Jim Flom said:"Steven L. Sheffield" wrote in...
Quoted message said:
How about a recognition that with regards to children, divorced parents
who
Quoted message said:can get along are better than married parents who hate each other ... And
lots and lots of money in the settlement?
I was really just curious why Lance and Kik divorced. However,
characterizing it as you do, who can disagree, although I don't follow how a
couple automatically goes from "hating" one another in marriage to suddenly
"getting along" afterwards. It's usually much uglier and more complicated
than that. And the kids are always the victims. There has amassed over the
last 30 years or so substantial amounts of sociological evidence that even
the general media has reported indicating that kids are better off in intact
families even with less than ideal marriages than the serial
marriage/divorce-at-a-whim, pattern of a generation of self-absorbed,
me-first, kids-as-accessories narcissists.
I don't disagree with you in the slightest ... But let me give you some
insight to where I'm coming from.
My parents split up when I was 3 years old; my mom re-married when I was 5
and was divorced again when I was 7, although she and her second ex-husband
continued dating off-and-on for a number of years afterwards until my mom
met the man destined to be her third husband, but they still get along today
....
Her third marriage (when I was almost 13) has lasted over 25 years however
.... thankfully, quite happily ... her current husband is a great man, and as
I'm getting older, I'm beginning to recognize that he is the closest thing
I've had to a dad for most of my life ...
I don't think that a couple can go from "hating" each other to **suddenly**
"getting along" afterwards ... But I do think that when couples are
miserable in a marriage, and can't work things out within the context of
that marriage, it's better to separate and/or divorce.
And as evidenced by my mother's own second marriage, it is possible to
reconcile some of those "irreconcilable differences", making it possible to
get along.
Quoted message said:http://listarchives.his.com/smartmarriages/smartmarriages.0110/msg00002.html
http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=BC04D02
See also
1. Pamela J. Smock, "The Economic Costs of Marital Disruption for Young
Women over the Past Two Decades." Demography 30 (1993): 353-371.
2. John Crouch, "Virginia's No-Fault Divorce Reform Bill," interview with
John Crouch and Jim Parmelee on Television Channel 10, Fairfax, VA,
www.divorcereform.org.
3. Robert Coombs, "Marital Status and Personal Well-Being: A Literature
Review," Family Relations 40 (1991):97-102; I. M. Joung, et al.,
"Differences in Self-Reported Morbidity by Marital Status and by Living
Arrangement," International Journal of Epidemiology 23 (1994): 91-97.
4. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage (New York:
Doubleday, 2000), p. 148.
5. Harold J. Morowitz, "Hiding in the Hammond Report," Hospital Practice
(August 1975), p. 39.
6. James S. Goodwin, William C. Hunt, Charles R. Key and Jonathan M. Sarmet,
"The Effect of Marital Status on Stage, Treatment, and Survival of Cancer
Patients," Journal of the American Medical Association 258 (1987):
3125-3130.
7. Nadine F. Marks and James D. Lambert, "Marital Status Continuity and
Change among Young and Midlife Adults: Longitudinal Effects on Psychological
Well-being," Journal of Family Issues 19 (1998): 652-686.
J "don't get me started" F
--
Steven L. Sheffield
stevens at veloworks dot com
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ess ay ell tea ell ay kay ee sea aye tee why you ti ay aitch
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