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Oh well hehe

Started by Darsh · · Last activity · 28 posts · 1,695 views

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Mountain Bikes
Published
19 April 2003
Last activity
23 April 2003
Original author
Darsh
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28
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  1. It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within time,
    or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two
    surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is
    hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and my (other)
    doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is very
    complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of
    shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never
    gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was ignorant. I am not going
    back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on Monday.

    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first surgery,
    we relieved pressure... what I understand was a small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was
    sick. Happily, it was not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin
    related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then,
    there was the second surgery...

    We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The cultures came in and "it" was
    resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change of antibiotics. I can not really explain the
    healing process as it seems alot harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After
    two times of maintenance filled, surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer
    healing time. My mouth fills with bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The
    healing I am going to HAVE to deal with.

    He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits to
    the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last surgery, I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor
    wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this time what the time will be. It will be long.

    It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is a way out, even if you
    don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can get out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral
    downhill from the stories I have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder
    where to go sometimes. I wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting
    tough. There is nothing good coming out of my doctor visits.

    My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."

    I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that she assumes something from
    my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks I am gay? Maybe she
    assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is gay, he is the youngest
    child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed. Maybe I am the youngest, gay, troubled
    kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She does not know me very well, and she
    certainly is not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am
    not gay, and from what I have read, gayness has nothing to do with my issue. I don't have an [censored]
    problem, I have a semi-close [censored] issue. I almost wish it was associated with my starbright, then
    it would be easy.

    Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is nothing. I can think I am lucky.
    I can think that it might not be something to beat, but something to live with. I think I can do
    that, but I don't know. Every surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get
    through it, but now... I am not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is
    going to be very hardcore. This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches
    like before. 4 inches into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut
    again to more healing. It makes me sad and literally sick.

    If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    there would be some kind of reason. I thought about how much money it would take to put me through
    this process. I don't have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do it. It
    would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think about
    it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain. I am not sure I would take
    1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.

    Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting me
    to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.

    BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is, I
    am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism, and I will
    remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being. The
    privilage of living on this planet.

    I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.

    I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    out there.

    Cheers for AWMWD! hehe

    What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have a
    bike, if you can't even sit on it without having a near death experience? I am really good for
    nothing else but health.

    It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    take, no way out.

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid, my brain does not know what
    to do or how to think.

    darsh

    (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    problems that are nothing compared to others.... Others ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I
    feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for
    offending anyone who has really dealt with serious health issues, or has family that makes a daily
    reality of life. I applaud you.)

  2. "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If


    it

    Quoted message said:

    becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to


    reduce

    Quoted message said:

    inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is hard to find it seems
    in my case. It has to do with anterior and


    posterior

    Quoted message said:

    issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle,
    but it is very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    of shape. Maybe if I


    did

    Quoted message said:

    not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never gave me an inclination
    of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor


    was

    Quoted message said:

    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the


    one

    Quoted message said:

    I will see agian on Monday.

    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was


    a

    Quoted message said:

    small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it


    was

    Quoted message said:

    not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin related, probably from a
    foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then, there was the second
    surgery...

    We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The


    cultures

    Quoted message said:

    came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change


    of

    Quoted message said:

    antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems


    alot

    Quoted message said:

    harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance filled,
    surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with
    bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE to
    deal with.

    He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits
    to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last


    surgery,

    Quoted message said:

    I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this
    time what the time will be. It will be long.

    It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is


    a

    Quoted message said:

    way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can


    get

    Quoted message said:

    out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the stories


    I

    Quoted message said:

    have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting tough. There is
    nothing good coming out of


    my

    Quoted message said:

    doctor visits.

    My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."

    I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that


    she

    Quoted message said:

    assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks
    I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is
    gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed.


    Maybe

    Quoted message said:

    I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She
    does not know me very well, and she certainly


    is

    Quoted message said:

    not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    and from what I have read, gayness has nothing


    to

    Quoted message said:

    do with my issue. I don't have an [censored] problem, I have a semi-close [censored] issue. I almost
    wish it was associated with my starbright, then


    it

    Quoted message said:

    would be easy.

    Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is


    nothing.

    Quoted message said:

    I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to


    beat,

    Quoted message said:

    but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.


    Every

    Quoted message said:

    surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I am
    not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is going to be very hardcore.
    This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4 inches
    into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut again to more healing.
    It makes me sad and literally sick.

    If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    there would be some kind of reason. I


    thought

    Quoted message said:

    about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I


    don't

    Quoted message said:

    have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do


    it.

    Quoted message said:

    It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think


    about

    Quoted message said:

    it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain.


    I

    Quoted message said:

    am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.

    Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.

    BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is,
    I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,


    and

    Quoted message said:

    I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being.
    The privilage of living on this planet.

    I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.

    I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    out there.

    Cheers for AWMWD! hehe

    What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have
    a bike, if you can't even sit on it without


    having

    Quoted message said:

    a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.

    It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    take, no way out.

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,


    my

    Quoted message said:

    brain does not know what to do or how to think.

    darsh

    (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    problems that are nothing compared to others....


    Others

    Quoted message said:

    ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for offending anyone who has really dealt with serious
    health issues, or has family that makes a daily reality of life. I applaud you.)


    In a certain youth I had the pleasure of learning one phrase that made the difference. It goes: "
    The only easy day was yesterday" Everything has an end. You will reach the end of this miserable
    experience. My unsolicited advice is to stay positive, and not sell your bikes. Get into them even
    more without riding them. I would be willing to bet that you will be riding again. Just take care of
    your self and the rest will follow.

    TJ

  3. --
    members.rogers.comtheblackfoxx "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If


    it

    Quoted message said:

    becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to


    reduce

    Quoted message said:

    inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is hard to find it seems
    in my case. It has to do with anterior and


    posterior

    Quoted message said:

    issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle,
    but it is very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    of shape. Maybe if I


    did

    Quoted message said:

    not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never gave me an inclination
    of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor


    was

    Quoted message said:

    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the


    one

    Quoted message said:

    I will see agian on Monday.

    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was


    a

    Quoted message said:

    small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it


    was

    Quoted message said:

    not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin related, probably from a
    foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then, there was the second
    surgery...

    We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The


    cultures

    Quoted message said:

    came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change


    of

    Quoted message said:

    antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems


    alot

    Quoted message said:

    harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance filled,
    surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with
    bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE to
    deal with.

    He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits
    to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last


    surgery,

    Quoted message said:

    I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this
    time what the time will be. It will be long.

    It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is


    a

    Quoted message said:

    way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can


    get

    Quoted message said:

    out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the stories


    I

    Quoted message said:

    have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting tough. There is
    nothing good coming out of


    my

    Quoted message said:

    doctor visits.

    My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."

    I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that


    she

    Quoted message said:

    assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks
    I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is
    gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed.


    Maybe

    Quoted message said:

    I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She
    does not know me very well, and she certainly


    is

    Quoted message said:

    not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    and from what I have read, gayness has nothing


    to

    Quoted message said:

    do with my issue. I don't have an [censored] problem, I have a semi-close [censored] issue. I almost
    wish it was associated with my starbright, then


    it

    Quoted message said:

    would be easy.

    Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is


    nothing.

    Quoted message said:

    I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to


    beat,

    Quoted message said:

    but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.


    Every

    Quoted message said:

    surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I am
    not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is going to be very hardcore.
    This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4 inches
    into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut again to more healing.
    It makes me sad and literally sick.

    If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    there would be some kind of reason. I


    thought

    Quoted message said:

    about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I


    don't

    Quoted message said:

    have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do


    it.

    Quoted message said:

    It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think


    about

    Quoted message said:

    it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain.


    I

    Quoted message said:

    am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.

    Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.

    BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is,
    I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,


    and

    Quoted message said:

    I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being.
    The privilage of living on this planet.

    I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.

    I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    out there.

    Cheers for AWMWD! hehe

    What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have
    a bike, if you can't even sit on it without


    having

    Quoted message said:

    a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.

    It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    take, no way out.

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,


    my

    Quoted message said:

    brain does not know what to do or how to think.

    darsh

    (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    problems that are nothing compared to others....


    Others

    Quoted message said:

    ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for offending anyone who has really dealt with serious
    health issues, or has family that makes a daily reality of life. I applaud you.)

    geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!

  4. "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and
    my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is
    very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor
    never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was ignorant. I am
    not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on Monday.


    <snip>

    Quoted message said:

    darsh

    SOB Darsh! This really sucks!

    Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really [censored] me off!

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my left
    wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a HMO
    doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with it. I know your case is totally
    different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    Whatever happens don't stop posting you knucklehead!
    --
    Slacker

  5. TBF said:

    geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!

    I certainly appreciate it, but I feel sort of bad (I feel great physically.. for the most part). I
    am really whining about my condition, and I am sorry to put the group through it. I might never ride
    bicycles again, but I still have the Hayabusa. I can ride it even today. Maybe now I will sell the
    mountainbikes, and get back to the streetbike.

    I am sure the regulars at alt.motorcycle.sportbike miss my ride reports at least a bit.. hehe.

    I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my family included. I do have to
    say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I can only thank you people
    for putting up with it, and not flaming me to no end.

    I am happy to be able to post here, sort of hidden from "real" peoples agendas for me. I just hope I
    don't fall out of topic so much as I feel uncomfortable. Of course, this post might seem OT, but it
    is really, or could be, a result of mountainbiking. Either way, it is certainly about my ability to
    mountainbike... and hell, when did a post being OT stop me before?

    Now that I think about it, from here on out, any motorcycle report or post I make, will be entirely
    due to me NOT being able to ride a mountainbike. This makes all posts from me that have no
    mountainbikeing content what-so-ever, toatally ON topic! What a joy. I can't go wrong there.

    Thanks TBF, it will all be OK, even if I can never ride mountainbikes again.

    darsh

    "..::TBF::.." <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    --
    members.rogers.comtheblackfoxx "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on


    Monday.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    I hope it is within time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If


    it

    Quoted message said:

    becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to


    reduce

    Quoted message said:

    inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root


    is

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and


    posterior

    Quoted message said:

    issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in
    principle, but it is very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years.


    I

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    can just feel it. I have begun to realize that it could be over..


    youth,

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of shape. Maybe if I


    did

    Quoted message said:

    not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor


    never

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor


    was

    Quoted message said:

    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the


    one

    Quoted message said:

    I will see agian on Monday.

    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand


    was

    Quoted message said:

    a

    Quoted message said:

    small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it


    was

    Quoted message said:

    not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was


    skin

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that.
    Then, there was the second surgery...

    We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The


    cultures

    Quoted message said:

    came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change


    of

    Quoted message said:

    antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems


    alot

    Quoted message said:

    harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance
    filled, surgery induced healing, I am not ready for


    a

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with bile even


    considering

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE


    to

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    deal with.

    He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily
    visits to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last


    surgery,

    Quoted message said:

    I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was


    (not)

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    ready. I am not sure this time what the time will be. It will be long.

    It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there


    is

    Quoted message said:

    a

    Quoted message said:

    way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can


    get

    Quoted message said:

    out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the


    stories

    Quoted message said:

    I

    Quoted message said:

    have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually


    don't

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    need that, but it is getting tough. There is nothing good coming out of


    my

    Quoted message said:

    doctor visits.

    My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the


    doctor."

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:


    I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that


    she

    Quoted message said:

    assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am


    not

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    married. Maybe she thinks I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition
    and gayness. My uncle is gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his
    rectum removed.


    Maybe

    Quoted message said:

    I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think.
    She does not know me very well, and she certainly


    is

    Quoted message said:

    not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    and from what I have read, gayness has nothing


    to

    Quoted message said:

    do with my issue. I don't have an [censored] problem, I have a semi-close [censored] issue. I almost
    wish it was associated with my starbright, then


    it

    Quoted message said:

    would be easy.

    Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is


    nothing.

    Quoted message said:

    I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to


    beat,

    Quoted message said:

    but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.


    Every

    Quoted message said:

    surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I
    am not having a good time. I really don't want


    a

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    third go around. It is going to be very hardcore. This time the


    incision

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4


    inches

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to


    cut

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    again to more healing. It makes me sad and literally sick.

    If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At
    least there would be some kind of reason. I


    thought

    Quoted message said:

    about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I


    don't

    Quoted message said:

    have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do


    it.

    Quoted message said:

    It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think


    about

    Quoted message said:

    it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical


    pain.

    Quoted message said:

    I

    Quoted message said:

    am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.

    Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it


    all

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.

    BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism
    is, I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is
    really bad. When the


    healing

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,


    and

    Quoted message said:

    I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply
    being. The privilage of living on this planet.

    I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.

    I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    out there.

    Cheers for AWMWD! hehe

    What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having


    no

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    mountainbike... Why have a bike, if you can't even sit on it without


    having

    Quoted message said:

    a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.

    It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    take, no way out.

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,


    my

    Quoted message said:

    brain does not know what to do or how to think.

    darsh

    (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my


    pathetic

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    health problems... problems that are nothing compared to others....


    Others

    Quoted message said:

    ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry


    for

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    offending anyone who has really dealt with serious health issues, or has family that makes a
    daily reality of life. I applaud you.)

    geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!

  6. --
    members.rogers.comtheblackfoxx "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:qB3oa.537560$S_4.583615@rwcrnsc53...

    Quoted message said:
    TBF said:

    geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!

    I certainly appreciate it, but I feel sort of bad (I feel great


    physically..

    Quoted message said:

    for the most part). I am really whining about my condition, and I am


    sorry

    Quoted message said:

    to put the group through it. I might never ride bicycles again, but I


    still

    Quoted message said:

    have the Hayabusa. I can ride it even today. Maybe now I will sell the mountainbikes, and get back
    to the streetbike.

    I am sure the regulars at alt.motorcycle.sportbike miss my ride reports at least a bit.. hehe.

    I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my


    family

    Quoted message said:

    included. I do have to say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I
    can only thank you people for putting up with


    it,

    Quoted message said:

    and not flaming me to no end.

    I am happy to be able to post here, sort of hidden from "real" peoples agendas for me. I just hope
    I don't fall out of topic so much as I feel uncomfortable. Of course, this post might seem OT, but
    it is really, or could be, a result of mountainbiking. Either way, it is certainly about


    my

    Quoted message said:

    ability to mountainbike... and hell, when did a post being OT stop me before?

    Now that I think about it, from here on out, any motorcycle report or post


    I

    Quoted message said:

    make, will be entirely due to me NOT being able to ride a mountainbike. This makes all posts from
    me that have no mountainbikeing content what-so-ever, toatally ON topic! What a joy. I can't go
    wrong there.

    Thanks TBF, it will all be OK, even if I can never ride mountainbikes


    again.

    Quoted message said:


    darsh

    No worries man, look me up if your in cold-a*s Toronto. I've been dying to get my Suzuki out of the
    garage. All my riding buddies either crashed their bikes or go them repossessed!

  7. "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again.

    Damn. That sucks, but don't lose hope. I've had a number of surgeries (abdominal and structural) and
    I know it sucks, but all things pass in time. Sounds like this is a big unknown or at least there's
    differences of opinion, so don't assume the worst. Sounds like you're in for a tough recovery but if
    you can hike and ride a 14er I know you have some determination. Use that. It works.

    Focus on the good and the rest is just peripheral.

    Take care, Matt

  8. Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again.

    Very sorry to hear this. Just keep in mind all us kooks out here in a.m-b are thinking of you and
    hoping for the best, and want to keep updated.

    I think you should make sure your mom knows you aren't gay - that will at least give you both one
    less thing to worry about.

  9. Darsh said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within time,
    or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two
    surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is
    hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and my (other)
    doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is very
    complicated in surgical repair.

    Is this a pilonidal thing? Been there! it sucks, had several surgeries, been to bad doctors.

    Finiding the right doctor is KEY.

    Your not getting the flap surgery thing are you?

    G

  10. Darsh said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and
    my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is
    very complicated in surgical repair.

    Quoted message said:


    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was a small grapefruit size "pressure"... No
    wonder I was sick. Happily, it was not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It
    was skin related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like
    that. Then, there was the second surgery...

    Heh, I guess I've had more experience than I thought with weird cysts...you are describing a dermoid
    cyst I think, one that forms around a misplaced piece of the wrong tissue sort. My son had one on
    his eye that they weren't sure whether it was brain tissue leaking through his skull or a cyst until
    they did the surgery.,

    anyway Darsh....take a deep breath and go one day at a time. Ask around for who the best docs are
    and get two or three opinions. Don't sell the bike just yet. And if you have to miss a season,
    well... that' happend to the best of us.

    so sez mom to amb...

    Penny

  11. Slacker said:

    "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues,
    and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it
    is very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I
    have begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some
    sort of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my
    doctor never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was
    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on
    Monday.


    <snip>

    Quoted message said:

    darsh

    SOB Darsh! This really sucks!

    Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really [censored] me off!

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    penny

  12. I don't think you come across as a whiner Darsh, so in this case, I'd take it that you'd just like
    to get this off your chest (or whichever other body part as yet undetermined ;p). I think thats a
    good thing, cus talking about it can be therapeutic so who knows, maybe you're already on the road
    to a good recovery! Anyway there's plenty else to do besides biking, no one here really likes the
    sport either, we're just here for the company. ;-pp

    bloocow - take it easy, and everything will be easy.

  13. "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on


    Monday.

    Quoted message said:

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few


    years. I

    Quoted message said:

    can just feel it. I have begun to realize that it could be over..


    youth,

    Quoted message said:

    riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of shape. Maybe


    if I did

    Quoted message said:

    not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor


    never

    Quoted message said:

    gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My


    doctor was

    Quoted message said:

    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist;


    the one

    Quoted message said:

    I will see agian on Monday. It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is


    the

    Quoted message said:

    feeling of no direction to take, no way out.

    Quoted message said:

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so


    stupid, my

    Quoted message said:

    brain does not know what to do or how to think.

    darsh


    darsh:

    I hear your pain about losing biking, and if there is anything I can do, write me.

    Your situation sounds worse than mine, at least when I try to ride again I don't require surgery.
    Just a couple of days of pain, due to a spinal injury. I'm mostly off the bike now, working up to 45
    minute rides, twice a week. Maybe that's all I'll get to. Prior to my injury, biking was a huge part
    of my life, snow, rain, 6 hour epics, 24 hour team events, triathlons, and was training to become
    competitive in trials.

    It's been a year now, and just two days ago, while walking alone in the woods (something I couldn't
    do last year, right leg was too weak, had to stick to smooth paths) and jumping from stone to log to
    stone, I realized this: if biking worsens my problem, and takes away all the other simple things
    that make life a joy, then to hell with biking.

    Let it go.

    But don't sell those bikes just yet. I thought about doing that last year, a few times, but bikes
    are like old friends, and shouldn't be discarded when times are tough (unless you need the money,
    then don't let the parting be bitter, think how they have helped you, and are helping you right to
    the end). Use them to remember better times, and know that better times will come again. Talk to
    people, talk to your old bike buddies, because they will help you get through the bad times. One
    of mine certainly saved my sanity, kept me thinking about recovery, that what was ahead was worth
    fighting for (thanks Ed, I owe you more than I can repay). He never talked about recovery, just
    about all the good times we had, which reminded me that there will be good times again. Hold on
    for those.

    And I hope you don't have to give up all physical activity. When things are a little better, you'll
    get more imaginative about staying active. Biking isn't the only thing out there. It may be the
    best, but there are others almost as good.

    Like just being strong, walking.

    I've lurked on this NG for a while, and I know you have a sense of humour and friends that will help
    you get through this. Best of luck, best regards,

    - Chris.

  14. Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    SOB Darsh! This really sucks!

    Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any
    HMO doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many
    years and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really [censored] me off!

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having
    a HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    penny

    Yeah, it is. My doc said the same thing after he tried jabbing it (several times) with a hypodermic
    needle without any success.

    I had one big crash at the end of 2001 and I thought I broke that same wrist, but the x-rays were
    negative. I hit the ground so hard I guess it dislodged the cyst, but it reappeared a couple weeks
    later a about an inch from where it originally was.

    Then this past Oct. on the way home from my last DH sesh of the year my frig'n hand went into
    convulsions and got all contorted for a few minutes. Hurt like a SOB and scared the [censored] out of me.
    --
    Slacker

  15. Darsh said:

    I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my family included. I do have
    to say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I can only thank you
    people for putting up with it, and not flaming me to no end.

    You've posted enough ride reports - some of more intersting ones - over the years, that "you deserve
    a break today". I still haven't forgotten that snow-ride where you went off the ski jump and landed
    on your back, with everyone staring in shock at the massive amount of fluid around you (his Camelbak
    burst, for those who weren't around back then)! Maybe a good flashback there for you.

    Good health is so important for mountain biking that its probably in the back of all of our
    minds..certainly mine. Many of us have had health problems that have kept us of the bike (usually
    for a much shorter period), so we can relate a bit to what you're feeling emotionally. Just hang in
    there and keep hoping for the best. A positive attitude can have a significant impact on the
    healing process.

    --
    -BB- To reply to me, drop the attitude (from my e-mail address, at least)

  16. Penny S. said:

    Slacker wrote:

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    I dunno, Penny... lions are pretty dangerous, and one with a gang orientation must be pretty scary.
    Do they wear colors other than just orange?

    Mark Hickey Habanero Cycles habcycles.comhabcycles.com Home of the $695 ti frame

  17. Penny S. said:
    Slacker said:

    "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues,
    and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it
    is very complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I
    have begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some
    sort of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my
    doctor never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was
    ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on
    Monday.

    <snip>

    Quoted message said:

    darsh

    SOB Darsh! This really sucks!

    Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really [censored] me off!

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    I had a ganglion or baker's cyst on my wrist for years. The folk remedy is to lay a silver
    dollar on it, then have somebody hit it with a bible. Never quite had the nerve to try that
    one, although my sister was eager to help me out. It would flare and subside, flare and
    subside. Finally I hit it against a brick wall during a fall, which evidently ruptured it,
    and it never reformed. Can't say I recommend that, though.

    Kathleen

  18. "Darsh" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Damn Darsh. There are any number of phrases and sayings that can be passed along at a time like
    this. Not having read what everyone else has passed along I am sure there is nothing I can say that
    would be unique.

    Just understand that my thoughts are with you.

    Hope everything works out well. They usually do.

    Marty

  19. Mark Hickey said:
    Penny S. said:

    Slacker wrote:

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Cysts are a [censored] though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having
    a HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    I dunno, Penny... lions are pretty dangerous, and one with a gang orientation must be pretty
    scary. Do they wear colors other than just orange?

    hey a ganglion cyst is a real thing, google it if you don't beleive me

    penny

  20. Kathleen said:
    Quoted message said:

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    I had a ganglion or baker's cyst on my wrist for years. The folk remedy is to lay a silver dollar
    on it, then have somebody hit it with a bible. Never quite had the nerve to try that one, although
    my sister was eager to help me out. It would flare and subside, flare and subside. Finally I hit
    it against a brick wall during a fall, which evidently ruptured it, and it never reformed. Can't
    say I recommend that, though.

    Kathleen

    that's what my doc told me too!

    Penny

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