I took the Aero out riding Rollers yesterday and Man oh Man did it fly!
Rollers here in Texas are hills from 100 to 200 feet tall with medium steepness inclines.
I met up with a group of about 15 Diamond Frame riders at 7:00 am so we could all beat the heat, do
50 miles and be eating Chicken Fried Steak by noon at Hobo Junction. I had ridden with this group
about 6 months ago, Pre-Aero. So when I pulled the big wheeled thing out of the back of the pick up,
I got the normal wide eyed, "Here comes another Geek", look. Then when I proceed to start the sucker
up, by throwing my right foot on the pre-positioned right pedal, I discover that the rear cassette
was still on the smallest clog! And I couldn't turn the front crank without tears and Knee pain. So
I reinforce the recumbent Goob stereotype as I proceeded to do a beautiful flailing, falling, right
hand turn into the side of my new metallic blue Dodge Ram pickup. Leaving an attractive 6-foot long
deep grooved scar, from tailgate to front door, right at handle bar height. I will surly tell my
lovely wife that some psycho with a grocery cart at Wal-Mart, who must have hated Dodge Trucks,
created this new crease on her side of the truck. Oh God, she'll see the thing EVERY time she gets
in! I'll be reminded forever, that I haven't fixed the Truck yet and that I'm an idiot!
So finally recovering and mounting up, the group leaves the school parking lot and heads out. In
about a mile we have to cross a Major four-lane highway so we can get to rural country of no cars
and combines. Well the Highway is 'built" up about 5 feet, so there's this little 30 degree incline
to get up and on the highway and we all get the Stoplight bright red. SO now I'm a mile into the
ride, stopped on an incline, in a pack of know-it-all upright wedgee riders waiting for the light to
change. I'll never get this High Bottom Bracket bike going uphill!
I do the only safe thing. I get off the Aero. And when the light turns green, I walk/trot across the
4-lane highway and into Rural riding heaven. Fifteen Uprights stand on their pedals and try and
leave this Loser on a recumbent in the dust.
Oh, but the Aero, not likes to be left in the dust.
It and the new improving legs of its owner, quickly catch the Diamond Frame pack without collapsing
a lung. I settle onto the back, recovering and resting as the pack settles into a pace at about
20-mph. As I sit in the back, no one throws a water bottle or any negative words my way, but you
can read the pack's body language and it says, "At the first opportunity we are DROPPING this
recumbent geek!"
And at about the 10-mile mark, opportunity begins to Knock!
Little did I know that we would be riding a 20-mile section of beautiful little rollers today. BUT,
to get to the first Downhill, you got to ride up the first uphill. And the Diamond framed fanatics
drop the Hammer at the site of the first recumbent eating incline. Of course, they crest the hill
first, and I'm sure I saw several riders look backwards, over their shoulders and sneer. As I sat
spinning madly away on my M5 seat and mentally said to myself over and over: "Spin. Spin, Spin, Spin
them legs."
But on the first hill they didn't drop me by much and when I crested I saw laid out before me the
"Valley of the Aero" as I named it later. There were green hills and cactus scrub and downhills that
would bring tears of joy to any recumbent geeks eyes. So as the pack settles into their false belief
that they've seen the last of that Recumbent Goob, I put the chain up on the front 55 tooth crank
and begin the systematic destruction of the Diamond Frames!
Oh the pleasure to come. <g>
The thing about riding rollers on a recumbent with a pack of Upright bikes is you can't ride with
them. You must use all the recumbent Downhill advantage you have over the cursed Diamond Frames.
Don't sit in the pack and feather your brakes and rest. Use your aerodynamic advantage and get out
of the pack and muster all the speed you can. You must carry this extra speed into the base of the
next hill and hold the highest gear you can on the uphill. Stay on the Big chain ring and big gear
as long as you can. Turning over that big gear just 3 or four more times will blast you another 50
feet up the hill. AND this just destroys the bikes that are chasing you.
One must always remember, that the "Diamond Frame" brain has been conditioned repeatedly that they
will catch the over weight fat recumbent guy on the next hill. Why, they have passed countless
Bike-E's going up hill and their DF brain tells them that you will soon be burnt toast on the end of
a shape DF stick. See, they don't "see" you as a person, or a bike rider, but just general rabble on
the DF road of life.
So as you charge the next hill, stay in that big gear just 1 or 2 or 3 more turns of the 55 tooth
crank. Push that Gear! Fly up that hill! Look in that geekey mirror on your sunglasses and see the
Diamond Frames charge upward in mass confusion as you attempt to hold the hill. Some DF'ers will
panic and scream out to their kind, that the recumbent must be reeled in at all cost! That their
manhood is on the line! That Diamond Frames must continue to rule the world!
But their hope will fade as you crest the hill, smile at another beautiful recumbent downhill,
upshift once again, and begin blasting down the next hill.
Rollers are your friends.
And 20 miles of Rollers is Paradise.
And sometime during this 20 miles of Diamond Frame carnage that is occurring behind me, I begin to
sing this old song from my Hippie days.
A song by P. F. Sloan.
"The Eve of Destruction"
"But you tell me over, and over, and over, and over again my friend You don't believe we're on the
eve of destruction No, no, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction"
Road Bike Destruction that is!
Don
Hammer Down.