I started Atkins at about 205 lbs (but was as high as 215 lbs or so at
my highest pre-Atkins point). Last September I got down to 127 lbs, and
my goal was 125 lbs. I arbitrarily chose 125 lbs because that was smack
in the middle of the weight/height chart for me, and I remember feeling
thin at that weight before (in my 20s and early 30s -- I'm 50 now). As
many of you know, I've been feeling ambivalent about my weight loss
after a certain point because I became so saggy. I panicked somewhat
because of it , so I deliberately ate more to put some weight back on to
see if it would help. I kept the carbs pretty much the same (most of the
time), but increased the calories. I edged up to the mid-130 lbs, but
the sagginess didn't improve -- in fact, it seemed to get worse as my
body settled (literally) into it. In the meantime, I kept eating AFTER
going to bed (that's always been a problem for me, but I seemed to have
less control over it in the last 2-3 months). In the last month, I
edged up further and am now at 140 lbs. Part of that may be due to my
ever fluctuating hormones and some recent Chinese food, but since it's
been that way for several days now AND I've plumped out some, I have to
claim it.
I often do what I think of as a "grope check" while I'm in bed, just
sort of feeling myself up all over to gauge my size. I was doing this a
couple of nights ago when I suddenly realized that I was thinking "Oh,
THAT'S better" in regard to the plumped out parts! I did a double-take.
WHAT? I jumped out of bed and rushed to look at myself in the bathroom
mirror with the bright floodlights on -- sure enough, the wattle where
my head and neck meet is NOTICEABLY better. My arms are better, too --
my skin had been so saggy on my arms that I felt like they belonged on
someone 20 years older than me! I could easily (and often idlly DID)
pinch a bit of skin and have a good portion of it pull away and become
flat between my fingers. Just tilting my arm caused the skin to crinkle
and sag off the side and I HATED it! Now it doesn't do that and I can't
pinch it flat like I did. My thighs are plumper than I'd like (but
that's ALWAYS been the case, no matter WHAT my weight was), but at least
I'm not feeling the underlying bones like I did at the lower weight and
they aren't sagging NEARLY as much. It's weird how the body can change,
and even though you see and feel it every day, you don't necessarily
perceive the changes until it suddenly "clicks" into place in a blinding
moment. A few days earlier, my Mom had told me that she thought I
looked MUCH better at this weight, but she's my MOM and, like most moms,
thinks her baby is beautiful ALL the time :-), so I took it with a grain
of salt and didn't really look that hard.
I had been depressed that going back up to about 135 lbs didn't seem to
make any difference in the sagginess and had decided I might as well try
to get back down into the 120s again since I was going to be
wrinkly/saggy, regardless. I'd lost a lot of weight-loss enthusiasm
(notice I said WEIGHT LOSS enthusiasm, not LOW CARB enthusiasm),
however, since it was now something I was almost grudglingly doing, so I
didn't push it. Now I think it's a good thing I DIDN'T push it --
apparently I just had to go a little higher. I feel like my body is on
a kind of balance beam now where I am slowly rocking from one side to
the other as I settle into the JUST RIGHT spot. Now I'm going to
concentrate on staying between 135-140 lbs (I DON'T want to gain any
more) and see how that shakes out. If I lose a couple of lbs and see a
definite increase in the sagging again, I'll go back up. OTOH, my
lifelong sensibilities also balk at being out of the 130s, so maybe I'll
drop down to 139 just for my ego :-)
This is a whole new ballgame for me to be happy that my weight is HIGHER
than I've EVER considered to be good/desirable for me! It's a little
disconcerting, but there's no denying that I feel MUCH better about
looking a little less elderly, even at a cost of weighing a little more
than my ego would like. I don't want to look like a plump grape, but I
REALLY don't want to look like a shriveld raisin! OTOH, I don't want
to put any more strain than necessary on my feet and back, so it's a
fine line I'll be treading. NOW, however, I feel like I can go out and
buy some new jeans and bras because this 5 lb range IS where I want to
be and will now strive to be. This IS my goal. This is the first time
since I started low-carbing that I've felt like I'm THERE and can NOW
begin post-weight-loss phase of my life.
All my life I've tried to get down to at least 125 lbs (115 lbs being
the ideal in my own mind, that being my "perfect" teenage weight).
Those last 5 added lbs were unintentional (and a reminder of how VERY
easy it is to regain), but what an epiphany to discover that I ***LIKE**
my body at 140 lbs!!! There are some PARTS I'm not too happy with, but
can EASILY make peace with. This is such an enlightening experience
(and struggle) to have gone though with such different weights and
dealing with my own body image and perceptions at different times. It
feels a little odd to WANT to be 140 lbs when I KNOW I can go lower, but
at this point in my life, it FITS me and feels RIGHT.
I'm changing the goal in my sig from "125" to 135-140 (aka "just right"😉
and am now declaring that I've reached it, at least as far as my weight
goes. Continuing to low-carb and to make a stronger effort toward more
exercising will be a lifetime plan.
HALLELUJAH!!! Thank you, (almost) everyone, for being here for me on
this incredible journey! I truly do not think I would have been NEARLY
as successful without all the inspiration, encouragement and support
that I've received here! I intend to STAY here, too!
--
Saffire
205/140/135-140 (aka JUST RIGHT!)
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333
*** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance
in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. ***