Software at its finest

"Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Remember the old trick of getting AutoRoute to plot a route from
Southampton to Portsmouth via the Isle of Wight using the simple
expedient of telling it to avoid motorways?

Time Mile Instruction For Toward
Summary: 18.5 miles (3 hours, 4 minutes)
09:00 0.0 Depart Southampton on Chapel Street (East) 32 yds
09:00 0.1 Turn RIGHT (South) onto St Mary Street 0.1 mi
09:01 0.1 Turn RIGHT (North) onto A33 [Evans Street] 87 yds
09:02 0.2 Turn LEFT (West) onto Houndwell Place 0.1 mi
09:03 0.3 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 21 yds
09:03 0.3 Exit roundabout onto Queens Way 0.3 mi
09:04 0.6 Turn RIGHT (West) onto Briton Street 0.1 mi
09:05 0.7 Turn LEFT (South) onto High Street 174 yds
09:06 0.8 Turn LEFT (East) onto Winkle Street 109 yds
09:07 0.9 Turn LEFT (North-East) onto Local road(s) 131 yds
09:08 1.0 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Lower Canal Walk 98 yds
09:08 1.0 Turn RIGHT (West) onto A3057 [Town Quay] 32 yds
09:09 1.1 Bear LEFT (South-West) onto Local road(s) 164 yds
09:11 1.1 *Check timetable* Take Southampton - East Cowes (South)
09:39 1.1 Take Dover Road (South) 87 yds
09:39 1.2 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 10 yds
09:39 1.2 Exit roundabout onto Castle Street 0.1 mi
09:41 1.3 Turn RIGHT (East) onto Old Road 0.2 mi
09:42 1.5 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Hefford Road 142 yds
09:43 1.6 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Sylvan Avenue 0.2 mi
09:44 1.7 Turn RIGHT (West) onto John Nash Avenue 0.1 mi
09:45 1.9 Turn RIGHT (North-West) onto A3021 [York Avenue] 32 yds
09:46 1.9 Turn LEFT (South) onto Adelaide Grove 0.2 mi
09:47 2.1 Continue (South) on B3321 [Adelaide Grove] 0.3 mi
09:49 2.4 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Beatrice Avenue 1.2 mi
09:53 3.6 Turn RIGHT (South) onto A3021 [Whippingham Road] 98 yds
09:55 3.7 Turn LEFT (East) onto Alverstone Road 0.6 mi
09:57 4.3 Bear LEFT (South-East) onto Brocks Copse Road 0.9 mi
10:00 5.2 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Palmers Road 0.3 mi
10:02 5.5 Turn RIGHT (West) onto A3054 [Lushington Hill] 10 yds
10:03 5.5 Turn LEFT (South) onto Gravel Pit Road 0.2 mi
10:04 5.7 Turn RIGHT (South-West) onto Station Road 0.5 mi
10:06 6.2 Continue (South-West) on Whiterails Road 0.4 mi
10:08 6.6 Continue (South-West) on Staplers Road 1.7 mi
10:14 8.3 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Cross Lane 0.1 mi
10:15 8.4 Turn LEFT (West) onto Victoria Road 0.3 mi
10:17 8.7 Turn RIGHT (North) onto A3054 [Fairlee Road] 76 yds
10:18 8.7 Turn LEFT (West) onto Hillside 142 yds
10:19 8.8 Bear LEFT (South-West) onto The Quay 0.1 mi
10:20 8.9 Turn RIGHT (West) onto Sea Street 164 yds
10:21 9.0 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Holyrood Street 76 yds
10:21 9.1 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 10 yds
10:21 9.1 Exit roundabout onto River Way 65 yds
10:22 9.1 Turn LEFT (West) onto Local road(s) 0.1 mi
10:23 9.2 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Hunny Hill 0.2 mi
10:24 9.4 Turn RIGHT (East) onto Hookes Way 153 yds
10:24 9.5 At Newport, return South-West on Hookes Way 153 yds
10:25 9.6 Turn LEFT (South) onto Hunny Hill 0.2 mi
10:26 9.8 Continue (South) on St James Street 0.2 mi
10:27 10.0 Turn LEFT (East) onto High Street 0.3 mi
10:28 10.3 Bear LEFT (North) onto A3020 [East Street] 10 yds
10:29 10.3 Continue (North) on Local road(s) 21 yds
10:29 10.3 Bear RIGHT (East) onto A3020 [Snooks Hill] 21 yds
10:29 10.3 Bear LEFT (North-East) onto A3054 [Snooks Hill] 98 yds
10:30 10.4 Turn RIGHT (East) onto Staplers Road 1.2 mi
10:35 11.6 Bear RIGHT (East) onto Blacklands Road 0.9 mi
10:38 12.5 Turn RIGHT (South) onto Briddlesford Road 174 yds
10:38 12.6 Bear LEFT (East) onto Local road(s) 1.3 mi
10:43 13.9 Bear LEFT (East) onto Local road(s) 0.2 mi
10:44 14.1 Continue (North-East) on Main Road 1.0 mi
10:47 15.1 Bear LEFT (East) onto Newnham Road 1.1 mi
10:52 16.2 Continue (North) on Church Road 0.2 mi
10:53 16.3 Turn LEFT (West) onto Quarr Road 1.0 mi
10:57 17.3 Continue (North-West) on Quarr Lane 0.1 mi
10:58 17.4 Turn LEFT (South) onto B3331 [Fishbourne Lane] 98 yds
10:59 17.5 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Local road(s) 0.2 mi
11:00 17.7 *Check timetable* Take Portsmouth-Fishbourne (North-East)
12:00 17.7 Take Gunwharf Road (North) 0.2 mi
12:01 17.9 Turn RIGHT (South) onto B2154 [St Georges Road] 0.2 mi
12:02 18.1 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 65 yds
12:02 18.1 Exit roundabout onto B2154 [Museum Road] 0.2 mi
12:03 18.3 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 32 yds
12:03 18.3 Exit roundabout onto B2154 [Kings Road] 0.2 mi
12:04 18.5 Turn LEFT (North) onto Gloucester Terrace 43 yds
12:04 18.5 Arrive Portsmouth

SUMMARY
Driving distance: 18.5 miles
Trip duration: 3 hours, 4 minutes
Driving time: 1 hour, 35 minutes

Is what it gives me...
All the best
Dan Gregory

---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.766 / Virus Database: 513 - Release Date: 17/09/04

Just zis Guy said:

Remember the old trick of getting AutoRoute to plot a route from
Southampton to Portsmouth via the Isle of Wight using the simple
expedient of telling it to avoid motorways?

I asked for a route from Neyland to Leominster. Here for your
delectation is Mr Gates' suggested route, a two day epic taking in
three separate countries :-)

Reminds me of the National Express coach timetable when I asked for a
coach from Southampton to Heathrow. It suggested I caught a coach from
Southampton to London, calling at Heathrow and then caught a coach from
London back to Heathrow.

Tony

The Autoroute suggestion for Dover to Durness is to first of all take the
ferry to Zeebrugge (or somewhere similar). For some reason I have decided
against that route!
Jo
"Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Remember the old trick of getting AutoRoute to plot a route from
Southampton to Portsmouth via the Isle of Wight using the simple
expedient of telling it to avoid motorways?

I asked for a route from Neyland to Leominster. Here for your
delectation is Mr Gates' suggested route, a two day epic taking in
three separate countries :-)

Time Mile Instruction For Toward
Summary: 131.1 miles (1 day, 1 hour, 16 minutes)
DAY 1
09:00 0.0 Depart Neyland on Neyland Terrace (North-East) 0.1 mi
09:00 0.1 Continue (North) on Hill Terrace 76 yds
09:01 0.1 Bear LEFT (North-West) onto B4325 [High Street] 0.9 mi
09:03 1.0 At roundabout, take the FOURTH exit 131 yds
09:04 1.1 Exit roundabout onto A477 1.7 mi
09:07 2.8 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 43 yds
09:07 2.9 Exit roundabout onto A477 [Waterloo Road] 0.5 mi
09:08 3.4 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 54 yds
09:08 3.4 Exit roundabout onto A4139 [London Road] 0.4 mi
09:09 3.8 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 54 yds
09:09 3.8 Exit roundabout onto A4139 [Western Way] 0.6 mi
09:11 4.4 Continue (South) on B4322 [Pembroke Street] 0.1 mi
09:12 4.6 Turn RIGHT (West) onto Victoria Road 0.2 mi
09:13 4.7 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Melville Terrace 0.2 mi
09:14 4.9 Continue (North) on Local road(s) 0.1 mi
09:15 5.0 *Check timetable* Take Pembroke-Rosslare (East)
12:22 5.0 *Check timetable* Take Fishguard-Rosslare (East)
14:53 5.0 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 10 yds
14:53 5.0 Exit roundabout onto Local road(s) 32 yds
14:53 5.1 Bear LEFT (South-West) onto Local road(s) 0.5 mi
14:54 5.6 Bear LEFT (East) onto Local road(s) 32 yds
14:54 5.6 Bear RIGHT (South-East) onto Local road(s) 21 yds
14:54 5.6 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 32 yds
14:54 5.6 Exit roundabout onto Local road(s) 21 yds
14:54 5.6 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 10 yds
14:55 5.6 Exit roundabout onto A40 [The Parrog] 1.1 mi
14:57 6.8 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 21 yds
14:57 6.8 Exit roundabout onto A487 [Main Street] 12.8 mi
15:18 19.6 Turn RIGHT (South-East) onto B4332 3.4 mi
15:24 23.0 Turn RIGHT (South) onto A478 54 yds
15:25 23.1 Turn LEFT (East) onto B4332 6.0 mi
15:36 29.0 Turn RIGHT (South-East) onto A484 2.6 mi
15:40 31.6 Turn LEFT (North-East) onto A475 [New Road] 19.2
mi
16:09 50.8 Bear RIGHT (East) onto A482 [Harford Square] 16.3
mi
16:34 67.1 Turn LEFT (North-East) onto A40 16.2 mi
17:00 83.3 End of day
DAY 2
09:00 83.3 Stay on A40 [High Street] 7.8 mi
09:12 91.1 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 65 yds
09:12 91.1 Exit roundabout onto A40 2.4 mi
09:15 93.5 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 131 yds
09:16 93.6 Exit roundabout onto A470 6.0 mi
09:25 99.6 Continue (East) on A438 1.6 mi
09:27 101.2 Continue (East) on A479 0.6 mi
09:28 101.8 Bear RIGHT (East) onto A438 3.0 mi
09:33 104.8 Turn LEFT (North) onto Local road(s) 65 yds
09:33 104.8 Bear LEFT (West) onto A438 11.7 mi
09:51 116.5 Turn LEFT (North) onto A4111 0.5 mi
09:52 116.9 Turn RIGHT (East) onto A4112 9.5 mi
10:07 126.4 Continue (East) on A44 3.3 mi
10:12 129.7 Continue (North) on B4360 [Cholstrey Road] 98 yds
10:12 129.8 Continue (East) on A44 [Barons Cross Road] 0.2 mi
10:13 130.0 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 10 yds
10:13 130.0 Exit roundabout onto A44 [Barons Cross Road] 1.0 mi
10:15 131.0 Turn RIGHT (East) onto Arkwright Close 120 yds
10:16 131.1 Arrive Leominster

SUMMARY
Driving distance: 131.1 miles
Trip duration: 1 day, 1 hour, 16 minutes
Driving time: 3 hours, 37 minutes
Cost: £16.01

Guy
--
May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

88% of helmet statistics are made up, 65% of them at Washington University

Tony Raven [email hidden] opined the following...

Quoted message said:

Reminds me of the National Express coach timetable when I asked for a
coach from Southampton to Heathrow. It suggested I caught a coach from
Southampton to London, calling at Heathrow and then caught a coach from
London back to Heathrow.

In a fit of wisdom, National Rail once suggested the following as a
route from Huntingdon to Sheffield.

Huntingdon - London Kings Cross (WAGN)
London Kings Cross - London St Pancras (Foot)
London St Pancras - Sheffield (Central)

Never mind the fact that it started by heading 60 miles the wrong way,
or the fact that a valid ticket for this journey would have been about
twice as much!

Jon

"Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Remember the old trick of getting AutoRoute to plot a route from
Southampton to Portsmouth via the Isle of Wight using the simple
expedient of telling it to avoid motorways?

I asked for a route from Neyland to Leominster. Here for your
delectation is Mr Gates' suggested route, a two day epic taking in
three separate countries :-)

Time Mile Instruction For Toward
Summary: 131.1 miles (1 day, 1 hour, 16 minutes)
DAY 1
09:00 0.0 Depart Neyland on Neyland Terrace (North-East) 0.1 mi
09:00 0.1 Continue (North) on Hill Terrace 76 yds
09:01 0.1 Bear LEFT (North-West) onto B4325 [High Street] 0.9 mi
09:03 1.0 At roundabout, take the FOURTH exit 131 yds
09:04 1.1 Exit roundabout onto A477 1.7 mi
09:07 2.8 At roundabout, take the FIRST exit 43 yds
09:07 2.9 Exit roundabout onto A477 [Waterloo Road] 0.5 mi
09:08 3.4 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 54 yds
09:08 3.4 Exit roundabout onto A4139 [London Road] 0.4 mi
09:09 3.8 At roundabout, take the SECOND exit 54 yds
09:09 3.8 Exit roundabout onto A4139 [Western Way] 0.6 mi
09:11 4.4 Continue (South) on B4322 [Pembroke Street] 0.1 mi
09:12 4.6 Turn RIGHT (West) onto Victoria Road 0.2 mi
09:13 4.7 Turn RIGHT (North) onto Melville Terrace 0.2 mi
09:14 4.9 Continue (North) on Local road(s) 0.1 mi
09:15 5.0 *Check timetable* Take Pembroke-Rosslare (East)
12:22 5.0 *Check timetable* Take Fishguard-Rosslare (East)

Hold on a minute....so Autoroute suggests taking a ferry to Ireland?
Maybe they're confusing Leominster with Leinster ;-)

David E. Belcher

On Tue, 28 Sep 2004 07:51:58 +0100, Jon Senior
<jon_AT_restlesslemon_DOTco_DOT_uk> wrote (more or less):

Quoted message said:

Tony Raven [email hidden] opined the following...

Quoted message said:

Reminds me of the National Express coach timetable when I asked for a
coach from Southampton to Heathrow. It suggested I caught a coach from
Southampton to London, calling at Heathrow and then caught a coach from
London back to Heathrow.

In a fit of wisdom, National Rail once suggested the following as a
route from Huntingdon to Sheffield.

Huntingdon - London Kings Cross (WAGN)
London Kings Cross - London St Pancras (Foot)
London St Pancras - Sheffield (Central)

Never mind the fact that it started by heading 60 miles the wrong way,
or the fact that a valid ticket for this journey would have been about
twice as much!

The first time I used thetrainline.com it told me that there are no
trains from Edinburgh to London., and invited me to please select
other termini.

Come to think of it, that was also the last time I used
thetrainline.com.

--
Cheers,
Euan
Gawnsoft: http://www.gawnsoft.co.sr
Symbian/Epoc wiki: http://html.dnsalias.net:1122
Smalltalk links (harvested from comp.lang.smalltalk) http://html.dnsalias.net/gawnsoft/smalltalk

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden]
says...

Quoted message said:

The Autoroute suggestion for Dover to Durness is to first of all take the
ferry to Zeebrugge (or somewhere similar). For some reason I have decided
against that route!
Jo

Oh, you never know, it might be good - I recall there was a chap in
Lunnun who wanted to go to Liverpuddle for a footy match and found the
cheapest and quickest route was to fly to Brussels and back.
--
Juggle (verb, transitive): To tease gravity [with <i>object[s]</i>]

Jon Senior said:

In a fit of wisdom, National Rail once suggested the following as a
route from Huntingdon to Sheffield.

Huntingdon - London Kings Cross (WAGN)
London Kings Cross - London St Pancras (Foot)
London St Pancras - Sheffield (Central)

Never mind the fact that it started by heading 60 miles the wrong way,
or the fact that a valid ticket for this journey would have been about
twice as much!

Once upon a time I found myself in possession of a military travel warrant
to obtain a rail ticket from Woking to York. Via the "cheapest recognised
route". Now most people with more than three brain cells would surely be of
the opinion that the /only/ "recognised" route would be Woking - Waterloo -
Kings Cross - York, but not so the menk in the Woking ticket office. It
seems that in 1979, the cheapest recognised route was Woking - Guildford -
Reading - Birmingham - Sheffield - York... Hanging's too good for them.

--

Dave Larrington - http://www.legslarry.beerdrinkers.co.uk/
===========================================================
Editor - British Human Power Club Newsletter
http://www.bhpc.org.uk/
===========================================================

Gawnsoft said:

The first time I used thetrainline.com it told me that there are no
trains from Edinburgh to London., and invited me to please select
other termini.

Come to think of it, that was also the last time I used
thetrainline.com.

Thass cozzit wants you to tell it Euston, or Kings Cross, or Victoria,
or summat. There's no 'London' terminus as such. Frum Edding Berg ther
terminus is Kings Cross. Frum Down Here izz Victoria, frum me mum's
it's Liverpool Street. 'London' hazz all different names depending on
where you're coming frum, see?

The duzz it to confooz furriners, you know.

--
Kate XXXXXX
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

you know? said:

Remember the old trick of getting AutoRoute to plot a route from
Southampton to Portsmouth via the Isle of Wight using the simple
expedient of telling it to avoid motorways?

I asked for a route from Neyland to Leominster. Here for your
delectation is Mr Gates' suggested route, a two day epic taking in
three separate countries :-)

Hang on a minute, my copy of Autoroute (2004) plots a three hour
journey which avoids motorways anyway.

I must be a bit bored if I'm plotting routes for people on Usenet :-)

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

Si

On Tue, 28 Sep 2004 10:19:25 +0100, "Dave Larrington" <[email hidden]>
wrote (more or less):

Quoted message said:

Jon Senior said:

In a fit of wisdom, National Rail once suggested the following as a
route from Huntingdon to Sheffield.

Huntingdon - London Kings Cross (WAGN)
London Kings Cross - London St Pancras (Foot)
London St Pancras - Sheffield (Central)

Never mind the fact that it started by heading 60 miles the wrong way,
or the fact that a valid ticket for this journey would have been about
twice as much!

Once upon a time I found myself in possession of a military travel warrant
to obtain a rail ticket from Woking to York. Via the "cheapest recognised
route". Now most people with more than three brain cells would surely be of
the opinion that the /only/ "recognised" route would be Woking - Waterloo -
Kings Cross - York, but not so the menk in the Woking ticket office. It
seems that in 1979, the cheapest recognised route was Woking - Guildford -
Reading - Birmingham - Sheffield - York... Hanging's too good for them.

Of course, he made up that route on the spot, and applied his employee
discount to get the price below the standard one...

:-)

--
Cheers,
Euan
Gawnsoft: http://www.gawnsoft.co.sr
Symbian/Epoc wiki: http://html.dnsalias.net:1122
Smalltalk links (harvested from comp.lang.smalltalk) http://html.dnsalias.net/gawnsoft/smalltalk

Dave Budd said:

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden]
says...

Quoted message said:

The Autoroute suggestion for Dover to Durness is to first of all take the
ferry to Zeebrugge (or somewhere similar). For some reason I have decided
against that route!
Jo

Oh, you never know, it might be good - I recall there was a chap in
Lunnun who wanted to go to Liverpuddle for a footy match and found the
cheapest and quickest route was to fly to Brussels and back.

National Express are advertising their new coach service from London
to Brimingham as being only half an hour slower than the plane. It
transpires that the only plane routing they could find for that goes
via Glasgow.

Mind you, I flew from Birmingham to Bristol 2 weeks ago.

A

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden]
says...

Quoted message said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

Wibble, occasionally of delightful abstrusity. Plus we can answer any
question whatsoever.

http://www.uk-rec-sheds.org.uk/ has a faq which may or may not enlighten
you, but will almost ceretainly provide whole seconds of amusement.
--
Juggle (verb, transitive): To tease gravity [with <i>object[s]</i>]

in message <[email hidden]>, Zardoz

(') said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

They wreck sheds. What did you expect?

--
[email hidden] (Simon Brooke) http://www.jasmine.org.uk/~simon/
;; Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us
;; many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets.
;; Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
;; Tom Stoppard, Artist Descending A Staircase

The message <[email hidden]>
from Zardoz <[email hidden]> contains these words:

Quoted message said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

Stuff. And nonsense. Mostly.

And occasionally bursts of quite startling humanity and niceness. Some
sheddi (probably most of 'em) really would get out of bed in the small
hours to help another sheddi if pressed. It's that sort of place.

--
Skipweasel.
Being superstitious brings bad luck

The message <[email hidden]>
from Simon Brooke <[email hidden]> contains these words:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

Quoted message said:

They wreck sheds. What did you expect?

I wish to protest. I've been in control of my shed for many years in a
variety of traffic conditions and have never even scraped the window
boxes, let alone wrecked one.

Of course, I've seen many a wreck, but always just behind me.

--
Skipweasel.
Being superstitious brings bad luck

Simon Brooke <[email hidden]>typed

Quoted message said:

in message <[email hidden]>, Zardoz
([email hidden]'😉 wrote:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

Quoted message said:

They wreck sheds. What did you expect?

Nah, much talking, joking, general helpfulness & Glod knows what else.

--
Helen D. Vecht: [email hidden]
Edgware.

Zardoz said:

Hang on a minute, my copy of Autoroute (2004) plots a three hour
journey which avoids motorways anyway.

Too boring. Mine is 2002. Anyway, there are no motorways to avoid on
that journey!

Quoted message said:

What goes on in uk.rec.sheds anyway?

PISIP and persiflage, in roughly equal measure.

The message <[email hidden]>
from "Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email hidden]> contains these words:

Quoted message said:

persiflage

I notice Merriam/Websters gives "light raillery" under persiflage.

Wonder if it's the Romney Hythe and Dymchurch one?

Or perhaps it's gentle ranting.

--
Skipweasel.
Being superstitious brings bad luck