I'm One Screwed Up Chick....... VENT

Sounds like you've got a lot of vultures for relatives!

I guess a death shows you what people are like, huh?

Seems like your aunt is terribly, terribly jealous. Remember these
saysing, "Keep on keeping on" and "hang in there", "it's always darkest
before dawn", etc.

I hope you have the time to properly grieve someone that you obviously
held dear and close. Obviously she knew it too, thus granting you
everything in her will.

You'll be in my prayers...for strength, mentally and emotionally, and for
the wisdom to make good decisions!

Becky P.
www.family.solidrockpl.org

Laureen,

I'm so very sorry to hear that not only are you in the midst of some
terrible grief, but you are also having to deal with the family. I'm
praying that you'll hold up, and that the rest of your family will give you
a rest.

My cousin just went through this a couple of years ago with her sister when
their mother died. It's really awful to have to handle both things.

--
Linda
296/196/160
LC since Oct. 13, 2003
Now a happy member of the '100lbs. Gone Club'!
http://home.att.net/~lewis_linda/index.html
http://community.webshots.com/user/mslewtoo

"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok? I have more than I can handle! Gram was laid to rest on
the 16th. She looked beautiful. I went to the funeral home early to
weep alone and touch her. I didnt want the rest of the family to think
I have gone off the deep end ( though I am beginning to think I really
have)I thought I was doing good until my cousin sang In the Garden and
You Raise Me Up. I also crumbled into loud audible sobs as they closed
the casket lid (the finality of it was too much) I have lost my best
friend, one of the people I loved most in the world!!
From that day after dinner until the 23rd I had the worst stomach
virus one could have. The belly ache, back ache, nausea,cramps, and
the BIG "D" was unbearable. Drinkning water set my belly off but I did
it anyway. I lost 12 pounds drinking Diet Sierra Mist and Campbells
Chicken and Stars Soup. My ass was glued to the porcelain. I am now in
a full blown constant state of asthma with this damn respiratory
infection I picked up. I got a depo medrol shot yesterday. I'm on
Prednisone, Advair, Flonase, Albuterol puffer and doing the Albuterol
pre mix mist machine too!!! My daughter has internalized her grief and
has resorted to hissy fits. I cry at the mention of Grandma. I cry
typing her name right now.
My aunt keeps referring to the fact about Gram and all the money she
left me.She has told me I could have the weight loss surgery now. Well
I had the money to do that long before Gram died but I choose not to
do surgery for my own personal reasons. I dont owe her an
explaination. She wanted a piece of jewelry; I gave her a lovely
dainty double pearl and diamond ring. My cousin wants a piece of
jewelry. Gram had lovely real gold and stones jewelry. Not a lot of
pieces but its mine!! My aunt wants a copy of the will ( I think she
thinks someone is being left out or I am keeping something from them)
She left nothing to anyone else but me. I'm the executrix and sole
heir of everything including the jewelry they want.I did tell her I am
not making copies of Grams will to be floating aorund the family but I
would let her read my copy. I did treat the whole family all 16 of us
to dinner after the funeral. A whopping $450!! I am avoiding conflict
and being incredibly nice about things but am troubled with boldness,
demands, and attitude. They want to go through pictures tomorrow to
retrieve what they want.I have agreed to that That part is ok. Most of
the pictures are the ones they gave Gram of family pics and kids'
school pictures
Grams husband died exactly 2 months to the day before her. He left a
substantial estate leaving her his commmunity property and her family
will not pay it so we started proceeds to recover that before she died
by hiring a lawyer. We are continuing the recovery even with Gram
gone. Her portion of the community property will be paid to her estate
and my aunt is [censored] because she says " You have enough money" I tell
her it was Grams money and he left it to her the problem is fasmily
not paying it. So.... I have depositions and mediation hanging over my
head too. It's all about who will hold out the longest. I am holding
up the dispersion of funds to his family so my lawyer thinks they will
settle quickly. I HOPE!!! I have all kinds of time and I am not
desperate for the money but am going to retrieve what was left for
Gram. She told the lawyer she wanted the court stuff to go on after
her passing if it wasnt settled before she died. Most of that money is
Gram's gift to my daugters schooling and her college education. We
established a GET account for her so her money is available the fall
after graduation. I can't for the life of me figure out how my aunt
has the right to tell me that I have enough money!!!!!! How much more
can one girl handle????
Sorry..... I needed to vent
BTW, thank you to all who sent their well wishes and condolences. That
was awfully sweet of you
THANK YOU!
Laureen

"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok?

They will. It just takes time, and you've got a lot of grieving to do
first - plus the hassle of having to deal with the will issues.

You need to take extra care of yourself right now, because shock and grief
take a temporary toll on your immune system; so eat properly, get rest, and
try and get some stress relief too.

Hugs.

Nicky.

--
HgBA1C 10.5/6.4/<6 Weight 95/82/72
1g Metformin, 75mg Thyroxine
T2 DX 05/2004

As curious said, it's jealousy. It's also greed.

Your aunt has no right to say that to you. Who is she to decide
whether one has enough money or not? Why doesn't she say that to Bill
Gates and ask him to share his wealth with her? It is so unfair,
isn't it? Not that you lose a person who is precious to you, but you
also see these people doing things that look as if they're trying to
diminish the last traces of your dear friend.

The thing though, is that it's in human nature to be jealous and
greedy. What your aunt does is kinda not unexpected. If you think of
what she does as natural (although rather unkind), then may be you'll
be less upset by it? I dunno if this way of thinking would help or
not, but I do hope that it helps.

Remember, you're one very capable woman, which is exactly why your
Gram asked you to execute her will. With her blessing I'm sure you
can deal with the pressure coming from your relatives and more.

Ada

Nicky said:

"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok?

Quoted message said:

They will. It just takes time, and you've got a lot of grieving to do
first - plus the hassle of having to deal with the will issues.

I hope you have someone to talk to (and vent at) besides us virtual
well-wishers.

After we lost one of our boys, my wife and I found solace and
understanding in a grief support group at our church. There is no
substitute for the caring hearts and the empathy of people who have been
through similar experiences. After the first meeting, it wasn't that we
were grieving any less, but we felt somehow a weight had been lifted.

Dan
325/197/190
Atkins since 1/1/02 (yeah, it was a New Year's Resolution)
Besetting sins: good beer, German bread, and Krispy Kremes

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok? I have more than I can handle! Gram was laid to rest on

It WILL get better {{{{{{{{{{ LAUREEN }}}}}}}}}}

Nothing like a death in the family to bring out the true family machinations and
alliances.

--
Saffire
205/148/125 - 5'1.5"
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

It will get better, but from experience, I'll tell you you have every right to
every one of your feelings and you should stand your ground and not let
relatives paw through things until you're ready. Your grandmother left that
stuff to you and you don't need to let them guilt you into anything.

Laureen said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok? I have more than I can handle! Gram was laid to rest on
the 16th. She looked beautiful. I went to the funeral home early to
weep alone and touch her. I didnt want the rest of the family to think
I have gone off the deep end ( though I am beginning to think I really
have)I thought I was doing good until my cousin sang In the Garden and
You Raise Me Up. I also crumbled into loud audible sobs as they closed
the casket lid (the finality of it was too much) I have lost my best
friend, one of the people I loved most in the world!!

I just have a minute, but want to say a couple of things...one, it feels
now like you've lost her, but believe me, you haven't. And two, what
she wants for you and her family is that you're all happy.

I'm so sorry to hear about all that, Laureen. For what it's worth, you'll
probably start feeling a little better as you get over those bugs. I had
that stomach thing too, and I was weepy for a few days before and after. And
that respiratory thing going around can be nasty, so take care of yourself.

You are doing the right thing in upholding your grandmother's wishes. If she
had wanted to leave her things to the others she would have done so. That
can be hard for others to understand, but she clearly wanted you to have
what she left you, and would be disappointed if you caved in to their greed.
Still, it's hard to understand, isn't it? I think every family sees that at
some point.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

HG

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] (Laureen) wrote:

(all sorts of really hard stuff deleted for space)

Laureen, please be good to yourself. It's so common to become ill after
a loved one passes. When my father died, I got strep, even before he
was buried, and when my mother died, I got strep again, and a stomach
bug. The second round of strep really did a number on me, causing my
psoriasis to flare to a point it'd never been before.

The family garbage is also, unfortunately, not unusual. When someoen
passes, particularly when someone passes who is powerful in the family,
there's a period of "storming," wherein the family struggles to come up
with another power figure. Sounds like this is what your aunt is doing.
I learned this from my own situation, and from the therapy I did
afterwards. There were really ugly circumstances in both of my parents'
deaths, and they died 59 days apart.

If you can, you need to get into some grief therapy. See if you can
find someone who can recommend someone in your area - and then, talk to
that person. It's not that you need THERAPY, but someone to listen to
the things you want to say that seem outrageous - but aren't. In that
sort of situation, you will feel free to say really whatever you need to
say, and without fear of it getting back to anyone. When you're
involved in legal proceedings as well, this is safest. Believe me on
this.

And, if the therapist is really good, you'll learn ways to cope, ways to
grieve most effectively, and ways to rejoice in your Gram's life, which
you also need to do.

I wish all the best for you. I know it's not easy, and you're in my
prayers. In the meantime, take extra special good care of you - do what
you have to do - but please, please, see if you can find someone to talk
to you can be there for you without any strings or judgement. It's
worth it, and I know this for fact.

--
Nancy Howells (don't forget to switch it, and replace the 😉 to send mail).

Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Laureen said:

Yeah I'm the tough as nails chick! NOT!!!!! Please tell me things will
get better ok? I have more than I can handle! Gram was laid to rest on
the 16th. She looked beautiful. I went to the funeral home early to
weep alone and touch her. I didnt want the rest of the family to think
I have gone off the deep end ( though I am beginning to think I really
have)I thought I was doing good until my cousin sang In the Garden and
You Raise Me Up. I also crumbled into loud audible sobs as they closed
the casket lid (the finality of it was too much) I have lost my best
friend, one of the people I loved most in the world!!

I just have a minute, but want to say a couple of things...one, it feels
now like you've lost her, but believe me, you haven't. And two, what
she wants for you and her family is that you're all happy.

Thanks Guys!
Here are some of the tacky things she has done......... On the morning
of the funeral she told me to try and get a grip on my emotions at the
funeral because if I cried it would make others cry and upset them!!
WTF huh? Then when I cried so loud and audible when they closed her
casket lid she told me later at dinner that was" OK" she understood
that!!!!WELL THANK YOU!!!! CAN U BELIEVE IT? Then I bought 2 big
beautiful arrangemnts for Gram. One was her casket spray with lavender
roses and white carnations and the other was a big standing
arrangement that said "Beloved Grandma" Not that money matters but I
did something nice to honor my Gram and her favorite colors. My aunt
bought a potted pink azalia. My cousin,her daughter, bought a wooden
basket with a white and purple hydraenga in it. Those along with all
the other flowers were transported to the cemetery. I went back to the
grave later that evening to make sure everything had gone right and
low and behold the azalias and hydrangeas were MISSING!!!!! It had
sprinkled a bit and they thought it was going to be bad for their
flowers and decided to take them home!!! OMG!!!! I tell you no lie!!
They lifted Grams flowers from her grave and took them home!!!!!! They
told me the next day what they had done!!! Then the other day I called
my aunt to ask her if she wanted a few things I had found of Grams but
she wasn't home and my uncle said ..verbatum "What we do want is a
copy of THAT will" Then last night my cousin comes clean, on behalf of
my aunt I'm sure, that she is shocked Gram left her nothing. I'm now
the bad guy because they didnt get anything. Believe me... no one
could ever tell Gram what to do. She did it because she wanted to. She
had told me years ago she would never leave my mother anything because
she always held my mothers abandoning me against her even though at
times they had a very nice relationship. My aunt travels all over the
country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait with
an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted but
I assume she does. She has not come right out to say it but she
obviously has been talking to her DH and daughter. I hate upset. I am
going to remain friendly as my aunt is all that is left of Gram ya
know. My advice from my husband this morning was this: Offer to show
them Grams will today, dont talk money at all, be nice and respectful,
come home with some dignity and carry on. He also doesn't think it is
a good idea to ever let them know what the community property
settlement turns out to be because either way it will be upsetting to
them. They'll be mad I didn't tell them and they will be mad to find
out that there was more money that they didn't get. I just hate this
feeling. I haven't rubbed it in their face. I only answer what I am
asked. I didn't go around the each family member with a neener neener.
I am just plain GUILTY in their book!!
Thanks, Laureen

Quoted message said:

[email hidden] (Laureen)

Quoted message said:

Here are some of the tacky things she has done.........

<snip>

Then last night my cousin comes clean, on behalf of

Quoted message said:

my aunt I'm sure, that she is shocked Gram left her nothing.

Bingo! This is what it's been about all along. They're insulted and hurt.
And yeah, it's understandable -- she was their relative, too. It doesn't
justify their bad behavior, though.

I'm now

Quoted message said:

the bad guy because they didnt get anything.

This is [censored]. You did not write your grandmother's will. They're looking
for someone to lash out at, though, and you're the most obvious target. Again,
their behavior is hideous, even if there is an explanation for it.

My aunt travels all over the

Quoted message said:

country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait with
an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted but
I assume she does.

It's that she wasn't acknowledged. It's not about the "stuff," it's about what
the stuff represents.

I am

Quoted message said:

going to remain friendly as my aunt is all that is left of Gram ya
know.

It's also a good tactic to take the high road, as tempting as it is to lower
oneself to the level of others.

My advice from my husband this morning was this: Offer to show

Quoted message said:

them Grams will today, dont talk money at all, be nice and respectful,
come home with some dignity and carry on. He also doesn't think it is
a good idea to ever let them know what the community property
settlement turns out to be because either way it will be upsetting to
them. They'll be mad I didn't tell them and they will be mad to find
out that there was more money that they didn't get.

Your husband is a smart man.

I've sort of stayed out of your threads about this whole situation with your
gram and everything because I felt bad for you but didn't feel I had anything
to offer. But these people? Are behaving badly. And it's pissing me off.

Hang in there. Your gram loved you, you husband loves you, there are other
people who love you. Don't let these ill-mannered relatives bully or
intimidate you. They are hurt and angry, but taking it out on you is wrong,
wrong, wrong! Don't give them anything, including information they're not
entitled to, while you're upset and they're upset. They'll settle down
eventually. And if you someday change your mind? Then it's your choice to
give them something. But wait until they stop acting aggrieved.

When a relative of mine behaves badly, I think about whether I would
voluntarily spend time with that person if we weren't related. The answers
vary. These might be people you'd never get to know if you'd had a choice. On
the other hand, they know, and to a certain extent are, your life history.
There's some comfort in knowing people like that.

Good luck, and don't let the bullies grind you down.

Daria
166/under 145/under 145
sugar-free since 2/1/04
low-carb since 2/17/04

Laureen, I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a
beautiful service for your grandmother.

As for the family drama, I would strongly encourage you to keep
repeating "Gram was very specific about her wishes for her own estate,
and for her husband's, and I am going to do my best to fulfill those
wishes" to everyone who gives you any static about it. Come up with a
formula that works for you and just keep repeating it word for word
until the other person gives up.

My lovely therapist recommends this as the best way to deal with
intractable conflicts; politely acknowledge that you hear the other
person, then repeat your own formula for dealing with the situation.
"I understand you're concerned, but Gram was very specific...." "I
know it might not be easy to understand, but Gram was very
specific..." "I'm sorry you feel that way, but Gram was very
specific..."

My sympathies to you and your family.

Best,

T.

(Laureen) said:

Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Laureen wrote:

SNIP

Thanks for sharing. Hope you feel better after that.

A couple of points:

When the probate get underway, all the details will become public
record including the Will. It will be available for all to see or
copy. But until then, I'd let my probate attorney handle the
problems as it give you an easy out in response to their questions.

You are correct in recognizing that Aunt is someone that you should
try very hard to cultivate as a lifetime 'friend'. During these
times, you can expect to see some irrational behavior from all
concerned, so try to reserve judgment on motives until some time has
passed. It may not be possible but try to give it an honest try.

Pjx

Hi Lureen,
Just some words or wisdom from someone quite a bit older than you.
1. Do you have a lawyer?
When you submit the will for probate it will be a matter of public record
and they can get their 'copy' then. Let them pay for it!
2. Do not give ANYONE access to your Grandma's things/house until you have
removed everything that you want for yourself or your heirs. Your aunt will
pack every thing over, all the while muttering about how little it is worth,
make you feel crappier, then she will take the little bit that your may
really treasure. They will leave you garbage if they have their way.
3. Your job is to execute the will and you are entitled to a fee for that!
Take it!An additional 5 or 10% on top of your inheritance.
4/ Do not let them 'guilt' you into giving them anything more than is
stipulated in the will. If your winds of Fortune change you may very well
need what you have given away just to 'feel better'. Don't do it!
Jo
NJ
"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message

news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Laureen wrote:

snipping>

Not that money matters but I

Quoted message said:

did something nice to honor my Gram and her favorite colors. <asnip>
Then the other day I called
my aunt to ask her if she wanted a few things I had found of Grams but
she wasn't home and my uncle said ..verbatum "What we do want is a
copy of THAT will" >snip>

.. My aunt travels all over the

Quoted message said:

country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait with
an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted but
I assume she does. > snip>
I am just plain GUILTY in their book!!
Thanks, Laureen

"metoo" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Hi Lureen,
Just some words or wisdom from someone quite a bit older than you.
1. Do you have a lawyer?
When you submit the will for probate it will be a matter of public record
and they can get their 'copy' then. Let them pay for it!
2. Do not give ANYONE access to your Grandma's things/house until you have
removed everything that you want for yourself or your heirs. Your aunt will
pack every thing over, all the while muttering about how little it is worth,
make you feel crappier, then she will take the little bit that your may
really treasure. They will leave you garbage if they have their way.
3. Your job is to execute the will and you are entitled to a fee for that!
Take it!An additional 5 or 10% on top of your inheritance.
4/ Do not let them 'guilt' you into giving them anything more than is
stipulated in the will. If your winds of Fortune change you may very well
need what you have given away just to 'feel better'. Don't do it!
Jo
NJ
"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message

news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Laureen wrote:

snipping>

Not that money matters but I

Quoted message said:

did something nice to honor my Gram and her favorite colors. <asnip>
Then the other day I called
my aunt to ask her if she wanted a few things I had found of Grams but
she wasn't home and my uncle said ..verbatum "What we do want is a
copy of THAT will" >snip>

. My aunt travels all over the

Quoted message said:

country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait with
an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted but
I assume she does. > snip>
I am just plain GUILTY in their book!!
Thanks, Laureen

Well it happened! Let me digress to a prior story. My aunt came over
one day before Gram died to look at Grams old pics. In those were a
black photo album, a baby pic of my Great Gram (aunts and Gram's Mom)
and a wedding pic of Great Gram and My Grams Father. That is the only
picture of My Great Grandfather. Now mind you, Gram and Aunt DO NOT
have the same father. So this pic is only of interest to her because
her Mom is in it. She told me that day she wanted the photo album but
said nothing about the other 2 pics. I told Gram she wanted the album
and Gram told me "When Im gone, give the album to her and you keep the
rest" My aunt made no mention of wanting the other 2 pics. The night
before we go to Renees to let them go through pics, my aunt asks me to
"Bring the 2 other pics Renee would love to see those." RED FLAG!!!!!
Little did I know I had been set up for the kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm
sure Doris expressed her wishes for the pics to her daughter knowing I
wouldn't turn loose of pics so Renee probably told her "Don't worry
MOm I'll get you those pics" OK..... I get there with my Aunt. I lay
pics out and Grams will. Doris picks up the will, reads the real
important things in it out loud. When she gets to the part about if
Laureen should die before Gram then the money is divided equally
between Renee and her 2 brothers.. Renee chimes in and says jokingly
"I guess I should have killed you" OMG!!!!!!! Can you beliebve she
said that? I say nothing as I have not made a big deal out the will in
order to not make anyone feel bad. Then Doris takes the 2 pics and
hands them to Renee. They ooh and awe over them. Renee hands them back
to Doris. She sets them over by her. I wait a while and the pics dont
come back my way. I nicely ask for them back, I get the strangest look
from both of them. Renee pipes in and said "Moms wants those". I
nicely say " No, I would really like to keep them. Gram gave them to
me and I want them. It is the only pic that exists of Grandmas father,
my great grandfather". My cousin then says " It is HER MOTHER!!!!(
looking to Doris)" We go back and forth very civil and I stand firm on
the wedding pic but give her the baby pic of her Mom. Then she says
"GODDAMN IT!! You got the whole wall of wax! Give her the
PICTURES!!!!! Well....... No one yells at me. Mind you I never raised
my voice, got snotty or cursed at anyone. I calmly got up from the
table, got my stuff together and said in a low voice "I'm leaving now,
Doris I will take you back home or Renee can take you home. "Renee
says "I will take her home". I head for the door and my aunt shouts.
"Run! Do what your Mom and Gram always did", I go out the door and
realize I have left the will on the table. I go back in and get it and
reach the door again and my Aunt says "You only had 3 months!! (what
ever that meant). I get out to my truck and she shouts "You're in for
a surprise in court!!" Renee comes to the truck and invites me in to
"TALK ABOUT THIS" I say " No thanks, I need to go now" and I'm off. As
soon as I get on a main road. I tell him what happened and no sooner
do I hang up and Renee is calling him at work to tell him she said
something terrible to me and regrets it. But she still wants her Mom
to have the pics!!! Then she tells Larry " Mom didnt get anything, no
money, no jewelry, not anything, she's hurt"

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have rounds with my
family over money and jewelry!! You were all right! They are greedy. I
asked my Gram if there was anything she wanted Doris to have and she
said " NO" WOW!!!I have been villified here. Their anger and hurt is
totally misdirected. I didnt hold a gun at Grams head to change her
will!!! She loved me and wanted me to have all of this. My one friend
says they are behaving like this out of jealousy and desperation and
now they have nothing to lose. They dont care about me or my feelings
and since Gram is gone there is no retribution to come from her so
they can treat me like [censored] now!!! People are incredible!!! Im more
mad than hurt as I tried to include my aunt in everything. I asked her
if she wanted to come with me the day I picked Grams casket out. She
said no because she hadnt done her hair yet!!!!!!!! I let her do the
arrangements for Grams eulogy and the songs. I sent thank yous in her
name too, bought a big thank you cake for the nursing home workers and
it said "From June Todds Family" I gave the wonderful nurse who was so
good to Gram and us the night she died a $20 gift certficate and
signed it from Doris and I. I never even asked her to chip in on those
things. She did offer and I nicely declined. I gave her the ring,I
gave her one of the pic. Just where did I get the conduct unbecoming
award?
I'm done with these people. They did my Gram a great injustice by
behaving the way they did the other day. I refused and still refuse to
stoop to their level. Gram would have been proud of me.
Laureen

You're an idiot.

That's why you're still fat.

--
You take stupid to a new level. -- MFW

"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"metoo" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Hi Lureen,
Just some words or wisdom from someone quite a bit older than you.
1. Do you have a lawyer?
When you submit the will for probate it will be a matter of public record
and they can get their 'copy' then. Let them pay for it!
2. Do not give ANYONE access to your Grandma's things/house until you
have
removed everything that you want for yourself or your heirs. Your aunt
will
pack every thing over, all the while muttering about how little it is
worth,
make you feel crappier, then she will take the little bit that your may
really treasure. They will leave you garbage if they have their way.
3. Your job is to execute the will and you are entitled to a fee for
that!
Take it!An additional 5 or 10% on top of your inheritance.
4/ Do not let them 'guilt' you into giving them anything more than is
stipulated in the will. If your winds of Fortune change you may very well
need what you have given away just to 'feel better'. Don't do it!
Jo
NJ
"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message

news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

> Laureen wrote:
snipping>

Not that money matters but I

Quoted message said:

did something nice to honor my Gram and her favorite colors. <asnip>
Then the other day I called
my aunt to ask her if she wanted a few things I had found of Grams but
she wasn't home and my uncle said ..verbatum "What we do want is a
copy of THAT will" >snip>

. My aunt travels all over the

Quoted message said:

country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait with
an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted but
I assume she does. > snip>
I am just plain GUILTY in their book!!
Thanks, Laureen

Well it happened! Let me digress to a prior story. My aunt came over
one day before Gram died to look at Grams old pics. In those were a
black photo album, a baby pic of my Great Gram (aunts and Gram's Mom)
and a wedding pic of Great Gram and My Grams Father. That is the only
picture of My Great Grandfather. Now mind you, Gram and Aunt DO NOT
have the same father. So this pic is only of interest to her because
her Mom is in it. She told me that day she wanted the photo album but
said nothing about the other 2 pics. I told Gram she wanted the album
and Gram told me "When Im gone, give the album to her and you keep the
rest" My aunt made no mention of wanting the other 2 pics. The night
before we go to Renees to let them go through pics, my aunt asks me to
"Bring the 2 other pics Renee would love to see those." RED FLAG!!!!!
Little did I know I had been set up for the kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm
sure Doris expressed her wishes for the pics to her daughter knowing I
wouldn't turn loose of pics so Renee probably told her "Don't worry
MOm I'll get you those pics" OK..... I get there with my Aunt. I lay
pics out and Grams will. Doris picks up the will, reads the real
important things in it out loud. When she gets to the part about if
Laureen should die before Gram then the money is divided equally
between Renee and her 2 brothers.. Renee chimes in and says jokingly
"I guess I should have killed you" OMG!!!!!!! Can you beliebve she
said that? I say nothing as I have not made a big deal out the will in
order to not make anyone feel bad. Then Doris takes the 2 pics and
hands them to Renee. They ooh and awe over them. Renee hands them back
to Doris. She sets them over by her. I wait a while and the pics dont
come back my way. I nicely ask for them back, I get the strangest look
from both of them. Renee pipes in and said "Moms wants those". I
nicely say " No, I would really like to keep them. Gram gave them to
me and I want them. It is the only pic that exists of Grandmas father,
my great grandfather". My cousin then says " It is HER MOTHER!!!!(
looking to Doris)" We go back and forth very civil and I stand firm on
the wedding pic but give her the baby pic of her Mom. Then she says
"GODDAMN IT!! You got the whole wall of wax! Give her the
PICTURES!!!!! Well....... No one yells at me. Mind you I never raised
my voice, got snotty or cursed at anyone. I calmly got up from the
table, got my stuff together and said in a low voice "I'm leaving now,
Doris I will take you back home or Renee can take you home. "Renee
says "I will take her home". I head for the door and my aunt shouts.
"Run! Do what your Mom and Gram always did", I go out the door and
realize I have left the will on the table. I go back in and get it and
reach the door again and my Aunt says "You only had 3 months!! (what
ever that meant). I get out to my truck and she shouts "You're in for
a surprise in court!!" Renee comes to the truck and invites me in to
"TALK ABOUT THIS" I say " No thanks, I need to go now" and I'm off. As
soon as I get on a main road. I tell him what happened and no sooner
do I hang up and Renee is calling him at work to tell him she said
something terrible to me and regrets it. But she still wants her Mom
to have the pics!!! Then she tells Larry " Mom didnt get anything, no
money, no jewelry, not anything, she's hurt"

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have rounds with my
family over money and jewelry!! You were all right! They are greedy. I
asked my Gram if there was anything she wanted Doris to have and she
said " NO" WOW!!!I have been villified here. Their anger and hurt is
totally misdirected. I didnt hold a gun at Grams head to change her
will!!! She loved me and wanted me to have all of this. My one friend
says they are behaving like this out of jealousy and desperation and
now they have nothing to lose. They dont care about me or my feelings
and since Gram is gone there is no retribution to come from her so
they can treat me like [censored] now!!! People are incredible!!! Im more
mad than hurt as I tried to include my aunt in everything. I asked her
if she wanted to come with me the day I picked Grams casket out. She
said no because she hadnt done her hair yet!!!!!!!! I let her do the
arrangements for Grams eulogy and the songs. I sent thank yous in her
name too, bought a big thank you cake for the nursing home workers and
it said "From June Todds Family" I gave the wonderful nurse who was so
good to Gram and us the night she died a $20 gift certficate and
signed it from Doris and I. I never even asked her to chip in on those
things. She did offer and I nicely declined. I gave her the ring,I
gave her one of the pic. Just where did I get the conduct unbecoming
award?
I'm done with these people. They did my Gram a great injustice by
behaving the way they did the other day. I refused and still refuse to
stoop to their level. Gram would have been proud of me.
Laureen

Imeacht gan teacht ort.

"JC Der Koenig" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

You're an idiot.

That's why you're still fat.

--
You take stupid to a new level. -- MFW

"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"metoo" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Hi Lureen,
Just some words or wisdom from someone quite a bit older than you.
1. Do you have a lawyer?
When you submit the will for probate it will be a matter of public

record

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

and they can get their 'copy' then. Let them pay for it!
2. Do not give ANYONE access to your Grandma's things/house until you
have
removed everything that you want for yourself or your heirs. Your aunt
will
pack every thing over, all the while muttering about how little it is
worth,
make you feel crappier, then she will take the little bit that your may
really treasure. They will leave you garbage if they have their way.
3. Your job is to execute the will and you are entitled to a fee for
that!
Take it!An additional 5 or 10% on top of your inheritance.
4/ Do not let them 'guilt' you into giving them anything more than is
stipulated in the will. If your winds of Fortune change you may very

well

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

need what you have given away just to 'feel better'. Don't do it!
Jo
NJ
"Laureen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...
> Barb2 <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...
> > Laureen wrote:
> snipping>
Not that money matters but I
> did something nice to honor my Gram and her favorite colors. <asnip>
> Then the other day I called
> my aunt to ask her if she wanted a few things I had found of Grams

but

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> she wasn't home and my uncle said ..verbatum "What we do want is a
> copy of THAT will" >snip>
. My aunt travels all over the
> country, lives in a huge house on a bluff over looking the strait

with

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> an excellent water view, she buys a new car ever 2 years, they are
> definitely financially secure. I'm not sure why she feels slighted

but

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

> I assume she does. > snip>
> I am just plain GUILTY in their book!!
> Thanks, Laureen

Well it happened! Let me digress to a prior story. My aunt came over
one day before Gram died to look at Grams old pics. In those were a
black photo album, a baby pic of my Great Gram (aunts and Gram's Mom)
and a wedding pic of Great Gram and My Grams Father. That is the only
picture of My Great Grandfather. Now mind you, Gram and Aunt DO NOT
have the same father. So this pic is only of interest to her because
her Mom is in it. She told me that day she wanted the photo album but
said nothing about the other 2 pics. I told Gram she wanted the album
and Gram told me "When Im gone, give the album to her and you keep the
rest" My aunt made no mention of wanting the other 2 pics. The night
before we go to Renees to let them go through pics, my aunt asks me to
"Bring the 2 other pics Renee would love to see those." RED FLAG!!!!!
Little did I know I had been set up for the kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm
sure Doris expressed her wishes for the pics to her daughter knowing I
wouldn't turn loose of pics so Renee probably told her "Don't worry
MOm I'll get you those pics" OK..... I get there with my Aunt. I lay
pics out and Grams will. Doris picks up the will, reads the real
important things in it out loud. When she gets to the part about if
Laureen should die before Gram then the money is divided equally
between Renee and her 2 brothers.. Renee chimes in and says jokingly
"I guess I should have killed you" OMG!!!!!!! Can you beliebve she
said that? I say nothing as I have not made a big deal out the will in
order to not make anyone feel bad. Then Doris takes the 2 pics and
hands them to Renee. They ooh and awe over them. Renee hands them back
to Doris. She sets them over by her. I wait a while and the pics dont
come back my way. I nicely ask for them back, I get the strangest look
from both of them. Renee pipes in and said "Moms wants those". I
nicely say " No, I would really like to keep them. Gram gave them to
me and I want them. It is the only pic that exists of Grandmas father,
my great grandfather". My cousin then says " It is HER MOTHER!!!!(
looking to Doris)" We go back and forth very civil and I stand firm on
the wedding pic but give her the baby pic of her Mom. Then she says
"GODDAMN IT!! You got the whole wall of wax! Give her the
PICTURES!!!!! Well....... No one yells at me. Mind you I never raised
my voice, got snotty or cursed at anyone. I calmly got up from the
table, got my stuff together and said in a low voice "I'm leaving now,
Doris I will take you back home or Renee can take you home. "Renee
says "I will take her home". I head for the door and my aunt shouts.
"Run! Do what your Mom and Gram always did", I go out the door and
realize I have left the will on the table. I go back in and get it and
reach the door again and my Aunt says "You only had 3 months!! (what
ever that meant). I get out to my truck and she shouts "You're in for
a surprise in court!!" Renee comes to the truck and invites me in to
"TALK ABOUT THIS" I say " No thanks, I need to go now" and I'm off. As
soon as I get on a main road. I tell him what happened and no sooner
do I hang up and Renee is calling him at work to tell him she said
something terrible to me and regrets it. But she still wants her Mom
to have the pics!!! Then she tells Larry " Mom didnt get anything, no
money, no jewelry, not anything, she's hurt"

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have rounds with my
family over money and jewelry!! You were all right! They are greedy. I
asked my Gram if there was anything she wanted Doris to have and she
said " NO" WOW!!!I have been villified here. Their anger and hurt is
totally misdirected. I didnt hold a gun at Grams head to change her
will!!! She loved me and wanted me to have all of this. My one friend
says they are behaving like this out of jealousy and desperation and
now they have nothing to lose. They dont care about me or my feelings
and since Gram is gone there is no retribution to come from her so
they can treat me like [censored] now!!! People are incredible!!! Im more
mad than hurt as I tried to include my aunt in everything. I asked her
if she wanted to come with me the day I picked Grams casket out. She
said no because she hadnt done her hair yet!!!!!!!! I let her do the
arrangements for Grams eulogy and the songs. I sent thank yous in her
name too, bought a big thank you cake for the nursing home workers and
it said "From June Todds Family" I gave the wonderful nurse who was so
good to Gram and us the night she died a $20 gift certficate and
signed it from Doris and I. I never even asked her to chip in on those
things. She did offer and I nicely declined. I gave her the ring,I
gave her one of the pic. Just where did I get the conduct unbecoming
award?
I'm done with these people. They did my Gram a great injustice by
behaving the way they did the other day. I refused and still refuse to
stoop to their level. Gram would have been proud of me.
Laureen

Laureen, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. How incredibly
STRESSFUL! As far as the photos go, there IS a solution, although the photos
themselves are probably not the REAL issue. Anyone with a decent scanner and
printer can copy and print the photos for them, or they can be taken to a photo
store and reproduced by the staff so that your aunt can have a copy. If this
DOES go to court, it would be one less thing for them to contest.

--
Saffire
205/148/125 - 5'1.5"
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333