Huge breakthrough for me

Good show, Preston!

Preston Crawford wrote:
|| So as many of you here already know or may remember (think back or

snip

|| Now that I'm in treatment, it's very exciting to be able to push
|| myself like this without panic.

Quoted message said:

But I climbed the hills like a champ. Did the ride and I
think I may actually attempt a century later this year.

Seriously well done you! You have achieved a fantastic amount.

Cheers, helen s

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to get correct one remove fame & fortune
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Preston Crawford said:

Anyway, just wanted to share. Many here have been very helpful as I've
struggled with the anxiety, never knowning that it was anxiety. Now that
I'm in treatment, it's very exciting to be able to push myself like this
without panic.

Excellent! Keep up the good work!

-km, who also suffers from anxiety

--
the black rose
proud to be owned by a yorkie
http://community.webshots.com/user/blackrosequilts

"Preston Crawford" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

This last weekend, without really thinking about it, I did a 54 mile bike
ride at 4,000 feet. This may not seem like much to many of you, but this
is a huge breakthrough for me. Foremost because I didn't panic when doing
a distance 14 miles longer than the longest I'd ever done before (the 40
mile ride), but also because I had no problems in spite of doing the ride
at 4,000 feet. In the past (I live at sea level) anything that would
change, possibly, the conditions of my physiology would make me panic in
many situations. But I climbed the hills like a champ. Did the ride and I
think I may actually attempt a century later this year. I'll need to read
up on how to prep for that.

Great job! Do that century, and then we'll do STP together next year!

--
Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
please substitute yahoo for mousepotato to reply
Home of the meditative cyclist:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cpetersky/Welcome.htm
Personal page: http://www.geocities.com/cpetersky/
See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky

Preston Crawford said:

This last weekend, without really thinking about it, I did a 54 mile bike
ride at 4,000 feet.

Congratulations!

FWIW (and I hope you don't mind) I've been using your story as an
encouraging example to others.

--
--------------------+
Frank Krygowski [To reply, remove rodent and vegetable dot com,
replace with cc.ysu dot edu]

Claire Petersky said:

"Preston Crawford" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

This last weekend, without really thinking about it, I did a 54 mile bike
ride at 4,000 feet. This may not seem like much to many of you, but this
is a huge breakthrough for me. Foremost because I didn't panic when doing
a distance 14 miles longer than the longest I'd ever done before (the 40
mile ride), but also because I had no problems in spite of doing the ride
at 4,000 feet. In the past (I live at sea level) anything that would
change, possibly, the conditions of my physiology would make me panic in
many situations. But I climbed the hills like a champ. Did the ride and I
think I may actually attempt a century later this year. I'll need to read
up on how to prep for that.

Great job! Do that century, and then we'll do STP together next year!

Thank you everyone else (Frank, you can always use my story and show the
pictures at www.prestoncrawford.com/album, at least the pictures of me,
not my cats, if you want) for the kind words. And yes, Claire. After years
of trying to get me to do something my anxiety wouldn't let me, we may
finally get to ride STP. :-)

That's definitely a goal of mine.

Preston

In article <[email hidden]>,

Preston Crawford said:

But I climbed the hills like a champ. Did the ride and I
think I may actually attempt a century later this year. I'll need to read
up on how to prep for that.

Hey, Preston -- ya done /really/ good! Conquering the roads & hills
is one thing; conquering one's internal challenges is quite another.
Simultaneously doing both at once is a remarkable feat!

You've earned every right to feel good.

Cheers,
Tom

--
-- Powered by FreeBSD
Above address is just a spam midden.
I'm really at: tkeats [curlicue] vcn [point] bc [point] ca

Preston Crawford <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

So as many of you here already know or may remember (think back or
google back to my trip to California when I was really worked up
about how I got dizzy and couldn't ride my usual distance). At the
time I thought it was physical. A diet thing. A physical thing. It
turned out eventually that it was anxiety and I'm getting treated
for that now.

One of my main anxieties is that because I was 400lbs+ at one point
(I'm around 260lbs. now) I will someday die from a heart attack. So
I've often had panic attacks at high times of stress that revolved
around exercising (in my case doing longer bike rides). Well I've
been doing really well lately, treatment wise, and averaging 20-25
miles a day on my commute. Then a couple weeks ago I went on a 40
mile bike ride while at the coast. This last weekend, without
really thinking about it, I did a 54 mile bike ride at 4,000 feet.
This may not seem like much to many of you, but this is a huge
breakthrough for me. Foremost because I didn't panic when doing a
distance 14 miles longer than the longest I'd ever done before (the
40 mile ride), but also because I had no problems in spite of doing
the ride at 4,000 feet. In the past (I live at sea level) anything
that would change, possibly, the conditions of my physiology would
make me panic in many situations. But I climbed the hills like a
champ. Did the ride and I think I may actually attempt a century
later this year. I'll need to read up on how to prep for that.

Anyway, just wanted to share. Many here have been very helpful as
I've struggled with the anxiety, never knowning that it was
anxiety. Now that I'm in treatment, it's very exciting to be able
to push myself like this without panic.

Preston

Preston - you deserve congratulations on so many levels! The anxiety
thing is a real tough one to overcome, I'm sure. But, you seem to be
getting it in check. I think, more importantly, you should be
congratulated in sticking with the bicycling for all this time. AND,
you should really be congratulated for meeting/exceeding any goals you
may have had in losing weight - going from 400lbs+ down to 260lbs is
incredible! You've taken on another challenge, the mountains, and
handled it beautifully. All these challenges, and you've maintained a
positive attitude throughout!

You should be really happy about your accomplishments - you are an
inspiration to others, whether you know it or not.

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it’s to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

Good going Preston. Getting over a mental block is awfully hard to do. Also
congratulations on losing so much weight.

By the way, altitude is a funny thing, it affects some people and not others.
If it affects you seriously, it is not something to fool with either. I live
in FL but I have been able to go out west and ride over passes without any
trouble at all. I suspect that you can probably do more then you think.

Preston Crawford said:

So as many of you here already know or may remember (think back or google
back to my trip to California when I was really worked up about how I got
dizzy and couldn't ride my usual distance). At the time I thought it was
physical. A diet thing. A physical thing. It turned out eventually that
it was anxiety and I'm getting treated for that now.

One of my main anxieties is that because I was 400lbs+ at one point (I'm
around 260lbs. now) I will someday die from a heart attack. So I've often
had panic attacks at high times of stress that revolved around exercising
(in my case doing longer bike rides). Well I've been doing really well
lately, treatment wise, and averaging 20-25 miles a day on my commute.
Then a couple weeks ago I went on a 40 mile bike ride while at the coast.
This last weekend, without really thinking about it, I did a 54 mile bike
ride at 4,000 feet. This may not seem like much to many of you, but this
is a huge breakthrough for me. Foremost because I didn't panic when doing
a distance 14 miles longer than the longest I'd ever done before (the 40
mile ride), but also because I had no problems in spite of doing the ride
at 4,000 feet. In the past (I live at sea level) anything that would
change, possibly, the conditions of my physiology would make me panic in
many situations. But I climbed the hills like a champ. Did the ride and I
think I may actually attempt a century later this year. I'll need to read
up on how to prep for that.

Anyway, just wanted to share. Many here have been very helpful as I've
struggled with the anxiety, never knowning that it was anxiety. Now that
I'm in treatment, it's very exciting to be able to push myself like this
without panic.

Preston

Preston,
I've had terrible anxiety problems during my 45 years, including
anxiety attacks severe enough to compel me to go to the emergency
room. "I'm having a heart attack!"

Bearing this problem can be a lonely proposition because those
(family, friends) who've never experienced it--especially acute
attacks--can fully understand it. It is an organic, physiological
event and not just a sudden case of nerves.

Though I've not a had a full blown attack in many years, I still take
small quantities of Xanax; but nothing has been as effective at short
circuiting my anxiety as cycling.

Congratulations on your massive breakthrough.
Dave

Eric Babula said:

Preston - you deserve congratulations on so many levels! The anxiety
thing is a real tough one to overcome, I'm sure. But, you seem to be

It sure is tough. Partly because you can live with it for years and do
things you're not even aware are "fixable" (like get in long drawn-out
arguments as I used to be prone to doing here) without even realizing you
have a problem. You can get light-headed and dizzy and feel like you're
dying and not realize that it's fixable. It's a very puzzling thing to
live with and then once you're getting it treated, it's hard not to focus
on the treatment and forget that you're getting better all the time and
that you can start rechallenging yourself again. So it's definitely hard.
But I've gotten over my phobia of throwing up, largely. So much so that I
started eating fish and eggs again. Two things I was sure would make me
sick once I ate them again, but I knew I needed to eat given how much
exercise I was doing and since I needed more protein.

I've also flown again for the first time in 5 years. There were a lot of
things I was doing or wasn't doing because of the anxiety for years and
I've been breaking down barriers. It's not been easy, but a 54 mile bike
ride is definitely rewarding.

Quoted message said:

You should be really happy about your accomplishments - you are an
inspiration to others, whether you know it or not.

Well, I'm not aware that I am, but I appreciate that. I see myself as an
average guy struggling with problems many other people struggle with and
sharing my story. Nothing more. I'm just glad that when I needed it
(Google this newsgroup and you'll see I was once a young grasshopper
asking many many many questions when I started biking again) someone was
here to help me so that now I'm at the point where biking is so second
nature to me that I can go off and do something like this confidently, the
only hurdle being my mind and not my bike or my body.

Preston

Pbwalther said:

Good going Preston. Getting over a mental block is awfully hard to do. Also
congratulations on losing so much weight.

By the way, altitude is a funny thing, it affects some people and not others.
If it affects you seriously, it is not something to fool with either. I live
in FL but I have been able to go out west and ride over passes without any
trouble at all. I suspect that you can probably do more then you think.

My doctor once told me that. That was, unfortunately, before I got treated
for anxiety. So it took me years to heed his words. But he said to me that
I was still overweight, but considering what I'd overcome, I'd be
surprised at how resilient my body was and what I was able to accomplish.
Now I know this is true.

Preston

Congratulations Preston.

It's always nice to know that someone has managed to improve their
quality of life, no matter how they did it.

Keep up the good work, and: Happy Cycling.

Preston Crawford said:

One of my main anxieties is that because I was 400lbs+ at one point (I'm
around 260lbs. now) I will someday die from a heart attack. So I've often
had panic attacks at high times of stress that revolved around exercising
(in my case doing longer bike rides).

Have you had a stress EKG? Has your doctor reviewed it for issues, and
approved your exercise program? If yes on both, I wouldn't worry too
much about having a heart attack. A reasonable exercise program should
actually *decrease* your risk of heart disease.

"Cardiophobia" is a pretty easy problem to acquire, if you're constantly
monitoring yourself for signs of trouble, real or imagined. I had that
once. Got it dispelled by having an EKG.

Sounds like you're doing really well, and having fun too!

Dave

"Preston Crawford" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Thank you everyone else (Frank, you can always use my story and show the
pictures at www.prestoncrawford.com/album, at least the pictures of me,
not my cats, if you want) for the kind words. And yes, Claire. After years
of trying to get me to do something my anxiety wouldn't let me, we may
finally get to ride STP. :-)

Love the before/after pictures. Congratulations.

I did wander around a bit in the cat pictures -- love this one:
http://www.prestoncrawford.com/album/images/evilopus.jpg

--
Mike Kruger
*If God ever does descend from heaven to reveal His divine glory, I hope He
doesn't land in Orlando, because that place is already WAY too
touristy.(Tommy Jack)*

Preston Crawford <[email hidden]> wrote in
news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Well, I'm not aware that I am, but I appreciate that. I see myself
as an average guy struggling with problems many other people
struggle with and sharing my story. Nothing more. I'm just glad
that when I needed it (Google this newsgroup and you'll see I was
once a young grasshopper asking many many many questions when I
started biking again) someone was here to help me so that now I'm
at the point where biking is so second nature to me that I can go
off and do something like this confidently, the only hurdle being
my mind and not my bike or my body.

Preston

Like I said, you aren't even aware that you're an inspiration to others.
I know about your bicycling experiences. I started bicycling again
about the same time you did, I believe (what was that, 2000? 2001? -
somewhere in there). And, I had many of the same questions you did, and
was reading many of your threads, too.

Now, I didn't have to deal with some of the issues you had to, but, just
reading your posts helped me, too - whether it was from seeing your
great attitude, or learning from the others' advice, or whatever. I
learned a lot from your posts here, and you have provided inspiration
for me to get back off my lazy a$$ when I quit riding, 'cuz I am just
too tired, today', or whatever excuse I had at the time.

I'm sure others have found your story inspirational, to some extent,
too.

Keep up the good work, Preston, and keep smiling!

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it’s to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

DaveH said:

Preston,
I've had terrible anxiety problems during my 45 years, including
anxiety attacks severe enough to compel me to go to the emergency
room. "I'm having a heart attack!"

I've been there. Many times. When I began to realize I had a problem that
WASN'T my heart was when (in addition to people here pointing out the
possibility of anxiety) I began to realize that sometimes just being at a
hospital made me feel better. Just being there, knowing I could get help
quickly if I needed it. That was a sad and lonely period of my life. In
part because I wouldn't let my wife take me to the hospital anymore at a
certain point. It was a waste of her time. So I'd drive myself sit there
until I knew I wasn't dying, then drive home.

Quoted message said:

Bearing this problem can be a lonely proposition because those
(family, friends) who've never experienced it--especially acute
attacks--can fully understand it. It is an organic, physiological
event and not just a sudden case of nerves.

Yeah, that's been the hardest part. My wife, God bless her because she is
very understanding, will sometimes say something like "why can't you stop
worrying about that?" And my only answer is "um... I have anxiety". And
really, that's the only answer I can give her. I have it. I react
irrationally and that's that. All I can do are find the root causes, try
to work on overcoming those (which I am, while in therapy) and continue to
gradually expose myself (as I did on that bike ride) to situations that
push my mental limits. I mean, as weird as it sounds, when I lost my
weight, it was easy to do, because the route was easy to do. 25 miles a
day, but along the route were hospitals. So as I said before, I could
mentally tell myself that if I panic I won't be far from help, no matter
how bad the panic attack is. Running off into the mountains and doing a 40
mile bike ride or a 54 mile bike ride would have been insanity because I
would have been far from help.

Actually, it's funny, because at one point, I used to even have trouble in
the car sometimes. I'd start to have a panic attack and I'd play a game
(this is on long road trips) where I'd think about how far I was until the
next city that had a big hospital. The reason being that in my
anxiety-riddled mind, small towns won't do because small towns=incompetent
hospitals with old equipment. Now, I'm not saying that's true. I'm just
giving you a picture of my state of mind and a basis for comparison as to
why it's so amazing to be at a point now where I can do a 54 mile bike
ride. Or do 25 miles without stopping at any of the rest stops (which I
did yesterday). I'm doing another 50-miler next weekend.

I just feel really really strong. I've gotten healthier and I've been a
steady cyclist for a while now. But the anxiety was holding me back. Now
the anxiety isn't holding me back. It's still a struggle, but it's one I'm
winning. But the point of all the above exposition is to say that you are
so right. Anxiety is so irrational that it creates a kind of loneliness
that few people can understand. I think having cancer or something like
that would be far worse, leave no doubt about it. But at least with cancer
you usually have people who can empathize. With anxiety, empathy is hard
to come by because people can't comprehend why you can't just turn it off
magically. I can't even comprehend it. I've just come to grips with the
fact that it is. And all I can do is to keep pushing myself beyond my
comfort zone so that when I jump on that airplane flight it's no big deal
because I've done it recently. And when I go for a long bike ride I don't
panic because I know my body can handle it. And, when I see my heart rate
hit a high mark I don't panic because I know I'll be okay. It's a very
tedious experience that is hard for others to understand. But I'm getting
better.

Quoted message said:

Though I've not a had a full blown attack in many years, I still take
small quantities of Xanax; but nothing has been as effective at short
circuiting my anxiety as cycling.

I agree. I won't go into details, but I quit a job recently because they
wouldn't let me bike. They were putting such egregious demands on my time
70 hours/week that I quit. Not worth it. My bike is like therapy to me.
Exercise is not only scientifically good for anxiety, but I think it just
makes me feel better in general. All too often, though, companies are
unwilling to understand that we need lives and that sometimes forcing
people to work long hours (as I did for 2 years prior to getting treated
for anxiety) can have consequences. In my case I believe it made my
pre-existing anxiety worse. I couldn't get on my bike as often. I was
doing shorter rides (10 miles as opposed to 25) and as a result I was less
healthy overall. So I made a choice. I took unemployment and less money
over being forced to make my health an afterthought.

Quoted message said:

Congratulations on your massive breakthrough.
Dave

Thank you very much.

Preston

Dave Stallard said:

Preston Crawford said:

One of my main anxieties is that because I was 400lbs+ at one point (I'm
around 260lbs. now) I will someday die from a heart attack. So I've often
had panic attacks at high times of stress that revolved around exercising
(in my case doing longer bike rides).

Have you had a stress EKG? Has your doctor reviewed it for issues, and
approved your exercise program? If yes on both, I wouldn't worry too
much about having a heart attack. A reasonable exercise program should
actually *decrease* your risk of heart disease.

Of course. But that's the rational way of looking at things. :-) Anxiety
isn't rational. And as a consequence, I've had the works. When you have
anxiety, you get the works, sometimes. :-)

Stress EKG, nuclear dye scan. Everything says my heart is fine. But then
that irratiional part of my brain says "You were 400 lbs., surely some
damage was done during that time. Maybe it's undetectable. Any day now..."
and on it goes. I don't know if any test short of actually getting surgery
done would make me feel better. That's why I have to work on the anxiety.
Push myself and make mental breakthroughs.

Quoted message said:

"Cardiophobia" is a pretty easy problem to acquire, if you're constantly
monitoring yourself for signs of trouble, real or imagined. I had that
once. Got it dispelled by having an EKG.

Yeah, for me it's a constant way of life. The only cure (aside from Moses
himself bring down word that my heart is fine) is to work on the anxiety.

Quoted message said:

Sounds like you're doing really well, and having fun too!

I am. It could be easier, but then it wouldn't be as challenging. So this
is my problem to tackle. It could be better, it could be worse, but at
least I know I'm accomplishing something. Even if I'm not the first to the
finish line.

Preston

Mike Kruger said:

"Preston Crawford" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Thank you everyone else (Frank, you can always use my story and show the
pictures at www.prestoncrawford.com/album, at least the pictures of me,
not my cats, if you want) for the kind words. And yes, Claire. After years
of trying to get me to do something my anxiety wouldn't let me, we may
finally get to ride STP. :-)

Love the before/after pictures. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Quoted message said:

I did wander around a bit in the cat pictures -- love this one:
prestoncrawford.comevilopus.jpg>Open ↗

I know, that's one of my favorites. That's our cat Opus going nuts over a
fly in the house. It wasn't really an evil look. More like he was mewing
very *forcefully* at the intrusion of this fly. :-)

Preston