Bicycle Mechanic Humor

In article <[email hidden]>, Phil Holman

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
least crack a smile.

If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!

And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?

--Paul

"Paul Southworth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>, Phil Holman

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
least crack a smile.

If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!

And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?

--Paul

I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
like that?

Mike

Mike S. <mikeshaw2@coxdotnet> wrote:
: I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
: like that?

no, that's a mountain bike repair kit. a schwinn tool, iirc, is a rubber mallet.
--
david reuteler [email hidden]

In article <[email hidden]>, David Reuteler

Quoted message said:

Mike S. <mikeshaw2@coxdotnet> wrote:
: I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
: like that?

no, that's a mountain bike repair kit. a schwinn tool, iirc, is a rubber mallet.

I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
in front of you.

--Paul

"Phil Holman" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.

Whoops. and there was me thinking all you needed was electrical tape and zip ties.

and a hammer😉

anthony

Phil Holman' may have said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
least crack a smile.

You forgot the third important tool: a Bigger Hammer. If something's the wrong shape, or if WD40
won't get it to move, then you need the Bigger Hammer.

Of course, well-equipped shops also have a screwdriver and a pair of vice-grips. The former is used
for mounting tires, and the latter is used to clamp the holes shut so the tubes don't leak. (The
vice-grips are also handy to use as a convenient method of clamping a short roll of duct tape to the
front of the head tube for emergency repairs in the field.)

--
My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
contains nuts.

"Phil Holman" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
least crack a smile.

Phil Holman

Fiddlesticks.

If it doesn't move and it should, get a bigger hammer.

Archimedes' principle: with a big enough lever, I can mount an EA-3 tire on an S-6 rim.

Jeff

Paul Southworth said:

I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
in front of you.

I was taught that it was called a B.F.H. tool. It didn't take me long to guess what was intended by
the initials.

Mark Janeba

Phil Holman said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

--
[email hidden] (Simon Brooke) jasmine.org.uk~simonOpen ↗

;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Two other good tools: The slitter punch and the sledge hammer...

The best spare part: "coil screw" (= wire)...

[]'s Eduardo
--

Ypê Bike: ypebike.cjb.netypebike.cjb.netOpen ↗ Ypê Mono: ype.unicyclist.comype.unicyclist.comOpen ↗

"Simon Brooke" <[email hidden]> escreveu na mensagem
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Phil Holman said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

--
[email hidden] (Simon Brooke) jasmine.org.uk~simonOpen ↗

;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (grisoft.comgrisoft.comOpen ↗).
Version: 6.0.538 / Virus Database: 333 - Release Date: 10/11/2003

(ant) said:

"Phil Holman" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.

Whoops. and there was me thinking all you needed was electrical tape and zip ties.

and a hammer😉

"When your only tool is a hammer every problem starts to look like a hamster."

jeverett3<AT>earthlink<DOT>net home.earthlink.net~jeverett3Open ↗

Quoth Jeff Wills:

Quoted message said:

If it doesn't move and it should, get a bigger hammer.

I prefer the more elegant term "Inertial Impact Alignment Instrument"

Use of this tool is called "Cold Setting."

Sheldon "Thor" Brown +------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Also, are you familiar with the PTF-PTM manufacturing technique? | (This term comes from the
| bridge-building industry.) Stands for | "pound to fit, paint to match." --Steve Palincsar |
+------------------------------------------------------------------+ Harris Cyclery, West Newton,
Massachusetts Phone 617-244-9772 FAX 617-244-1041 harriscyclery.comharriscyclery.comOpen ↗ Hard-to-find parts
shipped Worldwide captainbike.comcaptainbike.comOpen ↗ sheldonbrown.comsheldonbrown.comOpen ↗

Mike S.' mikeshaw2@coxDOTnet may have said:

"Paul Southworth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>, Phil Holman

Quoted message said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should
at least crack a smile.

If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!

And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?

--Paul

I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
like that?

My Ford tool looks like a monkey wrench. It even has the Ford emblem on it.

Now, my Pierce-Arrow tool looks like a combination-end wrench, but it works better as a hammer; it's
a very convenient size and weight to use for that purpose.

My Chevy tool got stolen, unfortunately. I still wonder what they did with the thermite from it.

--
My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
contains nuts.

Mark Janeba may have said:

Paul Southworth said:

I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
in front of you.

I was taught that it was called a B.F.H. tool. It didn't take me long to guess what was intended by
the initials.

When queried, of course, the answer is "Brute Force Hammer" or "Breakage Facilitation Hammer",
depending upon the circumstances.

--
My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
contains nuts.

Simon Brooke said:

Phil Holman said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

Duct tape is good. WD-40 is the dark side.
--
Rick "Quack?" Onanian

Sheldon Brown <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

I prefer the more elegant term "Inertial Impact Alignment Instrument"

In one of the shops I worked at we would call a hammear a "quick wrench." Don't know how many others
use the term.

Jim Feeley

Strangely, just about everyone I have worked with in the industry, when asked to "hand me the
Persuader" will give me a hammer. Works in both the Bicycle and Ski/Snowboard Industries.

Keith

"The knack lies in learning to throw yourself
- at the ground and miss" Douglas Adams.

"Simon Brooke" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Phil Holman said:

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

--
[email hidden] (Simon Brooke) jasmine.org.uk~simonOpen ↗

;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

your bike's worn out... we can order it... wanna meet my little sister... come back ina week... you
want it in black? it doesn't come in... but!!! sure we got it, common down... my idiot sold it a
few... the odor came in but.. there are no more parts for this bike. let me... put my hand in
your... oh, you need a new bike. THEY stoped making ... no, but i have a chromed italian model...
(just over gonnerhea) for only(expletive deleted) hello? John, about the bike... no, you didn't! do
you have the receipt? your turn!!

"Paul Southworth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
in front of

I always though a 4 pound hammer was Land Rover Tool #1

J2