Bad cook in action

"D.Currie" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just

about

Quoted message said:

the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan. The flour started
browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to smell like burnt
popcorn. This stirring continued until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.

Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal amount of water was
added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the roast, none of the browned bits from the
pan were used, and I didn't see

any

Quoted message said:

fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the pan, and the pan quickly covered, then
uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of

the

Quoted message said:

juice-water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but it did thicken.

At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than this, and dumped another
scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again

as

Quoted message said:

much water as there was original liquid. So now it's 3/4 water

More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice mix.

And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the

lumps,

Quoted message said:

so maybe they were strained out.

What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for

what

Quoted message said:

you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent.

After

Quoted message said:

watching the preparation, I had expected it to taste burnt, ashy, floury...something. But it had
almost no flavor at all.

All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising

mode,

Quoted message said:

but with a very practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many times. I'm sure it had.
This explains a lot.

Don't try this recipe at home, please.

Donna

Bet the burned flour just smelled terrific!

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and juices from the roasting
pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw
flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

Paul

"D.Currie" <[email hidden]> wrote in message -"]news:[email hidden]-
berlin.de...

Quoted message said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just

about

Quoted message said:

the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan. The flour started
browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to smell like burnt
popcorn. This stirring continued until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.

Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal amount of water was
added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the roast, none of the browned bits from the
pan were used, and I didn't see

any

Quoted message said:

fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the pan, and the pan quickly covered, then
uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of

the

Quoted message said:

juice-water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but it did thicken.

At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than this, and dumped another
scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again

as

Quoted message said:

much water as there was original liquid. So now it's 3/4 water

More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice mix.

And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the

lumps,

Quoted message said:

so maybe they were strained out.

What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for

what

Quoted message said:

you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent.

After

Quoted message said:

watching the preparation, I had expected it to taste burnt, ashy, floury...something. But it had
almost no flavor at all.

All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising

mode,

Quoted message said:

but with a very practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many times. I'm sure it had.
This explains a lot.

Don't try this recipe at home, please.

Donna

Paul M. Cook©® said:

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and juices from the
roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so
of raw flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the kitchen and keep her out.
She's voiced her disapproval of using filter organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat
real gravy (as opposed to jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the
turkey roasts...

--
Darryl L. Pierce <[email hidden]> Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

Paul M. Cook©® said:

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and juices from the
roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so
of raw flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

Paul

Gravy is not hard to make but anything gets more difficult with people watching. I'd rather break
out a can of gravy, warm it up and pour it into the gravy boat. Here, have some gravy. If you don't
like it, blame [manufacturer] <G>

Jill

Quoted message said:

"D.Currie" <[email hidden]> wrote in message -"]news:[email hidden]-
berlin.de...

Quoted message said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just about the time I was
wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan. The flour started browning, but
quickly progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This
stirring continued until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.

Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal amount of water was
added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the roast, none of the browned bits from the
pan were used, and I didn't see any fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the
pan, and the pan quickly covered, then uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of the juice-
water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but it did thicken.

At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than this, and dumped
another scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again as much water as there was original
liquid. So now it's
3/4 water

More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice
mix.

And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the lumps, so maybe they were
strained out.

What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for what you'd expect in a
meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent. After watching the preparation, I had
expected it to taste burnt, ashy, floury...something. But it had almost no flavor at all.

All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising mode, but with a very
practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many times. I'm sure it had. This
explains a lot.

Don't try this recipe at home, please.

Donna

I'll never forget the pickles my dad's third wife made. Recipe: Wash cucumbers and put in Mason Jar
till filled 3/4 full. Place one sprig of dill and one peppercorn in jar. Add any old vinegar to jar
till filled to top. Cover jar and store in basement till vinegar turns to gasoline.

I was sent home with two cases of pickles. Two dozen lid sets later I had a nice collection of
mason jars!

In article <[email hidden]>,

D.Currie said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just about the time I was
wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan. The flour started browning, but quickly
progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring
continued until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.

[...]

Here's one for you:

I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He had a skilletfull of cold chicken
pieces, unadorned by crumbs, flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan was to
get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

--
Mark Shaw contact info at homepage --> panix.com~mshawOpen ↗
========================================================================
"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who can count in binary, and those who
cannot." -unknown

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and juices from the
roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so
of raw flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

Several years ago my mom and I accepted an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner with friends.

My mom is a fabulous cook, and is famous for her turkey gravy, among other things. We walked into
the kitchen and saw two packets of McCormick Gravy mix on the counter. I picked up one of them and
held it up to my mom and sort of chuckled. My mom, trying to be helpful, volunteered to make the
gravy at that point and the hostess, apparently never having made gravy from scratch before, was
attentively watching every step. She was surprised that my mom didn't use the packets even for
seasoning, but instead took the drippings (minus most of the fat). At dinner when the gravy was
served, the hostess was astonished how delicious it was and said "I'm sure glad I didn't pour those
juices down the drain like I was going to".

Yea, me too...

--
Donna A pessimist believes all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are.

PENMART01 said:

Quoted message said:

When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the kitchen and keep her out.
She's voiced her disapproval of using filter organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real
gravy (as opposed to jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the turkey
roasts...

What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't used for gravy or stock,
unless you're an idiot.

The gizzard, ya geezer. 🙂 I also include the heart and the neck when making the gravy. But the
point is that she's not at all interested in any organ meat. I love a good steak and kidney pie,
liver, etc. but she won't even consider it. Too bad, her loss is my gain.

Quoted message said:

The neck, heart, and pupik are not filter organs...

What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.

Quoted message said:

in fact to me they are delicacies, so often I do not chop that meat up to add back to the gravy, I
eat all those luscious tidbits all myself (cooks treat)... then I cheat by adding bits of the
turkey meat to the gravy while I'm carving... fools don't know any better. A turkey neck is
practically a meal by itself. There was a time one could buy turkey necks, for cheap... my
grandmother would carefully remove the neck skins intact and stuff them to make sausage, the necks
and stuffed neck skins would be roasted with veggies, an especially tasty meal... a noiseless
dinner... with everyone busy slurping neck meat from all those itty-bitty bones and sipping
Slivavitz there was no talking... only other noises was ever so often my grandfather's boisterous
farts... and your wife thinks gizzards are disgusting.

She's already learned to deal with the occasional farting. Well, if you consider only once every
thirty minutes or so to be "occasional".

--
Darryl L. Pierce <[email hidden]> Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and juices from the
roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so
of raw flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

Several years ago my mom and I accepted an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner with friends.

My mom is a fabulous cook, and is famous for her turkey gravy, among other things. We walked into
the kitchen and saw two packets of McCormick Gravy mix on the counter. I picked up one of them and
held it up to my mom and sort of chuckled. My mom, trying to be helpful, volunteered to make the
gravy at that point and the hostess, apparently never having made gravy from scratch before, was
attentively watching every step. She was surprised that my mom didn't use the packets even for
seasoning, but instead took the drippings (minus most of the fat). At dinner when the gravy was
served, the hostess was astonished how delicious it was and said "I'm sure glad I didn't pour
those juices down the drain like I was going to".

But there it is. The host was willing to learn from that experience and I'll bet to this day she
makes the gravy from scratch. She probably even learned a few other cooking tricks.

Daryl,

Pupick is Yiddish for belly button. I know which part of the 'innards' it is but not sure that I can
describe it without being crude!

It kind of looks like a filled in figure eight. Or maybe testes (the crude part) that have
solidified and have had the skin between them pressed closed to make two separate sacks. Sorry but I
don't know how else to describe it!

NancyJaye (blushing)

"Darryl L. Pierce" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

PENMART01 said:

Quoted message said:

When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the kitchen and keep her out.
She's voiced her disapproval of using filter organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat
real gravy (as opposed

to

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the

turkey

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

roasts...

What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't

used

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

for gravy or stock, unless you're an idiot.

The gizzard, ya geezer. 🙂 I also include the heart and the neck when

making

Quoted message said:

the gravy. But the point is that she's not at all interested in any organ meat. I love a good
steak and kidney pie, liver, etc. but she won't even consider it. Too bad, her loss is my gain.

Quoted message said:

The neck, heart, and pupik are not filter organs...

What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.

Quoted message said:

in fact to me they are delicacies, so often I do not chop that meat up to add back to the gravy,
I eat all those luscious tidbits all myself (cooks treat)... then I cheat by adding bits of the
turkey meat to the gravy while I'm carving... fools don't know any better. A turkey neck is
practically a meal by itself. There was a time one could buy turkey necks, for cheap... my
grandmother would carefully remove the neck skins intact and stuff them to make sausage, the
necks and stuffed neck skins would be roasted with veggies, an especially tasty meal... a
noiseless dinner... with everyone busy slurping neck meat from all those itty-bitty bones

and

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

sipping Slivavitz there was no talking... only other noises was ever so often my grandfather's
boisterous farts... and your wife thinks gizzards are disgusting.

She's already learned to deal with the occasional farting. Well, if you consider only once every
thirty minutes or so to be "occasional".

--
Darryl L. Pierce <[email hidden]> Visit the Infobahn Offramp -
<http://mypage.org/mcpierce> "What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] (Mark

Shaw) said:

Here's one for you:

I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He had a skilletfull of cold chicken
pieces, unadorned by crumbs, flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan was
to get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

At least he used a pan. I know a guy who was going to bake chicken. He put it on the oven rack
without using a pan. Not only did he burn it to a crisp, he had a helluva mess to cleanup.
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> updated 2-19-04 -- Dufus picture posted!

PENMART01 said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

The neck, heart, and pupik are not filter organs...

What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.

The pupik is the gizzard... which is a grinding organ, not a filter organ.

I'm the one who called it a filter organ. She just doesn't like innards at all, and it was my
mistake to call the gizzard a filter organ. I've always thought it was the equivalent of the liver
in the bird and filtered the blood.

Quoted message said:

I'm sure your wife is a nice person but she seems kind of squeamish...

Not squeamish. She just prefers animal flesh to organ meat (jeez, I tried to find a different way to
write that sentence and just couldn't find a way that wasn't going to get your excited <g>😉.

--
Darryl L. Pierce <[email hidden]> Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

Mark Shaw said:

D.Currie said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

[snip]

Quoted message said:

Here's one for you:

I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He had a skilletfull of cold chicken
pieces, unadorned by crumbs, flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan was to
get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

Heh. My favorite memory is of my two housemates, both of whom were OK cooks in their own right
(Jewish and soul food/NC country cooking).

Once a month or so they'd get have a "party night" which involved licit and illicit mind-altering
substances. Usually started out by getting a nice Jack and Bud buzz on, having a little dance with
Mary Jane, a little more booze, maybe a line or two of Bolivian Marching Powder,. Caterpillar
Special or Mexican buttons. . . .depending what was in stock at the time.

The problem was they'd also start cooking. Something nibbly for the Mary Jane munchies, something
hearty to soak up the stupid juice, a salad to enhance the "pretty colors" effect. Well, you get
the picture.

One particular night one of the miscreants snagged some choice prime rib steaks. Medium
size, 15-18 oz.

So these two (hopped-up-on) goofballs preheat the oven to Chernobyl, slap the steaks under the
broiler, and start the broiler (or so they thought).

Actually genius #1 set the oven to "clean" and genius #2, for reasons known only to himself, threw
the oven locking handle.

I came home about an hour into the process and found two very stoned, very sad individuals watching
what used to be their steaks through the oven window.

Pretty funny, but I didn't have the heart to laugh.

Best,

Marc

"Mark Shaw" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>, "D.Currie"

Quoted message said:

Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just

about

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the

pan.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to
smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued until the flour was a nice mix of very dark
brown and black.

[...]

Here's one for you:

I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He had a skilletfull of cold chicken
pieces, unadorned by crumbs, flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan was
to get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

--
Mark Shaw

I have a very dear friend who is completely lost in the kitchen. In fact, her daughters once
commented to me that they didn't know Pop [censored] could be 'cooked'. They had only had the
cold variety.

Anyway, one time I was explaining to my blonde friend a recipe that involved chicken. My
instructions were to cook the chicken and then to cut up the meat into bite size pieces for a soup.
She asked, quite innocently, how did I remove the bones from the bite sized pieces.

Her only cook book is 'Cooking in the Nude'. It has a lot of recipes for Jell-O, etc. for
obvious reasons.

j