I Will Miss Our Barb

[email hidden] (Greykits) got [censored] and typed
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Sheesh, I'll be in Minnesota for the first time ever on
June 15th and I think Barb will be in Europe acting like
the Queen Bee, or was that Queen E? . Of course, I'll only
be at the airport for half an hour. Barb, if you're out
there, give my regards to your husband.

Go Pistons!

I miss her emails already. I hope she's having fun.

Michael

--
Deathbed statement...

"Codeine . . . bourbon." ~~Tallulah Bankhead, actress, d.
December 12, 1968

In article <[email hidden]>,

(Greykits) said:

Sheesh, I'll be in Minnesota for the first time ever on
June 15th and I think Barb will be in Europe acting like
the Queen Bee, or was that Queen E? . Of course, I'll only
be at the airport for half an hour. Barb, if you're out
there, give my regards to your husband.

Quoted message said:

Go Pistons!

Waal, dang! I was home on the 15th -- but saw this too late
for any planning, and a half hour at the airport wouldn't
have been enough time. Too bad you couldn't hook up with me
and Gloria when I was in Boulder last summer. :-( And I'll
pass along your thoughts to Rob. (And it's Queen B.) ;-)
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sam I Am updated 5/30/04.
Only 9 days until my birthday. "Shop early, shop often, shop
big." Good gin and cheap chocolate preferred. Or is it cheap
gin and good chocolate? I can never remember. . . .

Quoted message said:

I miss her emails already. I hope she's having fun.

Michael

I'm writing this by my new name for reasons that will be
understood. The old one was a color and felines.

Glad you had a good trip, Barb. Our flight to Minnesota was
late and we just had to get from one plane to another.

I am sooo glad to be back home. When my mother-in-law died
in 1990 I told my husband that I wished when this sort of
thing happened in my family that they could be as kind and
gracious as his family was. It didn't happen.

The big brothers have issues with Dad. I don't. He's going
to be 84 next month and was the main caregiver for my mother
for some time. She failed quickly in the past few months,
but he had nurses coming in to help a little. He didn't want
to put her in a nursing home as strangers scared her. I'm
not sure it was the right decision, but the brothers accused
him of bad care. One called the cops on him the last week of
her life (from another state) and the other one hung up the
phone on him during their last conversation. My godmother
(her best friend for over 50 years), who is very meticulous
and was with them a lot toward s the end said to never doubt
that he didn't give her good care.

The oldest brother's wife offered to help clear out Mom's
stuff when I called just after hearing about the death. I
think clear out is a good way to put it. I wasn't even
thinking about anything like that at that time. The niece
(14) was very cold at the funeral home and always talking on
her cell phone. Although my mom loved her grandkids, she
could never connect to this girl. The little neighbor girl
who came with her mother earlier in the wake seemed to have
more feelings and to be more respectful.

At the wake, I never saw my brothers give Dad any
consolation - actually, I don't recall seeing them with him
at all. I sort of stuck to Dad to make sure he was okay. But
there were so many people who were so kind. I got to see 8
cousins again after years and it was great. Dad's older
sister sure looks great at 89.

The oldest brother's wife and daughter are into "things."
After the funeral luncheon (quite good, Italian family-
style) my husband and I took Dad back home as he wanted us
to go through her stuff. Although my mom had always dressed
very stylishly and accesorized in the past, there were no
clothes I wanted to keep except for a faux fur coat that he
can mail to me if he wants to. My godmother had warned me
about specific items of jewelry that my mother really wanted
me to have. She had so much jewelry that it was hard hard to
go through so I just piled to the junk in one pile and the
things that might not be in another. My godmother had also
warned me that Mom hid stuff all over and that maybe
floorboards needed to be pulled up. My husband went upstairs
and got to work on that. The phone rang and Dad talked
awhile and then put me on the phone. It was the oldest
brother. His group arrived shortly. The sister-in-law got
right to work upstairs and this was a real mess. At this
point, I had already gotten the jewelry that both parents
wanted me to have. I couldn't have worked upstairs, as that
used to be my bedroom and it was upsetting to see it that
way. Whenever we stayed there while visiting, Mom would
always have it fixed up just perfectly with personal
mementoes, I'm sure she did that with each child. The niece
found a Gucci bag and wanted it. I said I didn't care, but
her mother said to ask granddad. Later, Dad mentioned that
they were on a treasure hunt. But my brother was finding old
pictures from the past, reminiscing and healing a little, I
think. I can't imagine what would have happened if we hadn't
gotten there first.

My husband found lots of money in the floorboards. The sister-in-
law found more in some boxes, and a bucket of Kennedy half
dollars. There is supposed to be some silver stashed away
but that hasn't been found. Over $37,000 in savings bonds
made out to mostly us kids were found. Today they found more
20's somewhere, and that's over $20,000. I think there's
more still hidden. My husband told Dad that he would handle
the awkward spaces and that Dad would have to handle the
easier searches later.

Oh, and the middle brother seems to be more into his
Mormonism and his perfect family more than anything else.
They left right after the funeral.

I'm so glad to be back in my little tiny shabby home. I
guess I'm not into material things too much, but I guess I
have a ton of jewelry now, more momentos than most daughters
get from their mothers. I don't think I'll leave any of it
to my family. I told my godmother that she can have anything
she wants.

A funny note: I had a grocery bag of jewelry in my luggage,
not full but heavy. When I got into it today I saw a note
that said that they had opened and checked this luggage at
the airport. I'm surprised I wasn't arrested as a jewel
thief, and I fear that I was the one who delayed our flight.

(Grismalkin) said:

I'm so glad to be back in my little tiny shabby home. I
guess I'm not into material things too much, but I guess I
have a ton of jewelry now, more momentos than most
daughters get from their mothers. I don't think I'll leave
any of it to my family. I told my godmother that she can
have anything she wants.

I really dislike what deaths do to families like this. I
have an uncle and his family who are like your brother who
is into "things". He isn't particularly pleasant to the rest
of the family, but he's always sweet as pie to Grampa (and
Gramma before she died) and since he's the oldest son, they
never liked to think ill of him, or that he might not be
completely truthful with them.

I have something that my mother gave me that means more to
me than anything else I might have gotten from her when she
died (if they'd managed to keep their money instead of
having money problems at the end). That's the tiny bracelet
they put on me at the hospital when I was born. At that
hospital, they didn't use plastic strips for the baby names,
they made pretty little bracelets with fake pearls and cheap
gold-plated metal loops, and a little scottie terrier with
the baby's name etched into it. I carry that with me all the
time. It's the last thing my mother ever gave me before she
died, and it's nice to come across it in my [censored] pack when
I'm looking for something else.

--
Siobhan Perricone "This isn't right. This isn't even wrong."
- Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist
colleague

Grismalkin said:

I'm writing this by my new name for reasons that will be
understood. The old one was a color and felines.

I was wondering, thanks for clearing that up.

Quoted message said:

The big brothers have issues with Dad. I don't. He's going
to be 84 next month and was the main caregiver for my
mother for some time. She failed quickly in the past few
months, but he had nurses coming in to help a little. He
didn't want to put her in a nursing home as strangers
scared her.

He is a hero. If your brothers didn't help him, they have no
room to complain. Even the most heartless person should know
what a difficult job being the sole caregiver is. I'm sorry
about your mother and I hope your father is getting some
well needed rest.

Wait until your brothers have to walk a mile in your
Dad's shoes.

I think my stepmother will outlive me (she's tough!), but
if not, I'm the executor. I fully expect my brothers will
share the load and not pull any fast ones like making off
with stuff. But when you're talking about money ... you
never know.

Sorry it's been such a stressful time for you.

nancy

Siobhan Perricone said:

I have something that my mother gave me that means more
to me than anything else I might have gotten from her
when she died (if they'd managed to keep their money
instead of having money problems at the end). That's the
tiny bracelet they put on me at the hospital when I was
born. At that hospital, they didn't use plastic strips
for the baby names, they made pretty little bracelets
with fake pearls and cheap gold-plated metal loops, and a
little scottie terrier with the baby's name etched into
it. I carry that with me all the time. It's the last
thing my mother ever gave me before she died, and it's
nice to come across it in my [censored] pack when I'm looking
for something else.

Siobahn, you just cleared something up for me. I have this
teeny bracelet, a charm bracelet. WHY? Who bought me this
baby bracelet?

It is made of little 'pearls' on a 'gold' chain. It has a
baby cup on it, a cupid, a horseshoe with pearls and a coin.
I imagine each charm symbolizes something. I did not know it
was actually a baby bracelet.

nancy

Grismalkin said:

Quoted message said:

Sorry it's been such a stressful time for you.

nancy

Thank you for your kind wishes. My brothers might be
surprised after Dad makes out his will. I'm going to have
to urge him to do that soon. My in-laws had their affairs
in order and even so, there were a lot of problems.

He needs to do that. Promptly. Don't forget a living will.

nancy

On 19 Jun 2004 23:45:04 GMT, [email hidden] (Grismalkin) arranged
random neurons, so they looked like this:

Quoted message said:

He has a lawyer but we don't quite like him. Before her
death, he was pushing me to sign away on 2 bank accounts
she had opened in both our names. Husband looked over the
forms more closely and saw some information wasn't filled
in like it should be. After the funeral he was right at the
house with us and Dad. My oldest brother met the lawyer and
didn't like him much, either. Husband voiced his concerns
with Dad, and Dad's no fool.

As a 25-years+--in-harness paralegal, let me tell you to
please, please find another lawyer. I lived in Denver until
recently and can absolutely recommend a brilliant wills and
estate lawyer in Cherry Creek. Great guy. Handled some very
touchy stuff for me wonderfully on my mother's estate, which
was probated in Texas. Don't let distance screw things up. I
promise you, a sister state judgment can be very effective.

This doesn't have to be a "done deal." And, man, is this a
"been there, done that" scenario.

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd AAC(F)BV66.0748.CA

"Regime Change Begins At Home."

To reply, remove replace "spaminator" with "cox"

On 19 Jun 2004 23:45:04 GMT, [email hidden] (Grismalkin)

Quoted message said:

That is enough to make you weak. But to have a heartless
brother is something else.

If it helps any, you're not alone and this kind of crazyness
isn't limited to your family.

Thank goodness you're older and wiser now - so you can
understand what's happening (especially with that creepy
lawyer). What if this had happened when you were younger and
not as wise or secure?

Practice safe eating - always use condiments