Table manners

Quoted message said:

David Hare-Scott said:

I am assuming that everybody has some sort of standard of table

manners.
[snip]

Quoted message said:

I don't see myself as a manners Nazi.

I now have the case where a person who comes to my house to dine
makes me cringe.

(snippage)

Quoted message said:

I used to work with someone (from a different country) who chewed
loudly and spoke with his mouth full.
June

I worked with someone (not from a different country) who would take a huge
bite of food and then start talking. Drove me nuts. I'd look anywhere
except at her because I really don't want to see her mouth full of food.
She is perfectly proper in every other sense of the word, down to making
sure her slacks (even jeans!) are pressed and never a hair out of place.
But put a plate in front of her and she'll take a bite and then start
talking. EEEEK! But no, I never said anything to her. I don't have to
live with her or watch her eat every day. In fact, when we go out to lunch
these days, I make sure she's sitting beside me so I can look at the other
people across the table instead 😉

Jill

I've got a relative, Jake, who visits often.
Jake is a food "health nut"

No matter what we prepare for meals,
he will talk about the cholesterol, fats, calories,
and why we shouldn't eat this food.

.....all the while, eating with both hands ! ( figuratively )
and seconds....
and thirds...

We chuckle......

"that's Jake ... and we love him"
..

<rj>

jmcquown' said:

I worked with someone (not from a different country) who would take a huge
bite of food and then start talking. Drove me nuts. I'd look anywhere
except at her because I really don't want to see her mouth full of food.
She is perfectly proper in every other sense of the word, down to making
sure her slacks (even jeans!) are pressed and never a hair out of place.
But put a plate in front of her and she'll take a bite and then start
talking. EEEEK! But no, I never said anything to her. I don't have to
live with her or watch her eat every day. In fact, when we go out to lunch
these days, I make sure she's sitting beside me so I can look at the other
people across the table instead 😉

Now, remember, Wayne says I have class.

I used to work with a woman who always asked what I was eating for lunch,
while I was chewing it. Every day. Every damned, stinkin' day. One day
when she asked, I just opened my mouth and showed her, then walked away.
She never bothered me again.

Carol, the Queen of Couth

--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

"Damsel in dis Dress" <[email hidden]> wrote in message

Quoted message said:

I used to work with a woman who always asked what I was eating for lunch,
while I was chewing it. Every day. Every damned, stinkin' day. One day
when she asked, I just opened my mouth and showed her, then walked away.
She never bothered me again.

Carol, the Queen of Couth

You're my kind of gal!
Ed

Edwin Pawlowski' said:

"Damsel in dis Dress" <[email hidden]> wrote in message

Quoted message said:

I used to work with a woman who always asked what I was eating for lunch,
while I was chewing it. Every day. Every damned, stinkin' day. One day
when she asked, I just opened my mouth and showed her, then walked away.
She never bothered me again.

Carol, the Queen of Couth

You're my kind of gal!

I'm sure you're one of a very quickly diminishing list of my fan club
members. <G> It was a cheeseburger.

Carol
--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Edwin Pawlowski' said:

"Damsel in dis Dress" <[email hidden]> wrote in message

Quoted message said:

I used to work with a woman who always asked what I was eating
for lunch, while I was chewing it. Every day. Every damned,
stinkin' day. One day when she asked, I just opened my mouth
and showed her, then walked away. She never bothered me again.

Carol, the Queen of Couth

You're my kind of gal!

I'm sure you're one of a very quickly diminishing list of my fan
club members. <G> It was a cheeseburger.

Carol

Dear Queen Couth:
Is it proper at the dining table; to cross your legs (at the ankle)
when making Bubbles in your milk thru your straw?

Signed Dazed and Confused in Winnipeg

--
No Bread Crumbs were hurt in the making of this Meal.
Type 2 Diabetic 1AC 7.3, 5.5, 5.6 mmol
Continuing to be Manitoban

In <[email hidden]> Monsur Fromage du Pollet

Quoted message said:

Dear Queen Couth:
Is it proper at the dining table; to cross your legs (at the
ankle) when making Bubbles in your milk thru your straw?

Of course...but only if you're wearing fishnet nylons and the milk is
chocolate.

Quoted message said:

Signed Dazed and Confused in Winnipeg

I love Regina :-)

--
Cheers

Dennis

Remove 'Elle-Kabong' to reply

Monsur Fromage du Pollet <[email hidden]>, if that's their real name,

Quoted message said:

Dear Queen Couth:
Is it proper at the dining table; to cross your legs (at the ankle)
when making Bubbles in your milk thru your straw?

Signed Dazed and Confused in Winnipeg

Yes, it is. But it is not necessary to cross one's ankles while blowing
milk bubbles through your nostrils.

Queen Couth
--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Damsel in dis Dress said:

jmcquown' said:

I worked with someone (not from a different country) who would take
a huge bite of food and then start talking. Drove me nuts. I'd
look anywhere except at her because I really don't want to see her
mouth full of food. She is perfectly proper in every other sense of
the word, down to making sure her slacks (even jeans!) are pressed
and never a hair out of place. But put a plate in front of her and
she'll take a bite and then start talking. EEEEK! But no, I never
said anything to her. I don't have to live with her or watch her
eat every day. In fact, when we go out to lunch these days, I make
sure she's sitting beside me so I can look at the other people
across the table instead 😉

Now, remember, Wayne says I have class.

I used to work with a woman who always asked what I was eating for
lunch, while I was chewing it. Every day. Every damned, stinkin'
day. One day when she asked, I just opened my mouth and showed her,
then walked away. She never bothered me again.

Carol, the Queen of Couth

Oh, I had a guy like that at the office, too. Drove me nuts. What did you
bring for lunch? He'd lean over my shoulder to check it out. What, you
never heard of cooking and leftovers before? Go away!

Jill

Damsel in dis Dress said:

Monsur Fromage du Pollet <[email hidden]>, if that's their real

name said:

Dear Queen Couth:
Is it proper at the dining table; to cross your legs (at the
ankle) when making Bubbles in your milk thru your straw?

Signed Dazed and Confused in Winnipeg

Yes, it is. But it is not necessary to cross one's ankles while
blowing milk bubbles through your nostrils.

Queen Couth

Ah, I'm just as couth as you are! I was going to suggest only with the
nostrils!

kili

Ginny Sher said:

This made me cry that I laughed so hard. You have quite a way with
words...

Ginny, I have been down with the flu for 8 days now, The idea that I
gave you 2 seconds worth of entertainment makes me feel a little
better. Thanks.

Kilikini' said:

Damsel in dis Dress said:

Monsur Fromage du Pollet <[email hidden]>, if that's their real

name said:

Dear Queen Couth:
Is it proper at the dining table; to cross your legs (at the
ankle) when making Bubbles in your milk thru your straw?

Signed Dazed and Confused in Winnipeg

Yes, it is. But it is not necessary to cross one's ankles while
blowing milk bubbles through your nostrils.

Queen Couth

Ah, I'm just as couth as you are! I was going to suggest only with the
nostrils!

Rock on!
Carol
--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

"aem" wrote

Quoted message said:

David Hare-Scott said:

[snip]
I now have the case where a person who comes to my house to dine
makes me cringe. So far I have not said or (I hope) indicated
anything. I don't feel insulted by them but I would be embarassed
if we were in a restaurant.

Don't invite him out with you to a restaurant. In the meantime,
uncringe yourself. In other words, so far it's just your problem, not
his.

Quoted message said:

The individual concerned clearly does not see that there is anything
wrong.

And if you tell him there is, in your opinion, something wrong with his
behavior, what will he take to be the underlying subtext? Is it, we
really like you but you may not be aware that your manners put people
off? Or is it, god I can hardly eat my food watching the spectacle you
make of yourself! Or is it, you're such a clod in comparison to me
that I want to urge you to come up to my loftier standard. I'm
exaggerating, but the point is that people often react strongly and
negatively to well-meaning criticism. Particularly when they don't
think there is a problem, as is the case here.

Quoted message said:

I don't want to see him embarassed or hurt but I find his style hard
to bear.

So bear it anyway, or run the risk of embarassing and hurting him.

Quoted message said:

Other members of the family share my disquiet and have remarked on
the situation to me. Our relationship with this fellow is likely to
be long term so 'grin and bear it' is not an appealing choice.

Why not grin and bear it? I was always taught that tolerance of others
was an essential component of good manners. You're saying none of your
other friends have any annoying habits or mannerisms? Which do you
choose to bring to their attention?

Quoted message said:

[snip description] ...it looks really ugly and clumsy to me.

So what?

Quoted message said:

Do you think this style of eating is reasonable for either an
informal family dinner or a restaurant?

Quoted message said:

From your tone, my guess is that your concept of "informal" and mine

differ. I want guests at my informal table to enjoy themselves, which
they won't if I make them uncomfortable. You've already said you'd be
embarrassed in a restaurant with him.

Quoted message said:

Should (or can) we, the family, try to do something about it? If so

what?

Quoted message said:

If he becomes family, then the closest family member might consider it,
or if he becomes a really close friend whom you know so well you can
tailor the message to be effective but not insulting. Until then all
you've really said is that the way he eats is unusual and you don't
like it. If you make something of it before you have a close
relationship with him, you will never get that close.

I would make an exception and consider saying something if the person
were not an adult or were from another culture but you haven't
indicated that to be the case. -aem

I'm sorry, aem, but I totally disagree. Someone with such horrible eating
manners is a gross-out and destroys the dining experience for everyone in
the neighborhood. Why should one person be allowed to upset dining for
multiple others and on an regular basis? And cultural doesn't come into it
because s/he is dining in a specific location and should at least attempt to
abide by local manners, as those of us who world travel should attempt to
abide by local customs.

Personally, I consider this type of behavior to be a very nasty insult by a
very self-centered, self-absorbed, self-serving ugly person---someone who
should have been hit upside the head a very long time ago. Any person who
had a thought about others would make an attempt to learn how to eat in
public, whatever their background.

Would I continue to invite this jerk to my home to family dinners and
subject my family and friends to his rude behavior? Absolutely not. If
this a career situation where I must entertain this piece of [censored] in my home
then it would be him, me and my spouse. I would not subject my children and
others I like/love to this kind of abuse, and abuse is what it is.

Pam

Ed Grabau and Pam Jacoby said:

I'm sorry, aem, but I totally disagree. Someone with such horrible
eating manners is a gross-out and destroys the dining experience for
everyone in the neighborhood.

Let's go back to the original description: "The offender (adult male)
sits with their chair way back from the table, then so he can reach the
plate he leans far forward. To avoid falling with his face in the meal
he then lay both elbows and half both arms on the table for balance.
The result is that his face is about 6 inches from the plate. He sits
up to speak most of the time but occasionally his dinner conversation
emanates from his soup bowl. This must be very economical on arm
movements while feeding but it looks really ugly and clumsy to me."

Stripped of the judgmental phrases, the guy sits back, leans forward
with his arms on the table and his head low over his plate. Terrible
posture, to be sure, but "horrible" and "gross-out"? He apparently
eats your (the host's) food, participates in the table conversation,
and doesn't chew with his mouth open or make rude noises. "It looks
really ugly and clumsy." So what? I have several ugly, clumsy, good
friends.

Quoted message said:

Why should one person be allowed to upset dining for
multiple others and on an regular basis?

That wasn't the question asked.

Quoted message said:

And cultural doesn't come into it [snip]

No, I don't think it does.

Quoted message said:

Personally, I consider this type of behavior to be a very nasty
insult by a very self-centered, self-absorbed, self-serving ugly
person---someone who should have been hit upside the head a very
long time ago. Any person who had a thought about others would
make an attempt to learn how to eat in public, whatever their
background.

He does sound self-centered, but there is nothing at all in the OP to
indicate that he *intends* to give offense. The OP finds it "ugly" but
there's no insult involved.

Quoted message said:

Would I continue to invite this jerk to my home to family dinners and
subject my family and friends to his rude behavior? Absolutely not.

Not the question asked.

Quoted message said:

If this a career situation where I must entertain this piece of [censored]
in my home then it would be him, me and my spouse. I would not
subject my children and others I like/love to this kind of abuse, and
abuse is what it is.

Sorry, I just don't see bad posture as abusive.

The original question was whether to volunteer criticism to the guy,
pointing out what the host considered ugly and bad manners. I said I
wouldn't. Apparently you would, but you don't say how you would
present it so as to have any hope for a positive result. Hitting him
upside the head ain't gonna help establish a good long term
relationship.... -aem

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Ah, I'm just as couth as you are! I was going to suggest only with the
nostrils!

What about using the Krazy-Straw (sp?)?

Also being the blossoming elementary school scientist, I remember my
sister yelling out "MOM?!! The milk is BLUE again!!!"

Food coloring... 1001 uses. 😉

--
"If you can't do it naturally, then fake it."
- Alfred Hitchcock
Spoken to Ingrid Bergman

Andy said:

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Ah, I'm just as couth as you are! I was going to suggest only with the
nostrils!

That was kilikini who said that.

Quoted message said:

What about using the Krazy-Straw (sp?)?

They're good, but the hats with a pop or beer holder and a straw leading
from the can to the wearer's mouth beats them, hands down.

Quoted message said:

Also being the blossoming elementary school scientist, I remember my
sister yelling out "MOM?!! The milk is BLUE again!!!"

Food coloring... 1001 uses. 😉

You're just plain evil. 🙂

Carol
--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Lake Woebegon... now where is said lake? My sources tell me it's
ficticious.

Andy

--
"If you can't do it naturally, then fake it."
- Alfred Hitchcock
Spoken to Ingrid Bergman

Andy said:

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Lake Woebegon... now where is said lake? My sources tell me it's
ficticious.

Yeah, it's fictitious, and in northern Minnesota. Garrison Keillor created
it for his public radio show, "A Prairie Home Companion."
prairiehome.publicradio.org/

I was using Mayberry in my sig, but someone suggested Lake Woebegon because
it's in Minnesota. I've only listened to the show a couple times. It's
hilarious.

I've always thought of our town as a northern Mayberry. 🙂

Carol

--
Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

jmcquown said:

Oh, I had a guy like that at the office, too. Drove me nuts. What did you
bring for lunch? He'd lean over my shoulder to check it out. What, you
never heard of cooking and leftovers before? Go away!

Jill

I have a dog like that...

Best regards,
Bob

Damsel in dis Dress said:

Andy said:

Damsel in dis Dress <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Coming at you live, from beautiful Lake Woebegon

Lake Woebegon... now where is said lake? My sources tell me it's
ficticious.

Yeah, it's fictitious, and in northern Minnesota. Garrison Keillor

created

Quoted message said:

it for his public radio show, "A Prairie Home Companion."
prairiehome.publicradio.org/

I was using Mayberry in my sig, but someone suggested Lake Woebegon

because

Quoted message said:

it's in Minnesota. I've only listened to the show a couple times.

It's

Quoted message said:

hilarious.

Quoted message said:

Carol

Keillor's books are really fun to read.

N.