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REC: South Park Salty Balls

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General fitness, health and nutrition
Published
27 October 2007
Last activity
29 October 2007
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  1. I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
    bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
    of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
    trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
    the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
    various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

    Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
    disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
    undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
    chocolate.

    This week though, I got this idea:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
    cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
    because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

    I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
    in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
    of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
    like "snack balls".

    This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
    were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
    be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
    cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
    you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
    tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

    Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
    Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
    blunt utensils
    Result: South Park Salty Balls
    Conclusion: At least there were no explosions.

    c
    Where there are cheesy puffs there gotta be snack balls.

  2. Quoted message said:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    Came out okay, although instead of flattening and spreading they
    came out less like "cookies" and more like "snack balls".

    If you get a chance to catch Alton Brown's cookie episode, it might
    help with this. For starters, try more butter - it melts, which is
    what you want the ball of dough to do.

    Quoted message said:

    Where there are cheesy puffs there gotta be snack balls.

    That explains the cheesy puff and snack ball isle at the mega mart.

  3. DJ Delorie said:
    Quoted message said:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    Quoted message said:

    Came out okay, although instead of flattening and spreading they
    came out less like "cookies" and more like "snack balls".

    If you get a chance to catch Alton Brown's cookie episode, it might
    help with this. For starters, try more butter - it melts, which is
    what you want the ball of dough to do.

    Hm. Well, I suppose more butter could be the final link between myself
    and culinary genius and fame. Itt's somewhat of a longshot, though,
    DJ.

    c
    South Park Salty Buttered Balls?

  4. Quoted message said:

    I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
    bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
    of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
    trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
    the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
    various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

    Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
    disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
    undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
    chocolate.

    This week though, I got this idea:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
    cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
    because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

    I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
    in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
    of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
    like "snack balls".

    This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
    were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
    be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
    cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
    you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
    tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

    Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
    Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
    blunt utensils
    Result: South Park Salty Balls

    Uhm, no

    2 tablespoons of cinnamon
    2-3 egg whites
    half stick of butter (melted)
    1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
    1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
    1/2 cup brandy
    1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
    1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

    Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
    Bake at 350.
    No timing is given, so use your judgement.

    -Hollywood
    "grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"

  5. Hollywood said:
    Quoted message said:

    I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
    bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
    of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
    trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
    the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
    various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

    Quoted message said:

    Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
    disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
    undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
    chocolate.

    Quoted message said:

    This week though, I got this idea:

    Quoted message said:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    Quoted message said:

    I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
    cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
    because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

    Quoted message said:

    I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
    in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
    of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
    like "snack balls".

    Quoted message said:

    This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
    were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
    be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
    cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
    you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
    tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

    Quoted message said:

    Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
    Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
    blunt utensils
    Result: South Park Salty Balls

    Uhm, no

    2 tablespoons of cinnamon
    2-3 egg whites
    half stick of butter (melted)
    1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
    1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
    1/2 cup brandy
    1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
    1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

    Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
    Bake at 350.
    No timing is given, so use your judgement.

    Really? You realize what you've said here, right?

    Quoted message said:


    -Hollywood
    "grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"- Hide quoted text -

    - Show quoted text -

    Okay I'll try with the egg whites. I never got the thing about the egg
    whites but apparently all the Hollywood people recommend them...

    c
    egg whites: one more thing to get confused about

  6. Quoted message said:
    Hollywood said:

    On Oct 26, 10:06 pm, [email hidden] wrote:

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
    bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
    of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
    trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
    the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
    various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
    disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
    undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
    chocolate.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    This week though, I got this idea:

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Two cups of vanilla whey protein
    1/2 cup of peanut butter
    2 eggs
    a couple tablespoons of butter
    1/2 cup of almond meal
    splenda.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
    cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
    because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
    in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
    of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
    like "snack balls".

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
    were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
    be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
    cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
    you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
    tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
    Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
    blunt utensils
    Result: South Park Salty Balls

    Quoted message said:

    Uhm, no

    Quoted message said:

    2 tablespoons of cinnamon
    2-3 egg whites
    half stick of butter (melted)
    1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
    1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
    1/2 cup brandy
    1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
    1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

    Quoted message said:

    Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
    Bake at 350.
    No timing is given, so use your judgement.

    Really? You realize what you've said here, right?

    Quoted message said:

    -Hollywood
    "grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"- Hide quoted text -

    Quoted message said:

    - Show quoted text -

    Okay I'll try with the egg whites. I never got the thing about the egg
    whites but apparently all the Hollywood people recommend them...

    c
    egg whites: one more thing to get confused about- Hide quoted text -

    If you're gonna call it Chocolate Salty Balls, it's gotta be based on
    the
    recipe at some point.

    I understand that your judgement is, well, not quite ready for a
    recipe
    without a firm time in it.

    Hollywood
    "If you ever need a quick pick me up, just put my balls in your mouth"
    -Chef, "Chocolate Salty Balls"

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