A delicate dining issue?

Some things are best left unsaid. I think this is one of them. At her age,
I doubt she's going to change. Why insult her?

"Goomba38" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires travel
and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as can be but
to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth open, smacks
lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when eating something
like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over her cheeks and with
juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently a table full of
coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were appalled and
mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a restaurant and
she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her dirty plate of food
right in front of her, even while others are still eating. Just no table
graces, you know? I think she might be doing herself a social disservice
and might not realize that people avoid eating with her because of these
things. I've learned to avoid sitting directly accross from her. Would you
take her aside and clue her in? What would you say?
Goomba

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

Let me answer a question with a question: If someone on Usenet couldn't
spell, how would you break it to him/her?
Cathy(xyz)

"Goomba38" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires travel and
eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as can be but to put
it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth open, smacks lips the
entire meal, gets food all over her face when eating something like chicken
wings. Not just on her lips, but all over her cheeks and with juices dripping
down her hands to her arms. Recently a table full of coworkers ate together and
witnessed this and all were appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves
afterwards. When out at a restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her
linen napkin into her dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while
others are still eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be
doing herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting directly
accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in? What would you say?
Goomba

IMHO that is a classic no win situation.

The ONLY time I would mention shortcomings would be if the eating is with
clients. At that point thee is a potential to jeopardize business. At that
point and only at that point if your company is large enough I would drop that
into the HR lap.

Dimitri

Goomba38 <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this
sometimes requires travel and eating out together.
She is mid 40's, single and as nice as can be but to
put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over
her face when eating something like chicken wings.
Not just on her lips, but all over her cheeks and with
juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed
this and all were appalled and mentioned it amongst
themselves afterwards. When out at a restaurant and
she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while
others are still eating. Just no table graces, you know?
I think she might be doing herself a social disservice
and might not realize that people avoid eating with
her because of these things. I've learned to avoid
sitting directly accross from her. Would you take
her aside and clue her in? What would you say?

No way; this is your Kobyashi Maru. The only thing you'd be missing if
you attempted to straighten her out was the exploding electronics and
dead/dying red shirts.

You attempted to "say something" already by stationing yourself away
from her frontal assault. She wasn't aware of it then and she wouldn't
be any more aware of it if you verbalized it.

There's always the passive-aggressive: In one company where I put in
some time, this workerbee just didn't know what a bar of soap was or why
anyone would use one. He often ate sardines in his office and thought
raw onions were a mutation of apples. To say meeting him, let alone
working near him, was tearful is doing the experience a disservice. His
manager, in an attempt to provide some social cues, started setting
deodorants and bars if glycerin soaps about; anywhere direct report
would find them or likely be for an extended period. At first the
workerbee was upset and complained to HR; the manager was just too smart
for him. (He never let _anyone_ see him do the deeds.) It worked --
eventually... But listening to workerbee hiss and spit was my penance
for being in the know. Try putting copies of public dining from some
version of Emily Post about for her to find.

The Ranger

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

I know someone who talks and chews at the same time. It's disgusting
and I know others have noticed it too. However, we eat in a lunchroom
not in a restaurant - so we aren't embarrassed in public by her lack
of social skills.

My first thought is your friend probably doesn't experience accurate
tactile sensations that would cue her into knowing when to wipe the
glop off her face and arms. But she probably also lacks the innate
ability to pick up on ordinary social cues and norms. I think if I
was in your situation, I'd make a point of eating at more casual
restaurants than the ones you seem to be choosing... that way, at
least she'd be throwing a paper napkin on her plate at the end of the
meal. I'd also feel more comfortable handing a person like your
friend a napkin to wipe their face or arms with (accompanied by an
"oops, it's running down your arm" or "you've got a big smudge on your
cheek"😉 if we were eating in a rib joint or spaghetti/pizza palace
than if we were eating filet in a fancy restaurant.

sf said:

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

I know someone who talks and chews at the same time. It's disgusting
and I know others have noticed it too. However, we eat in a lunchroom
not in a restaurant - so we aren't embarrassed in public by her lack
of social skills.

My first thought is your friend probably doesn't experience accurate
tactile sensations that would cue her into knowing when to wipe the
glop off her face and arms. But she probably also lacks the innate
ability to pick up on ordinary social cues and norms. I think if I
was in your situation, I'd make a point of eating at more casual
restaurants than the ones you seem to be choosing... that way, at
least she'd be throwing a paper napkin on her plate at the end of the
meal. I'd also feel more comfortable handing a person like your
friend a napkin to wipe their face or arms with (accompanied by an
"oops, it's running down your arm" or "you've got a big smudge on your
cheek"😉 if we were eating in a rib joint or spaghetti/pizza palace
than if we were eating filet in a fancy restaurant.

I tend to agree with the other posters that saying anything to your
coworker is a no-win situation for you. However, SF's suggestion isn't
without merit. You can't necessarily address the overall situation,
but regardless of the restaurant, you can easily pass her a napkin and
nicely say, "oops, you've got a spot on your cheek." There's nothing
at all wrong with that, as long as you don't purposely draw (even more)
attention to her (she's apparently doing a find job of embarassing
herself, whether she knows it or not, and it would just be tacky to
compound that <g>😉.

"Alexis" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

sf said:

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice
as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig.

<snipping icky details...>
Would you take her aside and clue her in?

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

What would you say?
Goomba

<snip>

I'd also feel more comfortable handing a person like your

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

friend a napkin to wipe their face or arms with (accompanied by an
"oops, it's running down your arm" or "you've got a big smudge on your
cheek"😉 if we were eating in a rib joint or spaghetti/pizza palace
than if we were eating filet in a fancy restaurant.

I tend to agree with the other posters that saying anything to your
coworker is a no-win situation for you. However, SF's suggestion isn't
without merit. You can't necessarily address the overall situation,
but regardless of the restaurant, you can easily pass her a napkin and
nicely say, "oops, you've got a spot on your cheek." There's nothing
at all wrong with that, as long as you don't purposely draw (even more)
attention to her (she's apparently doing a find job of embarassing
herself, whether she knows it or not, and it would just be tacky to
compound that <g>😉.
============

I too would do the "oops" thing and depending upon if I was in a delicate
speaking manner or not - I'd either pull her aside and might even ask if she
was aware that sometimes (!) she eats with her mouth open and/or... maybe
just print off your comments, minus your name & addy, and place it on her
desk.

--
Syssi

The Ranger said:

Try putting copies of public dining from some
version of Emily Post about for her to find.

Live for Success, which came after Dress for Success, has a large chapter
on table manners. It's basically a how-to-live-in-the-corporate-world
kinda book. Can't remember the author, but both are very good books.

Carol

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?

I've met people like you've described, they're usually missing a few
essential genes... would you visit someone residing at a mental
institution and mention their disability to them... try to focus on the
reasons you value this person's company... and never invite her to dine
with you. Tact is the best part of humanity.

Sheldon

Damsel <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

The Ranger said:

Try putting copies of public dining from some
version of Emily Post about for her to find.

Live for Success, which came after Dress for Success, has a
large chapter on table manners. [..] Can't remember the author,
but both are very good books.

John T. Malloy
Dress for Success; ISBN 0446385522
Live for Success; ISBN 0553259644

The Ranger

Sheldon said:

Tact is the best part of humanity.

Sheldon

Can I quote you on that?

Best regards,
Bob

The Ranger said:

Damsel <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

The Ranger said:

Try putting copies of public dining from some
version of Emily Post about for her to find.

Live for Success, which came after Dress for Success, has a
large chapter on table manners. [..] Can't remember the author,
but both are very good books.

John T. Malloy
Dress for Success; ISBN 0446385522
Live for Success; ISBN 0553259644

The Ranger

Well, bless your pea-pickin' little heart! There was also one for women.
Don't know where my copies of those books went.

Carol

Damsel<[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

[..] Can't remember the author,
but both are very good books.

John T. Malloy
Dress for Success; ISBN 0446385522
Live for Success; ISBN 0553259644

Well, bless your pea-pickin' little heart! There was also
one for women. Don't know where my copies of those
books went.

It ain't pickin' no peas, if y'git my meaning, mistress but my copy of
"Dress" is gathering dust kitties and wolf spiders aplenty in my
Library...

🙂

The Ranger

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice
as can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her
mouth open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face

(snippage)

Quoted message said:

Goomba

I worked with a woman like this... I don't want to see food in someone's
mouth, thanks. Chew, swallow, then speak. It's a difficult situation, to
say the least. I'm not sure there is any tactful way to say it other than,
"Please don't chew/speak with your mouth open." She might not be speaking,
but she might get the hint. HINT to abf photo people: I don't want to see
photos of food in your mouth!

My LLL ate with his elbows on the table until he noticed I didn't. He
noticed it, said I'm "so polite" but it embarrassed him and now he keeps his
elbows off the table when we are out 😉 Sometimes it doesn't take more than
a hint; doesn't sound like it's that easy with your co-worker. Good luck!

Jill

On Tue, 16 Aug 2005 15:43:30 -0400, Goomba38 <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

That's a very touchy situation which is probably best dealt with
indirectly.

Eg. bring a camera to the next birthday outing, take numerous casual,
unposed photos of everyone during the meal. Then let her see the
whole set of various people, including herself . Maybe she'll
recognize the problem on her own without anyone having to discuss it.

Another possibility- the manager could ask HR to sponsor 3-4 seminars
on business etiquette, including one on dining out. Everyone should
go so she doesn't feel singled out. It would probably be a nice
break.

If any of your coworkers have kids, perhaps the next time you're all
together s/he could start a discussion (before the food arrives!) on
"I'm trying to teach Junior table manners and it's difficult. He just
doesn't realize how awful it is for other people when he's talking
with his mouth full." etc.

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

zxcvbob wrote:\

Quoted message said:

Sheldon said:

Tact is the best part of humanity.

Quoted message said:

Sheldon

Can I quote you on that?

I just spit my wop tea all over my monitor.

Pastorio

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Sheldon wrote:
Tact is the best part of humanity.

OK, who are you and what did you do with our Sheldon?

Felice

"cathyxyz" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Goomba38 said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

Let me answer a question with a question: If someone on Usenet couldn't
spell, how would you break it to him/her?
Cathy(xyz)

Ruthlessly.

Shaun aRe
--
The use of absolutes is never appropriate.

"Goomba38" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have an acquaintance whom I work with, and this sometimes requires
travel and eating out together. She is mid 40's, single and as nice as
can be but to put it bluntly she eats like a pig. Chews with her mouth
open, smacks lips the entire meal, gets food all over her face when
eating something like chicken wings. Not just on her lips, but all over
her cheeks and with juices dripping down her hands to her arms. Recently
a table full of coworkers ate together and witnessed this and all were
appalled and mentioned it amongst themselves afterwards. When out at a
restaurant and she is done eating she tosses her linen napkin into her
dirty plate of food right in front of her, even while others are still
eating. Just no table graces, you know? I think she might be doing
herself a social disservice and might not realize that people avoid
eating with her because of these things. I've learned to avoid sitting
directly accross from her. Would you take her aside and clue her in?
What would you say?
Goomba

I say tell her to her face, in public, while she is food-juice-smeared. She
will either:

A) Get it together and sort herself out.

Or:

B) Fall apart and never ever eat out again, and utterly devastated, become a
total social recluse.

Either way, you don't ever have to deal with it any more = problem solved.

',;~}~

Shaun aRe - I'm a genius me, aren't I!