Funny definitions

An alcoholic is someone that drinks one more beer than you do.

How about a funny quote?

"Borrow from one, plagiarism. Borrow from many, research!"
-Tom Lehrer

'A child can play with the mother's breasts but not the father's testicles' -Yoweri Museveni.

Love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. - Anonymous

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

Ummm. . .
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate.

(checks calendar: . . . Yup, that explains that! )

What's the difference between a Irish wedding and a Irish funeral?

One less drunk!

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

MARRIAGE is a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best - and pay later.

Garlic
Vegetable which is excellent for avoiding cold germs. Eat enough of it and people with colds will stay far away from you. Of course, so will other people.

I have one!

It is not a definition more like a word-joke, but was reminded of it from your one-liners.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab? - One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

swalia said:

Let's share some funny and humorous definitions. Here's one:

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them.

Haha, good one, what if we like that person for life? :p

Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? It means-“Without Information Fighting Everytime”.

And here I thought it was Wonderfully Intelligent Female Entity. ..

swalia said:

Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.

This is one of the bests. I like one liners or playing with words that are similar too each other and saying them also out loud can be really funny too.

Bar-be-que
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends."