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The rules for black men riding bicycles are as follows:
1) The bicycle must be ridiculously too small for the rider. The seat must be as close to the ground
as possible. The lower and more slovenly the postion of the rider, the higher the social standing
of the negro.
2) The bicycle must be ridden as slowly and with as little urgency and effort as possible, even if
it means teetering on the brink of falling off.
3) The negro must always ride with at least one hand off the handlebar. The superfluous hand must
engage in no activity more energetic than hanging loosely by the side, possibly holding a
cigarette or joint.
4) The bicycle must always be ridden on the footpath in a weaving motion so as to cause maximum
inconvenience for pedestrians.
5) All white pedestrians must be met with a stare from bulging white eyeballs accompanied by a
squeaking noise produced by sucking in air through tightly clenched bright white teeth and
sneering fleshy lips.
6) The negro must ride in a manner that will arouse maximum suspicion from members of the public and
law enforcement officials. Behaviours should include at least 1 of the following: Overt interest
in property such as cars, houses, open doors, trucks delivering merchandise, heightened awareness
in surroundings, as if someone is following or watching, obvious attempts at concealment
indicating possession of contraband pharmaceuticals or weapons.
7) The negro must be dressed in appropriate attire. This should be made from loose fitting drip dry
material, as brightly coloured as possible, low crotch. An effort should be made with extra
accessories, these can include: Afro comb stuck in hair, lots of jewelry (preferably gold),
mobile phone hanging round neck (must be the latest, most expensive model)
8) If the negro should fall off his bicycle, he should calmly get back on it as if nothing
happened and ride away as quickly as possible (This is the only occasion he will be permitted
to ride quickly)