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Tolkien and Bicycles

Started by Peter Gardner · · Last activity · 26 posts · 1,351 views

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Road Cycling
Published
7 January 2004
Last activity
12 January 2004
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Peter Gardner
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  1. What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of several books over Christmas, I've
    been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.

    Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses. But bikes would make a lot of
    sense too -- can't you imagine the Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

    Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the

    (well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my friends just looked at me
    funny. The fools.

    So:

    In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?

    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would styrofoam/steel really protect
    you against boulders being flung by orc catapults?

    Peter

    Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone Nine
    for the mortal men, biking till they die One for the dark lord on his dark throne

    One wheel to rule them all One wheel to bind them One wheel to roll them all And in the
    darkness find them

    In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.

  2. Peter Gardner said:

    Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses. But bikes would make a lot of
    sense too -- can't you imagine the Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

    Supplied, naturally, by Rivendell...

    Guy
    ===
    May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
    chapmancentral.demon.co.ukchapmancentral.demon.co.uk

  3. "Peter Gardner" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of several books over Christmas,
    I've been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.


    <snip>

    Oh lord, I actually thought about bicycles when I was watching that movie too. I was thinking what a
    PITA it would have been to ride up that loooooooong ramp, but how much fun it would have been to
    ride down (c:

    C.Q.C.

    "People used to make fun of me in school for playing D&D, but they quickly shut up when they saw
    what I was making in metal shop."

  4. In article <[email hidden]>,
    [email hidden] says...

    ...

    Quoted message said:

    Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the

    Quoted message said:

    (well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my friends just looked at me
    funny. The fools.

    I wouldn't kick either one of them out of bed for eating crackers.

    Quoted message said:


    So:

    In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?

    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

    Quoted message said:


    Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would styrofoam/steel really
    protect you against boulders being flung by orc catapults?

    Peter

    Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone
    Nine for the mortal men, biking till they die One for the dark lord on his dark throne

    One wheel to rule them all One wheel to bind them One wheel to roll them all And in the darkness
    find them

    In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.

    --
    Dave Kerber Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

    REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

  5. Just zis Guy said:


    Quoted message said:

    Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses. But bikes would make a lot
    of sense too -- can't you imagine the Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

    Supplied, naturally, by Rivendell...

    Guy

    Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?
    --
    mark

  6. "Peter Gardner" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:ude.dmu.maw-

    Quoted message said:


    One wheel to rule them all One wheel to bind them One wheel to roll them all

    aka "The Shimano Business Model"

  7. mark said:

    Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?

    Would they be "big ring" wraiths?

    What kind of standover height would a hobbit's bike have?

    Mark Hickey Habanero Cycles habcycles.comhabcycles.com Home of the $695 ti frame

  8. That reminds me of Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court." There's a scene in
    that where a group of knights rides to the rescue of the King and "the Boss" on high-wheelers.

    Come to think of it, if the Rohirrim were on bicycles, there wouldn't have been that fuss about
    bringing Merry along. They could have just hitched up one of those 1 wheeled kids trailers to anyone
    else's bike.

    I suppose the Haradrim would be in SUVs

    MP

    Peter Gardner said:

    What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of several books over Christmas,
    I've been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.

    Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses. But bikes would make a lot of
    sense too -- can't you imagine the Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

    Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the

    Quoted message said:

    (well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my friends just looked at me
    funny. The fools.

    So:

    In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?

    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would styrofoam/steel really protect
    you against boulders being flung by orc catapults?

    Peter

    Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone Nine
    for the mortal men, biking till they die One for the dark lord on his dark throne

    One wheel to rule them all One wheel to bind them One wheel to roll them all And in the darkness
    find them

    In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.

  9. In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:
    mark said:

    Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?

    Would they be "big ring" wraiths?

    Yes; definitely sloggers, not spinners.

    Quoted message said:


    What kind of standover height would a hobbit's bike have?

    Mark Hickey Habanero Cycles habcycles.comhabcycles.com Home of the $695 ti frame

    --
    Dave Kerber Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

    REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

  10. Hmmm-thought this thread would at least mention Tolkien's story "Leaf by Niggle". Very
    straightforward Christian allegory (as opposed to the 'stealth' kind that the good professor
    disliked, and which I do as well), but a bicycle does figure quite prominently in the story. FWIW.

    Cheers, Tzahi Ben-Moshe

    Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo!

  11. David Kerber said:
    Quoted message said:


    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

    Given that most of the Orcs had London accents, I would expect them to drive a variety of old Fords
    and Vauxhalls, with all the weaponry transported in a white Ford Transit van. 🙂

    Pete

  12. On Tue, 6 Jan 2004 19:44:27 -0500, David Kerber

    ns_dkerber@ns_ids.net said:

    [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:

    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

    Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.
    --
    Rick Onanian

  13. Rick Onanian <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:
    David Kerber ns_dkerber@ns_ids.net said:

    [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:

    Would orcs drive SUVs?

    No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

    Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.

    If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading the books. The movies don't
    come close to doing them justice.

    If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. 😉

  14. Kaputnik <[email hidden]> wrote:
    : The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

    poor peter jackson. well, imho his best work was "Bad Taste" anyway.

    tinyurl.com22wrh

    my god that movie is great. so is forgotten silver (a mockumentary) but for the record i enjoyed the
    movies just fine but nothing could be expected to compare to the books.
    --
    david reuteler [email hidden]

  15. "Peter Gardner" <[email hidden]> wrote in
    message
    "]news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of several books over Christmas,
    I've been in a Tolkienish mood


    lately. So

    Quoted message said:

    naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.


    Well, in real life Tolkien lived in Oxford, one of Britain's top cycling towns.

    There's the story of the philosophy professor observed one day coming out of the Bodlien Library,
    and discovering that his bike tyre was flat. When he started pumping up the front tyre, although it
    was the back that was flat, a watching student queried him on the subject. The professor made the
    immortal reply, "Er, don't they communicate?"

    Jeremy Parker

  16. In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:

    Rick Onanian <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:
    David Kerber ns_dkerber@ns_ids.net said:

    [email hidden] says...
    > Would orcs drive SUVs?

    No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

    Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.

    If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading the books. The movies don't
    come close to doing them justice.

    The extended versions of the movies do a much better job, IMO. They fill out the characters and the
    background of why things happened the way they did so that things make a lot more sense than in the
    original cuts.

    Quoted message said:


    If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. 😉

    --
    Dave Kerber Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

    REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

  17. David Reuteler said:

    Kaputnik <[email hidden]> wrote:
    : The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

    Quoted message said:

    poor peter jackson. well, imho his best work was "Bad Taste" anyway.

    Of course the 5% of the gross he reportedly is getting from the films might do a little bit to salve
    his wounded ego.

    Quoted message said:

    tinyurl.com22wrh

    Quoted message said:

    my god that movie is great. so is forgotten silver (a mockumentary) but for the record i enjoyed
    the movies just fine but nothing could be expected to compare to the books.

    I haven't managed to catch that one. Though I am awfully fond of "Meet the Feebles". One could say
    that it's the top film in it's category. Of course the cynical might say that's because you don't
    generally see a lot of behind the scenes theater / love story / drug /

    --
    Dane Jackson - z u v e m b i @ u n i x b i g o t s . o r g "No job too big; no fee too big!" -- Dr.
    Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"

  18. On 7 Jan 2004 20:15:43 -0800, [email hidden] (Kaputnik)

    Quoted message said:

    Rick Onanian <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.

    If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading the books. The movies don't
    come close to doing them justice.

    If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. 😉

    When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't remember if I bothered to
    finish it.

    I never cared for any of it since then. Of course, that was many years ago, when I was a much
    different person.

    I still tend not to be interested in fantasy-style books.

    I'd read more Heinlein space operas if the library had any more, though.
    --
    Rick Onanian

  19. In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

    Quoted message said:
    (Kaputnik) said:

    Rick Onanian <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:<[email hidden]>...

    Quoted message said:

    Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.

    If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading the books. The movies don't
    come close to doing them justice.

    If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. 😉

    When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't remember if I bothered to
    finish it.

    The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.

    ....

    --
    Dave Kerber Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

    REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

  20. On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber

    ns_dkerber@ns_ids.net said:

    The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.

    The Hobbit is also a children's book. A good one, but written in a very different style than LOTR.

    Quoted message said:


    ....

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