Management Bulls*it

[font=Tahoma]This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities.[/font]"

[font=Comic Sans MS]Wow !you obvioslly have a very important job,if i got an email like that it could only mean i sent it to myself, as i'm self employed🙄 that could be quite worring![/font]
[font=Comic Sans MS]Does this statement mean they have provided you with a new office chair,with a built in network update on the office scandle?😄 [/font]

HowardSteele said:

[font=Comic Sans MS]Wow !you obvioslly have a very important job,if i got an email like that it could only mean i sent it to myself, as i'm self employed🙄 that could be quite worring![/font]
[font=Comic Sans MS]Does this statement mean they have provided you with a new office chair,with a built in network update on the office scandle?😄 [/font]

Just checked with a few collegues....and the jury is still out on this one, but the main theory is that it means, "This money will make things better"...

MountainPro said:

"[font=Tahoma]This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities.[/font]"

"assistance" means they're borrowing a lot of money

"robust platforms and infrastructure" means they're about to spend it all on IT software

"operational benefits and clarity" means they don't really understand what the IT software does but it's a term the sales guy used

"company activities" means they will be playing golf while you try and sort out the problems they bought/caused

Easy!

Eldron said:

"assistance" means they're borrowing a lot of money

"robust platforms and infrastructure" means they're about to spend it all on IT software

"operational benefits and clarity" means they don't really understand what the IT software does but it's a term the sales guy used

"company activities" means they will be playing golf while you try and sort out the problems they bought/caused

Easy!

good one,

borrowing lots of money (or in this case a govt grant) makes me worry that the companies profits were not as high as forcast last year...

probably due to unforseen macro ecomonic and demographic forces....(people do not want the product)

MountainPro said:

Every couple of weeks my email inbox is graced by a 'Statement from the SMT' from the company i work for.

SMT = Senior Management Team

These are usually several pages of [censored].

Stuff like:

"[font=Tahoma]This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities.[/font]"

Are there special training courses that people go on so that they can talk drivel that sounds important but doesnt really mean anything?

Anyone else get this stuff and is baffled?

Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? If not go get it and you will be rolling on the floor. 🙂 I think you will relate...

nns1400 said:

Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? If not go get it and you will be rolling on the floor. 🙂 I think you will relate...

cheers mate, i'll have a look for it...

MountainPro said:

Every couple of weeks my email inbox is graced by a 'Statement from the SMT' from the company i work for...

MP - Just the normal [censored] propogated by self-appointed 'experts' who have no constructive skills to offer, other than consumate [censored]-covering.
In my own case, I have watched the core business of our company change, over the last 5 years, into a self-sustaining breeding ground for IT 'experts' and auditors, who have both parasitically smothered us. I seem to spend more time trying to get the IT'ers to make their useless, excessively paranoid and nonsensical network function, and responding to the continuosly changing demands of auditors as they redefine responsibility of everyone except themselves, than I do carrying out my actual job.
Ignore them, MP, they have dined excessively on the fruit of self-importance, and have no interest in functionality, or any other ingredient tainted with reality.

EoinC said:

MP - Just the normal [censored] propogated by self-appointed 'experts' who have no constructive skills to offer, other than consumate [censored]-covering.
In my own case, I have watched the core business of our company change, over the last 5 years, into a self-sustaining breeding ground for IT 'experts' and auditors, who have both parasitically smothered us. I seem to spend more time trying to get the IT'ers to make their useless, excessively paranoid and nonsensical network function, and responding to the continuosly changing demands of auditors as they redefine responsibility of everyone except themselves, than I do carrying out my actual job.
Ignore them, MP, they have dined excessively on the fruit of self-importance, and have no interest in functionality, or any other ingredient tainted with reality.

the people i work for are [censored]....i hate my job with a passion

i have applied for a few jobs lately and with hope i will be working for a different company soon...

thing is, i have some real information that can bring down the current operation...dodgey deals, bad working practice, terrible health and safety breaches, corrupt dealings with local authorities and general management incompetencies.

i lead a pretty influencial website in my area where i can blow the whistle on the lot of the [censored]...

i am thinking of sinking the ship...2000+ employees.

the stuff i have on these guys will shock the [censored] out of anyone....they let me in and [censored] me over....they will pay.

MountainPro said:

the people i work for are [censored]....i hate my job with a passion

i have applied for a few jobs lately and with hope i will be working for a different company soon...

thing is, i have some real information that can bring down the current operation...dodgey deals, bad working practice, terrible health and safety breaches, corrupt dealings with local authorities and general management incompetencies.

i lead a pretty influencial website in my area where i can blow the whistle on the lot of the [censored]...

i am thinking of sinking the ship...2000+ employees.

the stuff i have on these guys will shock the [censored] out of anyone....they let me in and [censored] me over....they will pay.

What about the 2000+ employees?

nns1400 said:

What about the 2000+ employees?

its best for them in the long run.....they are mostly good people..

i am the proverbial man that knew too much...

nns1400 said:

What about the 2000+ employees?

Call them "Collateral Damage" and that will make everything OK.

nns1400 said:

Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? If not go get it and you will be rolling on the floor. 🙂 I think you will relate...

Yes. that corporo-speak sounds like it would've dove-tailed into that movie nicely. I also rank that movie very highly.

MountainPro said:

Every couple of weeks my email inbox is graced by a 'Statement from the SMT' from the company i work for.

SMT = Senior Management Team

These are usually several pages of [censored].

Stuff like:

"[font=Tahoma]This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities.[/font]"

Are there special training courses that people go on so that they can talk drivel that sounds important but doesnt really mean anything?

Anyone else get this stuff and is baffled?

It might mean that they are subcontracting/renting these services (wasting money). I feel for you man. Hang in there 🙁

Sounds like you desperately need some buzzword bingo cards. Go to this website http://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/ It generates a different card everytime time it is loaded. Print a bunch up and pass them out to friends at meetings.

[quote="MountainPro"]the people i work for are [censored]....i hate my job with a passion


MP. If you hate your job with a passion, it is best to get the hell out of it and do something more to your liking.
Many years ago as a younger man, working in a government job, I was asked by a senior club aquaintance how I liked my job, I replied the same as you have just stated. His retort was how long have you got to go before retirement, to which I said, probably another twenty five years.
His next words brought home to me the real meaning of peace of mind, he said why the hell are you doing something that you don't love to do, then he said, you don't get a sentence that long for murder these days, and that was over twenty five years ago. Thing don't change, unless you want them to change.
So I left that job and went to sea, I now cruise the world, albeit slowly on a container ship, one day I'm here, the next I'm someplace else. We see the occasinal pirate, but there are a lot of those types on dry land, usually wearing businesss suits and frequenting coffeee houses.
I would sooner trust the sea pirate, at least you know where you stand with them, just show them you have a bigger gun and they leave you alone and try someone else.
I get dry leave and read this forum, it's enlightening at times, mostly a good chuckle, I've tried to get satellite coverage but it isn't very good, so I pop up here once in a while, when I'm waiting for a new destination, this is your lucky day.
Get another job quick chum, or stress will kill you.
Ellno#1

[quote="ellno#1"]

MountainPro said:

the people i work for are [censored]....i hate my job with a passion

MP. If you hate your job with a passion, it is best to get the hell out of it and do something more to your liking.
Many years ago as a younger man, working in a government job, I was asked by a senior club aquaintance how I liked my job, I replied the same as you have just stated. His retort was how long have you got to go before retirement, to which I said, probably another twenty five years.
His next words brought home to me the real meaning of peace of mind, he said why the hell are you doing something that you don't love to do, then he said, you don't get a sentence that long for murder these days, and that was over twenty five years ago. Thing don't change, unless you want them to change.
So I left that job and went to sea, I now cruise the world, albeit slowly on a container ship, one day I'm here, the next I'm someplace else. We see the occasinal pirate, but there are a lot of those types on dry land, usually wearing businesss suits and frequenting coffeee houses.
I would sooner trust the sea pirate, at least you know where you stand with them, just show them you have a bigger gun and they leave you alone and try someone else.
I get dry leave and read this forum, it's enlightening at times, mostly a good chuckle, I've tried to get satellite coverage but it isn't very good, so I pop up here once in a while, when I'm waiting for a new destination, this is your lucky day.
Get another job quick chum, or stress will kill you.
Ellno#1

Enjoy your work.

MountainPro said:

i already have a new job....start in Nov. Things are hushed coz i stil havent handed in my notice yet..

Looking forward to the new one, MP? I think you'll find it a lot more challenging. May even see you down here sometime.

Cheers rule62, i intend to.

EoinC said:

Looking forward to the new one, MP? I think you'll find it a lot more challenging. May even see you down here sometime.

Yes, the job is a lot more challenging but at the moment we are concentrating on selling our house and buying a new one 200 miles away in Aberdeen.

There is international training opertunities available all the time and i am sure that i'll be down your neighbourhood at some point.

Can't wait....