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How to get a NoCom

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Recumbent bicycles
Published
18 December 2004
Last activity
19 December 2004
Original author
Johnny NoCom
Posts
36
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  1. In the past week I have received hundreds upon hundreds of private
    e-mails with inquiries about the NoCom. The NoCom is not a bike for fat
    old geezers like Slow Joe Recumbo, Baloney Thompson, Micky from Denmark,
    Pietro de Gullible, DorkAss, Jon Meinpuck, Redneck fro SoFla,
    PutPutFoltz, BentNoBrain, Rluci Dweebo, Larry Blarney, Chris Slowdio
    Evans, and Clitorus Lee. Those benters ride slow recumbent eyesores and
    none of them will ever be fast on any bike or recumbent.

    The first step to acquiring a NoCom is to denounce all slow recumbents
    the above mentioned benters own. Next get some cash and send a check to
    a NoCom dealer rep. That is the only way to get a NoCom which is the
    fastest stock bike in the known universe.

    The JohnnyNoCom site will be up and running soon for more NoCom details.

    Holiday Cheers,
    Johnny NoCom

  2. All those private emails to a bogus address, sure you got hundreds

    "Johnny NoCom" <"Johnny NoCom"@Fastest-Bike-In-Existence.Com> wrote in
    message news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    In the past week I have received hundreds upon hundreds of private
    e-mails with inquiries about the NoCom. The NoCom is not a bike for fat
    old geezers like Slow Joe Recumbo, Baloney Thompson, Micky from Denmark,
    Pietro de Gullible, DorkAss, Jon Meinpuck, Redneck fro SoFla,
    PutPutFoltz, BentNoBrain, Rluci Dweebo, Larry Blarney, Chris Slowdio
    Evans, and Clitorus Lee. Those benters ride slow recumbent eyesores and
    none of them will ever be fast on any bike or recumbent.

    The first step to acquiring a NoCom is to denounce all slow recumbents
    the above mentioned benters own. Next get some cash and send a check to
    a NoCom dealer rep. That is the only way to get a NoCom which is the
    fastest stock bike in the known universe.

    The JohnnyNoCom site will be up and running soon for more NoCom details.

    Holiday Cheers,
    Johnny NoCom

  3. Johnny NoCom said:

    The first step to acquiring a NoCom is to denounce all slow recumbents
    the above mentioned benters own. Next get some cash and send a check to
    a NoCom dealer rep. That is the only way to get a NoCom which is the
    fastest stock bike in the known universe.

    The JohnnyNoCom site will be up and running soon for more NoCom details.

    Perhaps those wishing to purchase a nocom should do it soon while
    they are still in production. Velokraft, makers of the nocom, is
    currently designing a carbon HIGH RACER, which is a far more practical
    HPV than the nocom. This will be in much higher demand than the
    nocom and will take all of the manufacturing capacity of the small
    company.

  4. Johnny NoCom said:

    In the past week I have received hundreds upon hundreds of private
    e-mails with inquiries about the NoCom. The NoCom is not a bike for fat
    old geezers like Slow Joe Recumbo, Baloney Thompson, Micky from Denmark,
    Pietro de Gullible, DorkAss, Jon Meinpuck, Redneck fro SoFla,
    PutPutFoltz, BentNoBrain, Rluci Dweebo, Larry Blarney, Chris Slowdio
    Evans, and Clitorus Lee. Those benters ride slow recumbent eyesores and
    none of them will ever be fast on any bike or recumbent.

    The first step to acquiring a NoCom is to denounce all slow recumbents
    the above mentioned benters own. Next get some cash and send a check to
    a NoCom dealer rep. That is the only way to get a NoCom which is the
    fastest stock bike in the known universe.

    The JohnnyNoCom site will be up and running soon for more NoCom details.

    Holiday Cheers,
    Johnny NoCom

    Ed,
    I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as real as
    your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are they real? Can you
    give us a list of their names, and their email addresses, websites, etc., that
    are real?

    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  5. Larry Varney said:

    Ed,
    I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as real
    as your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are they real?
    Can you give us a list of their names, and their email addresses,
    websites, etc., that are real?

    See <http://www.bentupcycles.com/merchant2/merchant.mvc?>.

    --
    Tom Sherman - Rock Island County Illinois
    Tetrahedral carbon lattices are not forever.

  6. Tom Sherman said:
    Larry Varney said:

    Ed,
    I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as
    real as your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are they
    real? Can you give us a list of their names, and their email
    addresses, websites, etc., that are real?

    See <http://www.bentupcycles.com/merchant2/merchant.mvc?>.

    Well, that's one. How many NoCom dealers are there, I wonder. Any in the
    midwest, hopefully not too far from Cincinnati? I'm sure they read this list
    and will let us all know.
    I did sit on one of the VK2's, I think, that Dana had at the BROL rally. It
    didn't have pedals on it, or I *might* have been tempted to take it for a spin.
    I did take a brief ride on one of Bill Cook's low racers. And my feelings
    about such bikes are: if you want to go fast, almost to the total exclusion of
    anything else, then it's hard to beat these "street luge" bikes.
    But for me, I'd want something a little more versatile, something that would
    handle a rear rack, for example. The Baron comes to mind, almost immediately.
    I've thought about getting one of those a couple of times, but then I get
    distracted by trikes and how much fun they are, and I forget about these really
    low 2-wheelers for a while.
    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  7. Those low 2 wheelers make no useful sense whatever to many. Ecological
    referance in the current marketplace is lacking at best, amid refining
    lifelong searches for transportation solutions in one (or another)
    approach; which is questionable, cannot be solved by one bike, one
    design, one company, in one country, and so on.

    Social scientists have reacted in a number of ways to the existence of
    global crises and potential crises. Their responses, of course, have
    been consistent with their ideological assumptions, resulting in the
    unfortunate avoidance of several possibly productive avenues of
    research and speculation.

    As an example, one major emphasis within psychology and other fields
    has been a growing literature that is in large part an outgrowth of
    Hardin's 1968 article on "the tragedy of the commons." Hardin, a
    biologist, described a situation in which "rational" individuals
    looking out only for their own self-interest will inevitably destroy
    what they use in common, so long as they each get the full benefit of
    their individual use of the commons but only have to pay a small
    percentage of the costs (note the assumptions behind Hardin's
    definition of rationality, which comes directly from similar treatments
    in the economics literature--e.g., Olson, 1965). Hardin advocated the
    public acceptance of stringent controls on the right to have children
    and to consume resources, in the belief that people will not
    voluntarily cooperate for the good of all in a large global commons. He
    later went on to urge the adoption of a "lifeboat ethics" as a means of
    ensuring human survival in an overpopulated world (Hardin, 1972; Hardin
    & Baden, 1977).

    Hardin's thesis has been echoed by many who have accepted his
    assumption of scarcity, his profit-maximization view of human nature,
    and his call for a stronger, more coercive, centralized state capable
    of saving the commons. Heilbroner (1980), for example, wrote that "as I
    examine the prospect ahead, I not only predict but I prescribe a
    centralization of power as the only means by which our threatened and
    dangerous civilization will make way for its successor". True,
    Heilbroner indicated a measure of discomfort with his prescription, and
    with his view that survival depends on our "susceptibility to appeals
    to national identity" and our "willingness to accept authority", but he
    saw little hope of any alternative.

    Research in social psychology has focused on prisoner's dilemma games,
    market simulations, bystander intervention, and related areas in an
    attempt to identify the conditions under which the tragedy comes into
    play. Researchers often agree, explicitly or implicitly, with the
    conclusions of Hardin and Heilbroner: In our modern, technological,
    complicated world, a tragedy of monumental scope is inevitable unless
    we resort to increased centralized governmental power (see the
    examination of this view by Orbell & Dawes, 1981, as well as the review
    by Stroebe & Frey, 1982). This seemingly obvious centralist conclusion,
    however, is convincing largely because it has what A. Roberts (1979)
    called "the advantage of simplicity" (p. 159), an advantage that leads
    to the "largely uncritical acceptance of...false assumptions" and to "a
    search for salvation along paths which all unwittingly lead to
    destruction. We might call it 'the tragedy of "The Tragedy of the
    Commons"'" ; so then, of what importance is a NoCom really??? It still
    flops over without unclipping, not to mention truly throwing off "even"
    balance by geometrically throwing off weight tolerances with a rack,
    pannier, fairing, etc.

    Chris Jordan
    Santa Cruz, CA.

  8. "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:
    Tom Sherman said:
    Larry Varney said:

    Ed,
    I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as
    real as your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are they
    real? Can you give us a list of their names, and their email
    addresses, websites, etc., that are real?

    See <http://www.bentupcycles.com/merchant2/merchant.mvc?>.

    Well, that's one. How many NoCom dealers are there, I wonder. Any in


    the

    Quoted message said:

    midwest, hopefully not too far from Cincinnati? I'm sure they read this


    list

    Quoted message said:

    and will let us all know.

    The only dealer Velokraft lists is Bent Up Cycles in California although due
    to what I learned hunting down Optima sites being a dealer doesn't mean they
    have or ever will have bikes 🙂

    Quoted message said:

    But for me, I'd want something a little more versatile, something that


    would

    Quoted message said:

    handle a rear rack, for example. The Baron comes to mind, almost


    immediately.

    Quoted message said:

    I've thought about getting one of those a couple of times, but then I get
    distracted by trikes and how much fun they are, and I forget about these


    really

    Quoted message said:

    low 2-wheelers for a while.

    The Baron would be much more versatile than a NoComm, I had an Optima-made
    rear rack for a while however it was heavy and ugly so instead I now have
    sidebags and a lightweight rear bag setup. The bad thing about those bikes
    is mounting accessories can be a royal pain sometimes

  9. Larry Varney said:
    Tom Sherman said:
    Larry Varney said:

    Ed,
    I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as
    real as your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are
    they real? Can you give us a list of their names, and their email
    addresses, websites, etc., that are real?

    See <http://www.bentupcycles.com/merchant2/merchant.mvc?>.

    Well, that's one. How many NoCom dealers are there, I wonder. Any in
    the midwest, hopefully not too far from Cincinnati? I'm sure they read
    this list and will let us all know.
    I did sit on one of the VK2's, I think, that Dana had at the BROL
    rally. It didn't have pedals on it, or I *might* have been tempted to
    take it for a spin. I did take a brief ride on one of Bill Cook's low
    racers. And my feelings about such bikes are: if you want to go fast,
    almost to the total exclusion of anything else, then it's hard to beat
    these "street luge" bikes.
    But for me, I'd want something a little more versatile, something that
    would handle a rear rack, for example. The Baron comes to mind, almost
    immediately. I've thought about getting one of those a couple of times,
    but then I get distracted by trikes and how much fun they are, and I
    forget about these really low 2-wheelers for a while.

    There once was a lowracer [1] that came with a sturdy Cro-Moly and
    stainless [2] steel rack as standard equipment. I just tried standing on
    the rack (mounted on the bike) and it barely deflected.

    [1] <http://www.ihpva.org/incoming/2002/sunset/Sunset001.jpg>.
    [2] The parts where the powder coating is likely to be rubbed off are
    stainless steel.

    --
    Tom Sherman

  10. Mark Leuck said:

    "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:
    Tom Sherman said:

    Larry Varney wrote:

    >Ed,
    > I've got a couple of questions. Will your JohnnyNoCom site be as
    >real as your email addresses? And these "NoCom dealer reps" - are they
    >real? Can you give us a list of their names, and their email
    >addresses, websites, etc., that are real?

    See <http://www.bentupcycles.com/merchant2/merchant.mvc?>.

    Well, that's one. How many NoCom dealers are there, I wonder. Any in

    the

    Quoted message said:

    midwest, hopefully not too far from Cincinnati? I'm sure they read this

    list

    Quoted message said:

    and will let us all know.

    The only dealer Velokraft lists is Bent Up Cycles in California although due
    to what I learned hunting down Optima sites being a dealer doesn't mean they
    have or ever will have bikes 🙂

    Quoted message said:

    But for me, I'd want something a little more versatile, something that

    would

    Quoted message said:

    handle a rear rack, for example. The Baron comes to mind, almost

    immediately.

    Quoted message said:

    I've thought about getting one of those a couple of times, but then I get
    distracted by trikes and how much fun they are, and I forget about these

    really

    Quoted message said:

    low 2-wheelers for a while.

    The Baron would be much more versatile than a NoComm, I had an Optima-made
    rear rack for a while however it was heavy and ugly so instead I now have
    sidebags and a lightweight rear bag setup. The bad thing about those bikes
    is mounting accessories can be a royal pain sometimes

    I can understand that there wouldn't be many dealers willing to carry such a
    niche bike. I mean, recumbents in general have a small market, and one that is
    so function-specific has got to be one of those items that a dealer wouldn't
    want to invest floor space - and capital - in stocking.
    As for the Baron, I know or have met several people who own one - and one
    guy who owned three! - and I keep hoping that they'll move on to something
    faster, lighter, lower, whatever - and sell me their Baron really, really cheap.
    Hmmm... maybe one of them would like to make a deal involving one of my
    trikes? I could see coming to an agreement, some amount of cash and a Baron,
    for one of my stable of trikes.

    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  11. "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    I can understand that there wouldn't be many dealers willing to carry


    such a

    Quoted message said:

    niche bike. I mean, recumbents in general have a small market, and one


    that is

    Quoted message said:

    so function-specific has got to be one of those items that a dealer


    wouldn't

    Quoted message said:

    want to invest floor space - and capital - in stocking.

    After visiting at least 30+ shops over the last 2 years that claim to be
    dealers of M5, Optima, Challenge etc I've found in almost every case the
    "dealer" part is in name only. Yes they can order parts but they have no
    stock or have one bike available that has been sitting for a couple of years
    and nobody at those shops is up on the specifics of the bike or brand.

    If they do have recumbents they have the basic Easy Racer or BikeE (still)
    but never more upscale versions, I can understand the problems selling a
    niche product but if you are going to be a dealer of a particular brand then
    BE A DEALER. I could see some of this from standard bike shops who don't
    know or understand the recumbent market but many of these are recumbent
    only. Thank god for Jim's Bike Shop in Ohio or I would have never been able
    to buy a Baron in the first place and that was over 1,000 miles from where I
    live

    Quoted message said:

    As for the Baron, I know or have met several people who own one - and


    one

    Quoted message said:

    guy who owned three! - and I keep hoping that they'll move on to something
    faster, lighter, lower, whatever - and sell me their Baron really, really


    cheap.

    Funny you should mention that since I am now looking at a Low Baron.... 🙂

    Quoted message said:

    Hmmm... maybe one of them would like to make a deal involving one of my
    trikes? I could see coming to an agreement, some amount of cash and a


    Baron,

    Quoted message said:

    for one of my stable of trikes.

    Won't happen, much of the reason for getting a Baron is for the speed which
    I have yet to see with a trike (no offense)

  12. Mark Leuck said:

    "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:

    I can understand that there wouldn't be many dealers willing to carry

    such a

    Quoted message said:

    niche bike. I mean, recumbents in general have a small market, and one

    that is

    Quoted message said:

    so function-specific has got to be one of those items that a dealer

    wouldn't

    Quoted message said:

    want to invest floor space - and capital - in stocking.

    After visiting at least 30+ shops over the last 2 years that claim to be
    dealers of M5, Optima, Challenge etc I've found in almost every case the
    "dealer" part is in name only. Yes they can order parts but they have no
    stock or have one bike available that has been sitting for a couple of years
    and nobody at those shops is up on the specifics of the bike or brand.

    If they do have recumbents they have the basic Easy Racer or BikeE (still)
    but never more upscale versions, I can understand the problems selling a
    niche product but if you are going to be a dealer of a particular brand then
    BE A DEALER. I could see some of this from standard bike shops who don't
    know or understand the recumbent market but many of these are recumbent
    only. Thank god for Jim's Bike Shop in Ohio or I would have never been able
    to buy a Baron in the first place and that was over 1,000 miles from where I
    live

    Quoted message said:

    As for the Baron, I know or have met several people who own one - and

    one

    Quoted message said:

    guy who owned three! - and I keep hoping that they'll move on to something
    faster, lighter, lower, whatever - and sell me their Baron really, really

    cheap.

    Funny you should mention that since I am now looking at a Low Baron.... 🙂

    Quoted message said:

    Hmmm... maybe one of them would like to make a deal involving one of my
    trikes? I could see coming to an agreement, some amount of cash and a

    Baron,

    Quoted message said:

    for one of my stable of trikes.

    Won't happen, much of the reason for getting a Baron is for the speed which
    I have yet to see with a trike (no offense)

    See, if you get the Low Baron (and I've seen one - really nice!), you'll
    have the speed angle cornered. The trike would be for more casual rides, where
    fun is the main thing.
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be gravel, wet
    leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a trike!
    I can make you an awfully good deal, that old, gathering dust in your garage
    Baron, in exchange for a brand-new, fun to ride, lightweight wonder, the
    Catrike Pocket!

    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  13. Please don't confuse this Johnny NoCom with Velokraft or any of its dealers.
    He has as much to do with them as he has with BROL. (And thats nothing)

    Now, why people are willing to excuse this cretins behaviour here with stuff like
    "Oh, he's such a nice guy in person" or "free speech" or whatever is beyond me.

  14. Mikael said:

    ...
    Now, why people are willing to excuse this cretins behaviour here with stuff like
    "Oh, he's such a nice guy in person" or "free speech" or whatever is beyond me....

    It is because we are grouchy, unpleasant people who like to bicker.

    --
    Tom Sherman - [Misanthrope]

  15. Larry Varney said:

    ...
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be
    gravel, wet leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a trike!...

    Or hip and elbow pads - these are the places that will bear the majority
    of the impact and deceleration forces when crashing on a lowracer.

    --
    Tom Sherman - [ ]

  16. Tom Sherman said:
    Mikael said:

    ...
    Now, why people are willing to excuse this cretins behaviour here with
    stuff like
    "Oh, he's such a nice guy in person" or "free speech" or whatever is
    beyond me....

    It is because we are grouchy, unpleasant people who like to bicker.

    I am NOT unpleasant!

    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  17. Tom Sherman said:
    Larry Varney said:

    ...
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be
    gravel, wet leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a
    trike!...

    Or hip and elbow pads - these are the places that will bear the majority
    of the impact and deceleration forces when crashing on a lowracer.

    I can see wearing such protective gear, if I were a racer. But if it seemed
    at all likely that I'd really need something like hip and elbow pads, I think
    I'd look into riding something else.
    I would definitely, if I were someone posting on this list, think seriously
    about unloading that death trap of a Baron, in exchange for a Pocket!

    --
    Larry Varney
    Cold Spring, KY
    http://home.fuse.net/larryvarney

  18. Larry Varney said:
    Tom Sherman said:
    Larry Varney said:

    ...
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be
    gravel, wet leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a
    trike!...

    Or hip and elbow pads - these are the places that will bear the
    majority of the impact and deceleration forces when crashing on a
    lowracer.

    I can see wearing such protective gear, if I were a racer. But if it
    seemed at all likely that I'd really need something like hip and elbow
    pads, I think I'd look into riding something else.
    I would definitely, if I were someone posting on this list, think
    seriously about unloading that death trap of a Baron, in exchange for a
    Pocket!

    It is a lot better than falling from a greater height and fracturing
    one's clavicle, spinal column, and/or skull, which can happen with
    higher bicycles (especially uprights).

    --
    Tom Sherman - [ ]

  19. "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    See, if you get the Low Baron (and I've seen one - really nice!),


    you'll

    Quoted message said:

    have the speed angle cornered. The trike would be for more casual rides,


    where

    Quoted message said:

    fun is the main thing.
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be gravel,


    wet

    Quoted message said:

    leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a trike!
    I can make you an awfully good deal, that old, gathering dust in your


    garage

    Quoted message said:

    Baron, in exchange for a brand-new, fun to ride, lightweight wonder, the
    Catrike Pocket!

    I was hoping they'd make that carbon fiber version shown on bentrideronline,
    sorry to see they won't. Everytime I think tho I want a trike I do a ride
    much like the one today where if I had a trike I'd be dead meat.

    Funny thing is I once said that about riding those same places on the
    Baron...hmmm

  20. "Larry Varney" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
    news:[email hidden]...

    Quoted message said:


    See, if you get the Low Baron (and I've seen one - really nice!),


    you'll

    Quoted message said:

    have the speed angle cornered. The trike would be for more casual rides,


    where

    Quoted message said:

    fun is the main thing.
    And did I mention safety? In slippery conditions, whether it be gravel,


    wet

    Quoted message said:

    leaves or snow, 2 wheels just don't cut it - you need a trike!
    I can make you an awfully good deal, that old, gathering dust in your


    garage

    Quoted message said:

    Baron, in exchange for a brand-new, fun to ride, lightweight wonder, the
    Catrike Pocket!

    I was hoping they'd make that carbon fiber version shown on bentrideronline,
    sorry to see they won't. Everytime I think tho I want a trike I do a ride
    much like the one today where if I had a trike I'd be dead meat.

    Funny thing is I once said that about riding those same places on the
    Baron...hmmm

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