Three drunk guys get out of a club and get into a taxi. The taxi driver noticed they were drunk, so he asked them where they want to go, turned on the engine, switched it off and claimed they reached the destination. The first guy hands him the money, the second guy says thanks and gets out of the car, and the third guy slaps him. The driver got scared, thinking the guy realized the car didn't move an inch and asked why did he get slapped. The guys said: "Control your speed next time, you almost killed us!"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. Just before he takes a sip of his whiskey, a guy runs in and says, "Bill, your house burnt down!" So he runs outside, but then he thinks, "I don't have a house," so he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey. Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!" He runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways, but then thinks, "I don't have a dad," so he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey. Then another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!" So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank, but then he thinks, "My name's not Bill."[IMG]files.cyclingforums.combig smile.pngOpen ↗[/IMG][IMG]files.cyclingforums.combig smile.pngOpen ↗[/IMG]
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
When he sobered up (ok, I added that part to make it a drunk joke), Donald Trump announced that he is withdrawing his name for candidate for President of the United States of America.
Turns out he really didn't want to downsize and the neighborhood stinks anyways.
