Cow Psychology

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Wear A1 as a cologne?

--
Dane Buson - [email hidden]
"I can handle bars and cycle paths but I can't handle cars and psychopaths"

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't come
towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted in
them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have not
lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross their
path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this doesn't
translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out for 50m,
nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming it
couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm gonna kill
this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Ride a horse

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't come
towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted in
them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have not
lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross their
path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this doesn't
translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out for 50m,
nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming it
couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm gonna kill
this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Provided that you're not going to carry a firearm:

http://www.selfdefenseproducts.com/sprays.htm
Fox Labs Cop Top Sprays - 5.3 million Scoville units, 30 feet range.

I'm thinking that after their first encounter, they will leave you
alone.

-bdbafh

On Mon, 11 Sep 2006 16:16:50 GMT, "Cyclopath! - Keiron" <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't come
towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted in
them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have not
lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross their
path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this doesn't
translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out for 50m,
nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming it
couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm gonna kill
this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Have you played Diablo II online?

This does make my squirrel and armadillo problems seem pretty trivial.

Ron

In article <[email hidden]>,

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time
i've be harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too!
next time i'm not going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know
how i can frighten cows (and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in
a manner that they won't come towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted
in them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to
have not lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did
i cross their path this time, they actually came out of their way to
warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this
doesn't translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled
flat out for 50m, nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the
thing had kept coming it couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm
gonna kill this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these
will work in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make
me leave them alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Zyprexa Zydis in your water bottles. ;-)

"Cyclopath! - Keiron" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm
not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't
come
towards me.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will
work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Shoot the fecker with a bloody big gun. That'll teach it. Make sure you
don't use a shot gun though, or you'll ruin the leather. A well aimed shot
to the head is best as it will leave you with enough back end to make
several Brooks saddles. You can also use the hooves to make SPDs if you're
really careful.

Peter

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time
i've be harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too!
next time i'm not going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know
how i can frighten cows (and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in
a manner that they won't come towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted
in them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to
have not lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did
i cross their path this time, they actually came out of their way to
warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this
doesn't translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled
flat out for 50m, nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the
thing had kept coming it couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm
gonna kill this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these
will work in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make
me leave them alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Pheromone chamois cream.

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't come
towards me....

These are the cows from Stage 11 (St. Flour to Figeac) of the 2004 Tour
de France, and they are [censored] because they were denied the chance to
compete for the stage win.

--
Tom Sherman - Here, not there.
I am supporting cannibalism by eating more nuts.

Cyclopath! - Keiron wrote:
<deleted>

Quoted message said:

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

AirZound is loud! http://www.deltacycle.com/product.php?g=1

<[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time

i've be

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time

i'm not

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can

frighten cows

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they

won't come

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This

resulted in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have

not

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross

their

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this

doesn't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out

for 50m,

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming

it

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm

gonna kill

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these

will work

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave

them

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Provided that you're not going to carry a firearm:

http://www.selfdefenseproducts.com/sprays.htm
Fox Labs Cop Top Sprays - 5.3 million Scoville units, 30 feet range.

I'm thinking that after their first encounter, they will leave you
alone.

-bdbafh

Nah, beef goes good with chili peppers!

Chas.

Got a bit of a theory on this meself (and have tested it successfully more
than once)
Ahem
Some years ago was working clearing trees from powerlines in the lovely
Norfolk countryside. We needed to work from a field inhabited by a flock of
rather inquisitive and boisterous heffers which kept getting to close. Ended
up with one of my workmates (another towny...) keeping them at bay with a
long pole. Up walks 'big Nigel', our farm-bred local lad who roars with
laughter and calls us all kinds of soft city-dwelling idiots; goes up to the
nearest heffer, slaps it on the nose and shouts 'gerrof you buggers', upon
which instruction they gerrof. Until Nigel leaves of course when they return
to bug us.
Anywho, on seceral occaisions since, running and mtbing, I've encountered
'aggressive' prides of cattle, sometimes they've actually been bothering
other people and I've never failed to clear them off by slapping the nearest
one and shouting.
Conclusions?
Cows are curious but stupid - if you run, they'll follow and once the wind's
up them, you're in trouble.
Country cows can smell a towny a mile off (haven't tried it with a yokel and
a city cow yet)
Big Nigel knows far more about bovine behavior than most (doesn't know a
latte from a milky coffee though.....)
I'm almost certainly going to die from a good hoof-stomping one day.

"Cyclopath! - Keiron" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm
not
going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't
come
towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted in
them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have not
lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross their
path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this doesn't
translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out for
50m,
nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming it
couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm gonna
kill
this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will
work
in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Neil Graham said:

Cows are curious but stupid - if you run, they'll follow and once the wind's
up them, you're in trouble.

Cows are unbelievably curious - maybe because their lives are so dull -
eat and chew cud pretty much takes all time available and no TV. I have
worked on a dairy and I have worked a ranch. Milk cows tend to be
extremely dull and stupid. Range cattle can be a bit cagey, on the cow
scale anyway. As a kid I would go fishing and curious cows were a real
nuisance. Walk up to a nice fishing hole and every cow for a mile around
would hurry over and crowd in to see the show. drive a guy nuts
especially when the push and shove and muddy the water.

A range cow with calf can be defensive but I can't image one being
dangerous. A bull can be aggressive and dangerous - there is a reason
you don't see Holstein cows in the bull ring.

Quoted message said:

Country cows can smell a towny a mile off (haven't tried it with a yokel and
a city cow yet)

I was a yokel in India about 25 years ago. City cows aren't a problem.
Don't know what they taste like tho.

Thanks all for the suggestions, particularly those concerned for my mental
health and offering to move me to sunny californ-i-a. I'd also like to
capitalise in making bike accessories from dead cows, that'll show the
b*£$%!"ds. If i'm ever "down south" i'll drop in on "big nige" for some tips
but the Airzound is definitely the way forward, exactly what i had hoped
for. I'll update you on the cows reaction.

cheers

Cyclopath! - Keiron <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time i've be
harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time i'm

not

Quoted message said:

going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can frighten cows
(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they won't

come

Quoted message said:

towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This resulted in
them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have not
lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross their
path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this doesn't
translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out for

50m,

Quoted message said:

nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming it
couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm gonna

kill

Quoted message said:

this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these will

work

Quoted message said:

in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave them
alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

"* * Chas" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

<[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Cyclopath! - Keiron said:

This is starting to become a genuine fear now. It's the third time

i've be

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

harassed by these blood walking steaks. they're fast too! next time

i'm not

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

going to have a ditch to hide in. Does anyone know how i can

frighten cows

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

(and bulls, jesus don't forget the bulls!) in a manner that they

won't come

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

towards me.

Things i've tried:

1) ringing my little but fairly high pitched "decibel". This

resulted in

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

them trotting away initially but then chasing me. very lucky to have

not

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

lost my vitals on a barbed wire fence. note, at no point did i cross

their

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

path this time, they actually came out of their way to warn me off.

2) Clearing my throat very loudly thusly: "AHEM!". apparently this

doesn't

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

translate directly in to cow. Was chased briefly, pedaled flat out

for 50m,

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

nearly died of fear induced exhaustion, if the thing had kept coming

it

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

couldda been 'good night vienna'.

3) Did nothing. Standing at a style, cow sees me, she thinks "i'm

gonna kill

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

this [censored]", i see it in her eyes and 180 outta there.

I really need a solution, i'm thinking about dog whistles, cap guns,
rechargable airhorn (if such a thing exists). Anyone know if these

will work

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

in a way which will not antagonise the beasts but just make me leave

them

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

alone?? Any ideas appreciated.

Provided that you're not going to carry a firearm:

http://www.selfdefenseproducts.com/sprays.htm
Fox Labs Cop Top Sprays - 5.3 million Scoville units, 30 feet range.

I'm thinking that after their first encounter, they will leave you
alone.

-bdbafh

Nah, beef goes good with chili peppers!

Chas.

A friend of mine has been known to serve beef that, just after cooking, has
been sprayed with pepper spray.
Kerry

Vee said:

Move to a factory farm state (like CA) where they don't allow bovines
to roam outdoors.

CA has plenty of cows in MTB country. Run a few cows, call it a business,
and avoid property taxes through agricultural exemptions.

Matt O.

Have you tried dressing up like Ronald McDonald? Or Jack? ;-3)

Seriously though, you might invest in an air horn. The sharp, very loud
blast might inspire a retreat

- -
Comments and opinions compliments of,
"Your Friendly Neighborhood Wheelman"

My web Site:
http://geocities.com/czcorner

To E-mail me:
ChrisZCorner "at" webtv "dot" net

Group: rec.bicycles.tech
Date: Mon, Sep 11, 2006, 10:46pm (EDT+4)
From: [email hidden] (Bill Sornson)

Quoted message said:

Pheromone chamois cream.

I don't even want to THINK of what could go wrong with that one!

- -
Comments and opinions compliments of,
"Your Friendly Neighborhood Wheelman"

My web Site:
http://geocities.com/czcorner

To E-mail me:
ChrisZCorner "at" webtv "dot" net

"KERRY MONTGOMERY" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...
<snip>

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Nah, beef goes good with chili peppers!

Chas.

A friend of mine has been known to serve beef that, just after

cooking, has

Quoted message said:

been sprayed with pepper spray.
Kerry

Warning! It could happen.... Cows With Guns!

http://cdbaby.com/mp3lofi/lyonsdana5-01.m3u

"Chris Z The Wheelman" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Have you tried dressing up like Ronald McDonald? Or Jack? ;-3)

Seriously though, you might invest in an air horn. The sharp, very

loud

Quoted message said:

blast might inspire a retreat

- -
Comments and opinions compliments of,
"Your Friendly Neighborhood Wheelman"

How about one of those old cow horns that people had on their cars? Not
the ones on the hood but the one under the hood....