Bloody Alton Water

Gordon said:

Following the episode of the Grand Nettle Patch Face Plant I've left Alton
Water alone and either trundled round the local roads towing number 2 child
or chugged round the local forests, but today we decided to take a couple of
hours off and have a nice ride round AW. Lovely day, cool but no rain, bikes
working nicely, good time being had by both. About 1/2 way round we decided
to stop and take advantage of the incredible crop of sweet chestnuts that
has appeared this year. The reservoir has hundreds of these trees all round
the cycle track and they really are laden with nice ripe nuts. In the space
of ten minutes we managed to fill a handlebar bag!

...

I feel for you. Our No 1 child suffered in a similar way; a good gusher
would provoke panicky phonecalls from the school... "Come and get your
son Now!".

Glad to hear you were able to stem the flow; it's frightening for the
suffer, and onlookers. We eventually got Ben mended privately - some
sort of laser deal up the hooter; he's only had a couple of nosebleeds
since - both when he had colds.

--
Chris

Gordon popped their head over the parapet saw what was going on and said

Quoted message said:

Casually looking down as I
went to wipe it off, found that far from being the usual muck that
drips out of your nose, this was my life blood leaking away.
Immediate panic as the last time I had a nose bleed we couldn't stop
it and I spent four days in hospital after losing almost two pints of
vampire nosh. Luckily after chanting "calm down, calm down" in the
inimitable Harry Enfield fashion for ten minutes or so it slowed down
sufficiently to enable a ruddy great plug of tissue to stem the flow.
As you can might imagine, by this time I looked like I'd gone ten
rounds with Mike Tyson. Talk about the mask of red death......blood
everywhere.

When I was younger (24~25 years ago)was getting nose bleeds
all the time (no I wasn't a 'picker'😉 so eventually the doc. sent
me to the ENT department at my local hossie where eventually
they cauterised my nose, when you (TINY) say it quickly sounds
like a non event but there was a lot of time,visits to the doc and
fighting in that time . Couldn't believe the pain in my cauterised
nose once the local wore off . I was 18~19 at the time and was
nearly crying with the pain in a pub. Haven't had an unexpected
nose bleed since.

--
yours S

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione

Soak your top in tepid salty water NOW for half an hour, then wash in
biological detergent.

Hope your nose doesn't bleed again...

--
Helen D. Vecht: [email hidden]
Edgware.

"soup" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Gordon popped their head over the parapet saw what was going on and said

Snip

Quoted message said:

When I was younger (24~25 years ago)was getting nose bleeds
all the time (no I wasn't a 'picker'😉 so eventually the doc. sent
me to the ENT department at my local hossie where eventually
they cauterised my nose, when you (TINY) say it quickly sounds
like a non event but there was a lot of time,visits to the doc and
fighting in that time . Couldn't believe the pain in my cauterised
nose once the local wore off . I was 18~19 at the time and was
nearly crying with the pain in a pub. Haven't had an unexpected
nose bleed since.
yours S

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione

Been there, done that twice. I have to say that painful as it was it had
nothing on the treatment that I've had previously - a remedy known hopefully
as "plugging". Sounds innocuous and involved plugging the schnozzle with a
length of greased 1 inch wide bandage. Doesn't sound too bad? Well, for " a
length" read "six foot of" and "one up each nostril". This delightful cure
was applied with a pair of forceps that I swear were a foot long and
disappeared up to the handles - at least that was how it felt. Passed out
while they were doing it, unsurprisingly. Prior to that they'd tried cocaine
spray but apparently they don't stick enough up there to get a high or I
suppose all the local druggies would be breaking each others noses on a
regular basis. Unfortunately for me the problem is down to a large vessel
very high in the nose that cannot be cauterised, as well as other, smaller
ones that give way now and then. The root cause appears to be due to a
comprehensively broken hooter resulting from a mistimed rugby tackle in my
yoof. Self inflicted injury I suppose......

Gordon

soup said:

Gordon popped their head over the parapet saw what was going on and said

Quoted message said:

Casually looking down as I
went to wipe it off, found that far from being the usual muck that
drips out of your nose, this was my life blood leaking away.
Immediate panic as the last time I had a nose bleed we couldn't stop
it and I spent four days in hospital after losing almost two pints of
vampire nosh. Luckily after chanting "calm down, calm down" in the
inimitable Harry Enfield fashion for ten minutes or so it slowed down
sufficiently to enable a ruddy great plug of tissue to stem the flow.
As you can might imagine, by this time I looked like I'd gone ten
rounds with Mike Tyson. Talk about the mask of red death......blood
everywhere.

When I was younger (24~25 years ago)was getting nose bleeds
all the time (no I wasn't a 'picker'😉 so eventually the doc. sent
me to the ENT department at my local hossie where eventually
they cauterised my nose, when you (TINY) say it quickly sounds
like a non event but there was a lot of time,visits to the doc and
fighting in that time . Couldn't believe the pain in my cauterised
nose once the local wore off . I was 18~19 at the time and was
nearly crying with the pain in a pub. Haven't had an unexpected
nose bleed since.

You were lucky, in 1955 I had my nose cauterised (I was 5) - no local!
Incidentally the nosebleeds got worse, and only stopped in my 40s when I
discovered a new treatment for hayfever.

As a child I used to flaunt the bloody handkerchief in the hope it would
stimulate some old biddy to faint at the sight of blood :-)

Richard.

Alton water, good ride.

is it still rutted up round the back end, was very bad last time I went

SO
"Gordon" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Following the episode of the Grand Nettle Patch Face Plant I've left Alton
Water alone and either trundled round the local roads towing number 2

child

Quoted message said:

or chugged round the local forests, but today we decided to take a couple

of

Quoted message said:

hours off and have a nice ride round AW. Lovely day, cool but no rain,

bikes

Quoted message said:

working nicely, good time being had by both. About 1/2 way round we

decided

Quoted message said:

to stop and take advantage of the incredible crop of sweet chestnuts that
has appeared this year. The reservoir has hundreds of these trees all

round

Quoted message said:

the cycle track and they really are laden with nice ripe nuts. In the

space

Quoted message said:

of ten minutes we managed to fill a handlebar bag!

I've had a touch of the sniffles for the last couple of days so was
unsurprised that when we were finished collecting natures bounty I had

what

Quoted message said:

can only be politely described as a mini bijou dewdrop forming on the end

of

Quoted message said:

my misshapen conk. Casually looking down as I went to wipe it off, found
that far from being the usual muck that drips out of your nose, this was

my

Quoted message said:

life blood leaking away. Immediate panic as the last time I had a nose

bleed

Quoted message said:

we couldn't stop it and I spent four days in hospital after losing almost
two pints of vampire nosh. Luckily after chanting "calm down, calm down"

in

Quoted message said:

the inimitable Harry Enfield fashion for ten minutes or so it slowed down
sufficiently to enable a ruddy great plug of tissue to stem the flow. As

you

Quoted message said:

can might imagine, by this time I looked like I'd gone ten rounds with

Mike

Quoted message said:

Tyson. Talk about the mask of red death......blood everywhere, liberally
staining my precious Aldi shirt and shorts. Frankly I think I preferred

the

Quoted message said:

nettle induced poxed face look.

The only option was wait until things settled down and I felt I could

cycle

Quoted message said:

the rest of the way to the car without bleeding out. Met a number of

walkers

Quoted message said:

and cyclists on the way back who stared in horror at this blood stained
apparition. Think I'm getting resigned to being looked at this way
now............ :-(

Trouble is, Alton Water cycle track is just so attractive I really can't
bring myself to avoid it, even if it does seem to be jinxed. If anyone

sees

Quoted message said:

a fat Aldi clad bloke on a black Hardrock cycling round there looking like
he's just been mauled by a lion, take pity and don't recoil in horror,

I've

Quoted message said:

probably only crashed into a sweet chestnut tree........

Gordon

"Simon Gooch" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Alton water, good ride.

is it still rutted up round the back end, was very bad last time I went

SO

Not sure how rutted it was in the past but I found it pretty good today and
fairly smooth for most of the way, with just enough roughish stuff to make
it fun. There was a group of workman there doing some repair work to the
track near Lemon's Hill bridge, which I suppose is good to see if you're a
casual walker. I still reckon it's one of the nicest rides in the area and
just right for a pre-lunch hack (I work from home so I can take the time out
during the day if I feel the urge). It also brings back very fond memeories,
as it was there that I met my lovely wife in the days when we reckoned it
wasn't worth windsurfing unless the met office was issuing a severe weather
warning. Damn, but we were mad in them days.....still look back with
something akin to awe at the day we went out with the wind registering 50
knot gusts on the sailing centre anemometer. I ached for days
afterwards............

Gordon

In message <[email hidden]>, Succorso
<[email hidden]> writes

Quoted message said:

I feel for you. Our No 1 child suffered in a similar way; a good gusher
would provoke panicky phonecalls from the school... "Come and get your
son Now!".

It could have its uses - it was a plot device in one episode of CSI - a
nose bleeder re-sprayed his rented apartment with his prodigious flow to
make a point to his lazy landlord.

--
congokid
Good restaurants in London? Number one on Google
http://congokid.com

Gordon <[email hidden]> whizzed past me shouting

Quoted message said:

two pints of vampire nosh. Luckily after chanting "calm down, calm down" in
the inimitable Harry Enfield fashion for ten minutes or so it slowed down
sufficiently to enable a ruddy great plug of tissue to stem the flow.

Try holding your nose - not a death grip, hold it closed but only
squeeze gently. You want to slow the flow so that clotting's quicker,
you don't want to do more damage to the injured tissues.

If you've lost a significant amount of blood, take a good drink of water
to keep your fluid volume up. Then the next stage:-

Quoted message said:

The only option was wait until things settled down and I felt I could cycle
the rest of the way to the car without bleeding out. Met a number of walkers
and cyclists on the way back who stared in horror at this blood stained
apparition.

If your hair's blond grey or bald, smear some blood on (remove any
h*lmut and hang it on your handlebar) then grin bravely at passers-by
and tell them it's only a scratch.
If you can spare any water, spray it over the blood so the mixture goes
all over your bare legs. It looks wors^H^H better than neat blood
because the red's brighter.

Quoted message said:

Trouble is, Alton Water cycle track is just so attractive I really can't
bring myself to avoid it, even if it does seem to be jinxed. If anyone sees
a fat Aldi clad bloke on a black Hardrock cycling round there looking like
he's just been mauled by a lion, take pity and don't recoil in horror, I've
probably only crashed into a sweet chestnut tree........

You will sooner or later. That's off-road for you.

Remember Confucius' second law of mountain biking:
always milk any injury for all the sympathy you can get!

--
Sue ];(🙂

What goes down must come up again - Confucius' Law of Mountain Biking

Sue White said:

If your hair's blond grey or bald, smear some blood on (remove any
h*lmut and hang it on your handlebar) then grin bravely at passers-by
and tell them it's only a scratch.
If you can spare any water, spray it over the blood so the mixture goes
all over your bare legs. It looks wors^H^H better than neat blood
because the red's brighter.

I know someone who was chopping some wood with an axe, and managed
somehow to cut her head with it, not badly at all, but it it seemed very
keen to bleed. Not much later she went for a job interview, and became
aware that her interviewers were staring at her with horror, and then
realised that a sheet of blood was pouring from her head. She told them
it was alright, she'd just cut her head with an axe.

Daniele
--
Apple Juice Ltd
Chapter Arts Centre
Market Road www.apple-juice.co.uk
Cardiff CF5 1QE 029 2019 0140