Sorry for my english...
M. Heenan Like in everything, there is good and bad coaches.
But the difference in your situation is the message that
you receive always seems to be negative. One can
questionned. I don't feel the way you describe coaches.
As a coach, I certainly do mistakes, but the only ones
who don't do mistakes are the ones who do nothing. And i
know what is Vo2max... I coach about winning, as well
achieve a 25meter underwater, as well a first provincial
standard, as well the first time a kid put his face in
the water. There is something great about winning and
coming back home with this little smile on your face that
turn your day in a dream come true. I just don't agree
with your comment, it'snot funny, and please, for the
future, there is a way to write publicly. Martin Cléroult
"Duncan Heenan" <[email hidden]> a
écrit dans le message de news:407846f7_1@mk-nntp-
2.news.uk.tiscali.com...
Quoted message said:
"Bill Geiser" <wpgeiser(no.spam)@sbcglobal.net> wrote in
message
"]news:[email hidden]...
Quoted message said:"Duncan Heenan"
<[email hidden]> wrote in
message
Quoted message said:"]news:[email hidden]...
Quoted message said:Turning swimming in to a profession is like turning
walking or
breathing
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:in
Quoted message said:to a profession. It's not a proper job. I can't expect
professionals
to
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:Quoted message said:agree, for obvious financial reasons, but they should
know that there
are
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:plenty of amateurs like me who view them mostly as
hangers on, and
largely
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:unnecessary.
So, based on your statement above - being a professional
swim instructor &/or swim coach is not considered to be
a 'proper job'.....you must be kidding!
If not, who died and left you King?
Perhaps you'd be so kind as to list those jobs you do
consider 'proper'
so
Quoted message said:Quoted message said:the rest of us can do some much-needed career
planning........
A real job is one which has intrinsic value. In my view
teaching swimming does, coaching does not. Here are some
thoughts based on my experience of coaches
When I was small, I used to think that a coach (used in
England to also
mean
Quoted message said:'bus', for US readers) was a large thing with four wheels
which was
smelly
Quoted message said:and belched out smoke, took you all over the country, cost
a lot and made you sick. Since I have grown up (in body at
least), I realise I was wrong about the four wheels. I
know full well that it is probably a career termination
move to take a swipe at coaches in their own journal, but
having been their victim for so many years, and with so
little to show for it, I just can't resist it.
First
Quoted message said:let's define our terms. A teacher is someone who takes a
non-swimmer and convinces them that they can swim, whereas
a coach is someone who takes a swimmer and convinces them
that they can't.
I am of course properly qualified to comment on coaches,
having never been one. You may think this strange logic,
but it is every bit as logical as
the
Quoted message said:convention which seems to debar coaches from ever
swimming. Unfair accusation? Well, when did you last see
your coach in the water? There are
a
Quoted message said:few exceptions of course, like the coach I once had who
had competed in 3 Olympics and even had a bronze medal to
show for it - but I call that showing off. No. Mostly,
coaches plead that they have no time to swim themselves,
thereby avoiding ever being rumbled as non-swimmers. The
magic words 'do what I say, not what I do' maintains their
authority in the face of any swimmer who may question it.
Take it from me, coaches can't swim.
The
Quoted message said:ones who will write to Swimming Times incandescent with
'letter rage', are of course rare exceptions to this
otherwise universal truth. [applies
also
Quoted message said:to those who post on this group].
Viewing these authority figures goose-stepping about on
the poolside from the water, the poor swimmer is on a
psychological hiding to nothing. They tower over you and
make you feel like a primary school kid again. This
particular form of intimidation only works however if they
dress for the part. I recall the loss of dignity to one
lady coach who, on her way to a barn dance, turned up in a
skirt, only to have her undies thoroughly appraised by the
below-foot-level swimmers. Perhaps that's why they're so
wedded to their track suits. There is no logic to wearing
a track suit - none of them ever goes near a track- but
they mostly do, don't they? Especially when travelling,
the track suit is the uniform which lifts them above
normal mortals. I suppose too, they think it looks racy
and hints at
a
Quoted message said:prowess that they are too modest to disclose.
To call all coaches closet Nazis would be unfair. I heard
of one who
wasn't
Quoted message said:( - he was thrown out of the Nazi party for cruelty).
However, the power which accompanies the job has to be one
of their main turn-ons. As well as enabling them always to
nick the front seat in the bus on the way to
galas,
Quoted message said:this can easily lead to a sadism second only to that of a
Parking Warden. The setting of exercises is a field day
for their love of others'
suffering.
Quoted message said:I once laboured under a coach who was so obsessed with 'throw-
overs' and 'catch-ups', that we re-named them 'catch-overs
and throw-ups', with good reason. On one occasion I recall
the pool had to be cleared because of the after effects of
this nauseating (sic) exercise. IM's stood for Individual
Maladies in our club. Also, I wonder if coaches carry on
shouting when
they
Quoted message said:get home? It can become a bit embarrassing outside the
pool, especially
when
Quoted message said:she shouts across the pub that she didn't recognise you
with your clothes on. Leastways, I told my wife she was
the coach.
To add mystique to this control freaky, many coaches also
become equipment junkies. These ones think of all sorts of
extra kit their swimmers should have. We had a coach once
who had acquired a job lot of heart rate
monitors
Quoted message said:and insisted we use them. The sensor was supposedly held
on by a thing resembling a twisted bra. The men, being
used only to handling bras on the people for whom they
were designed, could not get the hang of this.
Consequently the damn things slipped, and most of the men
were pronounced dead after 400 metres, as the sensors
could find no pulse in their backsides. My vast belly
stopped mine slipping, but I was nevertheless condemned
by the coach for not trying, as my heart rate actually
slowed as
I
Quoted message said:started swimming, in recovery from the effort of putting
on the bra. You could say I got the booby prize.
Incidentally, the best electronic
training
Quoted message said:aid I have come across was a simple video camera. At least
seeing myself
in
Quoted message said:action gave me some slight sympathy for the hosts of
coaches who have
given
Quoted message said:up on me.
Jargon comes close to equipment in coaches' affection.
Don't be bamboozled in to thinking they know what it means
though. Make them explain. Once, overhearing a coach going
on about a VO2 max, I called for an explanation and was
told that it was a milder version of VO5 shampoo. The same
coach told me that aerobic exercise was a warm up done
with your dressing gown
on.
Quoted message said:
A coach is a professional critic, which explains in part
why I love them about equally with literary critics and
haemorrhoids. I shall however
prove
Quoted message said:with this short article that they can not themselves take
criticism from swimmers. Now you've heard it I await your
response. Coaches who write in complaining that I am wrong
will prove my point. Those who write in
agreeing
Quoted message said:also prove my point. Those who say nothing allow my
point to go
unchallenged
Quoted message said:by their silence. This self justifying argument is based
on the same logic which allows the coaches always to be
right about my training. They say
"do
Quoted message said:what I say,
Heenan, and you will improve.". I do, and I don't improve.
So they say
"you
Quoted message said:didn't do what I said, or else not well enough." See what
I mean? When did your coach ever say , "oops, sorry! I got
that wrong."
Much of the jaundice in my view comes, of course, from
being a straight cross of those two least of tameable
breeds - the master swimmer and the open water swimmer.
Master swimmers have all 'been there, done it' - and
got
Quoted message said:not only the tee shirt but the truss as well. Once Prime
Ministers start being younger than you, there's nothing
much anyone can tell you. We were swimming before Pontius
Pilate even started his flying lessons, after all. As for
open water swimmers, we're all a bit weird anyway;
brainwashed
from
Quoted message said:the hours of sensory deprivation. We're so practised in
the masochism necessary for our branch of the sport that
we need no sadist on the
poolside
Quoted message said:to help us. At best we will trade insults with some poor
devil stuck for hours in a rowing boat, with blistered
hands, freezing cold and dying for
a
Quoted message said:loo. Add to this already powerful combination of
delinquency a naturally stroppy nature, and you can see
why coaches leave me alone nowadays.
Anyway,
Quoted message said:one thing's for certain I shall never be allowed to become
a coach if this article ever gets published, so now you
can all breath a sigh of relief.
© Duncan HeenanDecember 1998
Published in Swimming Times December 1999
I await the wrath of coaches, proving that they have no
sense of humour (though I think they've already
demonstrated that).