Yesterday's idiot

Oaf said:

squeezes past and, as he does so, gesticulates at me as if he thought I
was telling him off for driving too fast past me!

A few years ago, I almost managed to duplicate the old pig joke [1]. I
was driving (a car) in the Dales, and on one particularly straightish
section of road was doing a brisk 40 mph or so when I came to a dip in
the road; enjoying the warmth of the tarmac was a sheep, lying down,
/just/ out of view of the road; if it had been standing up I would have
seen it yonks ago. One emergency stop later (which had my passengers
plastered against the back of the front seats), the sheep just stared me
down so I sheepishly drove round it. As we drove away, a car comes
hurtling in the other direction at a great rate of knots, so I start
flashing it to ensure mutton wasn't on the menu. As it approached, the
driver started flicking v-signs and horn-blaring, roaring off
sheepwards. Sigh. To my (and presumably the sheep's) satisfaction, it
did miss.

R.

[1] Two cars meet on a country road; the driver of one rolls down his
window and shouts, 'Pig!' The (female) driver of the other yells back,
'[censored]!' and drives on, only to encounter the aforementioned porcine
in the road ahead...

In the Pyrenees I had ploughed up the Col D-Aubisque (sp?) and came
across a gang of goats hanging around in the road, blocking the way.

I tried to cycle round but they moved in the way and started bleating
and staring at me in a disconcerting manner.

I don't know squit about goats and was worried they may gang up and
attack me with their front paws or something, and they kept up with the
goddamn bleating so i put the hammer down and skirted them, their
bleating diminishing behind me.

Pointless story badly told.

Quoted message said:

In the Pyrenees I had ploughed up the Col D-Aubisque (sp?) and came
across a gang of goats hanging around in the road, blocking the way.

Quoted message said:

I tried to cycle round but they moved in the way and started bleating
and staring at me in a disconcerting manner.

Goats are basically big sheep with bigger horns and hence less fear (a
bit like Horshoe Pass sheep if you've ever been there) and hence all
but one of a flock will be nannies and therefore harmless. I suppose
there might be one billy that might try to butt you and knock you off -
but I suspect a goat would come off badly in any argument with a
rotating wheel.

Quoted message said:

Pointless story badly told.

Not at all....

I'm from Norfolk. We don't do goats.

(One restless farmer was caught in a compromising position with a goat
and it got a bit messy. Kids were involved.)

Rural cyclists in Norfolk sometimes carry Jiffy lemon squeezers to ward
off unruly dogs who chase the bike.

BISMARCK, N.D. - Claire Brook said the mountain lion she saw had
"very pretty teeth." And Kenneth Campbell said its growl was not as
loud as one would think.

The mountain bikers said they came almost face to fang with a cougar on
Monday on the Maah Daah Hey Trail in southwestern North Dakota.

The cougar followed the cyclists for about half a mile, coming within
10 feet of them three times during the 45-minute ordeal.

"He charged us three times. He could have taken us down and eaten us,
if he wanted to," said Campbell, 37, of Aurora, Colo.

"We both had digital cameras," said Brook, 29, of St. Louis. "But
taking a picture was the last thing we wanted to be doing."

http://sports.espn.go.com/outdoors/hunting/news/story?id=2093990

spindrift said:

I don't know squit about goats and was worried they may gang up and
attack me with their front paws or something,

Paws?

--
Dave...

dkahn400 said:

Paws?

Well, he /did/ say he didn't know squit about them.

spindrift said:

In the Pyrenees I had ploughed up the Col D-Aubisque (sp?) and came
across a gang of goats hanging around in the road, blocking the way.

I tried to cycle round but they moved in the way and started bleating
and staring at me in a disconcerting manner.

I don't know squit about goats and was worried they may gang up and
attack me with their front paws or something, and they kept up with the
goddamn bleating so i put the hammer down and skirted them, their
bleating diminishing behind me.

Pointless story badly told.

Heheh. A pointless story well told, methinks. Particularly the bit where you're worried about the goats attacking you with their front paws. I haven't stopped laughing for a full 10 minutes! 😄😄

Nice one.

"spindrift" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I'm from Norfolk. We don't do goats.

(One restless farmer was caught in a compromising position with a goat
and it got a bit messy. Kids were involved.)

<ping>

I have been told that the land is better for arable farming than livestock
although there are the odd few pig farms. IME pigs do not normally wander
about the streets these days unless they are not being fed properly.

Quoted message said:

Rural cyclists in Norfolk sometimes carry Jiffy lemon squeezers to ward
off unruly dogs who chase the bike.

the dogs *here* seem better behaved and smaller. There does seem to be a
tradition of ladies wearing yellow and pink wellies for walking said small
mutts on the outskirts of Ipswich, which surprises me as I would have said
it was still a suburban than rural area (I would call Claydon or Needham
Market 'properly' rural). Perhaps the wellies (as opposed to normal green
wellies) are a fashion statement to show that Suffolk is keeping up with the
times.

Alex

--
Mr R@T / General Lighting
Ipswich, Suffolk, Untied Kingdom
http://www.partyvibe.com

You only get one idiot a day? That's good going: instead of the "idiot
of the day" I've had to instigate "top idiot of the day". Yesterday it
went to the bmw that turned across the path of an oncoming ambulance,
blues&twos going...

You get a good view inside cars from the higher cycling position so my
idiot of the day is the driver on a mobile near London Bridge who took
his hand OFF the steering wheel to change gear as he cornered.

"Oaf" <[email hidden]> wrote in message Anyway, as he approaches me,
I

Quoted message said:

wave my arm at him in order to try and get him to slow down as I know
the family aren't far behind and about to come around the corner. He
squeezes past and, as he does so, gesticulates at me as if he thought I
was telling him off for driving too fast past me!

What I do is this. Speeding motorist comes towards you - point behind you
and shout "speed trap". Then watch as their brake lights come on. Never
fails.

--
Simon Mason
http://www.simonmason.karoo.net

Simon Mason said:

What I do is this. Speeding motorist comes towards you - point behind you
and shout "speed trap". Then watch as their brake lights come on. Never
fails.

I was disappointed yesterday. As I approached the bright yellow box
in the village of Groes Faen I childishly decide to get my picture
taken and accelerate the bike to just over the 30mph limit (It is
downhill here). Nobody passes me. As soon as I am out of range of
the Speed Camera cars start passing me well over the limit.

Mr R@t (2.30 zulu-india) said:

as opposed to normal green wellies

I was brought up to understand that green wellies indicated you were a
toff, or into fishing, or both. "Normal" wellies were black, but may
have grey soles like:

http://www.wellie-boots.com/ukmofcart/bullseye-full-knee.html

If you have to do any "real work"(tm) in wellies, you'll spot the
difference.

JimP

--
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to
grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after
all. - DNA

If the idiot uses the road frequently, have you considered noting his
license plate number and complaining to the local police? Every cop I
know would much rather hand out a ticket for unsafe driving than have
to investigate a serious accident.

Jeff

Quoted message said:

If the idiot uses the road frequently, have you considered noting his
license plate number and complaining to the local police? Every cop I
know would much rather hand out a ticket for unsafe driving than have
to investigate a serious accident.

I haven't, but I'll keep an eye out for him. We usually meet somewhere
on that road I was describing if I cycle home from work.

Oaf

sothach said:

You only get one idiot a day? That's good going: instead of the "idiot
of the day" I've had to instigate "top idiot of the day". Yesterday it
went to the bmw that turned across the path of an oncoming ambulance,
blues&twos going...

IME the authorities could put a stop to a huge amount of dangerous
driving by simply confiscating the licences of anyone who attempts to
purchase a BMW. At least 50% of the bad driving I see on a regular
basis is carried out by BMW drivers, and about 90% of the seriously
dangerous stuff seems to be them.

Though admitidly last night's gross stupidity (a guy who came up to a
traffic light, ignored the white stop line (no ASL), and then got
annoyed and abusive when a bus trying to turn the corner forced him
(and the two cars behind) to back up.

Btw, is it correct that it's illegal for a bus to reverse on the
highway while carrying passengers?

sothach said:

You only get one idiot a day? That's good going: instead of the "idiot
of the day" I've had to instigate "top idiot of the day". Yesterday it
went to the bmw that turned across the path of an oncoming ambulance,
blues&twos going...

Today I nominate the ambulance driver who passed me on my way home. I
stopped at the back of a queue of traffic as the oncoming ambulance
squeezed through between that queue and the car in front of said
ambulance which had pulled onto the pavement to let him through.

The ambulance driver turned his siren off as he was squeezing through
the gap, then turned it back on again as he drew alongside me, causing
me to temporarily metaphorically vacate my skin. [censored].

--
Danny Colyer <URL:http://www.colyer.plus.com/danny/>
Subscribe to PlusNet <URL:http://www.colyer.plus.com/referral/>
"He who dares not offend cannot be honest." - Thomas Paine

Cannot speak to the UK re reverse on the highway. In most
jurisdictions in N America, it is illegal for any vehicle to reverse on
the highway.

Jeff

Quoted message said:

Cannot speak to the UK re reverse on the highway. In most
jurisdictions in N America, it is illegal for any vehicle to reverse on
the highway.

How do you get in and out of a driveway, then, if there's insufficient
room to do a three point turn in your garage?

R.