Limerick for Lance

mitosis said:

there once was a cyclist armstrong
who needled but refused to bong
he won a few races
at ridiculous paces
his denials were frequent and strong

good one!

there once was a cyclist called lance
who had just one ball in his pants
he used illegal substances
to help make the distances
around seven tours de france

or

there once was a cyclist called lance
who on the pedals did dance
he injected some substances
to help ride long distances
some say he's not welcome in france

I once had a girl, or should i say, she once had me.
She showed me her room, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?

She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So i looked around and i noticed there wasn't a chair.

I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "it's time for bed".

She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her i didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.

And when i awoke i was alone, this bird had flown.
So i lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood.

- I wrote this myself.... I swear, I didn't cheat. - Lwedge

Once upon a time there was a boy
Whose bike was his favorite toy
The boy grew up and became a biker
And only survived to cancer cuz' he was a fighter
After that he wanted to win
But the only way to do that was cheat
So he asked a good man to help him
And the man gave him the stuff to do it
After that he became a legend
But the Frenchman wanted his neck
While mr. Pound was crying
And the boy was praying
"I have never doped"
But them his ex-rival was caught
And his sucessor was busted

And now we're keen,
looking for the answer...

Who is clean?

There once was a douchebag named Rihs
WHose riders on Phonak said, pleez...
if we do the right drugs
we'll beat all those thugs
from T-Mobile and CSCs.

Mr. Rihs said "dont ask and dont tell"
If you do drugs my shares I wont sell
So shoot up your stuff
And just please enough
And no positives or you'll go to hell.

Well Landis said "Andy no sweat."
My SRM sez I am set
to ride strong as Zeus
My muscles are loose
And on Sunday we'll all have a fete.

So off on that day went young Floyd
And a heroic ride he disployed
What he didnt know
was French fans stole the show
By spiking his Coke with some roids.

How about I butcher an Eagle song:

My brand new girlfriend weighs 385
It cost a fortune to keep her in pies
She orders pizza she says she can't wait
I changed the bed springs to handle the weight

Lucky I sane after all this time
Say oh yeah... she smells
Eats all her food and then she eats mine
Life been mean to me so far

I can do more by request!

Bravo! To bobke, I mean. Sorry jhuskey.

jhuskey said:

How about I butcher an Eagle song:

My brand new girlfriend weighs 385
It cost a fortune to keep her in pies
She orders pizza she says she can't wait
I changed the bed springs to handle the weight

Actually, that was Joe Walsh solo. But, it does remind me of one of my favorites:

"Fat bottoms, fat bottoms"
"Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got em"

This is starting to become an interesting thread after all...

jhuskey said:

There once was man know as Lance
Who pedaled his way through France
And the legend is said
Twas seven years that he led
And the rest they had not a chance
But this is but part of the man
As he does more than most of us can
For those that are weak
He gives comfort to seek
Some chance through a simple wristband

Eat your heart out amateurs!

Well done

LandisInnocent said:

YOUR AN IDIOT, LANCE TAKES DUMPS LIKE YOU IN THE MORNING!

And we wonder why some of the forum members from other parts of the world dislike Americans? 🙄

Please realize that we're not all like this.

meehs said:

And we wonder why some of the forum members from other parts of the world dislike Americans? 🙄

Please realize that we're not all like this.

I think "landisinnocent" is really an islamo-terrorist hoping to stir up unrest between US and UK by posing as an American and insulting our British colleagues. Very clever those guys.

LandisInnocent said:

YOUR AN IDIOT, LANCE TAKES DUMPS LIKE YOU IN THE MORNING!

I don't even know where to begin here.

I guess if someone that believes Landis is innocent is saying something then it must be from an intelligent and well informed standpoint.

This is a limerick thread - but perhaps you are not able to string 5 lines together.

One positive thing from your post - I think I've identified you as Steve Sargent from floydlandis.com181Open ↗
I responded to this already (cyclingforums.comt 359578 15 2.htmlOpen ↗), but here it is again:

"Floyd,
It was and still is my greatest pleasure to be able to meet you and spend some time with you at the Tour de Georgia. I have the 2 jerseys and the picture that you signed for me hanging in my office and show them off to everyone that comes over.
....
P.S. I’m still in Jacksonville if you want to just relax away from prying cameras."
-Sounds like true love to me. I'm guessing there would be a bubble bath, candles, incense and soft music waiting for Floyd.-

They do say that love is blind - probably a good thing - it's better not to see Floyd.

There once was a woman named Alice
who used dynamite for a phallus
They found her vagina
in South Carolina
The rest of her landed in Dallas