So true

In article <[email hidden]>,

kilikini said:

Dang, a man can't even find a pair of socks, his wallet, or even a COFFEE
cup for gosh sakes! (And the coffee cups have been in the same cabinet for
about 2.5 years.....)

I can't find my coffee cup, the one I've been using all morning, because
my wife put it in the dishwasher.

I lost my glasses yesterday. Sometimes my wife steals them, but she
wasn't home, so I couldn't ask her. I wandered all over the house
looking for them. I finally found them. They were on my face!

:-)

My son got a good laugh over that one.

Quoted message said:

I've found it's just easier for me to collect my
husband's wallet, cell phone, keys,

I'm in charge of keeping track of my wife's wallet, cell phone and keys.
"I can't find my keys". "They're on the table right there where you
left them". "I can't find my wallet". "Did you bring it home from the
store?" "No." "Well, it's probably still there".

--
Dan Abel
[email hidden]
Petaluma, California, USA

kilikini said:

"LadyJane" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Sheldon said:

Ohhhhhh, my! How do they know these things? So true.

Quoted message said:

Oil Change instructions for Men:

( Excellent yet expensive rendition deleted for brevity)

Quoted message said:

Sheldon

But you may ask WHY men choose to do it this way?

Because they NEVER ask for directions OR consult a map and wouldn't be
able to find the nearest Jiffy Lube if their life depended on it....
unless of course a female was in the passenger seat!!!

Dang, a man can't even find a pair of socks, his wallet, or even a COFFEE
cup for gosh sakes! (And the coffee cups have been in the same cabinet for
about 2.5 years.....) I've found it's just easier for me to collect my
husband's wallet, cell phone, keys, lunch, coffee-to-go, and set them on the
table near the door so he's got everything he needs for work in one spot.
It prevents all the "honey, where's my......"

kili

He's got you well trained i see🙂
---
JL

Sheldon said:

I can't imagine changing oil has a whit to do with the complicatedness
of the engine... oil drains from underneath and oil fills are always
readily accessible from the top... sometimes the oil filter is in a
tight spot but only if trying to get at it from above, from underneath
they are all easy to change.

Someone told me recently about some type of minivan that has to have a front tire
removed to get at the oil filter. That would be a PITA.

Quoted message said:

The only reason to charge more would be
if your particular model requires a greater quantiy of oil than is
usually advertised, ie. typically 5 quarts. I always pay about $10
extra for oil changes because my Landcruiser takes 8 quarts.

When I had a Ford Ranger with a diesel engine I paid extra too. It was bad enough
that it took 8 litres of oil, but the filter was $32, and that was back in 1985.
The fuel filter was $110.

Quoted message said:

But I do change oil myself on my tractors, the drain is
right out in the open and high up, nothng to crawl/reach under...
filling is at a big spout at the top. But I would still have the
tractor's oil changed at the shop but more than a mile is a bit much to
drive a tractor over paved roads (too much risk of a punctured tire, my
tractor tires cost nearly $800 each),

More risk of a tire puncture on a paved road than in a farm field????

Quoted message said:

would take too long to make the 8
mile round trip from where I live (tractors travel no more than about 5
mph), and would cost me nearly as much in diesel fuel as the oil
change.

My 16 HP lawn tractor will do better than 5 mph. Did they not show you how to use
the gears on that tractor. A decent tractor will easily do better than 20 mph.

Sheldon said:

Ohhhhhh, my! How do they know these things? So true.

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
===========================================

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter
on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil ilter
and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change
tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
pan full
of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back
yard
instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
9) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along
with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
dirt
into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of

ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain
plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
mpound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

anon

Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

But you know the job was done right!

anon

Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in denial
that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

On Thu 06 Apr 2006 05:55:07p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Lefty?

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

But you know the job was done right!

anon

Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in denial
that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Are you trying to be mean, or does it come naturally?

--
Wayne Boatwright @¿@¬
_____________________

Nancy Young said:

"kilikini" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

"LadyJane" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Sheldon wrote:
> Ohhhhhh, my! How do they know these things? So true.

> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
( Excellent yet expensive rendition deleted for brevity)
> Sheldon

But you may ask WHY men choose to do it this way?

Because they NEVER ask for directions OR consult a map and wouldn't
be able to find the nearest Jiffy Lube if their life depended on
it.... unless of course a female was in the passenger seat!!!

Quoted message said:

Dang, a man can't even find a pair of socks, his wallet, or even a
COFFEE cup for gosh sakes! (And the coffee cups have been in the
same cabinet for
about 2.5 years.....) I've found it's just easier for me to collect
my husband's wallet, cell phone, keys, lunch, coffee-to-go, and set
them on the
table near the door so he's got everything he needs for work in one
spot. It prevents all the "honey, where's my......"

Y'all are hanging around with the wrong men.

nancy

No joke! I can't ever recall having to deal with "where is my...?"

Jill

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in denial
that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?
--
Lefty

Nice Lefty, really nice.
Gee...let me think.... who looks more moronic after insulting and
denigrating a son to his mother? (Need clarification? YOU dufus!)

Am assuming you've read and totally disregarded the advice in the book
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" haven't you Lefty?

Not nice - should we put your nastiness down to:
a) a senior moment?
b) being off our meds?
c) PMT?
d) or are you just a nasty human being?

If a, b or c, do something about your attitude.
If d) keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself. No one is remotely
interested.

Hope you son enjoyed the original joke Sharon - take no notice of the
f***knuckle!

love and hugs to everyone - excluding the obnoxious one

LadyJane
--
"Never trust a skinny cook!"

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

But you know the job was done right!

anon

Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Does not sound needy at all. A young man with a respectable job..what is
wrong with that?

My dad sold his vette when mom's teeth got to rattling more that that
plastic POS.

The ultimate joke du jour.. geezers in Corvettes...BWAhahahahahahahhaha

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

But you know the job was done right!

anon

Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in denial
that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Huh???

Quoted message said:

--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

LadyJane said:

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in denial
that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?
--
Lefty

Nice Lefty, really nice.
Gee...let me think.... who looks more moronic after insulting and
denigrating a son to his mother? (Need clarification? YOU dufus!)

Am assuming you've read and totally disregarded the advice in the book
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" haven't you Lefty?

Not nice - should we put your nastiness down to:
a) a senior moment?
b) being off our meds?
c) PMT?
d) or are you just a nasty human being?

If a, b or c, do something about your attitude.
If d) keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself. No one is remotely
interested.

Hope you son enjoyed the original joke Sharon - take no notice of the
f***knuckle!

love and hugs to everyone - excluding the obnoxious one

LadyJane
--
"Never trust a skinny cook!"

Thanks to you and Wayne for your posts....I'm used to snarky. For the
record, my son enjoys the shop work, but has already been promoted to
corporate sales. He only "gets to be in the shop" a couple of days a
week now. For Lefty's edification, it's not jiffy lube, but "Mr. Lube",
so whatever he knows about the employee structure of one does not equal
the other.....Any way, DS is happy in his work....Sharon

"LadyJane" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in

denial

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?
--
Lefty

Nice Lefty, really nice.
Gee...let me think.... who looks more moronic after insulting and
denigrating a son to his mother? (Need clarification? YOU dufus!)

Am assuming you've read and totally disregarded the advice in the book
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" haven't you Lefty?

Not nice - should we put your nastiness down to:
a) a senior moment?
b) being off our meds?
c) PMT?
d) or are you just a nasty human being?

If a, b or c, do something about your attitude.
If d) keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself. No one is remotely
interested.

Hope you son enjoyed the original joke Sharon - take no notice of the
f***knuckle!

love and hugs to everyone - excluding the obnoxious one

LadyJane
--
"Never trust a skinny cook!"

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I know
would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

"biig" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

LadyJane said:

Lefty said:

> Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in

Ontario

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in

denial

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?
--
Lefty

Nice Lefty, really nice.
Gee...let me think.... who looks more moronic after insulting and
denigrating a son to his mother? (Need clarification? YOU dufus!)

Am assuming you've read and totally disregarded the advice in the book
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" haven't you Lefty?

Not nice - should we put your nastiness down to:
a) a senior moment?
b) being off our meds?
c) PMT?
d) or are you just a nasty human being?

If a, b or c, do something about your attitude.
If d) keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself. No one is remotely
interested.

Hope you son enjoyed the original joke Sharon - take no notice of the
f***knuckle!

love and hugs to everyone - excluding the obnoxious one

LadyJane
--
"Never trust a skinny cook!"

Thanks to you and Wayne for your posts....I'm used to snarky. For the
record, my son enjoys the shop work, but has already been promoted to
corporate sales. He only "gets to be in the shop" a couple of days a
week now. For Lefty's edification, it's not jiffy lube, but "Mr. Lube",
so whatever he knows about the employee structure of one does not equal
the other.....Any way, DS is happy in his work....Sharon

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I know
would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

"jay" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Lefty said:

Quoted message said:

> But you know the job was done right!
>
> anon
>
> Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Does not sound needy at all. A young man with a respectable job..what is
wrong with that?

My dad sold his vette when mom's teeth got to rattling more that that
plastic POS.

The ultimate joke du jour.. geezers in Corvettes...BWAhahahahahahahhaha

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I know
would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

On Thu 06 Apr 2006 05:55:07p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Lefty?

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> But you know the job was done right!
>
> anon
>
> Sheldon

Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in

denial

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Are you trying to be mean, or does it come naturally?

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I know
would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

On Fri 07 Apr 2006 10:04:41a, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Lefty?

Quoted message said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

On Thu 06 Apr 2006 05:55:07p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Lefty?

Quoted message said:

> > But you know the job was done right!
> >
> > anon
> >
> > Sheldon
>
>
> Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in
> Ontario
> Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in
denial that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy
lube in Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Are you trying to be mean, or does it come naturally?

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I
know would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand
that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?

It's not a common joke anywhere else that I know of, and there is not a
preponderance of Canadians on this newsgroup, although there are some. If
it's a "Canadian thing", then perhaps you should explain it for the
benefit of others.

--
Wayne Boatwright Õ¿Õ¬
________________________________________

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!

On Fri 07 Apr 2006 05:19:26a, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it biig?

Quoted message said:

Thanks to you and Wayne for your posts....I'm used to snarky. For the
record, my son enjoys the shop work, but has already been promoted to
corporate sales. He only "gets to be in the shop" a couple of days a
week now. For Lefty's edification, it's not jiffy lube, but "Mr. Lube",
so whatever he knows about the employee structure of one does not equal
the other.....Any way, DS is happy in his work....Sharon

I'm glad you're son is happy in what he does. After all, that's the bottom
line. I have relatives who are doctors and relatives who are farmers and
fishermen. They all seem happy with what they do. The fact that they are
clearly different in what they do and in what they earn makes no difference
to them or to me.

Cheers!

--
Wayne Boatwright Õ¿Õ¬
________________________________________

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!

Lefty said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

On Thu 06 Apr 2006 05:55:07p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Lefty?

Quoted message said:

> > But you know the job was done right!
> >
> > anon
> >
> > Sheldon
>
>
> Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in Ontario
> Canada. Thanks....Sharon

Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in

denial

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a jiffy lube in
Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can you?

Are you trying to be mean, or does it come naturally?

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I know
would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

Maybe we need an explanation of why your posts are repetetive....?
Damage control? Your joke about jiffy lube may be an inside joke and
not commonly known to others. Think about that before you post. The
original joke was funny, yours slipped in the mud....
I trust the other posters instinctively know we Ontarians are not
all like you.....Sharon

On Fri 07 Apr 2006 11:24:49a, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it biig?

Quoted message said:

Lefty said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

On Thu 06 Apr 2006 05:55:07p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
Lefty?

>
>> > But you know the job was done right!
>> >
>> > anon
>> >
>> > Sheldon
>>
>>
>> Sent this on to my youngest son who manages a "Mr. Lube" in
>> Ontario
>> Canada. Thanks....Sharon
>
> Did you send him the whole thread or just the part by the moron in
> denial that his stupidity makes him vulnerable? A manager of a
> jiffy lube in Ontario -- can't get more needy than that now, can
> you?

Are you trying to be mean, or does it come naturally?

That happens to be a common joke amongst my Ontario friends. Nobody I
know would consider that in bad taste, too bad you don't understand
that.

What, you have to explain every time you make a joke now?
--
Lefty

Life is for learning
The worst I ever had was wonderful

Quoted message said:

Maybe we need an explanation of why your posts are repetetive....?
Damage control? Your joke about jiffy lube may be an inside joke and
not commonly known to others. Think about that before you post. The
original joke was funny, yours slipped in the mud....

======================================

Quoted message said:

I trust the other posters instinctively know we Ontarians are not
all like you.....Sharon

======================================

You trust correctly, Sharon.

--
Wayne Boatwright Õ¿Õ¬
________________________________________

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!

biig said:

Thanks to you and Wayne for your posts....I'm used to snarky. For the
record, my son enjoys the shop work, but has already been promoted to
corporate sales. He only "gets to be in the shop" a couple of days a
week now. For Lefty's edification, it's not jiffy lube, but "Mr. Lube",
so whatever he knows about the employee structure of one does not equal
the other.....Any way, DS is happy in his work....Sharon

Even if he was't ever promoted and was "only" one of the guys who works
the floor, it's a respectable job - one that many Americans find
themselves too "beneath" to persue. There's absolutely nothing wrong
with working in the service industry and taking pride in doing so.
Without those in the service industry doing their jobs well, many
others (not in service positions) would not be able to do their jobs,
either.

-L.