From: Jim Preston <[email hidden]> Subject: Sterile blinded mountain bikers Date: Sun, 7
Dec 2003 11:29:32 -0800
This article from the Gold Country Endurance Riders (equestrians) should amuse most mtb'ers. -
Jim Preston
The Bicycle and Human Anatomy
By Haywood.
It is no secret that horse riders and some mountain bike riders have mutual disrespect for each
other. Of course this article does not include ALL mountain bicyclists, just the ones who appear to
be ignoring the posted rules. I have found several articles in magazines and collated them all for
you. The magazines are Mens Health, Psychology Today, Readers Digest, The Rolling Stone, and The
Weekly Digest of American Curmudgeon Doctors. The results are not a surprise. The studies reveal
that with increased usage, the pressure on the [censored] from a bicycle seat effects the brain in a
random fashion and results in numerous arbitrary reactions.
The first result noted was that the cyclist enjoys the pressure thusly applied. Over the years while
uncountable improvements have been made to bicycles, the seat remains the same pain-generating
fixture. The conclusion was made that this is not by accident, but by plan. Bicyclists like the
feeling. It should also be noted that the same observations were found with male prisoners who are
incarcerated for a long time. The pressure on this area of the posterior release endorphins, which
create a temporary 'elated' feeling. Unfortunately, the odor of horse sweat negates this effect
causing the rider to immediately revert to being an [censored]. The elated feeling is so joyful, many
times it hampers the cyclists ability to make rational decisions and the most unusual effect was
that the rider lost the ability to read and recognize any form of posted signs. There is no known
remedy for the habit-forming desire to have intense pressure applied to the behind. It does appear
to affect mostly the male persuasion. An observed side affect is that the constant pressure to the
tail end forces blood to other lower portions of the male anatomy and almost never returns to organs
that require blood to function. Organs such as the brain are the effect most likely observed by
others. The constant drooling and blank stare are noticed, and also short term memory loss.
Doctors who studied the subject for a long time, report that breeding among mountain bicyclists is
much lower than among the normal population. Since the mid section of the male body is void of
blood, normal arousal that most men enjoy is completely absent and replaced with the desire to ride
more to enjoy the seat position. The bottom line is that if you see a mountain
read. The sweet smell of horse sweat most of the world enjoys affects the temperament of the rider
and he may appear angry or belligerent. Do not get angry with these individuals, they are unable to
understand logic and will be happy again once the [censored] is in position on the seat. Do not worry,
the group will grow at a less than average growth because these individuals cannot breed or enjoy
what other men consider pleasurable.
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I am working on creating wildlife habitat that is off-limits to humans ("pure habitat"😉. Want to
help? (I spent the previous 8 years fighting auto dependence and road construction.)