Sheldon Brown <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...
Quoted message said:I pontificated:
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:Front derailer braze ons are the work of SATAN!
A Dave said:
I agree that braze ons are bad things if unavoidable. But how do you recommend attaching a FD to
a bike that has an aero (non-round) seat tube?
When did I ever recommend non-round seat tubes? ;-)
Sheldon "If Ya Gotta, Ya Gotta" Brown
Dear Sheldon, David J., and dvt,
My copy of "A Christmas Carol" has been defaced. It seems to be set during the post-Christmas sales,
and Scrooge has turned into someone else.
Carl Fogel
. . .This lunatic, in letting Sheldon's nephew out, had let two other people in. They were portly
gentlemen (both named Dave), pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their helmets off, in
Sheldon's office. They had Palm Pilots in their hands, and bowed to him.
"Sheldon and Harris's, I believe," said one of the gentlemen, referring to his PDA. "Have I the
pleasure of addressing Mr Sheldon, or Mr Harris?"
"Mr Harris has been dead these seven years," Sheldon replied. "He died seven years ago, this
very night."
"We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner," said the gentleman,
presenting his credentials.
It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits. At the ominous word "liberality," Sheldon
frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.
"At this festive season of the year, Mr Sheldon," said the gentleman, taking up a pen, "it is more
than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, whose
shifting suffers greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries;
hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir, such as brazed-on derailleurs for non-
round aero seat-tubes."
"Are there no local bike shops?" asked Sheldon.
"Plenty of local bike shops," said the gentleman, laying down his Palm Pilot again.
"And the WalMarts?" demanded Sheldon. "Are they still in operation?"
"They are. Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could say they were not."
"The bus-lines and elevated trains are in full vigour, then?" said Sheldon.
"Both very busy, sir."
"Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their
useful course," said Sheldon. "I'm very glad to hear it."
"Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian transportation to the multitude,"
returned the gentleman, "much less decent shifting, a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to
buy the Poor some braze-on fittings for their non-round aero seat-tubes. We choose this time,
shortly after the end of the financial year, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is
keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?"
"Nothing!" Sheldon replied.
"You wish to be anonymous?" asked one of the Dave's, who was strangely unaware of Sheldon's habit of
teasing of anonymous posters.
"I wish to be left alone," said Sheldon. "Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my
answer. I don't make merry myself after the Christmas sales and I can't afford to make idle, out-of-
round people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and
those whose shifting is badly off must go there."
"Many can't go there; and many would rather die than use clamp-on derailleurs and round
frame tubing."
"If they would rather die," said Sheldon, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus shiftless
population. Besides -- excuse me -- I don't know that," added Sheldon, who suddenly seemed to be
channeling Jobst Brandt.
"But you might know it," observed the gentleman.
"It's not my business," Sheldon returned. "It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and
not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Besides, I like fixed gear
bicycles better. Good afternoon, gentlemen!"
Seeing clearly that it would be useless to pursue their point, the gentlemen withdrew.
Sheldon resumed his labours with an improved opinion of himself, and in a more facetious temper than
was usual with him.
"Brazed-on derailleurs and non-round aero seat-tubes," said Sheldon. "Bah! Humbug!"
