Holiday Fruit Cake 'RECIPE'

"orion" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:WjKMb.3282$A74.2665@fed1read02...

Quoted message said:

Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe

You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of
dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level
cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add
to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck
in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who
cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of
sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the
bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

******************

From - e-cookbooks.net

Allow me. Groan. ;-) Suzan

Why are putting whisky in at the start of preparing the batter. It will be lost and should be put in
nearer the baking time. Matt

orison said:

Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe

You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of
dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level
cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add
to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck
in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who
cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of
sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the
bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

******************

From - e-cookbooks.net

bistoury said:

Why are putting whisky in at the start of preparing the batter. It will be lost and should be put
in nearer the baking time.

Ohhhhhh, nahhhhhhhhh. I just tried it both ways and didn't lose the whisky once! Felt the same both
times, too. Who would have known that there was soooooo much space between the lines on the
temperature control knob? I'll be right back -- I have to turn the oven over. Cheers!

<Did I tell you I never lost it once? I never lost it once!>

Quoted message said:

orison said:

Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe

You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of
dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and
add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets
stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who
cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon.
Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw
the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

******************

From - e-cookbooks.net

I don't seem to understand why you constantly placed so much whiskey on the or in the cake at the
beginning. What sort of whiskey did you use? We always use Bushmills Irish but add it at the very
end. This is a very strange recipe. Matt

Pennyaline said:

bistoury said:

Why are putting whisky in at the start of preparing the batter. It will be lost and should be put
in nearer the baking time.

Ohhhhhh, nahhhhhhhhh. I just tried it both ways and didn't lose the whisky once! Felt the same
both times, too. Who would have known that there was soooooo much space between the lines on the
temperature control knob? I'll be right back -- I have to turn the oven over. Cheers!

<Did I tell you I never lost it once? I never lost it once!>

Quoted message said:

orison said:

Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe

You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of
dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level
cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add
to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck
in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who
cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of
sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw
the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

******************

From - e-cookbooks.net

bistoury said:

I don't seem to understand why you constantly placed so much whiskey on the or in the cake at the
beginning. What sort of whiskey did you use? We always use Bushmills Irish but add it at the very
end. This is a very strange recipe.

Let me explain:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

orison wrote:

>Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe
>
> You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups
> of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
> whiskey.
>
> Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Clear so far? BTW, you can omit the water if you take whiskey neat.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one
> level cup and drink. Repeat.

Follow? Three cups whiskey and one cup water (optional). Hint: don't put whiskey in bowl.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

That's one large fluffy bowl with butter in it, but no whiskey.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
>
> Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

Okay, now so far that's four cups of whiskey, but none of it in the bowl. I don't know why nobody
likes fruitcake!!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
> Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a
> drewscriver.
>
> Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity.

Total: 5 cups of whiskey, none of it in the bowl. Check for tonsisticity now (turn off the
mixer first).

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon
> uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Six cups of whiskey, sans bowl, so far (the additional salt will help cover that up).

Quoted message said:

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> Grease the oven.

There's nothing like a shiny oven!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

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> Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

360 degrees if you use a round. ROTFL!!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again
> and go to bed.

I had someone come in and check me the next morning, by which time I was totally baked.

At 350 deg. how long did you bake the cake. I still don't understand the addition of so much
whiskey. One could not eat the results. Haley

Pennyaline said:

bistoury said:

I don't seem to understand why you constantly placed so much whiskey on the or in the cake at the
beginning. What sort of whiskey did you use? We always use Bushmills Irish but add it at the very
end. This is a very strange recipe.

Let me explain:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>orison wrote:
>
>
>
>>Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe
>>
>>You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of
>>dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
>>whiskey.
>>
>>Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Clear so far? BTW, you can omit the water if you take whiskey neat.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one
>>level cup and drink. Repeat.

Follow? Three cups whiskey and one cup water (optional). Hint: don't put whiskey in bowl.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

That's one large fluffy bowl with butter in it, but no whiskey.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
>>
>>Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

Okay, now so far that's four cups of whiskey, but none of it in the bowl. I don't know why nobody
likes fruitcake!!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix
>>on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
>>
>>Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity.

Total: 5 cups of whiskey, none of it in the bowl. Check for tonsisticity now (turn off the
mixer first).

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon
>>uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Six cups of whiskey, sans bowl, so far (the additional salt will help cover that up).

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Grease the oven.

There's nothing like a shiny oven!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

360 degrees if you use a round. ROTFL!!

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>>Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again
>>and go to bed.

I had someone come in and check me the next morning, by which time I was totally baked.

bistoury said:

One could not eat the results.

One had better not!

<fwiw, it's a fruit cake, so one can't eat the results anyway 😉

bistoury said:

At 350 deg. how long did you bake the cake.

A turntable device would be needed for 360 degrees. Bake it all the way around.

<for however long that takes

It's a joke, son. You drink the whisky while you make the cake, which screws up your thinking
proccesses and you end up w/ a fluffy bowl. There is no fluffy bowl, only fuzzy thinking. It's only
a joke, don't think on it so hard.

Suzan <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

At 350 deg. how long did you bake the cake. I still don't understand the addition of so much
whiskey. One could not eat the results. Haley

Pennyaline said:

bistoury said:

I don't seem to understand why you constantly placed so much whiskey on the or in the cake at
the beginning. What sort of whiskey did you use? We always use Bushmills Irish but add it at the
very end. This is a very strange recipe.

Let me explain:

Quoted message said:

>>orison wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>>Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe
>>>
>>>You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups
>>>of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
>>>whiskey.
>>>
>>>Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Clear so far? BTW, you can omit the water if you take whiskey neat.

Quoted message said:

>>>Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one
>>>level cup and drink. Repeat.

Follow? Three cups whiskey and one cup water (optional). Hint: don't put whiskey in bowl.

Quoted message said:

>>>Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

That's one large fluffy bowl with butter in it, but no whiskey.

Quoted message said:

>>>Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
>>>
>>>Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

Okay, now so far that's four cups of whiskey, but none of it in the

bowl. I

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

don't know why nobody likes fruitcake!!

Quoted message said:

>>>Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
>>>Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a
>>>drewscriver.
>>>
>>>Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity.

Total: 5 cups of whiskey, none of it in the bowl. Check for tonsisticity

now

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

(turn off the mixer first).

Quoted message said:

>>>Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon
>>>uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Six cups of whiskey, sans bowl, so far (the additional salt will help

cover

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that up).

Quoted message said:

>>>Grease the oven.

There's nothing like a shiny oven!

Quoted message said:

>>>Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

360 degrees if you use a round. ROTFL!!

Quoted message said:

>>>Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey
>>>again and go to bed.

I had someone come in and check me the next morning, by which time I was totally baked.

in article [email hidden],
[email hidden] at [email hidden] wrote on 1/14/04 9:13 PM:

Quoted message said:

At 350 deg. how long did you bake the cake. I still don't understand the addition of so much
whiskey. One could not eat the results. Haley

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You are either incredibly stupid or incredibly
irritating. Or both.

The recipe is a joke.

YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!

YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!

Get it now?

Go get a burger and relax!

Sheryl Rosen said:

The recipe is a joke.

YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!

YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!

Get it now?

Go get a burger and relax!

You guys are squelching my fun.

"Pennyaline" <[email hidden]> wrote in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Sheryl Rosen said:

The recipe is a joke.

YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!

YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!

Get it now?

Go get a burger and relax!

You guys are squelching my fun.

For folks who have seen this a dozen or a hundred times, it's like, "Who Cares?"

I thought your contributions to the recipe were quite brilliant!

"Pennyaline" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Sheryl Rosen said:

The recipe is a joke.

YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!

YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!

Get it now?

Go get a burger and relax!

You guys are squelching my fun.

"Wayne Boatwright" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"Pennyaline" <[email hidden]> wrote in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Sheryl Rosen said:

The recipe is a joke.

YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!

YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!

Get it now?

Go get a burger and relax!

You guys are squelching my fun.

For folks who have seen this a dozen or a hundred times, it's like, "Who Cares?"

You mean this has been posted before? Actually I thought it was pretty lame after I posted and never
thought any one would take it seriously. Cheers!

Suzan

[email hidden] (orion)
Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe wrote:

Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe: <snip> ////////////////

I really do believe that there is only "one" fruit cake in the world.... that is the one that
everyone keeps mailing to their mother, sister, uncle, brother, cousin, neighbor and friend.

Sorry, but I never was a fan of fruitcake. It may be that I have never eaten a truly good one. I
don't need a recipe.... guess I'll wait till it's my turn to get one in the mail. 🙂

PS... I'll use the recipe for a coaster to accommodate the bottle which was the original intent of
the recipe anyway... Cheers!!!

Sincerely, Helen
PP... It's my Birthday!!!

"Wayne Boatwright" wrote:

I said:

Quoted message said:

You guys are squelching my fun.

For folks who have seen this a dozen or a hundred times, it's like, "Who Cares?"

So what? I've seen it before too. If you're bored with it, don't read the thread. If you choose to
read it, don't criticize those who contribute.

in article xQoNb.5573$A74.3703@fed1read02, orion at [email hidden]
wrote on 1/14/04 11:41 PM:

Quoted message said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"Pennyaline" <[email hidden]> wrote in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

"Sheryl Rosen" wrote:
> The recipe is a joke.
>
> YOU DRINK THE WHISKEY!
>
> YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE CAKE!
>
> Get it now?
>
> Go get a burger and relax!

You guys are squelching my fun.

For folks who have seen this a dozen or a hundred times, it's like, "Who Cares?"

You mean this has been posted before? Actually I thought it was pretty lame after I posted and
never thought any one would take it seriously. Cheers!

Suzan

No no no...you misunderstand me. I thought it was just fine. Kinda funny. Not knee slapping, but
it was cute.

MY frustration was with that idiot who kept posting "but why so much whiskey?" I explained that it
was a joke to HIM, I wasn't commenting that the joke was lame or stupid.

Sorry if I spoiled anyone else's fun. That idiot-vegetarian-chiropractor-evangelist is seriously
spoiling my fun!

"Pennyaline" <[email hidden]> wrote in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Wayne Boatwright' wrote: I said:

Quoted message said:

You guys are squelching my fun.

For folks who have seen this a dozen or a hundred times, it's like, "Who Cares?"

So what? I've seen it before too. If you're bored with it, don't read the thread. If you choose to
read it, don't criticize those who contribute.

Yeah, so what?

Happy Birthday Helen! Doing anything special. Besides the whiskey that is.

Suzan

Quoted message said:

I really do believe that there is only "one" fruit cake in the world.... that is the one that
everyone keeps mailing to their mother, sister, uncle, brother, cousin, neighbor and friend.

Sorry, but I never was a fan of fruitcake. It may be that I have never eaten a truly good one. I
don't need a recipe.... guess I'll wait till it's my turn to get one in the mail. 🙂

PS... I'll use the recipe for a coaster to accommodate the bottle which was the original intent of
the recipe anyway... Cheers!!!

Sincerely, Helen
PS.... It's my Birthday!!!