SLop is back in her faux pantry again talking about how to make some easy
elegant food. Yeah, whatever, on with the show!
SLop enters her kitchen, tastefully (heh) decorated in silver and green.
I notice there are several pearl necklaces dangling from various points
in the room. Hee!
SLop announces she's going to make "bulimis", whatever THAT is, by mixing
coca powder and dumping in some "dump and serve" pancake mix. Wow, such
elegance... She claims The Wallet has to clean up the mess she makes in the
kitchen, as if she really cooks in her mansion. If she did, I wonder who's
stuck with bathroom duty, because after seeing her concoctions, you just have
to wonder. SLop tops the "bulimis" with dill, salmon, and sour cream,
insuring a thoroughly confusing mélange of toothsome treats.
SLop next makes fancy finger sandwiches. Why she didn't make these in
her tea ep totally escapes me, but that's another episode. SLop tries
to tell us that she and her sister love to get these at some fancy
shmancy cafe when she and her sister travel to NYC together occasionally.
I am guessing she travels there as seldom as she goes to France, the
"city of lights". She makes one sandwich with thinly-sliced chicken,
mayo, and guacamole and another with proscutto, cantaloupe, and mayo.
She asides that she likes to "squeeze it down and get it out", which
confuses me because I don't know why she's telling us her potty-training
secrets, then slices the sandwiches into little diamond shapes, except
they're really triangles, mangling the wonder bread in the process.
SLop next makes meringue hearts with a fondue, except it's really a
raspberry jam and chocolate dipping sauce. As SLop miraculously uses
the KA of the week (it's green), she tries to banter about The Wallet
trying to cook but never completes that thought. She shovels the
meringue into a sandwich bag with the corner cut out and a decorating
tip stuck into it, tries to make heart shapes with the meringue, only
to have the tip retreat into the bag which prompts her to talk about
The Wallet as she gently massages the bag and coaxes the tip back out
(yes, I'm twelve). SLop then warns us that the air bubbles blow up when
this happens (whatever) and bakes it for 200 degrees for an hour. I
hope that's enough time... She puts her baking sheet with five hearts
into the oven to bake and pulls out a pan Milli Vanilli Hands has done
earlier. Hmm, there's eight on MVH's pan...
SLop performs the obligatory
shoving-food-into-her-piehole-while-making-slitty-eyes and tells us they
call her the Iced Tea Queen because of her secret for making delicious
flavoured tea; she adds fruit juice to it (what, no booze?)! I wonder how
she reconciles her Tea Queen duties and her Gravy Queen duties?
Before we go to commercial, SLop tells us she's going to make candied
rose petals, or some such nonsense for the first time. Promises,
promises... She pulls out some cupcakes from the store and makes a glaze
by combining a bag of sugar and half a cup of cream sherry, but she seems
to be using one of those jumbo economy sized measuring cups. It has to be
a two-cup one at least. SLop comments that one can use more sherry if one
wishes, but won't that make it more like a liquid than a glaze? Anyhow,
she dribbles the glaze all over the cupcakes but fails to remove the
paper cups. That is going to be a mess for whoever has to eat those. SLop
then reminds us that she's going to make these sugar petals for the very
first time, live, but I'm not buying it. My bet is this is the fifth time
she tried it, at least. She is not clear on what you're sppsd to be doing
at this point, but it requires organic roses and painting each individual
petal with raw egg, then sprinkling sugar on them. Once they have
hardened (huh?), SLop drops them onto the cupcakes from a couple feet up.
Someone apparently decided to use a slow-mo cam to make it more dramatic
(or like that scene in American Beauty), but at least half those petals
missed the cupcakes completely and clattered to the floor! That certainly
was a waste of time...
When we return to commercial, SLop gets some "fan mail" from a desk with
one of those fake computers you see at a furniture store display. The
"fan" asks SLop for some clever ideas for place settings at a party and
SL recommends using cookies with the guests names writen onto them with
frosting. Hmm, I am sure she made these in another episode, but by this
time, I don't really care, although I wonder what one is to do if the
guest has a really long name, like anything longer than "Sue".
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.