Has Everybody Here Got All the Friends You Need?

"Star E. Avenues" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Hi You All:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes.
I have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our
lifestyles are no longer compatible.

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here
to local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue. Have
most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem? Are there ANY people here interested in or, who
might know of facilities and/or info., or resources with
respect to finding folks *in their particular area* who
might be going through similar health issues

Appreciate Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

Hello Alex,

Although this group seems to be going through a quiet
patch right now, with many posts from scammers and trolls,
and appropriate responses, a while ago it was getting over
a hundred posts a day, dealing with every type of diabetes
related question. I can say without any hesitation that
over the ten yers or so I've been reading and posting
here, I have met (in writing) people here for whom I
developed a deep respect. I came to look at them as
personal friends - friends whom I have never met
personally and probably never will. The information I have
gained here and the pointers I have received have provided
me with information critical in the management of my
diabetes - doubtlessly prolonging my life.

As far as personal (face-to-face) friends.... well,
unfortunately there is such a thing as "fair weather
friends" - people who are the best of mates when things are
going well, but who desert you when there is a hint of
trouble. I am not sure why that is so. Possibly they don't
like to hear anything negative. As it was with me, often
when one is diagnosed the first reaction is "woe is me, I'm
going to go blind; I'm going to die. etc. etc.", and you
impart this to friend after friend. They may hate to hear
things like that and soon prefer not to see you. I am not
saying that is right. I have had friends in serious
trouble; with terminal conditions, and I am happy to say
that I did not abandon them when their need for friends was
at its highest.

To sum it up, in times of strife you soon find out who your
true friends are.

My recommendation - manage your diabetes meticulously (diet,
excercise, medication, etc.), stay positive (there's still
plenty to be positive about life, and you'll find friends -
people who you never imagined would become your friends....

I hope Guy posts in response to your letter. He is my beacon
of light - a living proof of how you can master and live
with your adversity. I am certain he has many friends.

Henry Australia

Star E. Avenues said this...

Quoted message said:

Hi You All:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes.
I have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our
lifestyles are no longer compatible.

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here
to local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue. Have
most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem? Are there ANY people here interested in or, who
might know of facilities and/or info., or resources with
respect to finding folks *in their particular area* who
might be going through similar health issues

Appreciate Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

Only a small comment, but real friends would adapt with your
changing lifestyle. If they can't do that then they were
probably a little shallow in the first place.

I found that after diagnosis my true mates took my changes
in their stride, and I met lots of new faces both on and
offline. The genuine old friends were the ones who took an
interest, the new ones were people who I genuinely had
something in common with.

As one door closes another opens.

Ratty
--
Now with 64 bit stupidity

www.flyingrat.net

Star E. Avenues said:

Hi You All:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes. I
have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our lifestyles
are no longer compatible.

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here to
local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue. Have
most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem? Are there ANY people here interested in or, who
might know of facilities and/or info., or resources with
respect to finding folks *in their particular area* who
might be going through similar health issues

Appreciate Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

Hi Alex

Oddly enough, you'd be surprised at the number of perfect
strangers who have chatted with me as soon as I test in
public. I don't make a display of it, but I don't hide it
either. On a recent train trip, it led to a long discussion
with my travelling companion on the way down to Sydney; he
turned out to be T2 but had never used a meter.

On the way back, the lady who had sat beside me without
speaking for an hour suddenly started chatting about her
husband, also a T2, when she saw the meter.

At a recent function, the lady next to me was T1. I hadn't
used my meter this time - she noticed that she and I were
eating salad when everyone else was eating the pizza; and
so it goes.

Not that I suggest you should cultivate a circle of friends
who are exclusively diabetics; I simply wonder why you
should think it would reduce rather than expand your circle
of friends. You have some new conversation pieces. And, as
others have mentioned, true friends will remain.

Now, if you really want to lose friends, borrow money from
them, or even worse, lend it.

A final point; I did strain some friendships when I started
boring them to death with advice on diet and exercise after
I started to lose weight and gain control. When they give
you a compliment, accept it gracefully, without telling them
exactly how you did it. I'm sure you'd never do that, but I
was a little slow to learn.

That's why I come here and bore you lot to death instead:-)

Cheers, Alan, T2 d&e, Australia. Remove weight and
carbs to email.
--
Everything in Moderation - Except Laughter.

Star E. Avenues said:

Hi You All: Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of
friends since I've *changed my life style on account of
diabetes.

I think you need to redefine what you mean by friends. I
believe that a real 'Friend' in every sense of the meaning
of the word, is a rare and valuable thing. If you have just
a handful in a lifetime then you are indeed a lucky person.
A true friend will not desert you and those you percieve as
'friends' who are not there just because you changed your
lifestyle IMO are not friends at all. Perhaps they would be
better described as 'neighbours' or associates.

Quoted message said:

I have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our
lifestyles are no longer compatible.

IME lifestyle compatability - as you call it - is one of the
defining parameters determining a true friendship. Those I
considered 'friends' before diabetes are still friends and
there are one or two whose lifestyle by comparrison to mine
is at the opposite end of the scale. There are thos ho are
geographically distantfor most of the time but every now and
then we meet up when we are able and all is as if there has
been no time inbetween.

I have noticed in my local area, that there are those in my
community who are more curious about me than before. I look
different since loosing weight and those that notice did so
because of the rapid change and that I still keep the weight
off. They notice out of envy I think.

My lifestyle hasn't altered that much in other peoples
perception. The only change is in my diet which has no
impact on my activities, other than I am always on the go
doing something. I recently renovated some old furniture and
did so in my garage [[censored] weather] everyone who passed
noticed and a few commented. One thing that is noticed is
that I can be seen walking all over the place and in all
weathers. If anything, they notice that I am fitter and
improved from what they percieved before.

Quoted message said:

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here to
local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue. Have
most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem? Are there ANY people here interested in or, who
might know of facilities and/or info., or resources with
respect to finding folks *in their particular area* who
might be going through similar health issues Appreciate
Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

I prefer not to associate with other diabetics socially and
would never consider seeking a friendship from a group of
diabetics specifically. To do so is to encapsulate myself in
other peoples misery. It is a form of predjudice in reverse
- self isolating.

If you need support and help in your condition then that is
altogether a different thing IMO and it may be that a decent
friendship can develop from that but again, I think you need
to define your perceptions a little, it might make your
goals a little clearer and easier to achieve. There are a
lot of healthy people out there who are desperately lonely
as well as those who have health issues. IMO looking for
what you need exclusively in one group will only reduce the
possibilities of success.

HTH

Diagnosed 20/03/03 Type II D&E + Metformin + Gliclazide MR
+ Asprin 210 lbs at Dx to 170 lbs 02/08/03 target 161 mail:
aspen at freeuk.com.

On Sat, 15 May 2004 18:09:33 -0400, Star E. Avenues
<[email hidden]> wrote:

Howdy Alex,

Quoted message said:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes. I
have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our lifestyles
are no longer compatible.

Not really sure what you mean by your lifestyles no longer
being compatible. In my case I eexercise more than I did
before I was dx'ed, I eat better than before I was dx'ed,
and so far still do all of the things I was doing before,
work, hobbies and the like, and have the same friends I had
before I was dx'ed as after.

Quoted message said:

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal.

Most of my friends either don't have computers or work in a
computer related field or use them at work, when they get
home they want nothing to do with a computer. So all we have
is upclose and personal, even if it's only a phone call.

Quoted message said:

Have most of you guys held on to your >friends-- without a
problem?

Pretty much in my case I would have to say yes. Over the
years before I was dx'ed with diabetes, I made a choice to
only call people my "friends" if I and they invested a lot
into the relationship, and everyone else? Well their really
just acquaintances, most neighbors, people I work with/for,
and those you people you see every day, but do little more
than smile and say good morning to.

Quoted message said:

I've seen no reference here to local groups or, that
doesn't seem to be an issue.

Quoted message said:

Are there ANY people here interested in or, who might know
of facilities and/or info., or resources with respect to
finding folks *in their particular area* who might be going
through similar health issues

It's been mentioned many times, about finding local support
groups, for those that feel they need them. Checking with
the local chapter of the ADA (www.diabetes.org) and typing
in your zip code, will result is finding many local to you
resources, including support groups. (of course depending on
where you live, there may be many options or very few).

Contacting your local hospitals and clinics for info on
finding and attending local support groups or others in the
area near you that are dealing with similar health issues.
--
Type 2 - Dx'ed 11/2001
Stopped Metformin 2003
Now D&E, A1c 5.2

On Sun, 16 May 2004 12:04:00 +1000, "hemyd" <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

"Star E. Avenues" <[email hidden]> wrote in
message "]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Hi You All:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes.
I have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our
lifestyles are no longer compatible.

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here
to local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue.
Have most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem? Are there ANY people here interested in or, who
might know of facilities and/or info., or resources with
respect to finding folks *in their particular area* who
might be going through similar health issues

Appreciate Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

Hello Alex,

Although this group seems to be going through a quiet
patch right now, with many posts from scammers and trolls,
and appropriate responses, a while ago it was getting over
a hundred posts a day, dealing with every type of diabetes
related question. I can say without any hesitation that
over the ten yers or so I've been reading and posting
here, I have met (in writing) people here for whom I
developed a deep respect. I came to look at them as
personal friends - friends whom I have never met
personally and probably never will. The information I have
gained here and the pointers I have received have provided
me with information critical in the management of my
diabetes - doubtlessly prolonging my life.

As far as personal (face-to-face) friends.... well,
unfortunately there is such a thing as "fair weather
friends" - people who are the best of mates when things are
going well, but who desert you when there is a hint of
trouble. I am not sure why that is so. Possibly they don't
like to hear anything negative. As it was with me, often
when one is diagnosed the first reaction is "woe is me, I'm
going to go blind; I'm going to die. etc. etc.", and you
impart this to friend after friend. They may hate to hear
things like that and soon prefer not to see you. I am not
saying that is right. I have had friends in serious
trouble; with terminal conditions, and I am happy to say
that I did not abandon them when their need for friends was
at its highest.

To sum it up, in times of strife you soon find out who your
true friends are.

My recommendation - manage your diabetes meticulously
(diet, excercise, medication, etc.), stay positive (there's
still plenty to be positive about life, and you'll find
friends - people who you never imagined would become your
friends....

I hope Guy posts in response to your letter. He is my
beacon of light - a living proof of how you can master and
live with your adversity. I am certain he has many friends.

Henry Australia

Hey - and just occasionally we also meet in the flesh :-) Hi
to Henry and Ozgirl (waving)..

Of course, if you do that, make sure you check their bags
for axes and chainsaws as they arrive.

Cheers, Alan, T2 d&e, Australia. Remove weight and
carbs to email.
--
Everything in Moderation - Except Laughter.

Alan" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Hi Alex

Oddly enough, you'd be surprised at the number of perfect
strangers who have chatted with me as soon as I test in
public. I don't make a display of it, but I don't hide it
either. On a recent train trip, it led to a long
discussion with my travelling companion on the way down to
Sydney; he turned out to be T2 but had never used a meter.

On the way back, the lady who had sat beside me without
speaking for an hour suddenly started chatting about her
husband, also a T2, when she saw the meter.

At a recent function, the lady next to me was T1. I hadn't
used my meter this time - she noticed that she and I were
eating salad when everyone else was eating the pizza; and
so it goes.

Not that I suggest you should cultivate a circle of
friends who are exclusively diabetics; I simply wonder why
you should think it would reduce rather than expand your
circle of friends. You have some new conversation pieces.
And, as others have mentioned, true friends will remain.

Now, if you really want to lose friends, borrow money from
them, or even worse, lend it.

A final point; I did strain some friendships when I
started boring them to death with advice on diet and
exercise after I started to lose weight and gain control.
When they give you a compliment, accept it gracefully,
without telling them exactly how you did it. I'm sure
you'd never do that, but I was a little slow to learn.

That's why I come here and bore you lot to death instead:-
)

Cheers, Alan, T2 d&e, Australia. Remove weight and carbs
to email.
--
Everything in Moderation - Except Laughter.

I find that it is almost impossible to go anywhere without
meeting someone, or hearing about one of their relatives,
who have diabetes. In fact, it may sound odd, but I often
find that talking about diabetes is a good icebreaker. You
soon get involved in the management of diabetes of the
person you met, or his/her husband, brother or uncle. Big
exchange of information, and lots of tips about diets and
excercise follow. Diabetes may very well be good for making
friends....

Henry Australia

16 May 2004 Pete said:

There are thos ho are geographically distantfor most of the
time but every now and then we meet up when we are able and
all is as if there has been no time inbetween.

Funny you should bring that up now - I've just made contact
again with somebody after not seeing him for about 6 or 7
years - I think we've spoken maybe twice in that time - and
as with your example, we more or less carried on from where
we left off .....

--

]- "I am a man of many parts, ]- unfortunately most of them
are no longer in stock" ]-
------------------------------------------------------------
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To reply by e-mail, move the Gnu from the address to the
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<snip>

Quoted message said:

I find that it is almost impossible to go anywhere
without meeting

someone,

Quoted message said:

or hearing about one of their relatives, who have
diabetes. In fact, it

may

Quoted message said:

sound odd, but I often find that talking about diabetes is
a good icebreaker. You soon get involved in the management
of diabetes of the person you met, or his/her husband,
brother or uncle. Big exchange of information, and lots of
tips about diets and excercise follow. Diabetes

may

Quoted message said:

very well be good for making friends....

in fact, i was recently at a company departmental meeting
when somehow the conversation turned to the topic of
diabetes. turns out that, out of the 10 people at my table,
9 people had a sibling, wife/husband or a parent that was
diabetic. amazing - hugh ?

--
poorboy

age 38 t2 diagnosed 4/2003
D & E w/ 7.5 mg actos

16 May 2004 'hemyd said:

I find that it is almost impossible to go anywhere without
meeting someone, or hearing about one of their relatives,
who have diabetes. In fact, it may

I've never been shy about admitting my diabetic status, but
I have become more reticent about it as the years have gone
by .... simply because, as you say, "everybody" seems to
have either a relative or a friend afflicted as well .... or
rather, many of them *HAD* ..... and they just about all
have horror stories, usually incorrectly attributed to the
diabetes of the friend/family member, and they almost always
know *exactly* how to deal with diabetes .... and in most
cases they haven't the foggiest idea really ....... and no
two of them really agree with each other ....

I'm pleased if others have had a different experience in
this regard, but mine left me seriously disillusioned about
how much Joe Average knows about diabetes ...

--

]- "I am a man of many parts, ]- unfortunately most of them
are no longer in stock" ]-
------------------------------------------------------------
----------
To reply by e-mail, move the Gnu from the address to the
subject line.
------------------------------------------------------------
----------

"Star E. Avenues" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Hi You All:

Am I the only guy who's needing a new circle of friends
since I've *changed my life style on account of diabetes.
I have all the classic stuff like circulation problems
(recently lost a few toes) and the like, use a cane
sometimes, and have all the usual dietary restrictions.
It's not that they weren't good buddies it's our
lifestyles are no longer compatible.

I'm not big on the internet and not a computer guy but
prefer upclose and personal. I've seen no reference here
to local groups or, that doesn't seem to be an issue. Have
most of you guys held on to your friends-- without a
problem?

Can't speak for anyone else, but I've not lost any
friendsfrom my pre diabetic days, and I've gained a lot of
new ones since I've been diabetic. Not diabetic friends
either, although there are a few of those now.

Are there ANY people here interested in

Quoted message said:

or, who might know of facilities and/or info., or
resources with respect to finding folks *in their
particular area* who might be going through similar
health issues

I'm not sure I understand. I would seek out help if I needed
it, and I'd actively look for support if I needed it, but I
don't look at diabetes as something that puts me in the
"need help" bracket. Information is always useful and
friends too, both of which are available, in fact some of
the best people I know and some of the best information I've
ever got have come from this group.

Quoted message said:

Appreciate Your Input, Alex (40 Year Old Diabetic Guy)

Beav (a 55 year old one:-)

On Mon, 17 May 2004 15:15:30 GMT, Hairy Antelope
<[email hidden]> wrote: <snip>

Quoted message said:

I'm pleased if others have had a different experience in
this regard, but mine left me seriously disillusioned about
how much Joe Average knows about diabetes ...

<snip>

Hardly surprising, considering how little the newbies
appearing here know about it.

Or some of the oldies as well :-)

Or, unfortunately, some of our national dietary or diabeties
authorities:-(

Cheers, Alan, T2 d&e, Australia. Remove weight and
carbs to email.
--
Everything in Moderation - Except Laughter.

"Hairy Antelope" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I'm pleased if others have had a different experience in
this regard, but mine left me seriously disillusioned
about how much Joe Average knows about diabetes ...

--

What makes me disillusioned is when I often wonder how much
Joe Average's doctor knows about diabetes....

Henry

On Tue, 18 May 2004 22:37:37 +1000, you , "hemyd"

Quoted post said:

What makes me disillusioned is when I often wonder how much
Joe Average's doctor knows about diabetes....

Yeah, I've had one like that .... and his favourite method
of dealing with me was to rant and rave about things - he
had a large part to play in the process that had me deciding
"to hell with this", a process that ended up with my control
being practically non-existant, followed by a piece of foot
being amputated .

--

]- "I am a man of many parts, ]- unfortunately most of them
are no longer in stock" ]-
------------------------------------------------------------
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To reply by e-mail, move the Gnu from the address to the
subject line.
------------------------------------------------------------
----------

On Tue, 18 May 2004 22:37:37 +1000, you , "hemyd"

Quoted post said:

What makes me disillusioned is when I often wonder how much
Joe Average's doctor knows about diabetes....

Yeah, I've had one like that .... and his favourite method
of dealing with me was to rant and rave about things - he
had a large part to play in the process that had me deciding
"to hell with this", a process that ended up with my control
being practically non-existant, followed by a piece of foot
being amputated .

--

]- "I am a man of many parts, ]- unfortunately most of them
are no longer in stock" ]-
------------------------------------------------------------
----------
To reply by e-mail, move the Gnu from the address to the
subject line.
------------------------------------------------------------
----------