The local TV news station did a bit on a confrontation between cyclists and
an angry motorist. Guess who won.
Later they posted a blog where viewers can leave comments and I was
horrified to see the malevolence directed towards bicyclists. After
reading many of the comments, I was left with the impression that they would
drive over their own child if the kid delayed their travel by only one
second.
Apparently anger is only directed at bicyclists who delay them only few
seconds, and not at the dimwit who begins fishing around in her oversized
purse looking for her out-of-state cheques after the groceries have been
tallied up, or at the thoughtless clods at the post office, the DMV, the
buffet line, the telephone etc. Why do they get violently upset upon
sight of a rider in spandex but think nothing about how they inconvenience
everyone else when they stand in line at a busy McDonalds, and then, and
only then, when they are up to the counter do these mouth breathers tilt
their head up and stare at the menu that hasn't changed in forty years for
several minutes carefully contemplating before ordering what they have
ordered countless times in the past?
Even the folks over at the office are profoundly violent in their thoughts
towards cyclists who ride on the roads. Many even acknowledge that their
hatred and thoughts of brutal death towards the rider are irrational and
disturbing, yet they can't understand why the animosity.
So while pedalling home from yet another 11 mile commute, I thought "Cure
the ignorance" and hence here is a start at compiling an answer guide to the
homicidal cager.
"Bicyclists don't pay taxes so they shouldn't use the road."
1. Most adult bicyclists own one or more licensed and registered motor
vehicles. There is no discount if the car or motorcycle is parked in the
garage all year, or driven on the public roads continuously. If anything,
all other things considered equal, the car parked in the garage gets less
value out of his fees and taxes than the car being driven on the roads
daily. This is a case where the cyclist pays a higher tax per mile than the
motorist.
2. Taxes, inspections and fees aren't the only subsidy that cyclists give to
the motorist, the car that is garaged is probably also insured and much less
likely to be involved in a collision or a claim event. Each day the
motorist drives his car, his risk of filing a claim increases relative to
the parked car. In other words, the commuter cyclist makes an excellent
risk to the insurance underwriter and his premiums can be used to subsidize
the cost of carrying the daily driver.
3. On the topic of insurance, over fourteen percent of motor vehicles on the
road today are uninsured. In states like California the number is
twenty-six percent and Colorado boasts over one third of its motorists don't
bother having insurance. Quick, which one will cost you more? A commuter
rear-ending your car with his mountain bike or getting slammed head-on by an
uninsured drunk illegal alien operating a 1975 Ford F-350?
4. Ask yourself why major metropolitan areas have higher prices for fuel.
In part its because of gasoline reformulation. Those boutique fuels come
courtesy of the environmentalists. These fuels have less energy and cost
more than regular "rural" gasoline. Also as the number of motor vehicles
increases, local governments like to impose expensive and time consuming
emission tests. If cyclists quit their commuting or changed their
recreation to something that required driving somewhere, that threshold
might just be reached sooner and all kinds of new costs and hassles will be
added to everyone in the county.
5. Who trashes out the roads more requiring more maintenance and clean-up?
The 200 pound cyclist and equipment, or the two ton oil dripping pickup
truck filled with day laborers tossing trash as they pull their dirt, rock
and building material spewing trailer down the road? Who pays for the
disposal of the tires, oil, and eventually the worn out car?
---
"Your garaged car and your bicycle aren't paying gasoline taxes."
1. What an interesting argument. Based on that reasoning drivers operating
hybrids, electric cars and other high mileage vehicles are thieving [censored]
too. All hail the Hummer, Dodge Viper and the extended length three axle
RVs as they rack up eight mile per gallon performances that pay more for
mile than the wind-up cars. Perhaps, since they pay many times more in
taxes per mile of road used, they should have a dedicated lane in their
honor. Government should even discourage the rich from driving fuel
efficient cars so that they will be forced to pay their much higher "fair
share" . Rich people, in order to promote social conscience should be
obligated to drive around in extended length limosines.
2. As a corollary, whatever argument one makes to give the electric-car a
pass can also be applied in spades to the bicyclist because the two wheeled
commuter doesn't put a strain on the electrical grid. In other words, the
bicycle isn't going to be a cause for brownouts. Now there is an
inconvenience.
---
"No matter who pays taxes, road taxes are to benefit automobiles"
1. If we are going to be all of a sudden concerned that taxes will be spent
so that a cyclist can commute, or heaven forbid, enjoy a healthy
recreational ride, then I would like to register my own personal fiscal belt
tightening. Lets close museums, libraries, public skating rinks, parks,
public baseball and soccer fields, river walks, hiking trails and any other
tax payer funded recreational site. If you are going to be homicidal
because I occupy a traffic lane with my bicycle, what kind of hypocrite must
one be to ignore the thousands upon thousands of cars crowding the roadway
so that they can drive to these recreational venues? Or is it OK to be
delayed several minutes by the masses driving to their yoga class, pizza
buffet or their child's piano lesson?
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"The roads are for cars, use the bike lanes, sidewalks and jogging trails."
1. Most laws prohibit bicyclists from using the sidewalks. Which is usually
a good idea since the sidewalks are for walking and bicyclists often travel
over twenty miles per hour which makes the cyclist more dangerous to
pedestrians and their pets than motorists are to cyclists when the cyclist
is in the street.
2. Jogging trails are nice - for jogging. They are also nice for walking
pets, pushing strollers and for rollerblading. Jogging trails often are
used by recreational cyclists but the nature of jogging trails makes them
impractical for the commuter. Besides, weren't we complaining about taxes
being spent on cyclists when they should be spent on roads? Who
underwrites those out-of-the-way bicycle paths?
3. The law recognizes that bicyclists are entitled to enjoy the use of most
public roadways. If you hate bicyclists that much, there is always toll
roads and the interstate highway that you can claim all for yourself.
4. As for dedicated bicycle lanes? I usually love them, so do people who
like to park their cars in front of their homes. Bicycle lanes also act as
magnets for broken glass, sharp metallic building materials and roadkill.
After the winter season, it takes an unusual amount of rain to remove the
thick layer of tire shredding sand that was used to be on the ice covered
roadway. Oblivious joggers engrossed in their iPods also enjoy bike lanes
too.
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"Bicyclists inconvenience me."
1. You are driving your SUV loaded with screaming kids to the local hair
salon on a busy street with only street parking. You will have to park
blocks away if there are no parking spots open in front of the shop. To
your delight you see an available parking space right near the front door.
What you probably didn't see, and most likely will never thank, is the
bicyclist inside who left the car at home rather than drive downtown to
occupy that space you just took.
2. Under most circumstances, the waiting to pass a bicyclist will take only
eight seconds out of your long life. During that eight seconds when rage
and thoughts of cold blooded murder fill your mind, take a few seconds to
ask yourself what kind of Jack Bauer torture was intended for the oblivious
cell phone phalker who slept through the traffic light causing everyone
behind her to wait another ninety seconds for the next light change. Then
ask yourself, if time is so important why you didn't TiVo American Idol
rather than risk turning on the program eight seconds after it started.
3. Lets say that you just discovered that the driver who caused you to sit
through another cycle of the traffic lights was on the way to the gym to
ride the stationary bicycle. Do you want to compare those precious eight
seconds the road cyclist "stole" to that mildly irritating ninety seconds?
4. Do you prefer to be dealing with the seventy or more cars parked outside
and around the elementary school twice a day, or would your commute be
faster if those same kids walked or rode their bicycle to school instead of
being chauffeured?
5. The delay on your life slowing down to traverse a reduced speed school
zone is much greater than waiting to pass the commuting bicyclist. Do you
wish to jump the curb and mow down the children trudging off to school with
the same zeal and fury you reserve for the commuting cyclist?
6. How inconvenienced are you when you watch the commuting bicyclist ride
over the horizon while you sit in gridlocked afternoon rush hour traffic?
It will take me thirty-five minutes to bicycle to the office, and twenty
minutes by motorcycle in pre dawn "traffic". If I were to ride home during
rush hour, that same trip is rarely more than forty minutes on the bicycle
and at least fifty minutes in the car - and I just had well over an hour of
aerobic exercise.
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"Bicyclists are dangerous! They ignore traffic laws"
1. As pointed out earlier, most bicyclists also have a driver's license
which means that they have achieved at least the below average skill needed
to qualify for that laminated card. Furthermore, to say that most/all
bicyclists ignore the laws one must also posit that there is something
peculiar and mystical about a bicycle that causes the average "law abiding"
motorist to abandon all they know and care about and ride in a dangerous
manner as to taunt death the moment their feet are clipped to the pedals. I'm
thinking that in the quest to find a head to put the goat horns on, one
rationalizes that all bicyclists are members of the brain damaged neo
luddite Critical Mass cabal.
2. While we are pondering the dangerous bicyclist, we must also say that he
is also suicidal because any confrontation with a motor vehicle is a loss,
even a loss of life for the cyclist while the cager just shrugs his
shoulders, wipes the blood off the grill, unwraps the bicycle from the axle
and gets home before dinner gets cold.
3. But if bicyclists are so dangerous and lawless in comparison to the
motorist, why are the municipal traffic courts clogged and whole branches of
government are organized just to raise ad hoc taxes on motor vehicle code
violation? Are the red light cameras and radar traps for bicyclists or
for motorists?
4. Poor health is more dangerous than rolling a stop sign at an empty
suburban intersection. Fat people don't ride bicycles for long. They
either can't take the abuse on their bodies and quit, or they are
transformed by their new passion to be thinner and healthier. I don't see
cyclists chain smoking on their commutes, farding, or stuffing their faces
with the latest triple bacon cheese GluttonFest hamburger. Some of the best
looking and healthy men and women are bicyclists.
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"I hate it when they ride in packs, three across, taking up the whole lane"
1. In many jurisdictions it's a code violation to squeeze a bicyclist out of
his lane. The police often advise bicyclists to utilize the law that
permits them to occupy the entire lane if they so desire. That dozen or so
bikes you see, whether they are single file, or riding stripe to stripe are
entitled to that lane. Get over it.
2. While you are delayed that eight seconds before you can pass, ask
yourself if the cyclists weren't cyclists but was a cop driving ten under
the posted speed limit scanning the neighborhood, would you like to shoot
the cop or run him off the road as much as you delight in "teaching a
lesson" to the cyclists? Same delay, same use of lane. I dare you to
pass the police officer.
3. Have you considered that when there are that many bicyclists riding
together in a pack that it probably wasn't an accident but instead it is a
club ride? And once you discover that it is likely an organized club ride,
they might even have a schedule? And as a scheduled club ride they might
be on the same road at the same time of day next week? Is there really
only one route and one time you can drive home or to wherever you must get
to?
4. Are you going to fire bomb the church down the street when they delay
your travel during the scheduled weekly service changes? Are you going to
unload an AK47 at the school bus that occupies an entire lane and delays
your travel much more than a bicyclist ever would?
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"When cyclists ride the curb up to the front of the queue at the light, I
sometimes have to pass them several times"
1. This should be a clue to you that maybe the cyclist isn't really robbing
you of your five to fifteen seconds of life that you can't afford to lose.
If you have to keep passing the same cyclist, it might just be that he is
not delaying or inconveniencing you at all. In fact, it might just be the
other way around.