped. you can google for more information about both
supplements.

i think it's a deeper problem, though, and that self-medication isn't
what you need. you need to find out *why* you do this to yourself so
that you can take action to stop it, not just try to placate it into
some semblance of submission. it's obvious that you know better than to
stuff your face but you are unable, for whatever reason, to stop
yourself from doing it. i don't think just popping a pill is the way to
solve a problem like that. i think it's a behavior that you've learned,
and if you can learn it you can *unlearn* it, too. how to unlearn it is
something you'll have to figure out for yourself, and a good therapist
can help you with that.

it sucks, what's happening, but it's not the end of the world. you'll
find a way to deal with it. just don't start smoking again.

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking

about

Quoted message said:

stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by

being

Quoted message said:

orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be

that

Quoted message said:

this is just my personality.

To play devil's advocate here...maybe you don't have a [censored] of "stuff"
that you need to overcome. Maybe things are just feeling really magnified
because of the dependency your body is fighting. The fact that you don't
even know what the "stuff" is that you need to work through makes me think
that you may not be laden with issues...

Just something to think about, of course. Something similar happens to my
sister every month with PMS. She is overcome with emotions over things that
she could normally tolerate.

S t a c i

In article <[email hidden]>,

S t a c i said:

Michelle - two comments for you...

1. You say that it "all falls apart" once you get home...maybe you should
make plans to get out of the house. I have a good friend who sometimes gets
into negative patterns at the end of the day when she's home, so she makes
all kinds of plans to keep her out of the house until she's feeling more
stable.

Hmm. That's a good idea, actually. Maybe I could switch to working out
after work instead of before.

Quoted message said:

2. If I remember from a previous post, you were smoking 3 packs a day,
correct? Why did you decide to give up 60 smokes a day cold-turkey? It's
possible that cold-turkey is the best method for your personality type, and
that you already know this...but I would have given myself a few weeks of
cutting back to 2 packs, then 1, then 10 cigs, etc. I don't want to
encourage you to step backwards, but you did decide to take on a lot all at
once. No one would fault you for taking it slowly.

I'm not going cold turkey, actually. I'm using the nicorette gum. I've
tried the cutting back method before, it never worked. I already had the
gum from a previous quit attempt, and one night I was out and I smoked too
much and made myself sick, and on the way home I decided not to stop and
buy more, to just quit instead.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

Luna said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

therapy isn't necessarily "just talking about stuff" and if you didn't
get anything out of it the first time, you probably weren't working with
the right person.

True. I didn't get a choice though.

Quoted message said:

it may indeed be that it's just your personality. you could try st.
john's wort or 5htp on your own if you wanted to. 5htp has been helpful
for me in that it has almost completely eliminated my desire to overeat.
mind you, i quit smoking sixteen years ago so i wasn't battling that.
still, it's helped. you can google for more information about both
supplements.

i think it's a deeper problem, though, and that self-medication isn't
what you need. you need to find out *why* you do this to yourself so
that you can take action to stop it, not just try to placate it into
some semblance of submission. it's obvious that you know better than to
stuff your face but you are unable, for whatever reason, to stop
yourself from doing it. i don't think just popping a pill is the way to
solve a problem like that. i think it's a behavior that you've learned,
and if you can learn it you can *unlearn* it, too. how to unlearn it is
something you'll have to figure out for yourself, and a good therapist
can help you with that.

Well, like I said before, the oral fixation has been a lifelong problem.
This compulsive eating is relatively new though, just since I quit smoking.
I mean, yeah, I overate before, but it was at regular mealtimes and it was
when I felt hungry. This isn't.

Quoted message said:

it sucks, what's happening, but it's not the end of the world. you'll
find a way to deal with it. just don't start smoking again.

Maybe it's temporary. I hope it is. I'm not going to start smoking again,
no matter what.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

In article <[email hidden]>,

S t a c i said:

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking

about

Quoted message said:

stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by

being

Quoted message said:

orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be

that

Quoted message said:

this is just my personality.

To play devil's advocate here...maybe you don't have a [censored] of "stuff"
that you need to overcome. Maybe things are just feeling really magnified
because of the dependency your body is fighting. The fact that you don't
even know what the "stuff" is that you need to work through makes me think
that you may not be laden with issues...

Just something to think about, of course. Something similar happens to my
sister every month with PMS. She is overcome with emotions over things that
she could normally tolerate.

S t a c i

Cool, ok. Yeah. Maybe this is a temporary problem. Honestly, I don't
think my anxieties are all that huge, comparatively. They just feel huge
to me, but there are plenty of people doing a better job of dealing with
much harder stuff than I am.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

I'm a heavy smoker and about to join you in the ranks of a newly non-
smoker. I foresee what is happening with you happening to me also.

I've no idea if it will work..but the plan for me is to shift diet plans
when I quit. I'll be doing lower fat at that point. Reason being (and
this is assuming you don't have any insulin issues, cause if you do then
this plan won't work for you in the least bit)...is I'm guessing at some
emotional eating going on. So I can still watch calories during that
time..but munch away at carrot sticks, radishes, unbuttered popcorn,
raspberries and other reasonably low calorie foods like crazy (yes these
foods can be eaten on a low carb diet..but not in the quanity I
anticipate eating them at).
Once I'm over the main part of my smoking addictions (or it doesn't work
and I start gaining)..then I can get back to a more moderate-low carb
diet.

On the good side, by not gaining weight, you are succeeding doubly. You
may not feel that way, but you are none the less. When you quit smoking
your metabolism slows and even for those who do not eat more...it's not
uncommon to gain a few pounds.

Congratulations is in order even if you don't feel that way.

Kristine

In <[email hidden]> Luna

Quoted message said:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth
in this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to
regaining everything by now. I am about to smash through my first
month of smobriety. In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I
quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but
hardest things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions
coming to the surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was
physically addicted, but I had no idea that using nicotine was
actually a way to avoid feelings. Well, apparently it was, because
now I've turned into an emotional eater instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job.
I am fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But
when I get home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop
until I go to sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk,
but I come back in and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit
it out and start eating again. I try to butch up, and it works for
20 minutes or so, then I eat again. I eat until I am in pain. I
hate it. I hate it and I don't know how to stop. It's like part of
me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is standing there screaming
at that part to [censored] stop it, and I literally feel like I'm going
crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am
eating, but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any
of them. I have been keeping a journal and writing everything down,
hoping it would be somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've
always been someone who needs to actually do something productive and
pragmatic to solve problems, but there is nothing I can do to fix the
things I am upset about. Knowing I can't fix these things doesn't
make the pain stop though. I have to stop eating. I have to, or I
am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll
start drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong,
but I don't know how.

In article <[email hidden]>,

mimsy said:

I'm a heavy smoker and about to join you in the ranks of a newly non-
smoker. I foresee what is happening with you happening to me also.

I've no idea if it will work..but the plan for me is to shift diet plans
when I quit. I'll be doing lower fat at that point. Reason being (and
this is assuming you don't have any insulin issues, cause if you do then
this plan won't work for you in the least bit)...is I'm guessing at some
emotional eating going on. So I can still watch calories during that
time..but munch away at carrot sticks, radishes, unbuttered popcorn,
raspberries and other reasonably low calorie foods like crazy (yes these
foods can be eaten on a low carb diet..but not in the quanity I
anticipate eating them at).
Once I'm over the main part of my smoking addictions (or it doesn't work
and I start gaining)..then I can get back to a more moderate-low carb
diet.

On the good side, by not gaining weight, you are succeeding doubly. You
may not feel that way, but you are none the less. When you quit smoking
your metabolism slows and even for those who do not eat more...it's not
uncommon to gain a few pounds.

Congratulations is in order even if you don't feel that way.

Kristine

Oh, thanks. I AM gaining weight. Or at least I was. I seemed to have
stopped and settled on an 8 pound gain, so far. I hope it stops there and
reverses, once I get my eating back under control.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

An 8 pound gain after quitting smoking is not bad. Not that you want to hear
this, but you'd have to gain 75lbs to do to your body what the smoking was
doing.
It helped when I quit (I went cold turkey too, BTW, but I was only a
pack-a-day smoker) to still take smoke breaks. When I smoked the smokers had
to go outside to smoke. So whenever everyone was going to smoke, I would go
outside too (just no near the smoke) and just breathe. It helps. I don't do
it as often now, but when I need it.
Hang in there!
Michelle in Gander

"Luna" wrote in message

Quoted message said:

Oh, thanks. I AM gaining weight. Or at least I was. I seemed to have
stopped and settled on an 8 pound gain, so far. I hope it stops there and
reverses, once I get my eating back under control.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Your main problem is all the excuses.

--
You take stupid to a new level. -- MFW

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

S t a c i said:

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once,

for a

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking

about

Quoted message said:

stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by

being

Quoted message said:

orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be

that

Quoted message said:

this is just my personality.

To play devil's advocate here...maybe you don't have a [censored] of

"stuff"

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that you need to overcome. Maybe things are just feeling really

magnified

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

because of the dependency your body is fighting. The fact that you

don't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

even know what the "stuff" is that you need to work through makes me

think

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that you may not be laden with issues...

Just something to think about, of course. Something similar happens to

my

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

sister every month with PMS. She is overcome with emotions over things

that

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

she could normally tolerate.

S t a c i

Cool, ok. Yeah. Maybe this is a temporary problem. Honestly, I don't
think my anxieties are all that huge, comparatively. They just feel huge
to me, but there are plenty of people doing a better job of dealing with
much harder stuff than I am.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Luna wrote:
:: In article <[email hidden]>,
:: mimsy <[email hidden]> wrote:
::
::: I'm a heavy smoker and about to join you in the ranks of a newly
::: non- smoker. I foresee what is happening with you happening to me
::: also.
:::
::: I've no idea if it will work..but the plan for me is to shift diet
::: plans when I quit. I'll be doing lower fat at that point. Reason
::: being (and this is assuming you don't have any insulin issues,
::: cause if you do then this plan won't work for you in the least
::: bit)...is I'm guessing at some emotional eating going on. So I can
::: still watch calories during that time..but munch away at carrot
::: sticks, radishes, unbuttered popcorn, raspberries and other
::: reasonably low calorie foods like crazy (yes these foods can be
::: eaten on a low carb diet..but not in the quanity I anticipate
::: eating them at).
::: Once I'm over the main part of my smoking addictions (or it doesn't
::: work and I start gaining)..then I can get back to a more
::: moderate-low carb diet.
:::
::: On the good side, by not gaining weight, you are succeeding doubly.
::: You may not feel that way, but you are none the less. When you
::: quit smoking your metabolism slows and even for those who do not
::: eat more...it's not uncommon to gain a few pounds.
:::
::: Congratulations is in order even if you don't feel that way.
:::
::: Kristine
:::
::
:: Oh, thanks. I AM gaining weight. Or at least I was. I seemed to
:: have stopped and settled on an 8 pound gain, so far. I hope it
:: stops there and reverses, once I get my eating back under control.

If your weight training routine is any good, some of that may be muscle and
LBM. So things might not be as bad as them seem.

Staci wrote: << Michelle - two comments for you...

1. You say that it "all falls apart" once you get home...maybe you should
make plans to get out of the house. I have a good friend who sometimes gets
into negative patterns at the end of the day when she's home, so she makes
all kinds of plans to keep her out of the house until she's feeling more
stable.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

<BR><BR>

That would be my suggestion. Michelle, you say on your website that you are
interested in graphic design. Why not take an art or design course at one of
the colleges in Atlanta, something really fun or challenging.

I find I do better when I'm busy with interesting stuff and I do worse when I
am bored or have difficult tasks to do. Also, there are times when it is
useful to be obsessed with dieting and times when it is not. Perhaps you need
to change your focus.

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of

smobriety.

Quoted message said:

In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but

hardest

Quoted message said:

things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I

am

Quoted message said:

fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't

know

Quoted message said:

how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to [censored] stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would

be

Quoted message said:

somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to

stop

Quoted message said:

eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Dear Michelle,

I don't know if I am able to help, but these are just a few of my thoughts
on it.

I really believe that what you are experiencing is the nicotine withdrawal.
Your body WANTS something, and you are refusing it the nicotine, so you go
for the next best thing which is food. It still doesn't satisfy the craving
for nicotine, so you go for more food.

You need to recognize first of all that it is actual nicotine craving that
is doing this to you, and label it as such every time you feel it. This
will help you to rationalize it and draw strength from knowing it for what
it is. Food won't satisfy it, but it is like a reflex to try and satisfy
it with food.

Next is to lay in a LOT of healthy snacks for evenings. My worst time is
in the evening also. I could be "good" all day, then come evening I am into
whatever is available. Make sure that what is available isn't going to
hurt you.

Maybe you could even go so far as to make up a munchie platter of low carb
and healthy snacks. Make a conscious effort to chew VERY slowly and allow
spaces in between snacks.

My son found some help from Nicotine patches. He saved money on them by
buying the heaviest strength and cutting them with a scissor to the strength
he wanted. You might want to put a patch on in time to kick in before your
evening binge time.

Go for a long walk, do something that prevents you from thinking about food
or anything else. Maybe do some craft, paint a picture, sew something
complicated, do anything you can to take your mind off it.

Don't make the mistake of thinking it is a psychological problem, when what
you are really dealing with is the ACTUAL PHYSICAL addiction to a substance
called nicotine, that has been called "more addicting than crack cocaine".

The good news is that it will get less and less and less over time.....but
it will take a long time.

--
Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox"😉

Luna said:

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

Luna said:

[email hidden] (The Queen of Cans and Jars) wrote:

>
> therapy.
>
> not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?
>
> get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
> work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once,
for a few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just
talking about stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what
the "stuff" is that I need to work through. I know I've dealt with
stress and anxiety by being orally fixated at least since I was 4
years old, because that's when I stopped chewing on my hair and moved
to biting my nails. So it may be that this is just my personality.

therapy isn't necessarily "just talking about stuff" and if you didn't
get anything out of it the first time, you probably weren't working with
the right person.

True. I didn't get a choice though.

yeah, well, you're an adult now and you do have a choice. you can dwell
on the past or you can move forward and try to do something to solve
this problem that's obviously bothering you so much. i don't get the
impression that you have enough insight to do it on your own, so that's
why i recommend an outside source of help in the form of therapy.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

it may indeed be that it's just your personality. you could try st.
john's wort or 5htp on your own if you wanted to. 5htp has been helpful
for me in that it has almost completely eliminated my desire to overeat.
mind you, i quit smoking sixteen years ago so i wasn't battling that.
still, it's helped. you can google for more information about both
supplements.

i think it's a deeper problem, though, and that self-medication isn't
what you need. you need to find out *why* you do this to yourself so
that you can take action to stop it, not just try to placate it into
some semblance of submission. it's obvious that you know better than to
stuff your face but you are unable, for whatever reason, to stop
yourself from doing it. i don't think just popping a pill is the way to
solve a problem like that. i think it's a behavior that you've learned,
and if you can learn it you can *unlearn* it, too. how to unlearn it is
something you'll have to figure out for yourself, and a good therapist
can help you with that.

Well, like I said before, the oral fixation has been a lifelong problem.
This compulsive eating is relatively new though, just since I quit smoking.
I mean, yeah, I overate before, but it was at regular mealtimes and it was
when I felt hungry. This isn't.

you say you don't know how to stop but it's as simple as NOT PUTTING
FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH. it's not that *easy,* but it is that *simple.*
maybe not putting food in your mouth will make you miserable in the
short term, but i guarantee you that if you continue to stuff your
piehole you're gonna be much more miserable in the long run. sit on
your hands if you have to.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

it sucks, what's happening, but it's not the end of the world. you'll
find a way to deal with it. just don't start smoking again.

Maybe it's temporary. I hope it is. I'm not going to start smoking again,
no matter what.

good.

"The Queen of Cans and Jars" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

said to Luna,

Quoted message said:

you say you don't know how to stop but it's as simple as NOT PUTTING
FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH. it's not that *easy,* but it is that *simple.*
maybe not putting food in your mouth will make you miserable in the
short term, but i guarantee you that if you continue to stuff your
piehole you're gonna be much more miserable in the long run. sit on
your hands if you have to.

I remember a story about a little girl who had been hearing a lot of non
smoking talk in school, and she asked her Dad why wouldn't he quit. He
replied to her that it was very hard to quit. The kid answered him saying
"But Daddy, it is so easy,.... just don't put it in your mouth"...

So easy to say, for both food and smoking, why is it so much harder than
that simple admonition?

Truth is that there is a lot more to it than just smoking or just
overeating. There are body chemistry issues, external pressures, food (and
cig) availability, the comforting feeling we get from nurturing ourselves in
some way with food.

Finding other ways to achieve that kind of nurturance, that deep down primal
satisfaction, that kind of an almost spiritual level of comfort, is a lot
harder than that. It takes real work and real planning to outwit that
simple urge that comes from our innermost being with as compelling an urge
as a baby screaming for attention.

We learn self comforting early in our lives when we cry and for a moment
nobody arrives, so we suck a thumb or grab for a baby bottle or a "binky".

Later on it is a cigarette, a chocolate chip cookie, or a whole layer cake,
drugs, or maybe all of the above, depending on just how big the hole in your
soul is that day.

Defeating that lifetime of conditioning takes real work and real planning.

Knowing when your weakest time is, and laying in some healthy snacks for
that, can help a lot.

Like Luna, I am an evening muncher. I have been deliberately planning to
eat a certain snack at bedtime or in the early evening. My "diet crutches"
may not be the same as yours, but we all need them just the same.

For me it is a low carb ice cream pop, a WASA cracker with some peanut
butter on it, or with cream cheese with sun dried tomato blended into it, or
with a bit of really good liverwurst on it. (omigod what would I do without
my Wasa crackers?)

Sometimes I will even have a half an apple cooked in the microwave with a
sprinkle of cinnamon and splenda on it. When I am really in a decadent
mood I will eat one of those Hershey's low carb candy bars with almonds.
A diet jello cup is a good one too - when you are really craving something,
a spoonful of cream on top of the jello is yummy........

Depends what you are doing carb-wise on what your choice will be.

To avoid making spur of the moment BAD choices, plan for that weak time and
stock up on some GOOD choices, so that you don't weaken at a bad time.

So what are YOUR diet crutches? Share a few here, for when we get the deep
down munchies! (They don't necessarily have to be food......)

--
Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox"😉