Picky eater with guests

"Puester" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

D.Currie said:

I was invited to a dinner recently and when dessert came around, everyone
was served a slice of chocolate cake, except for the husband, who was
served some sort of fruit pie with two small scoops of different flavors
of ice cream. The wife, after she sat down, explained that her husband
didn't like chocolate, but with six people for dinner, she felt that it
was worth buying a chocolate cake.

This sort of thing has happened before at dinners at this house. With
salad, veggies, and soup, that I can recall. The husband is very picky.

----

Quoted message said:

So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of thing?

It seems kind of rude (like a wedding where the head table eats lobster
while the guests are served chicken) that she didn't give the other guests
a choice.

I don't have any picky eaters (except maybe my son-in-law but he's not
terrible) but I often offer a choice of two desserts and don't mind in
the least when a guest says "May I have some of each."

As far as the rest of the meal, what you see is what y'all get and feel
free to ignore any item you don't like.

Yup. When I have people over, and I'm not sure what they like, I tend to
have multiple choices, so everyone has a good chance of finding something to
eat. If there's something they don't like, they don't have to take it, and
if they decide they don't like it after they take a bite, they can leave it
on the plate.

Oh, and I'd prefer if you

Quoted message said:

didn't verbally share your dislikes with the rest of us. That makes me
hostile.

I'd much rather have someone simply say that they don't care for something,
no thanks, than to go into detail about what they don't like, what they
hate, and why and...blah blah blah.

Fine, I won't serve it next time you're here, if I remember, but let's not
have a whole discussion about how it makes you feel or what disgusting
substance it reminds you of. Not at the dinner table.

Donna

"Nancy Young" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
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Quoted message said:

"groovy mommy" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

I think what the wife should've done was just prepare the things that
her husband likes so the picky issue won't come up at all...

I can't speak for the wife, but I bet she's just dying to cook for
people other than her picky husband, she is stuck cooking within
his narrow selection. Hey, it's her night, too.

When it comes to dessert, I would have like to have been offered
a choice. I often will try both, small servings. When it's up to me to
provide dessert, I always make sure there is a chocolate and a fruit/
non chocolate selection. More chance everyone will find something
they like.

When I have people for dinner, I make sure there are always choices, and
sometimes I think maybe I've gone a little overboard. If there's a green
salad, I'll have a choice of dressings, for example, rather than dressing
the salad for everyone.

Just about everything is served family style, including salad, so people can
choose what and how much they want to eat (and avoid bits they don't like,
if that's what they want to do).

And I'll usually have more choices of sides than when it's just the two of
us, because I want to make sure that everyone gets something they like.

Quoted message said:

But then I'm not into 'dinner parties', per se. I guess what's for
dessert
then is just that, here's the dessert course.

We usually don't do fancy parties, it's usually just one couple at a time. I
find it's easier to have a nice conversation that way, and it's easier for
other reasons as well.

Donna

Donna said:

let's not have a whole discussion about how it makes you feel or what
disgusting substance it reminds you of. Not at the dinner table.

Especially if you're serving veal and/or foie gras.

Okra's another food that tends to give rise to spirited conversation -- but
that's because the people who dislike okra don't realize how good they have
it: You're NOT serving them natto!

Bob

D.Currie said:

When I have people for dinner, I make sure there are always choices, and
sometimes I think maybe I've gone a little overboard. If there's a green
salad, I'll have a choice of dressings, for example, rather than dressing
the salad for everyone.

Just about everything is served family style, including salad, so people can
choose what and how much they want to eat (and avoid bits they don't like,
if that's what they want to do).

And I'll usually have more choices of sides than when it's just the two of
us, because I want to make sure that everyone gets something they like.

Quoted message said:

But then I'm not into 'dinner parties', per se. I guess what's for
dessert
then is just that, here's the dessert course.

We usually don't do fancy parties, it's usually just one couple at a time. I
find it's easier to have a nice conversation that way, and it's easier for
other reasons as well.

That's noble of you. If I had guests that were such picky eaters that they would
not try to enjoy what was offered I would not be inviting them back. There are
restaurants for people like that. There are occasions where we put out a buffet
meal, but for sit down dinner parties I have dinner courses planned. If they
don't like the appetizer they can hope that the entree will be more to their
liking, and if they don't like the entree they can hope for a good dessert. I
like cooking and I like entertaining, but I hate catering to picky eaters.

D.Currie said:

So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of thing?

We are not exactly "picky eaters" in this house, but we do have our
likes and dislikes. However, if we have guests over I make sure that
there is enough of "whatever" to go around. I would never make something
just for me or DH - and not offer it to the other guests - I consider
that rude. And if I don't know for sure that my guests will like what I
am planning to make, I ask them when I invite them if they eat this or
that.... then I can "make a plan" in advance.
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Curly Sue said:

I suspect that she is extremely frustrated on a daily basis by the
husband's limitations and uses the dinner party as an outlet for her
culinary creativity. As long as the husband doesn't get anything
obviously "better" than the guests (eg. steak while the others get
burgers) -which would be mean- I understand why she does it. However,
for dessert it would have been nice to offer everyone a choice of pie
or cake. Not only would it reduce the envy factor of people who'd
rather have pie, but the husband's problem would be downplayed.

Maybe she's trying to embarass the husband by making a big deal of his
pickiness in front of their friends, so he'll stop being so picky.

Karen

D.Currie said:

When I have people for dinner, I make sure there are always choices, and
sometimes I think maybe I've gone a little overboard. If there's a green
salad, I'll have a choice of dressings, for example, rather than dressing
the salad for everyone.

When it comes to salads, I'm a Nazi. I hate a glob of dressing on my
salad greens and consider anyone who does it that way a complete
heathen. So, guests get *my* dressing of choice (which goes perfectly
with the meal, of course) or decline the salad - which never happens.
Of course, I'm not a complete Nazi. I save a few undressed greens for
the single friend who eats her salad absolutely naked.
--

Ham and eggs.
A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Chatty Cathy said:

We are not exactly "picky eaters" in this house, but we do have our
likes and dislikes. However, if we have guests over I make sure that
there is enough of "whatever" to go around. I would never make something
just for me or DH - and not offer it to the other guests - I consider
that rude. And if I don't know for sure that my guests will like what I
am planning to make, I ask them when I invite them if they eat this or
that.... then I can "make a plan" in advance.

If you ask them, then they are going to tell you. If they tell you, you
can't ignore what they tell you.

If I'm ever asked, I say something like, "I'm sure anything you prepare
will be wonderful."

If one doesn't like Lima beans, you just push them around your plate
and make nice conversation. It's not about the food, it's about the
event and socializing. And, nobody serves Lima beans to guests, anyway.

Karen

In article <[email hidden]>,

Karen AKA Kajikit said:

serve in proportion... more often I'll just cut ALL the pieces small
and tell people that there's more in the kitchen if they want seconds.

Oh, sure, Karen -- then they'll look "piggy" asking for more. '-)
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 6-15-2006; Spanish Chicken and
Rice.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

In article <[email hidden]>,

(Curly Sue) said:

Melba's Jammin said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

D.Currie said:

When she divvies up desserts, she'll often cut larger or smaller pieces
for
certain people, rather than make them all even.

I do that all the time.

At their request?

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

Sure. And sometimes, knowing the crowd, without asking, I'll cut pieces
of different sizes so one can choose to whatever's desired. With a
beady eye watching the happenings, I'll ask the person getting the last
piece, if it's a small one, if they'd like a larger piece. "-)
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 6-15-2006; Spanish Chicken and
Rice.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

"Melba's Jammin'" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Sure. And sometimes, knowing the crowd, without asking, I'll cut pieces
of different sizes so one can choose to whatever's desired. With a
beady eye watching the happenings, I'll ask the person getting the last
piece, if it's a small one, if they'd like a larger piece. "-)

My mother has taken, in her later years, to cutting seriously huge
pieces of cake or pie. It's so funny. Understand, I do not think she
weighs 90 pounds, I think maybe 80 something. So she cuts everyone
a piece as large as she would eat ... which is huge. I don't know
where she puts it. I just laugh when I am handed a massive piece
of cake. Then I split it with one of my sisters-in-law.

nancy

Karen said:

Curly Sue said:

I suspect that she is extremely frustrated on a daily basis by the
husband's limitations and uses the dinner party as an outlet for her
culinary creativity. As long as the husband doesn't get anything
obviously "better" than the guests (eg. steak while the others get
burgers) -which would be mean- I understand why she does it. However,
for dessert it would have been nice to offer everyone a choice of pie
or cake. Not only would it reduce the envy factor of people who'd
rather have pie, but the husband's problem would be downplayed.

Maybe she's trying to embarass the husband by making a big deal of his
pickiness in front of their friends, so he'll stop being so picky.

Karen

Maybe. But I know a couple like that (the wife is a foodie and the
husband is very picky). I don't think she, at least, would do
something to try and embarass him. She married him knowing this trait
and deals with it. 🙂

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

Karen said:

If you ask them, then they are going to tell you. If they tell you, you
can't ignore what they tell you.

If I'm ever asked, I say something like, "I'm sure anything you prepare
will be wonderful."

If one doesn't like Lima beans, you just push them around your plate
and make nice conversation. It's not about the food, it's about the
event and socializing. And, nobody serves Lima beans to guests, anyway.

Karen

Well, you are invited here anytime! Actually, I usually don't have to
ask my "regulars" - I sorta know what they like and what they don't
like... but if I invite someone for the first time, I make a point of
asking. I like a pork roast now and again, for example. What if I
invited someone who didn't eat pork for religious reasons or something -
and I had no idea in advance? I would be seriously embarrassed.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

On Fri, 16 Jun 2006 15:38:50 GMT, Puester <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

As far as the rest of the meal, what you see is what y'all get and feel
free to ignore any item you don't like. Oh, and I'd prefer if you
didn't verbally share your dislikes with the rest of us. That makes me
hostile.

gloria p

I hear you! In a previous situtation, a group would go out to lunch
at restaurants every so often. One of the people would go on and on
about what she liked and didn't like, as if we cared. I can't tell
you how many times we heard that she doesn't like to have onions touch
things on her plate (which is why she couldn't just remove them) or
that she didn't like broccoli and her grandmother blah blah-blah blah
blah.... Every single time, the same stories, commanding center of
attention. If you ordered something (for yourself) that she didn't
like, she'd go on about it. Seeing it on someone else's plate was a
trigger. I cringed if she sat near me, especially if ordered
something with onions (or broccoli). I realize that she was basically
a nice person but had problems with social skills. It was a good
exercise in patience for me.

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

Paul M. Cook said:

Quoted message said:

So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of thing?

Divorce, separation, homicide. Picky eaters are like spoiled children.
They just want special attention. It's not like the food would kill them or
that it is hard to eat like some Japanese dishes. I for one will not cook
special meals just to please some twit who never grew up.

Paul

I agree with you about the root cause of pickiness and I secretly
despise some of the more insane quirks, but try not to let on.

I do make accommodations if only for my own peace of mind. 🙂

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

Melba's Jammin said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Karen AKA Kajikit said:

serve in proportion... more often I'll just cut ALL the pieces small
and tell people that there's more in the kitchen if they want seconds.

Oh, sure, Karen -- then they'll look "piggy" asking for more. '-)

Not if EVERYONE's having them :P

at Fri, 16 Jun 2006 04:03:26 GMT in <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] (D.Currie) wrote :

Quoted message said:

I was invited to a dinner recently and when dessert came around,
everyone was served a slice of chocolate cake, except for the husband,
who was served some sort of fruit pie with two small scoops of different
flavors of ice cream. The wife, after she sat down, explained that her
husband didn't like chocolate, but with six people for dinner, she felt
that it was worth buying a chocolate cake.

....

Quoted message said:

So, if you live with a picky eater, how do you handle this sort of
thing?

I am a picky eater myself. The logical and obvious thing to do is either to
offer choices to all guests, or to serve something that the picky eater
will like to everyone. Not to do so is impolite, as the wife tacitly
acknowledged by offering the sheepish excuse to the gathering. The rule I
follow myself is - never serve anything to anybody that you wouldn't be
happy to eat yourself. Equally important - do not use a party to indulge
your own private cravings.

In this case, however, it's very, very obvious what was going on. She was
trying to get rid of leftovers. They probably had the pie a couple of days
earlier, and what was left needed to be eaten up, but there wasn't enough
to serve everyone present. The ice cream came from the bottom of mostly-
empty containers. So she served the last of the pie and ice cream to the
husband, and got something else for everybody else that she knew the
husband wouldn't like, so that he wouldn't feel either in a quandary as to
what to have or left out of something good. Here, however, the wife missed
the basic point. A dinner party is never the place to get rid of the last
of leftovers. You do that on your own time in your own privacy. The pie and
ice cream should have been saved for a more opportune moment.

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but the
husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the excuse of a
dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake anyway, settling,
or so she thought, the argument. But the husband refused to back down and
in a last-minute compromise the wife said that if he didn't want the cake
he could eat whatever was left over. In that case it would be the husband
that was at fault. If he feels it necessary in order to be a good host to
eat dessert, then he should choke down what is offered to everyone.
Otherwise he can wait until everybody else has left to have his dessert.
Still, it's possible he was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of
open defiance to what he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

--
Alex Rast
[email hidden]
(remove d., .7, not, and .NOSPAM to reply)

Quoted message said:

I wonder also whether an additional problem might have been basically a
domestic argument. The wife desperately craved something chocolate, but the
husband, not liking it, tried to put his foot down. Using the excuse of a
dinner party as cover, the wife went out and got the cake anyway, settling,
or so she thought, the argument. But the husband refused to back down and
in a last-minute compromise the wife said that if he didn't want the cake
he could eat whatever was left over. In that case it would be the husband
that was at fault. If he feels it necessary in order to be a good host to
eat dessert, then he should choke down what is offered to everyone.
Otherwise he can wait until everybody else has left to have his dessert.
Still, it's possible he was eating in front of his wife as a gesture of
open defiance to what he felt resentfully to have been a fait accompli.

this husband is a suspicious character

doesn't like chocolate? uh-huh ....

Dave Smith said:

D.Currie said:

When I have people for dinner, I make sure there are always choices,
and sometimes I think maybe I've gone a little overboard. If there's
a green salad, I'll have a choice of dressings, for example, rather
than dressing
the salad for everyone.

Just about everything is served family style, including salad, so
people can choose what and how much they want to eat (and avoid bits
they don't like,
if that's what they want to do).

And I'll usually have more choices of sides than when it's just the
two of us, because I want to make sure that everyone gets something
they like.

Quoted message said:

But then I'm not into 'dinner parties', per se. I guess what's for
dessert
then is just that, here's the dessert course.

We usually don't do fancy parties, it's usually just one couple at a
time. I find it's easier to have a nice conversation that way, and
it's easier for other reasons as well.

That's noble of you. If I had guests that were such picky eaters that
they would not try to enjoy what was offered I would not be inviting
them back. There are restaurants for people like that. There are
occasions where we put out a buffet meal, but for sit down dinner
parties I have dinner courses planned. If they don't like the
appetizer they can hope that the entree will be more to their liking,
and if they don't like the entree they can hope for a good dessert.
I like cooking and I like entertaining, but I hate catering to picky
eaters.

This is one reason I'm not a Personal Chef. It's been suggested LOL I am
not willing to prepare 6 different meals based one everyone's different
tastes. Sorry, do that yourself. Or go to a restaurant. Sorry, if I cook
a meal, you're gonna get that meal or not eat. (Another reason I didn't
have children.)

Jill

Michael 'Dog3' Lonergan said:

Melba's Jammin' <[email hidden]>
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

D.Currie said:

When she divvies up desserts, she'll often cut larger or smaller
pieces for certain people, rather than make them all even.

I do that all the time.

One thing I pay very close attention to, when it comes to a dinner party,
is dietary restrictions. I try my best to find out who is allergic to what
and if anyone requires low fat or low carb due to heart disease, diabetes
etc.

That's just being a good host. A friend of ours has coeliac disease, and
if in doubt I check the menu with her. On one occasion we were having an
"austerity dinner" featuring baked beans, and I got her to bring the bread.

I think you should always ask people you don't know well about any
medical or religious restrictions. But as for the true "picky" eater,
whatever you do is wrong. BIL is one of them. Fortunately we hardly ever
see him. Last time he was here when he saw the espresso machine he
declined coffee on the totally untrue grounds that he hardly ever drinks
it (couldn't have his brother showing off his skill as a barista). He
said he'd have tea, but was not pleased when asked to choose from half
a dozen different varieties! "I'll just have ordinary tea," he grunted
with the air of someone who was being imposed upon. His wife thought she
might have chai, but did her best to make us feel inhospitable when we
couldn't provide soy mil and she had to drink it black. Fortunately it
was only afternoon tea and they managed to choke down some fruit cake
without comment - which was fine because I hadn't made it anyway. You
don't cook for people like that, you either take them out (somewhere
cheap) or get in pizza.

Needless to say, in the distant past when we were guests of BIL (for the
last ten years he has been living a very long way away), he had the most
amazing ability to make us feel like intruders.

Christine