Cycling Joke

A vicar was stopped by the police at night for not having a backlight.
The vicar says: “I don’t need a backlight, the Lord is with me”.
The policeman says: “Two on a bike as well, that’s another offense”.

Why can’t elephants ride bikes?
They don’t have thumbs to ring the bell.

What’s the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?
The road.

This oaf was riding his bike around Piccadilly, London.
"Look at that dope on a bike" said a policeman.
He then arrested him for dope pedalling.

ME: My friend's wife has made him give away all of his cycling stuff. I got his brakes.
STOOGE: Cantilever?
ME: No, he loves her too much.

Why do bicycles fall asleep?
Because they're tired.

What is the cheapest type of bicycle you can buy?

A penny-farthing!

A male cyclist's prayer: "Dear God. If there is such a thing as reincarnation then please may I return as a lady's bicycle seat."

A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift: After 3 hours, hadn't got anyone to stop. Finally, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a ride. But the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider: "If I go too fast, ring your bell and I'll slow down."
Everything went well until another sports car blew past them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap. The cop with the radar gun and radioed ahead that he had 2 sports cars heading his way at over 150 mph. He then relayed, "and you're not going to believe this, but there's a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass!".

What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist?

Bike-carbonate of soda!

What do you call a fetish for very small bicycles?

Encyclopaedia!

Why is Cinderella so uncompetitive at cycling?

She has a pumpkin for a coach!

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

"I've really had it with my dog," says a guy to his neighbor. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle"

"Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbor. "What are you thinking of doing about it?"

"Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!"

A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.

"You were really lucky there," said the cyclist.

"What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.

The cyclist replied, "Well, usually I drive a bus!"

Here is a quote from Mark Twain:
"Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live."

Only cyclists can relate:

That one song that gets stuck in your head... for miles.

Only cyclists can relate:

Saying “hello” to a passing cyclist is always hit or miss. You make eye contact, you smile, and nothing. Awkward, but we’ve all been there. Come on! Show a fellow cyclist some love!

Only cyclists can relate:

You find really, really weird things. Head down and through some interesting trails and you come across the oddest tools, trinkets, and the like. Do I keep it? Can I sell that? We’ve all asked ourselves these questions.

Only cyclists can relate:

Store windows are really just an opportunity to check yourself out. We all do it; we take a quick glimpse to see “what we look like when we ride”.