His latest writing:
"Over the last 3 months my life has been a roller coaster. But over the
last 9 years my life has been a war. My war started the second I stepped
foot into my Italian apartment. My war started when I saw my first needle.
At the age of 19 drugs were first introduced to me. They were presented in
a fashion that drugs were the road to becoming a champion.
My coach was the former Italian National Team Coach. He helped develop
Mario Cipollini into a world-class sprinter. This coach along with my
general manager ran a solid medical program. As a rider on the team we were
instructed to take EPO, HGH, and cortisone. Every single race I denied it.
Every single race I struggled to finish. At training camp I was the
strongest rider on the team, and 4 weeks later I became the weakest.
Because I refused to take drugs, I was given a steel bike, I was not paid,
and I was treated like dirt. Talked down to. In some cases starved. I was
constantly yelled at and not encouraged by any of my top 15 results.
Instead it was a shrug of the shoulders and them telling me so what?
For 2 seasons I put myself through this hell trying to beat the drugs. This
was when riders had hematocrits in the 60s. All enjoyment I had from the
sport of cycling had left. 2 years before I was the national champion on
top of the world, and now I was living in hell.
I quit the sport and went to college but my dream never left me. 1 year
later, I began training again spending upwards of 9 hours on the bike. This
got me back on the national team and after a strong performance at worlds a
spot on the Division 2 European pro team Linda McCartney.
When I arrived drugs were not talked about. But not a month later, my then
roommate Ben Brooks who now rides for Jelly Belly traveled to Spain to buy
over 20 vials of EPO which he took for racing. These drugs sat in our
shared refrigerator. We both trained at different times of the day. Even
without me taking drugs our performances were very similar and it was a toss
up for a spot in the Giro d'Italia. I prayed I would get the starting
position. I was denied. I was heart broken again. I returned to America
briefly to finish up my schooling at APP State and returned to Europe in the
summer.
Once back in Europe all the guys on the team talked about drugs. Everyone
admitted to taking them, except one other rider. I tried my best to beat
the drugs training again up to 9'50 minutes riding 14 cols in the Pyrenees.
But I wasn't winning races and was not invited back to the team.
I signed with Saturn. I thought America was clean, I was wrong. I had
spent the last 7 years racing in Europe and had no idea the drug culture was
also in America. My struggles with doping would not leave my side. After
being asked to help with an injection for my teammate Trent Klasna my heart
was broken a 3rd time.
I left Saturn for Prime Alliance the only team I had hopes would be clean.
I raced my hardest and finally got 2 yellow jerseys. However, after yelling
at team Mapei that I was racing clean, I was black listed. I had officially
lost my chances to return to Europe clean. They knew I would tell the
stories.
2003 I had lost all hope for life and the sport of cycling, which I loved.
I started to smoke cigarettes, drink lots of alcohol and smoke marijuana to
kill the pain of my reality. My friend David Clinger told me stories of the
drug use on US Postal Service and I finally decided to cave in. I started
to take testosterone in the spring and EPO just before Housatonic. But when
I took these drugs, I hated what I had finally become. I stopped after 3
shots, and smoked pot the remainder of the season to take away the pain.
During the fall of 2003 I walked away from racing, and swore it off getting
myself off of pot. I decided to try to make a little cash so I could keep
my car, and got into coaching. That was when I had the email confrontation
with Rick Crawford who approached my friend David Clinger to do a deal for
coaching which involved drugs including EPO and blood spinners. This was
when Stolen Underground was born.
From that day on, I have been doing everything in my ability to clean up the
sport. This ridiculous web site that lacks dignity and a high plane of
conduct has been my weapon. I have used this weapon to fight doping and to
change the sport. It is 100 percent real. I speak with USADA on the phone.
I have been banned for having this site because it lacks dignity and a high
plane of conduct. However if this site had those things, you wouldn't be
here right now because you would have never heard about it. This entire
catastrophe is to get attention and to change the sport. I could not let it
go, because if I did my dream of cleaning up the sport would seem to go with
it. My voice was to be taken away. That is how drugs, lies, and corruption
continue to flourish.
I have a real chance to help open eyes and change the sport if you will
support me. I know how to fix the problems and I have the courage to stand
up to the corrupt. I am not scared of anyone or anything. When I see the
drugs, the lies, and the corruption I get a burning desire to eliminate
them. They are the reasons for the pain in my life. I want that pain to go
away.
I need your support because I am losing the battle. USADA is going to
sanction me and I have lost my contract. I need your help. Please email
them and tell them to get me back on the bike. I have the courage to stand
up to the drugs, I have the courage to stand up to the pros, I have the
courage to stand up to the system. HELP ME DO IT. HELP ME MAKE THE
CHANGES.
There needs to be immunity so more people can come forward to tell their
stories. Right now there is too much at stake to risk it. I am the only
person in the world who has admitted EPO use without failing a test, or the
police finding drugs that I know of. I made the sacrifice, now please
sacrifice a little of your time to send an email in support.
This isn't a trick to get me racing for my own personal agenda. I could
have stayed a pro instead of coming forward to help make the changes.
Please support me. My fear is that once I am gone so will be the fight
against those who will continue to corrupt future generations. Please use
me as your weapon to fight these people. Please support me, I get 1000
visitors a day here, if everyone writes in USADA they have to listen. They
do read all of your emails and it is ok to send them. Kurt also has to
listen. You guys are my only hope and I am relying on you to use your best
judgement to support me."
I'm forwarding this to USACycling with the request that they actively
investigate his allegations as to Postal, Saturnn Prime Alliance and the
riders named. Now I'll try holing my breath. ;-)
--
How strange when an illusion dies, it's as though you've lost a child.--Judy
Garland