Savage Love by Dan Savage January 14 - 20, 2004
I am a massage girl - wink, wink - who provides men with happy endings. I enjoy [censored] especially guy-on-
guy [censored] and think of myself as very open. I am also happily married. Until recently. My husband is
36, handsome, 6-2, well-endowed,
years, however, all he has wanted to talk about are she-males. This wouldn't
trouble getting hard. The only way he can do it, lately, is while he's watching she-male [censored] or
listening to me talk dirty about she-males. I know a professional she-male, and I offered to make my
husband's fantasy come true. But he is too scared of diseases. Do you think he's gay? Nothing would
be wrong with that except what it would mean for our marriage!
-Confused and Frustrated in B'more
Some straight guys like [censored]. I mean, they really like [censored]. They like [censored] so much that they want
to play with [censored] other than their own. But they're straight guys, CAFIB, so they don't want to
play with some other dude's [censored]. They want to play with a [censored] that's attached to someone who in
every other respect looks like a hot woman. Straight guys like your husband are pretty common,
CAFIB, while good-looking she-males are not. Which is why hot she-males can charge hundreds of
dollars an hour for the pleasure of their company. So is your husband gay? No. Gay men like [censored] to
be attached to men, not women. (Speaking as a gay man, I can assure you that I've never been tempted
by she-male [censored].) While I feel confident in saying your [censored]-hungry husband is straight, CAFIB, by
no means is he 100 percent straight. But he's straight
rest of your unnatural life. Very few straight guys into she-males are into them exclusively. They
just want to mess around with a she-male now and then, so they can play with another [censored]. (Didja
catch that? I wrote "another [censored]," not "another man's [censored]." He wants to play with a woman's [censored].
'Cause he's straight see how that works?)
As to your husband's performance problems, I'd chalk them up to that notorious buzz kill, the
Unfulfilled, All-Consuming Fantasy. He's clearly obsessed, and
will pale in comparison to the idealized she-male experience he's been
make it happen. I speak from experience. I can't go into details because my
prenup, but I can say this: A few years back, my reliably vanilla boyfriend suddenly had a fantasy.
It was his first. Like your husband, CAFIB, my boyfriend
pornography. But whenever I suggested we stop talking about it and do it, he balked. Then one day I
told him I was done asking for his permission. I was just going to make it happen. And I did. He was
grateful, which was nice, and his fantasy, once realized, was no longer all-consuming, which was
nicer. It was still there, of course; realizing a fantasy, despite what so many people seem to
believe, does not purge it. But after acting on his fantasy, my boyfriend was
frustratingly vague, but if I included any actual details like, say, the Finnish national swim team,
the two kegs of beer, or the 15 rolls of duct tape my boyfriend would kill me.)
The next time your husband begs you to talk dirty about she-males, do it. During the dirty talk,
tell him that you're going to make it happen, and tell him you're not asking for his permission
anymore. Then make it happen invite your she-male colleague over for the evening, use condoms on his
[censored] and her [censored],
Will your husband, once he's tasted she-[censored], decide to run off with your colleague? Perhaps. But
that's a risk you'll have to run, just as I ran the risk of losing my boyfriend to the Finnish
national swim team. Because if your husband never realizes his fantasy, you're going to lose him for
sure. Subconsciously he has set this up as a choice between his fantasies and his marriage, which is
probably why he's having a hard time getting it up for you. You have to make it clear that it isn't
a choice he has to make hell, it's not a choice you're going to let him make.