Picky eater with guests

Alex Rast said:

In this case, however, it's very, very obvious what was going on.
She was trying to get rid of leftovers.

Obvious, yes, but you reached the wrong conclusion.
She obviously has passive-aggressive personality
disorder:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive

Excessively catering to her husband's peccadillos
was her way of indirectly degrading him in front
of everybody else, whether he realized it or not.

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been
basically a domestic argument.

Exactly, but aggravated by her being a psycho. :-)

In article <[email hidden]>,

(Curly Sue) said:

you how many times we heard that she doesn't like to have onions touch
things on her plate (which is why she couldn't just remove them) or
that she didn't like broccoli and her grandmother blah blah-blah blah
blah....

Pretty cheesy about the onions, I agree. OTOH, beets -- now that's
something to go on about. "-)
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 6-15-2006; Spanish Chicken and
Rice.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

"Curly Sue" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Paul M. Cook said:

Quoted message said:

So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of
thing?

Divorce, separation, homicide. Picky eaters are like spoiled children.
They just want special attention. It's not like the food would kill them
or
that it is hard to eat like some Japanese dishes. I for one will not cook
special meals just to please some twit who never grew up.

Paul

I agree with you about the root cause of pickiness and I secretly
despise some of the more insane quirks, but try not to let on.

I do make accommodations if only for my own peace of mind. 🙂

There are so many things that we like to eat that we can work around things
that someone else doesn't like. I'm not going to jump through large flaming
hoops to accommodate, but I can manage to avoid particular things if I know
someone doesn't like them.

Donna

"Dave Smith" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

That's noble of you. If I had guests that were such picky eaters that they
would
not try to enjoy what was offered I would not be inviting them back. There
are
restaurants for people like that. There are occasions where we put out a
buffet
meal, but for sit down dinner parties I have dinner courses planned. If
they
don't like the appetizer they can hope that the entree will be more to
their
liking, and if they don't like the entree they can hope for a good
dessert. I
like cooking and I like entertaining, but I hate catering to picky
eaters.

Not noble at all. I like to cook, and the things I make multiple choices of
are usually things that I don't mind having multiples of, anyway. Or I have
evil plans for leftovers (hmm...these veggies, that meat...looks like SOUP!)

Donna

"Chatty Cathy" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Well, you are invited here anytime! Actually, I usually don't have to ask
my "regulars" - I sorta know what they like and what they don't like...
but if I invite someone for the first time, I make a point of asking. I
like a pork roast now and again, for example. What if I invited someone
who didn't eat pork for religious reasons or something - and I had no idea
in advance? I would be seriously embarrassed.

I usually ask people, too, unless I already know most of their likes or
dislikes. Or when I do the invite, I mention the dinner plan -- "I'm making
lasagna for dinner...do you want to come over?"

I'm usually more concerned about the main dish than the sides. I'd hate to
have someone come over for dinner and find out that they hate turkey or fish
or whatever is the main dish. And if I'm planning something spicy, I'd ask
about that as well, so I could tone things down if need be. I want people to
enjoy the meal, not re-live childhood horrors of having to eat green peas or
Brussels sprouts or something like that.

Donna

"tert in seattle" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but
the
husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the excuse of a
dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake anyway,
settling,
or so she thought, the argument. But the husband refused to back down and
in a last-minute compromise the wife said that if he didn't want the cake
he could eat whatever was left over. In that case it would be the husband
that was at fault. If he feels it necessary in order to be a good host to
eat dessert, then he should choke down what is offered to everyone.
Otherwise he can wait until everybody else has left to have his dessert.
Still, it's possible he was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of
open defiance to what he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

this husband is a suspicious character

doesn't like chocolate? uh-huh ....

Seems odd, doesn't it? Perhaps he's not fully human.....

:-)

Donna

"Mark Thorson" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Alex Rast said:

In this case, however, it's very, very obvious what was going on.
She was trying to get rid of leftovers.

Obvious, yes, but you reached the wrong conclusion.
She obviously has passive-aggressive personality
disorder:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive

Excessively catering to her husband's peccadillos
was her way of indirectly degrading him in front
of everybody else, whether he realized it or not.

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been
basically a domestic argument.

Exactly, but aggravated by her being a psycho. :-)

Wow, this is getting interesting. I can't wait to go there for dinner again
to see if someone goes totally bonkers and starts talking to the silverware.

Donna

"Melba's Jammin'" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(Curly Sue) said:

you how many times we heard that she doesn't like to have onions touch
things on her plate (which is why she couldn't just remove them) or
that she didn't like broccoli and her grandmother blah blah-blah blah
blah....

Pretty cheesy about the onions, I agree. OTOH, beets -- now that's
something to go on about. "-)

I'm bringing you to my MIL's for dinner some time. She always feels a need
to add some "color" to her salads. But oddly enough, she often doesn't have
tomatoes handy. She has, in the past, put canned cranberry sauce or canned
beets on the salad in lieu of tomatoes. After all, they're both sort of red,
so what's the diff? She even asked how I liked the "tomatoes" when they were
obviously beets.

Mmmmmm...beetsie-matos.... :-)

Donna

Donna

"Old Mother Ashby" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I think you should always ask people you don't know well about any medical
or religious restrictions. But as for the true "picky" eater, whatever you
do is wrong.

What even weirder is people who are picky eaters for someone else. I know a
few people like that. I'll ask whether they like something and the answer
will be, "I'm fine with it, but DH won't eat it." But then later, I see the
DH eating that same thing, and there's no problem.

I know two people, offhand, who do that.

Donna

"Melba's Jammin'" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(Curly Sue) said:

Melba's Jammin said:

In article <[email hidden]>,
"D.Currie" <[email hidden]> wrote:

> When she divvies up desserts, she'll often cut larger or smaller
> pieces
> for
> certain people, rather than make them all even.

I do that all the time.

At their request?

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

Sure. And sometimes, knowing the crowd, without asking, I'll cut pieces
of different sizes so one can choose to whatever's desired. With a
beady eye watching the happenings, I'll ask the person getting the last
piece, if it's a small one, if they'd like a larger piece. "-)

That's much different than serving slices of varying sizes to people based
on what you think they ought to be eating. You're giving them the choice of
what piece they want to take, or even if they want to take one.

Donna

"D.Currie" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"Curly Sue" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Paul M. Cook said:

> So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of
> thing?

Divorce, separation, homicide. Picky eaters are like spoiled children.
They just want special attention. It's not like the food would kill

them

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

or
that it is hard to eat like some Japanese dishes. I for one will not

cook

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

special meals just to please some twit who never grew up.

Paul

I agree with you about the root cause of pickiness and I secretly
despise some of the more insane quirks, but try not to let on.

I do make accommodations if only for my own peace of mind. 🙂

There are so many things that we like to eat that we can work around

things

Quoted message said:

that someone else doesn't like. I'm not going to jump through large

flaming

Quoted message said:

hoops to accommodate, but I can manage to avoid particular things if I

know

Quoted message said:

someone doesn't like them.

It all comes down to appreciation. In my experience the picky eaters, the
ones on extremely restrictive diets etc are just so incredibly ungrateful
for the effort it takes to amuse their fetishes. They want to be catered to
and treated as a very special entity - one whose displeasure will make your
life very hard.

I grew up in a home where we all ate the same thing or you went hungry. If
I am making something I like that nobody else could be expected to like -
large salmon roe caviar comes to mind, then of course I will have other
dishes. But if I'm making a standing rib roast and some whiny momma's
boy/girl won't eat it because they prefer hamburger - well screw 'em. They
can go hungry.

And if I do cook something special just for them, it is because I want them
to know they are special. If they expect it, they can find a new cook.

Paul

D.Currie wrote on 16 Jun 2006 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

"Chatty Cathy" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Well, you are invited here anytime! Actually, I usually don't have
to ask my "regulars" - I sorta know what they like and what they
don't like... but if I invite someone for the first time, I make a
point of asking. I like a pork roast now and again, for example.
What if I invited someone who didn't eat pork for religious reasons
or something - and I had no idea in advance? I would be seriously
embarrassed.

I usually ask people, too, unless I already know most of their likes
or dislikes. Or when I do the invite, I mention the dinner plan --
"I'm making lasagna for dinner...do you want to come over?"

I'm usually more concerned about the main dish than the sides. I'd
hate to have someone come over for dinner and find out that they hate
turkey or fish or whatever is the main dish. And if I'm planning
something spicy, I'd ask about that as well, so I could tone things
down if need be. I want people to enjoy the meal, not re-live
childhood horrors of having to eat green peas or Brussels sprouts or
something like that.

Donna

My experience both married and divorcied, the wife or I were always told
what was being cooked and when to turn up and we always asked what we
could or should bring. And if told to bring nothing we'd take over a host
or hostess gift like a bottle of wine or a potted plant or whatever.
Basically the same thing applied when others came over to our house.

A married men from my generation mostly only needed to dress proper and
drive the car ... all other social venues such as date, time, mode of
dress and menu were handled via the wives attending phone netwok.

If there was a problem about food say dislike, alergy or religious reason
it was explained and settled at the time of invite.

Now if somebody just dropped over to my house at dinner time they'd be
invited to eat but if there was a reason that the food didn't meet spec
....it was too bad for them because I wouldn't be cooking something else.

My ex was kinda a fussy eater she didn't care for some foodstuffs and red
meat was one of them. So she had whatever veggies I cooked on the
occassions the kids and I had beef or pork. Because of the ex's fussiness
I couldn't cook lamb in the house due to her dislike of the odor.
Marriage is all about compromise so for 28 yrs I never had lamb unless I
ordered it at a restaurant. And we ate alot of chicken.

When I hear the word compromise from a woman it generally means something
is going to change and not to my benifit.
--
-Alan

"Alex Rast" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but
the
husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the excuse of a
dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake anyway,
settling,
or so she thought, the argument. But the husband refused to back down and
in a last-minute compromise the wife said that if he didn't want the cake
he could eat whatever was left over. In that case it would be the husband
that was at fault. If he feels it necessary in order to be a good host to
eat dessert, then he should choke down what is offered to everyone.
Otherwise he can wait until everybody else has left to have his dessert.
Still, it's possible he was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of
open defiance to what he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

She served him the pie, so she was in on whatever was going on in their
little drama. And she will often serve him something that's different than
what others get. Usually salad or vegetable.

But here's another one: It was just the four of us, the table was set with
four bowls of beet soup waiting for us. The husband sat down, saw the soup,
picked up the plate, went into the kitchen with it. Beep..beep...beep...the
microwave is doing something. He comes back to the table with a bowl of some
different soup that he heated up for himself.

"I don't like beet soup," he says. And digs in.

It was an odd moment, indeed.

Donna

Oh pshaw, on Fri 16 Jun 2006 08:37:46p, D.Currie meant to say...

Quoted message said:

"Alex Rast" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but
the husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the
excuse of a dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake
anyway, settling, or so she thought, the argument. But the husband
refused to back down and in a last-minute compromise the wife said that
if he didn't want the cake he could eat whatever was left over. In that
case it would be the husband that was at fault. If he feels it
necessary in order to be a good host to eat dessert, then he should
choke down what is offered to everyone. Otherwise he can wait until
everybody else has left to have his dessert. Still, it's possible he
was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of open defiance to what
he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

She served him the pie, so she was in on whatever was going on in their
little drama. And she will often serve him something that's different
than what others get. Usually salad or vegetable.

But here's another one: It was just the four of us, the table was set
with four bowls of beet soup waiting for us. The husband sat down, saw
the soup, picked up the plate, went into the kitchen with it.
Beep..beep...beep...the microwave is doing something. He comes back to
the table with a bowl of some different soup that he heated up for
himself.

"I don't like beet soup," he says. And digs in.

It was an odd moment, indeed.

Donna

Odd, perhaps, but not impractical. Why should the husband have to eat
something he doesn't like? Why should the guests and hostess not be
treated to something they don't have everyday?

This isn't Victorian England where meals revolved around pomp and ceremony,
and the thought of "customizing" a meal for an individual would have been
unthinkable and the height of impropriety.

If you have a problem with the habits of this family, perhaps you shouldn't
eat there. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright @¿@¬
_____________________

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Oh pshaw, on Fri 16 Jun 2006 08:37:46p, D.Currie meant to say...

Quoted message said:

"Alex Rast" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but
the husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the
excuse of a dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake
anyway, settling, or so she thought, the argument. But the husband
refused to back down and in a last-minute compromise the wife said that
if he didn't want the cake he could eat whatever was left over. In that
case it would be the husband that was at fault. If he feels it
necessary in order to be a good host to eat dessert, then he should
choke down what is offered to everyone. Otherwise he can wait until
everybody else has left to have his dessert. Still, it's possible he
was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of open defiance to what
he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

She served him the pie, so she was in on whatever was going on in their
little drama. And she will often serve him something that's different
than what others get. Usually salad or vegetable.

But here's another one: It was just the four of us, the table was set
with four bowls of beet soup waiting for us. The husband sat down, saw
the soup, picked up the plate, went into the kitchen with it.
Beep..beep...beep...the microwave is doing something. He comes back to
the table with a bowl of some different soup that he heated up for
himself.

"I don't like beet soup," he says. And digs in.

It was an odd moment, indeed.

Donna

Odd, perhaps, but not impractical. Why should the husband have to eat
something he doesn't like? Why should the guests and hostess not be
treated to something they don't have everyday?

It was odd to me that he didn't know that beet soup was on the menu. When we
have people over, we usually discuss what's for dinner. In detail. Mostly to
keep me from cooking way more than is sane. But DH always knows what I'm
making, and usually days ahead of time.

The husband lives there, in the same house where the soup was cooked. At
some point, you'd think that he might have wandered past the kitchen and
noticed that she was cooking something he didn't like, even if they didn't
discuss it before then.

The other odd thing was that she either didn't know that he didn't like beet
soup, or that she served it to him knowing that he wouldn't want to eat it.
They've been married for quite some time, I can't believe that she doesn't
know that he doesn't like beets.

There was something odd in the air, and it wasn't dinner burning.

Quoted message said:

This isn't Victorian England where meals revolved around pomp and
ceremony,
and the thought of "customizing" a meal for an individual would have been
unthinkable and the height of impropriety.

Yabbut....why did it happen after the soup was served? It didn't bother me
that he didn't like the soup, but the timing was strange.

Quoted message said:

If you have a problem with the habits of this family, perhaps you
shouldn't
eat there. :-)

I think that some things that go on there are peculiar, for sure. But it
makes for some interesting conversations after the fact.

They probably talk about us just as much when they leave here.

Life would be boring if we only interacted with people just like us.

Donna

jmcquown said:

This is one reason I'm not a Personal Chef. It's been suggested LOL I am
not willing to prepare 6 different meals based one everyone's different
tastes. Sorry, do that yourself. Or go to a restaurant. Sorry, if I cook
a meal, you're gonna get that meal or not eat. (Another reason I didn't
have children.)

Jill

I agree with you one that not having kids is one solution 🙂. But
it's one thing cooking for your own kids, but take my word it's
impossible when dealing with other people's kids, unless imposing
one's will on them is more important than the relationship.

Not eating vegetables is bad enough. What disturbs me the most are
those who assiduously dig through a dish that they like in the whole,
removing offending items. Eg. will eat pasta with tomato sauce but
will not allow actual pieces of tomato (found in crushed tomatoes) to
pass their lips, as if they would die -I tell you *DIE*-- if such a
fragment got mixed up with a mouthful of spaghetti. The plate ends
up decorated with artfully distributed tomato dits. Or who, when
presented with a chop, dissect it with the skill of a surgeon, leaving
a large pile of unacceptable pieces and a 1" fillet.

To avoid having to sit there, screaming inside, as the food I made is
deconstructed and the components vetted like poison, I no longer
prepare such foods for those individuals.

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

jmcquown said:

This is one reason I'm not a Personal Chef. It's been suggested LOL I am
not willing to prepare 6 different meals based one everyone's different
tastes. Sorry, do that yourself. Or go to a restaurant. Sorry, if I cook
a meal, you're gonna get that meal or not eat. (Another reason I didn't
have children.)

I hav e children, and I cook one meal :-)
My policy is, if they don't like it, they can go fetch a yogurt or
fruit. Amazingly, they *never* did. Even if they didn't much like
something, they always found something else in the meal to compensate.

Nathalie in Switzerland

"Nathalie Chiva" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

jmcquown said:

This is one reason I'm not a Personal Chef. It's been suggested LOL I am
not willing to prepare 6 different meals based one everyone's different
tastes. Sorry, do that yourself. Or go to a restaurant. Sorry, if I
cook
a meal, you're gonna get that meal or not eat. (Another reason I didn't
have children.)

I hav e children, and I cook one meal :-)
My policy is, if they don't like it, they can go fetch a yogurt or
fruit. Amazingly, they *never* did. Even if they didn't much like
something, they always found something else in the meal to compensate.

That is how I raised my children and when they visit it is the same! I
cook, they eat it and are very happy to do so🙂

Ophelia said:

"Nathalie Chiva" <[email hidden]> wrote in
message news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

jmcquown said:

This is one reason I'm not a Personal Chef. It's been suggested
LOL I am not willing to prepare 6 different meals based one
everyone's different tastes. Sorry, do that yourself. Or go to a
restaurant. Sorry, if I cook
a meal, you're gonna get that meal or not eat. (Another reason I
didn't have children.)

I hav e children, and I cook one meal :-)
My policy is, if they don't like it, they can go fetch a yogurt or
fruit. Amazingly, they *never* did. Even if they didn't much like
something, they always found something else in the meal to
compensate.

That is how I raised my children and when they visit it is the same!
I cook, they eat it and are very happy to do so🙂

When I was a child, I remember eating artichokes at the age of nine. I was
out sitting by the curb showing the other kids how to scrape off the 'meat'
from the leaves. When I got down to the heart (from which my mom had
scraped the fuzzy stuff) I wouldn't share it with anyone; it was too
delicious! Of course now I know it's even more delicious with a butter and
lemon concoction to dip it in!

Same thing with asparagus. My childhood friends hated asparagus. They
hated broccoli. They hated cauliflower. They hated lima beans. Sorry,
folks, but I love lima beans, especially the big fat Fordhook ones. Yellow
butterbeans, well, that's another story. They're okay but too pasty.

I also adore brussels sprouts but they have to be cooked until very tender
like tiny cabbages. None of this 'tender crisp' stuff for me. Cook the
damned things already!

If you think you hate brussels sprouts, try baking them au gratin style.
Off the top of my head: steam them about 10 minutes and let them cool.
Slice them in half lengthwise. Prepare a medium white sauce with butter,
salt, pepper and milk. Pour this over the sprouts in a shallow baking pan.
Sprinkle seasoned breadcrumbs over the top. Bake at 400F about 25 minutes.
YUM!

Jill

D.Currie said:

"Janet Puistonen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:QzAkg.20$d9.5@trndny04...

Quoted message said:

Curly Sue said:

I suspect that she is extremely frustrated on a daily basis by the
husband's limitations and uses the dinner party as an outlet for her
culinary creativity.

Since she bought the cake, that excuse would seem to be out! <G>

Maybe it's just to escape the boredom of eating what he eats. She
doesn't enjoy cooking so much that she'd make 2 things when one would
do, so maybe this made sense to her.

Donna

I am soooo glad my SO and I pretty much like to eat the same things! There
are a few exceptions, of course, but nothing that would affect a dinner
party. I don't eat canned tuna; he loves tuna sandwiches. Fine, honey, you
fix yourself a tuna fish sandwich. I don't have to deal with it. He
doesn't care for scallops; fine, I'll saute some for myself. No biggie.

Serving guests, I suppose we can pretty much figure out what to do although
we haven't had to do that yet.

What was alarming was when we at the house of one of his art patrons up
north for drinks a couple of years ago and the woman suddenly said, "Who
wants cheese on their burgers?" She just assumed everyone there wanted to
eat hamburgers. What would have happened if I was a vegetarian? I'd never
met this woman before in my life. It's really not nice to surprise someone
with an impromtu meal and insist that they stay to eat, but that is what
happened.

BTW, turned out to be a nice meal, but my point has been made.

Jill