Monkey Island Times GREENSLOW GTO Review
"For the Fat Ass that wants to lounge around outside as slowly as possible"
You May recall the carefree feeling of sitting around on a hot summer day in
your barcolounger, watching the neighborhood wedgies wiz by on the street while
perched in your back yard. You may have thought to yourself, "[censored], I'd like to
get out and their and show those upwrongs a thing or two, but I can't get my
lazy fat ass out of this chair!" Now you can scorch those poseur Lance
wannabies without leaving the comfort of your favorite article of furniture!
It's Greenslow's new GTO Model.
Greenslow has been in the business of making clydesdale-tough mobile
loungechairs for the waistline challenged since the invention of the Big Gulp.
Their engineering, craftsmanship, and quality control is unmatched. For
instance, [censored] Downunda, Greenslow's QA assurance chief, notes, "We have this
punter named Lionel. He's a 200 kilo championship stunt triker. Lionel takes
each Greenslow of the assembly line, then bunny hops speed bumps in the local
strip mall parking lot. We use this kind of stress testing procedure to ensure
that the GTOs are still capable of withstanding the punishing abuse that our
larger American customers are capable of."
We don't want to let our Greenslow rep do all the talking, (Ed Note: we make
the trikes sound more appealing to our readership than there best ads
possibly could.) so I'll give you more of a biased, in-depth review. I love
this trike. This is the best trike in the world, besides the one we reviewed
last month. Forget that one, it's just as good, but this one is really good
this month. It's fast too. It's maybe two turtledoves faster than the older
GTPO model, and it's definetly five nick-nacks faster than DogTrike's latest
Slow-N-Go model.
I would say that the handling is "goo-ey". You slog your ass through turns,
and Greenslow has even included an "Anti-Roll" safety device. Basically, it's
a dump-truck suspension spring that has 500lb./sq. inch resistance. It pops
out of either side of the hubs when a roll is detected, instantly bouncing the
rider safely back on all 3 wheels. The only downside of the Greenslow GTO is
that it only includes an "X-tra Large" cup holder. We contacted Greenslow
about this critical oversight, and their reply was, "Our product research
dept. dropped the ball on that feature. We were not aware of the latest Gallon
Gulp beverage size at the time of design. We will include the new Mega Large
cup holder on next year's model." Can't beat that kind of customer
satisfaction!
The Seat Angle is also agressively reclined. You may not be able to see over
you own massive belly when reclined this far back, but the GTO comes equipped
with a 2-ton seat stay/car jack, in case you'd like to ratchet yourself out of
the GTO when you are parked at the local Burger Joint, or just to reduce
recline to see over the gut.
Overall, the Greenslow GTO is one hell of a trike. It can't compare with some
of those Quad-Sofas in comfort. If you are planning your next epic trek across
the county line, you may want to consider the Greenslow. It doesn't come
cheap. Think of it this way; it's just like ordering the Biggie Value Meal ...
you pay more, but you oh so much more satisfied.
Captain Graybeard for Monkey Island Times Monkey Island Slacker-n-Chief
_____________
To see the original post and thread, go to:
Sam Longer