We've started to have our first really warm weather
a few days ago, so I made one of my favorite drinks.
The ingredients are:
1 young coconut
1 container of frozen pineapple juice
1 bottle of Trader Joe's Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc wine
First, peel the husk off the coconut,
and open the eye that is easy to open.
There are three eyes -- the one which
is further away from the other two is
the thin one which is easily opened
with a paring knife. Pry off the shell
over the eye and enlarge the hole through
the coconut meat.
Empty out the coconut water into a plastic
pitcher. Right at the beginning, you have
to shake the coconut to get the water
started running out, but after enough
airspace develops inside, it'll run out
on its own.
Accidently drop the coconut into the
pitcher, where it wedges itself about
half way down. Try to get a grip on it,
but just manage to drive it in further.
Fortunately, the coconut landed in the
pitcher with the hole facing up.
Stick the end of a spoon handle into
the hole to try to lift it out. When
that doesn't work, try grabbing the edge
of the hole with a needlenose pliers,
which only manages to break a chip off.
Man, that thing is really stuck in there.
Try hooking the edge of the hole with
the screw of a lever-action corkscrew.
Using the edge of the pitcher, try
levering the coconut out of the pitcher.
The corkscrew makes a notch in the edge
of the pitcher, darn it.
Try again, with a better grip on the
edge of the pitcher. This time, the end
of the corkscrew breaks off. DANG!
Goddamsumbitchcoconut! Look around the
kitchen. There's nothing else that can
open a wine bottle!
Go back to the needlenose pliers. After
much struggle, extract the coconut and
drain the remaining coconut water.
Put the pitcher in the refrigerator and
go to the store to buy a new corkscrew.
After examining every style of corkscrew
in the store, choose the worst one.
They all looked like the same Made-in-China
[censored], but until I tried to open a bottle
with the one I bought, I didn't realize the
tip at the end of the screw was bent up
and away from the cork. I bent it down with
the needlenose pliers, but it's not going to
last -- it'll break off with only a little
more use.
After getting back from the store, continue
making the refreshing drink. It's important
to drain the coconut into the pitcher first,
because if you have a bad one, the water
will be pink. If it's the first ingredient,
you can dump it. If it were the last
ingredient, you'd have to dump the pineapple
juice and the wine, too. Also, you might not
notice the water was pink, if you were
draining the coconut directly into the other
ingredients.
Add the container of frozen pineapple juice.
The directions say to add an additional three
volumes of water, but I add only two.
Add the wine, and stir. My pitcher has a
stirring plunger thing ideal for this purpose.
http://www.rubbermaid.com/rubbermaid/product/product.jhtml?prodId=HPProd100028
It's also just the right size to wedge a
young coconut halfway down. I did not know
that.
At this point, you really deserve a refreshing
drink!