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Travel tales.

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General fitness, health and nutrition
Published
19 July 2004
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7 December 2004
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np426z
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  1. Today, dear diary, we went to Culross (pronounced Koor-iss) in the Kingdom
    of Fife. 'We' being moi, das kinder, and the moody [censored] from hell, aka my
    wife.

    "What's so unusual 'bout that?", I hear you murmur, "You told us earlier you
    were doing a 'tour of Scotland' this summer."

    "Pardon? You mean about my wife being a moody [censored]?", I politely reply.

    "No, duffus. About going to Culross"

    "Oh."

    Well, dear diary, I've lived within spitting distance of Culross for a
    number of years, I've run many of the coastal paths around that area, and my
    paternal grandparents were brought up (and, together with my father, reside
    in the family lair) in Torryburn, just two and a half miles downriver, yet
    I've *never* been there. Therefore - to correct this obvious imbalance in
    the nature of things before the earth begins to tilt about its axis - off we
    went to visit this charming village.

    I'll spare you the lecture on Scottish history and confine myself to saying
    that if you're ever touring Scotland then, after 'doing' Edinburgh Castle,
    Culross is an absolute *must*. I was stunned, not only by the architecture
    and the quality of resorative work put in by the National Trust for
    Scotland, but by the sheer diversity of the area. A Palace, an Abbey,
    gardens, town houses, merchant houses, 'ordinary' houses, a local hero, etc,
    etc. The place is a living treasure and well worth a full day of anyone's
    time. Culross gets a five-running-shoe rating from Roger.

    As Torryburn will be the place where I finally hang up my running shoes
    (I've a place waiting for me in the family lair and a blank bit on the
    headstone where my name and date of birth/death will be engraved) I amuse
    myself once or twice a year by running a route around the village and
    thumbing my nose at what will be my long term residence as I run past the
    cemetry. Some may call this tempting fate. I'm convinced that God has a
    sense of humour and appreciates the joke. After all, he wins in the end.

    For those who have access to a large scale map of the area, my route begins
    at the grassy bit of land in Torryburn known as the 'Ness' (god knows why),
    goes along the costal path to Crombie Point, then it's a stiff mile climb
    inland to the main road, turn left to the roundabout, at the roundabout take
    the first left which puts you on the quiet road back down into into
    Torryburn. My future resting place is the cemetry on the hill sloping down
    to the stream on your left. If you jump up as you pass the wall you can
    pull a face at my dad and grandpa. Wait a few years and you can do it to
    me too :-) It's a three mile route that will, on the third climb out of
    Crombie Point, have you thinking that you might be meeting your maker rather
    sooner that you'd imagined.

    More family history. My grandfather lived - and my dad was born - in one
    of the tiny cottages overlooking the Ness. As a four-year old, Dad was
    standing on the sea wall by the Ness one day, peeing into the Forth (as one
    does...) when he toppled over and fell in. He couldn't swim, and his life
    was saved by a passing miner's wife who jumped in, fully clothed, and hauled
    the young idiot to safety. I don't think he ever urinated from a wall
    again. Grandfather and family left the village shortly afterwards to make
    the family fortune in Rhodesia, but they're all back there now, as are two
    of his three sons. Kinda stange how life goes in circles.

    Why will I be buried there? I dunno, really. Just seems the way things
    should end. I like the idea of being buried alongside a running route I
    loved, plus I like the idea of a family that scattered to the four winds
    returning to a place they all knew and, for different reasons, loved.
    Symmetry. Yup, that's it. Symmetry.

  2. "np426z" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    Today, dear diary, we went to Culross (pronounced Koor-iss) in the


    Kingdom

    Quoted message said:

    of Fife. 'We' being moi, das kinder, and the moody [censored] from hell,


    aka my

    Quoted message said:

    wife.

    Once might suspect that her mood changes have some relationship to your
    behavior. 😉

    Quoted message said:

    As Torryburn will be the place where I finally hang up my running


    shoes

    Quoted message said:

    (I've a place waiting for me in the family lair and a blank bit on the
    headstone where my name and date of birth/death will be engraved) I


    amuse

    Quoted message said:

    myself once or twice a year by running a route around the village and
    thumbing my nose at what will be my long term residence as I run past


    the

    Quoted message said:

    cemetry. Some may call this tempting fate. I'm convinced that God


    has a

    Quoted message said:

    sense of humour and appreciates the joke. After all, he wins in the


    end.

    Wouldn't you like to stretch out on the actual spot, just to make sure
    you will fit?

    Quoted message said:

    Why will I be buried there? I dunno, really. Just seems the way


    things

    Quoted message said:

    should end. I like the idea of being buried alongside a running


    route I

    Quoted message said:

    loved, plus I like the idea of a family that scattered to the four


    winds

    Quoted message said:

    returning to a place they all knew and, for different reasons, loved.
    Symmetry. Yup, that's it. Symmetry.

    Cemetery symmetry - has a ring to it.

    -DF

  3. "np426z" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Why will I be buried there? I dunno, really.

    I DO know. When I was screwing your mum she said as soon as you croak
    off, that plots up for sale, and you get your ashes flushed down the
    toilet bowl.
    Ker-phooooooooooooooosh!

  4. "Dan Glyn" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    I DO know. When I was screwing your mum she said as soon as you croak
    off, that plots up for sale, and you get your ashes flushed down the
    toilet bowl.
    Ker-phooooooooooooooosh!

    Well, mommy always did have a somewhat bizarre sense of humour.

    Me 'n' sis were playing - aged about five and three respectively - with an
    old piece of rope in the back garden in Rhodesia. Mom came out the house
    and told us to throw it away "NOW!". We said something along the lines of
    "Why should we?". Mom said, "Because I said so." We said, "Shan't".
    She said "Fine." and walked back indoors. After we'd both been bitten by
    the (non-poisonous) snake, we realised it would be wise to listen to mommy
    in future. I still have two nice puncture wound scars on my left forearm
    to remind me that Mommy. Is. Always. Right.

  5. "np426z" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    Well, mommy always did have a somewhat bizarre sense of humour.

    Yes, we get along fine! Seemswe have plenty to talk about, like...YOU!

    Quoted message said:

    Me 'n' sis were playing - aged about five and three respectively -

    What kind of stupid game is "aged about 5 and 3 respectively"? Sounds
    like one of those queer african games to me.

    Quoted message said:

    with an
    old piece of rope in the back garden in Rhodesia. Mom came out the house
    and told us to throw it away "NOW!". We said something along the lines of
    "Why should we?". Mom said, "Because I said so." We said, "Shan't".
    She said "Fine." and walked back indoors. After we'd both been bitten by
    the (non-poisonous) snake, we realised it would be wise to listen to mommy
    in future. I still have two nice puncture wound scars on my left forearm
    to remind me that Mommy. Is. Always. Right.

    Mom is, but you're a liar. Only venomous snakes have two fangs.

  6. "Dan Glyn" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    Mom is, but you're a liar.

    Well, yes and no. I didn't tell the actual story for fear of casting mommy
    in a poor light. However, as you seem to prefer the truth to a more
    pleasant tale...

    The snake was actually (I found out later) a puff adder, one of the four
    main groups of venomous snakes that live in Rhodesia, the others being asps,
    mambas/cobras, and boomslangs. The snake bit 'dry', that is, no venom was
    used in its bite. This could be for a number of reasons, but most likely
    the snake had used its venom in a kill shortly before we found it, had eaten
    its prey, so was somewhat lethargic and resembling - to a child - a piece of
    rope.

    We were both hospitalised as a result of the bite, as no-one at the time
    could be sure that the bite had been 'dry'. In those dim-and-distant days,
    prophylactic antibiotic use after a bite was not common practice unless
    there were signs of wound infection or contamination. Unfortunately, we
    both developed abscesses at the bite site as a result. These were treated,
    but we both carry the scars to this day.

    What does this prove?

    1. It's never wise to delve *too* deeply into an otherwise amusing tale.

    2. Mommy couldn't identify snakes to save her life, or

    3. Mommy *could* identify snakes, and hated us both.

  7. "np426z" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    What does this prove?

    1. It's never wise to delve *too* deeply into an otherwise amusing


    tale.

    Quoted message said:


    2. Mommy couldn't identify snakes to save her life, or

    3. Mommy *could* identify snakes, and hated us both.

    Hmm, door two or three? Door two or Three? Sounds like a pass fail
    test. 😉

    -DougF

  8. "np426z" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    Well, yes and no. I didn't tell the actual story for fear of casting mommy
    in a poor light. However, as you seem to prefer the truth to a more
    pleasant tale...

    I like brutal honesty.

    Quoted message said:

    The snake was actually (I found out later) a puff adder, one of the four
    main groups of venomous snakes that live in Rhodesia, the others being asps,
    mambas/cobras, and boomslangs. The snake bit 'dry', that is, no venom was
    used in its bite. This could be for a number of reasons, but most likely
    the snake had used its venom in a kill shortly before we found it, had eaten
    its prey, so was somewhat lethargic and resembling - to a child - a piece of
    rope.

    I have a hypothesis on that. I think the snake tasted you, and
    immediately went into a coma, certainly dieing a slow, painful death.

    Quoted message said:

    We were both hospitalised as a result of the bite,

    How'd the snake make out?

    Quoted message said:

    as no-one at the time
    could be sure that the bite had been 'dry'. In those dim-and-distant days,
    prophylactic antibiotic use after a bite was not common practice unless
    there were signs of wound infection or contamination. Unfortunately, we
    both developed abscesses at the bite site as a result. These were treated,
    but we both carry the scars to this day.

    I think they withheld antibiotics on purpose hoping for the worse...

    Quoted message said:

    What does this prove?

    1. It's never wise to delve *too* deeply into an otherwise amusing tale.

    No danger of that in this thread...

    Quoted message said:

    2. Mommy couldn't identify snakes to save her life, or

    She apparently "courted the cobra" otherwise you wouldn't be here.

    Quoted message said:

    3. Mommy *could* identify snakes, and hated us both.

    BINGO!

  9. "Doug Freese" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    Hmm, door two or three? Door two or Three? Sounds like a pass fail
    test. 😉

    -DougF

    Same reply to me in another thread (where it made no sense either)I
    guess we're a wee bit "off our meds" tonight? My advice? Double up on
    the Prozac.

  10. "Bill" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    "Doug Freese" <[email hidden]> wrote in message


    news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Hmm, door two or three? Door two or Three? Sounds like a pass fail
    test. 😉

    -DougF

    Same reply to me in another thread (where it made no sense either)I

    I'm not surprised you don't but I refuse to break it down into one
    syllable words to meet your reading comprehension level. I'll bet Roger
    does and that's what counts.

    -DF

  11. "Doug Freese" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    I'm not surprised you don't but I refuse to break it down into one
    syllable words to meet your reading comprehension level.

    Quoted message said:

    yawn>

    Quoted message said:

    I'll bet Roger
    does and that's what counts.

    -DF

    Yeah we used to have a secret code when we were in love too.

  12. http://www.ardice.com/Sports/Events/African_Games/

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