amiafattymasterornot.com

Donald Munro said:

joseph.santaniello said:

Here are the facts:

36yo
Rode alot in the old days. Made it to Cat3. Stopped riding for 10
years. Got fat and weak. Started riding again. Not as fat, not as weak.

I commute to work on a road bike in full club lycra.

I have never ever put a lock around any of my road bikes.

I use 36 spoke wheels.

I assembled my bike myself.

At club races, if I get dropped, I'm never the only one.

I use Ultegra.

I don't participate in sprints, cuz I'm a fogey, though sprints is
arguably what I am best at. If I worked at them, they would no doubt be
what I am best at.

When my performance isn't up to scratch, I don't blame my equipment or
preparation, I blame my competitors ignoring their families.

I don't shave. I keep telling myself I need to lose 15lbs more first.

I just bought my 6 yo son a road bike.

Dumbass,

As a fatty master you really suck. You need to get a BMC and full Phonak
kit to start...no hang on that might not work anymore. Get back to us in a
few weeks time and we'll tell you what bike and kit you need.

After watching him do his impression of me in the hills on stage 16, I
was already contemplating a BMC. But only if I could get one of the
yellow ones.

Joseph

Mark Fennell said:

In fact, a few million years ago there wouldn't have been any male
Masters Fatties because they would have been all the losers that
couldn't out run the saber-tooth tigers. Or their cavemates would have
clubbed them to death already for incessantly talking about themselves
and their grand exploits. Hmm... how did the Masters Fattie gene
survive??

Dumbass Design.

Quoted message said:

I already have a Pinarello, and I "designed" (ok, copied) our club kit
to look like Caisse d'Epargne for it's slimming effect! Dark colors and
some Photoshop, and my Aero-belly is almost gone!

http://www.proshopsports.no/pro_jersey_small.jpg

Good work, but for pure mastersfattiedom you really need to wear the
replica of the pro team kit (replica because a master's fattie would
never be able to fit into the real pro kit - they just don't cut them
big enough). Real MF's don't have a club team.

Quoted message said:

I am also wearing exclusively Nike as I write this, including a Lance 6
t-shirt.

There's extra credit for the 10/2 collection.

Quoted message said:

I have been contemplating a power-meter for about a year.

Oh no, that would be points *against* fattiedom. True Master's Fatties
eschew power meters because they would provide some quantitative
measure of their inadequacies. The real MF chooses average speed,
since that can be skewed upwards by the real MF talent: wheelsucking.
For example, it's much more impressive to say "I can average 22mph on
the Saturday ride" than "I can average 2.3W/Kg on the Saturday ride".

Quoted message said:

I don't like donuts, but I consider pizza one of the basic food groups.

Negative points for disliking doughnuts. You must learn to enjoy the
occasional Krispy Kreme, or at least a Tim Horton's.

Quoted message said:

Recently on a trip to Italy I embarrased my wife and kids by yelling
"Forza!" to every cyclist we saw while driving.

Excellent. Good work. But please, replicate this behavior at home as
well as abroad.

Quoted message said:

Would getting a disk wheel help my points?

Only if you ride it on the sunday group ride. Don't forget the aero
bars!

Quoted message said:

Joseph

yeahyeah said:

Quoted message said:

I have been contemplating a power-meter for about a year.

Oh no, that would be points *against* fattiedom. True Master's Fatties
eschew power meters because they would provide some quantitative
measure of their inadequacies. The real MF chooses average speed,
since that can be skewed upwards by the real MF talent: wheelsucking.
For example, it's much more impressive to say "I can average 22mph on
the Saturday ride" than "I can average 2.3W/Kg on the Saturday ride".

Ok, I get it. A cycle computer with an auto start/stop "feature" so my
average speed dosen't suffer from stops at gas stations for candy?

Joseph

Donald Munro said:

Quoted message said:

As a fatty master you really suck. You need to get a BMC and full Phonak
kit to start...no hang on that might not work anymore. Get back to us in a
few weeks time and we'll tell you what bike and kit you need.

joseph.santaniello said:

After watching him do his impression of me in the hills on stage 16, I
was already contemplating a BMC. But only if I could get one of the
yellow ones.

So now bonking has become popular amongst fatty masters.

Donald Munro said:

Donald Munro said:

Quoted message said:

As a fatty master you really suck. You need to get a BMC and full Phonak
kit to start...no hang on that might not work anymore. Get back to us in a
few weeks time and we'll tell you what bike and kit you need.

joseph.santaniello said:

After watching him do his impression of me in the hills on stage 16, I
was already contemplating a BMC. But only if I could get one of the
yellow ones.

So now bonking has become popular amongst fatty masters.

Of course. It proves you're CLEAN!

Tim Lines said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

So now bonking has become popular amongst fatty masters.

Of course. It proves you're CLEAN!

Or that you just got your dosage wrong.

Quoted message said:

yeahyeah said:

Quoted message said:

I have been contemplating a power-meter for about a year.

Oh no, that would be points *against* fattiedom. True Master's Fatties
eschew power meters because they would provide some quantitative
measure of their inadequacies. The real MF chooses average speed,
since that can be skewed upwards by the real MF talent: wheelsucking.
For example, it's much more impressive to say "I can average 22mph on
the Saturday ride" than "I can average 2.3W/Kg on the Saturday ride".

Ok, I get it. A cycle computer with an auto start/stop "feature" so my
average speed dosen't suffer from stops at gas stations for candy?

Exactly the one.

Ron

In article <[email hidden]>,

yeahyeah said:

dan said:

then i injured my shoulder 2 years ago and had to stop kayaking ... so i got
out ol' Eddy and started riding again. oh - the insult. my brain
remembered but my body forgot. i used to ride 100's daily. when i started
biking again, 30 miles was a big day in the saddle. and can you say 'very
sore butt'? i've worked my way back to about 70 miles now, but my pace is
nothing like it used to be. i used to average 20-25 easily. now 15-17 is
alot of work. lemme tell ya, gettin' old ain't for sissy's.

The fact that you keep track of the average speed (and not wattage)
defintely counts toward your qualification for supreme Master Fattiedom

I don't know about that. Power meters are on a lot of MF bikes around here, many
of which aren't going very fast. Maybe they'll be de rigueur by next year. If the
wattage that turns up on the meter is low, you can always make an excuse ("I've
over-trained"😉.

(snipper)

Quoted message said:

So to recap, eat ice cream, get new sandals, don't buy a power meter.
Buy a new bike and components (either BMC/Phonak or Caisse
d'Epargne/Pinarello, depending on the outcome of Landis' arbitration.
Personally, I love Floyd but would prefer the slimming black of the
Caisse d'Epargne kits and the Pinarello. Do not purchase matching
shorts, rather, wear your Assos bibs.

Don't wear the bibs on the outside of your jersey, as that makes you an old fred
rather than a Master Fatty.

--
tanx,
Howard

Never take a tenant with a monkey.

remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

Howard Kveck said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Don't wear the bibs on the outside of your jersey, as that makes you an old fred
rather than a Master Fatty.

I could have gone all night without this visual haunting me .....argh.

What catagory do the "faux disc" wheel covers fall into ????

Bill

--

William R. Mattil : http://www.celestial-images.com

Howard Kveck schreef:

Quoted message said:

you can always make an excuse ("I've over-trained"😉.

It sure is an excuse because there's no such thing as over-training. It
just means you weren't prepared to handle the load so you were
under-trained.

--
E. Dronkert

Quoted message said:

My excuse is that I have the mentality of a climber in the body
of a sprinter. (For those of you whp don't speak Excuse, that
means I'm a big fat coward.)

Sounds like something from the Wizard of Oz.