Joke of the day

[swalia]

Little Johnny is making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”
Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”

 

[swalia]

Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"

 

[swalia]

Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, “Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny smiles proudly, “No Miss, there’s no need, my mom cooks really well.”

 

[swalia]

Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?

No, I didn’t know that.

There you go.

 

[swalia]

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

 

[swalia]

What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You are just jealous of me. The reason being - I make your spouse scream louder than you!

 

[swalia]

I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”
I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

 

[swalia]

A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.”

“*********** – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”

“Yes. What’s your third question?”

 

[swalia]

Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!

 

[swalia]

A man went into a restaurant which was offering a fixed-menu, three-course meal. When the waiter brought the first course, the man tasted it and said: "What is this?''
The waiter replied: "It's bean soup.''
The man then said: "I don't care what it's been. What is it supposed to be now?''

 

[oportosanto]

Haha, you have awesome jokes here in your thread swalia.

 

[swalia]

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.

 

[swalia]

Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!

 

[swalia]

Teacher: "What is the future tense of the statement: 'I had killed a thief'?"
Student: "You will go to jail."

 

[swalia]

Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.
Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!

 

[swalia]

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

 

[swalia]

Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another. Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom. “Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked. “It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!” “Hey wait a second! Said Mark “Aren’t I your best friend?” “Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile. “He is!”

 

[swalia]

Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this ?

Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient.

 

[swalia]

Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb."

 

[swalia]

An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.

"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."

"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"