<RANT> Losing someone

Andy said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

She was a better sister to me than my own. [I know that's selfish, it's
just the way I'm feeling at the moment]

Andy
There were Richard Pryors and Jonny Cash's but there was also Lauri
Stickel. [R.I.P.]

At least she's got her father to look after her.

</RANT>

Andy, that's no rant, that's an eulogy. My condolances to you and your
brother, her family, and all those who loved her.

The world is a better place for her having lived in it as long as she
did.

<virtual hug>
maxine in ri

In article <[email hidden]>,

Bob Terwilliger' virtualgoth@die_spammer.biz said:

Andy said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

Quoted message said:

In the introduction to _Angry Candy_, Harlan Ellison recounted the funeral
of his friend Emily:

[snipped whole story]

I hope that you and your brother can be there for each other. Sometimes
grief counseling helps. There are seven stages of grief, and many
people go through them all, but not everyone. One of them is anger. It
is important to understand that people in grief are not rational. Your
brother will lose it, and often. You may, also. I have often heard
that grief is an 18 month process. That has been my experience.

People will say things. I am a religious person, but not a traditional
religion. We had a friend, but not a close friend. She didn't
understand. When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will". This made me absolutely furious. What kind of God
would kill my little baby? She could tell she had blown it big time.
She sent me a nice note of apology.

Just remember the long term. You will never forget Lauri, but in some
period of time, the pain will lessen, and you will tend to remember the
good things, and not so much the loss.

I feel like crying right now.

--
Dan Abel
[email hidden]
Petaluma, California, USA

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dan Abel said:

When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson

Andy q said:

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

Quoted message said:

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You have my condolences. My mom
had lung cancer, took a gamble on chemo and radiation last year, too,
and it's a hard road. She got the 6 months she was told she would get
if she did chemo, and I think she regretted it, because it made her so
sick.
I am really sorry. Feel free to email me if you want to talk.

Stacia

Dan said:

We had a friend, but not a close friend. She didn't understand. When our
son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that, "It was God's will".
This made me absolutely furious. What kind of God would kill my little
baby? She could tell she had blown it big time. She sent me a nice note
of apology.

Needless suffering is one of the inconsistencies in religions which claim
that God is both loving and omnipotent. The Book of Job is a prime example,
which can be summarized thusly:

Satan to God: "You're not so hot. Look at that Job character. Sure, he
worships you NOW, but do you think he'd still be on your side if you took
everything away from him?"

God: "You're ON! Watch me work!"
<Takes away everything Job has, including his family, and afflicts him with
boils and stuff.>

Job to God: "OUCH! What was that for?"

God to Job: "Ha ha! Don't you DARE question ME, [censored]!"

The "lesson" is that none of *us* have the big picture, only God does. How
is that supposed to provide any kind of consolation? Well, I guess it's
supposed to teach us that we as individuals are insignificant, and the death
of another insignificant being shouldn't bother us.

Me, I'm going with the notion that the universe is uncaring and chaotic, and
there is no justice except what humanity creates.

Bob

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dan Abel said:

When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!
--
Om.

I think I counted 7 people that said that to me when my father died last
year. He was only 72 and went in to the hospital for a simple gall bladder
surgery. It was not "God's will", or "his time."

Argh!

Elisa

"Andy" <q> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

She was a better sister to me than my own. [I know that's selfish, it's
just the way I'm feeling at the moment]

Andy
There were Richard Pryors and Jonny Cash's but there was also Lauri
Stickel. [R.I.P.]

At least she's got her father to look after her.

There's an interesting journal from someone named Louise who had breast
cancer. She died 12/31/05. Her family is going to update the website soon.
I didn't know her, but I felt her pain reading her journal. I'm not sure if
I'd go thru all that chemo stuff.

http://www.hometown.aol.com/basl3/journal.html

Elisa

In article <[email hidden]>,

Elisa said:

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dan Abel said:

When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!
--
Om.

I think I counted 7 people that said that to me when my father died last
year. He was only 72 and went in to the hospital for a simple gall bladder
surgery. It was not "God's will", or "his time."

A neighbor of mine received chemo about two years ago for a cancer in
her lungs. She had to go through two sessions of chemo a few months
apart. Thus far, the cancer shows no signs of returning, according to
what she told me recently.

In article <[email hidden]>,

Elisa said:

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dan Abel said:

When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!
--
Om.

I think I counted 7 people that said that to me when my father died last
year. He was only 72 and went in to the hospital for a simple gall bladder
surgery. It was not "God's will", or "his time."

Argh!

Elisa

Hugs Elisa! :-(
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson

My deepest sympathy to you & your family at this most difficult time.
Carol

Our life may not always be the party we would have chosen, but while we
are here, we may as well dance!

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Elisa said:

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,
Dan Abel <[email hidden]> wrote:

> When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
> "It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!
--
Om.

I think I counted 7 people that said that to me when my father died last
year. He was only 72 and went in to the hospital for a simple gall
bladder
surgery. It was not "God's will", or "his time."

Argh!

Elisa

Hugs Elisa! :-(
--
Om.

Thank you Om.

Elisa

In article <[email hidden]>, Andy <q>

Quoted message said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

She was a better sister to me than my own. [I know that's selfish, it's
just the way I'm feeling at the moment]

Andy
There were Richard Pryors and Jonny Cash's but there was also Lauri
Stickel. [R.I.P.]

At least she's got her father to look after her.

I'm sorry to hear about your (and your family's) loss. We lost my
cousin's daughter (19 years old) to bone cancer this year. She was
fighting the battle for about five years and at the end when it was in
her blood and they knew it was just a matter of time, refused the chemo.
I can understand, they poison you to heal you.

Regards,
Ranee

Remove do not & spam to e-mail me.

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/
http://talesfromthekitchen.blogspot.com/

On Mon, 02 Jan 2006 14:01:15 -0600, Andy <q> rummaged among random
neurons and opined:

Quoted message said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

<snip>

Oh, I'm so sorry, Andy. And, no, saying "She was a better sister to me
than my own" is not selfish. My MIL was a better mother to me as an
adult as mine ever was or tried to be. Some things just are.

Sadly,
Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
AAC(F)BV66.0748.CA

"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

-- Duncan Hines

To reply, replace "spaminator" with "cox"

Andy q said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

She was a better sister to me than my own. [I know that's selfish, it's
just the way I'm feeling at the moment]

Andy
There were Richard Pryors and Jonny Cash's but there was also Lauri
Stickel. [R.I.P.]

At least she's got her father to look after her.

</RANT>

you're post really hits home to me Andy! I am very sorry about your
loss. I have been watching my wife slowly dieing with lung cancer for
the last year and a half. She went through radiation treatments and
chemotherapy treatments. Now, she has only weeks according to her
doctor. Up until a month ago she was taking another course of
chemotherapy treatments. She was five weeks into a nine week treatment
once a week. She got so sick in that fifth week she really believed
the doctor was going to kill her with the treatment. She said no
more...I will take no more chemotherapy. So, the doctor has turned her
over to hospice care...we have a hospital bed in the dining room where
she lies all day...she can get up and walk eight steps to the bathroom
but other than that she stays in bed all day. It's a terrible disease
that seems to just keep eating away at her. She smoked.
I lost my Dad back in June. He smoked too! He contracted a special
"gum" cancer that only people who both smoke and drink liquor seem to
catch. It started as a toothache. He got the tooth pulled back in
January. A couple of weeks went by and it was still hurting him. He
went back to the dentist and the dentist referred him to another
doctor who did a biopsy. They determined there was cancer in the gum
and recommended removing all his teeth and part of his gums saying
this would probably cure him. It didn't. The cancer kept eating away.
A sore appeared on his jaw in May as a reddened area. It kept getting
worse until a hole opened in his jaw. Instead of healing it just kept
getting larger and larger until he died in June. Slow motion
death...that's what cancer is.

Bill

On Wed 04 Jan 2006 08:32:54p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Bill?

Quoted message said:

Andy q said:

I don't rant in Usenet much anywhere but today's the the day and this
is the place.

My brother's wife Lauri died this morning of lung cancer.

I wonder if all the chemo and radiation didn't shorten her life, but it
sure didn't save it.

She was a better sister to me than my own. [I know that's selfish, it's
just the way I'm feeling at the moment]

Andy
There were Richard Pryors and Jonny Cash's but there was also Lauri
Stickel. [R.I.P.]

At least she's got her father to look after her.

</RANT>

you're post really hits home to me Andy! I am very sorry about your
loss. I have been watching my wife slowly dieing with lung cancer for
the last year and a half. She went through radiation treatments and
chemotherapy treatments. Now, she has only weeks according to her
doctor. Up until a month ago she was taking another course of
chemotherapy treatments. She was five weeks into a nine week treatment
once a week. She got so sick in that fifth week she really believed
the doctor was going to kill her with the treatment. She said no
more...I will take no more chemotherapy. So, the doctor has turned her
over to hospice care...we have a hospital bed in the dining room where
she lies all day...she can get up and walk eight steps to the bathroom
but other than that she stays in bed all day. It's a terrible disease
that seems to just keep eating away at her. She smoked.
I lost my Dad back in June. He smoked too! He contracted a special
"gum" cancer that only people who both smoke and drink liquor seem to
catch. It started as a toothache. He got the tooth pulled back in
January. A couple of weeks went by and it was still hurting him. He
went back to the dentist and the dentist referred him to another
doctor who did a biopsy. They determined there was cancer in the gum
and recommended removing all his teeth and part of his gums saying
this would probably cure him. It didn't. The cancer kept eating away.
A sore appeared on his jaw in May as a reddened area. It kept getting
worse until a hole opened in his jaw. Instead of healing it just kept
getting larger and larger until he died in June. Slow motion
death...that's what cancer is.

Bill

Bill, I'm so sorry about the loss of your Dad, and your wife's present
condition. It must be hell going through this. I cannot imagine. Deaths
in my family were quick, and that was bad enough.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
__________________________________________________________________
And if we enter a room full of manure, may we believe in the pony.

Quoted message said:

you're post really hits home to me Andy! I am very sorry about your
loss. I have been watching my wife slowly dieing with lung cancer for
the last year and a half. She went through radiation treatments and
chemotherapy treatments. Now, she has only weeks according to her
doctor. Up until a month ago she was taking another course of
chemotherapy treatments. She was five weeks into a nine week treatment
once a week. She got so sick in that fifth week she really believed
the doctor was going to kill her with the treatment. She said no
more...I will take no more chemotherapy. So, the doctor has turned her
over to hospice care...we have a hospital bed in the dining room where
she lies all day...she can get up and walk eight steps to the bathroom
but other than that she stays in bed all day. It's a terrible disease
that seems to just keep eating away at her. She smoked.
I lost my Dad back in June. He smoked too! He contracted a special
"gum" cancer that only people who both smoke and drink liquor seem to
catch. It started as a toothache. He got the tooth pulled back in
January. A couple of weeks went by and it was still hurting him. He
went back to the dentist and the dentist referred him to another
doctor who did a biopsy. They determined there was cancer in the gum
and recommended removing all his teeth and part of his gums saying
this would probably cure him. It didn't. The cancer kept eating away.
A sore appeared on his jaw in May as a reddened area. It kept getting
worse until a hole opened in his jaw. Instead of healing it just kept
getting larger and larger until he died in June. Slow motion
death...that's what cancer is.

Bill

I'm so sorry, Bill to hear of your heartache. Thanks for relating your
experience. When one does this, you never know who you touch or save. I am
going Friday for an exam for something suspicious as you say your how
father's problems started. This gives me a new dimension to speak with my
'new' doctor about.

May you find some peace in your life each day to get through this crisis. I
am sorry this is happening. I pray that someday this world will beat this
horrendous disease.
My thoughts will be with you.
Dee Dee

Dee wrote about cancer:

Quoted message said:

I pray that someday this world will beat this horrendous disease.

If you have a fairly good understanding of what cancer is on a cellular
level, you can figure out why stem-cell research showed such great promise
in overcoming it.

Bob

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dan Abel said:

When our son died, she tried to comfort me by saying that,
"It was God's will".

That one pisses me off more than ANY other statement!!! <grrr>
Why do people think that that is such a comfort?

Sorry, that just set me off........ :-(

I have yet to meet ANYone that is comforted by that!

I'm an atheist, and my book is godless grief, (godlessgrief.com), so I
really REALLY get [censored] when folks think that some invisible being had
better plans...it really irks me too! Or the line, "she's lucky to be
ina better place"
No if she was lucky, she'd be alive or if there was even more luck, not
sick ever. You're dead on, it's one of my deepest wounds to hear others
'bless' someone.

Again, in the book, I make it emphatically clear...honor those feelings
of the one who is gone, and let your own feelings be as honest as they
are. There's no right or wrong in grieving, but there is a wrong in
telling other people how to..and comments like' "it was god's will"
says, "you know you're feelings are worthless, because an invisible
friend of mine has put this plan forth."

WOW. Thanks..sorry I had to add my own rant.

CJ

Bob Terwilliger said:

The "lesson" is that none of *us* have the big picture, only God does. How
is that supposed to provide any kind of consolation? Well, I guess it's
supposed to teach us that we as individuals are insignificant, and the death
of another insignificant being shouldn't bother us.

Me, I'm going with the notion that the universe is uncaring and chaotic, and
there is no justice except what humanity creates.

Bob

I go with the words of Peter O'Toole in the movie, the Ruling Class, "I
know that I am god, because when I'm praying, I find that I'm talking to
myself."

CJ
ps...Andy, how are YOU holding up??

In article <[email hidden]>,

Bob Terwilliger' virtualgoth@die_spammer.biz said:

Dee wrote about cancer:

Quoted message said:

I pray that someday this world will beat this horrendous disease.

If you have a fairly good understanding of what cancer is on a cellular
level, you can figure out why stem-cell research showed such great promise
in overcoming it.

Bob

Still does show promise, if it is allowed to progress.

It's hell having a Blind and deaf president!
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-[censored]." -Jack Nicholson