jealous friend

My wife is a nurse. I can't begin to know how many men
she's touched including having to deal with, dare I say it,
their penises!

part.

It doesn't bother me. I would be a seriously screwed up
person if that were to bother me.

This friend of yours needs to chill. She has a problem with
jealousy and perception and interpretation.

Her husband becoming a massage therapist and touching other
women is not the issue. The issue, again, is trust,
jealousy, perception, and interpretation.

If her husband is a piece of [censored] that has cheated on her
and will cheat on her, then the real question she needs to
ask herself is why she's still with him. Maybe she needs to
deal with the source of her jealousy.

Maybe he just needs to let her know that she's welcome to
drop into the office anytime she wants, including
unannounced.

JS

beth said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a massage
therapist. She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her
husband is going to be touching other woman. Is there
anyone out there in this same situation that she can talk
to. Please any advice or links about this matter would
help her out a lot.

I would say to read the thread about undressing for a
massage as a lot of those comments apply. When I was going
to massage school, my partner was very jealous too, though
he had enough sense to not voice it frequently. His main
thing was that my goal was to do sports massage and work on
teams that would most likely consist of all men. (football
was my preferred sport) My goals changed, that relationship
ended and he is very proud at how I have succeeded as a MT
and how professional I am with it. If we were still
together, I doubt it would be an issue.

Tell the husband to keep things VERY professional and as he
goes through school, he can take her in, work on her for
practice and she will start to see what he is doing is for
the good of all human kind. 🙂

Tiffany beth <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a massage
therapist. She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her
husband is going to be touching other woman. Is there
anyone out there in this same situation that she

can

Quoted message said:

talk to. Please any advice or links about this matter
would help her out

a

Quoted message said:

lot.

I am a student MT, and my s.o. had concern about this. I
think, when she saw me reading Massage Magazine, and saw how
enthusiastic I was about the therapeutic possibilities, it
made more sense to her. It must be quite something to adjust
to for most people, I think.

"beth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a massage
therapist. She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her
husband is going to be touching other woman. Is there
anyone out there in this same situation that she

can

Quoted message said:

talk to. Please any advice or links about this matter
would help her out

a

Quoted message said:

lot.

I'm on the opposite side of this equation. My wife was very
concerned at first with the idea that I was going into this
field, being around naked or partially clothed women,
putting my hands on them. I would like to think I've done a
decent job of making her feel ok about it by talking with
her, bringing her to the school, working on her with the
techniques I've been learning, showing her that my intent is
to be professional in every way possible. She loves massage,
so it wasn't too difficult to convince her to "get involved"
to a degree.

It seems to me the best way for your freind to take care of
herself is to try and become as informed as possible about
the process. Check out the school, learn about their
teaching methods. Talk to or even get treatments from
graduates from the school. My wife and I go for treatments
together at the school clinic. It's a great family outing,
and it's cheap!

Has she talked about her concerns with her hubby? It might
be difficult to keep the jealousy from getting in the way,
but on the other hand, I think that dialogue might be the
most important one to have.

"beth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a massage
therapist. She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her
husband is going to be touching other woman. Is there
anyone out there in this same situation that she can talk
to. Please any advice or links about this matter would
help her out a lot.

As a Male Therapist who has been licensed over 7 years, I'd
say that the most reasuring thing to say is that real-world
massage is not like you see on TV. The vast majority of
women in my area are not comfortable with male therapists,
and those who are tend to be quite conservative. Most of his
clients will be men, and many of those men will be gay. Not
to be smug, but I am an attractive and athletic getleman,
and never have I had any lady make any pass at me. (not true
with the guys) The ladies will be everyday people you see at
work, or walking down the street, not models. Ultimatly is
becomes an issue of trust, and comfort. Yes it will be his
job to work with people, and their bodies while they are in
a state of undress. Doesn't mean there will be anything
"going on" because that is just not reality...

"beth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a massage
therapist. She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her
husband is going to be touching other woman. Is there
anyone out there in this same situation that she

can

Quoted message said:

talk to. Please any advice or links about this matter
would help her out

a

Quoted message said:

lot.

Quoted message said:

"beth" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

I have a friend whose husband is going to become a
massage therapist.

She is driving hersel crazy knowing that her husband is
going to be touching other woman. Is there anyone out there
in this same situation that she can talk to. Please any
advice or links about this matter would help her out a lot.

Beth,

Sounds like your "friend" is very insecure (maybe justly)
about her relationship and probably unfamiliar with the
realities of legitimate professional massage therapy. The
insecurity I can't help with, that's between her and her
husband....If he's given her cause to suspect he would try
something then there's a bigger problem than his venture
into massage. However, I can help with her unfamiliarity
with legitimate massage therapy. First, I would suggest that
she go to one or more reputable massage therapists in her
area to receive a massage. Assuming that therapists in her
area are licensed/registered/certified she is likely to find
she receives a massage - just a massage. This should
somewhat allay her fears. Also, having been in the massage
therapy industry for several years, and having trained
literally hundreds of therapists I can tell you this:
1. The vast majority of clients are not looking for
anything other than good massage therapy.
2. Of the clients looking for something "more than" good
massage therapy

therapist, especially in the clinical office setting.
3. Most massage therapy schools spend at least a little bit
of time teaching students how to handle client's
advances professionally in the unlikely event they occur
(although female therapists use this info more than
males do).
4. Therapists that make their living with massage therapy
are unlikely to jeopardize their license by making
advances toward clients. In states that

investigated.

In short, if he's already not trustworthy around women he
still won't be. If he is trustworthy around women and is
serious about massage therapy he still will be.

Ben Crabtree, RMT, MTI, CNMT San Antonio, Texas
massagebyben.vze.commassagebyben.vze.comOpen ↗

Another question would be this...how would he react if she
were the one going into massage therapy and touching men? A
question to ask my girlfriend (another massage therapist).

It has been mentioned, but it is worth repeating, the man
in the story, the therapist can do much to disuade the
jealous feelings of his wife by being hyper-professional.
There can be a strong desire to engage in horse-play when
the spouse is on the table, things like tickling the feet,
dropping a kiss on the forehead, telling dirty jokes, etc,
since "they aren't really a client". The trick is to make
sure they know when they are on the table they ARE a
client. Make it abundantly clear that the table is an
almost sacred place and there will be no fooling around
during the session time. When I give my wife a massage she
knows, because I have told her and more importantly because
I have stuck to it, that I am going to treat her as if she
were any other client. And in reality, as professional as I
try to be with all of my clients, (I've been called a
zealot before) I would say I am even more keenly aware of
my professionalism and boundaries when it is my wife on the
table. After all when you break down what we do to its bare
bones, (no pun intended) we are in a small darkened room,
with soft music playing, alone with a mostly unclothed
stranger whose body we are rubbing lotion all over. Believe
me, my clients and students would tell you I am completely
on board with pushing Massage Therapy as a Health Care
Profession. But we must sometimes take a step back and try
to look at this therapeutic profession that we love,
through the eyes of the people we love. I teach Massage
Therapy and one of the first assignments I give my students
is to sit down and talk to the people that are the most
important to them, (spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, parents,
best friends, whomever) and make sure those person(s) have
a crystal clear idea of what they are coming to school for.
I tell them there is going to come a time when the people
in their circle of influence are going to be rassed for the
fact that they (the student) are going to Massage Therapy
school, and if there is even a shred of doubt as to what
they do when the treatment room door shuts, that minor
little rassing can become a major problem. And
unfortunately, the closer the person is to the student, the
more important they are to the student, the bigger the
problem can be. I present it to them as an ethical
assignment, tieing the concept together with the idea that
we must always give our clients our best work, by reminding
them if there is a connection between your job and loosing
a relationship that you cherished, you are going to end up
resenting your job. The students then come back and have
the opportunity to share what they discussed, and many
times the students were amazed at what their family/friends
thought they were going to be doing. It sounds like that is
the case for the original "thread" posting. Make sure
anytime the husband knows anytime he works on his currently
suspicious wife, if he wants to keep that relationship, he
has got to be the most professional Massage Therapist on
the planet.

I really gleened a LOT from this post and feel that several
others in my program at school could as well. You make some
great points.. and not only that... you bring it home in a
way that everyone can understand.. new students and new
clients alike.

I'm just finishing up the program. But would like to give a
hardcopy of this post to an instructor who teaches beginning
techniques to the newcomers... do you mind? Two years ago as
I began the program, the way you phrased these ethical
issues would have been a very simple and powerful way to get
things across. Good thing you teach! Good to know there are
teachers that are doing what you are doing.

Mj "Jeremy" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

It has been mentioned, but it is worth repeating, the man
in the story, the therapist can do much to disuade the
jealous feelings of his wife by being hyper-professional.
There can be a strong desire to engage in horse-play when
the spouse is on the table, things like tickling the feet,
dropping a kiss on the forehead, telling dirty jokes, etc,
since "they aren't really a client". The trick is to make
sure they know when they are on the table they ARE a
client. Make it abundantly clear that the table is an
almost sacred place and there will be no fooling around
during the session time. When I give my wife a massage she
knows, because I have told her and more importantly
because I have stuck to it, that I am going to treat her
as if she were any other client. And in reality, as
professional as I try to be with all of my clients, (I've
been called a zealot before) I would say I am even more
keenly aware of my professionalism and boundaries when it
is my wife on the table. After all when you break down
what we do to its bare bones, (no pun intended) we are in
a small darkened room, with soft music playing, alone with
a mostly unclothed stranger whose body we are rubbing
lotion all over. Believe me, my clients and students would
tell you I am completely on board with pushing Massage
Therapy as a Health Care Profession. But we must sometimes
take a step back and try to look at this therapeutic
profession that we love, through the eyes of the people we
love. I teach Massage Therapy and one of the first
assignments I give my students is to sit down and talk to
the people that are the most important to them, (spouse,
boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, best friends, whomever) and
make sure those person(s) have a crystal clear idea of
what they are coming to school for. I tell them there is
going to come a time when the people in their circle of
influence are going to be rassed for the fact that they
(the student) are going to Massage Therapy school, and if
there is even a shred of doubt as to what they do when the
treatment room door shuts, that minor little rassing can
become a major problem. And unfortunately, the closer the
person is to the student, the more important they are to
the student, the bigger the problem can be. I present it
to them as an ethical assignment, tieing the concept
together with the idea that we must always give our
clients our best work, by reminding them if there is a
connection between your job and loosing a relationship
that you cherished, you are going to end up resenting your
job. The students then come back and have the opportunity
to share what they discussed, and many times the students
were amazed at what their family/friends thought they were
going to be doing. It sounds like that is the case for the
original "thread" posting. Make sure anytime the husband
knows anytime he works on his currently suspicious wife,
if he wants to keep that relationship, he has got to be
the most professional Massage Therapist on the planet.

"Mj Hess" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

I really gleened a LOT from this post and feel that
several others in my program at school could as well. You
make some great points.. and not only that... you bring it
home in a way that everyone can understand.. new students
and new clients alike.

I'm just finishing up the program. But would like to give
a hardcopy of this post to an instructor who teaches
beginning techniques to the newcomers... do you mind? Two
years ago as I began the program, the way you phrased
these ethical issues would have been a very simple and
powerful way to get things across. Good thing you teach!
Good to know there are teachers that are doing what you
are doing.

MJ-Absolutely, Hope this helps!

This is the way All Massage Therapists should be....

To take it to the treatment table is definitley a step in
the wrong direction as a true Massage Therapist. Good post J
& MJ.. "Jeremy" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

"Mj Hess" <[email hidden]> wrote in message

news:<[email hidden]>...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

I really gleened a LOT from this post and feel that
several others in my program at school could as well.
You make some great points.. and not

only

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

that... you bring it home in a way that everyone can
understand.. new students and new clients alike.

I'm just finishing up the program. But would like to
give a hardcopy of this post to an instructor who
teaches beginning techniques to the newcomers... do you
mind? Two years ago as I began the program, the way

you

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

phrased these ethical issues would have been a very
simple and powerful

way

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

to get things across. Good thing you teach! Good to know
there are teachers that are doing what you are doing.

MJ-Absolutely, Hope this helps!