Fearfully chattering Fogel

You sound like a cornered monkey chattering, Carl Fogel, and you
chatter for the same reason a monkey chatters, because you are
frightened someone larger is invading your territory. Actually, I'm
just here to pick up a little information useful to my bicycling. I
have no interest in taking over the patch of some jumped-up bike
mechanic called Carl Fogel.

I get your foolish self-destructive reaction all the time from
parochial drones just like you. True, I'm not off your provincial
street corner, and of course I seem larger than life to a safe little
bourgeois nobody like you. But that doesn't mean I'm harmful even to a
lying scumbag like you -- unless your inferiority and your fear of
losing your primacy (sorry! involuntary pun! LOL!) drives you to throw
yourself against my ankles, as we have already seen you do, and as you
do again in the post I quote in full below.

You may sneer at my books, little Fogel. Where are your books? Where
is any achievement of yours that we can see? What have you ever done?

Actually, some of my books (and other activities) drove governments to
the same over-reaction as yours, except that governments have more
teeth than some fulminating like jerkoff like you: they sent assassins
while you sneer and jeer powerlessly, in the process telling us more
about you than about me.

By all means send your turtle to claw my ankles. I'm partial to turtle
soup. Or come yourself and bring some friends to help you, and I'll
gently -- promise! -- put you back into the slime under your rock.

Andre Jute
"Mr Jute's... moral and ecological concerns are important.." -- Times
Literary Supplement
members.lycos.co.ukTHE%20WRITER'S%20HOUSE.htmlOpen ↗

And here is Carl Fogel's letter which reveals so much about his state
of mind:

Quoted message said:

Dear Frank,

Sometimes when you flip over a rock, you find amazing things:
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.audio.pro/msg/192e933593bef951

First, Andrew McCoy/Andre Jute claims that he threw a log thirty paces
to hit a tree and detonate a cigar tube full of nitrogylcerin, stuffed
into a hole drilled into the tree's four-foot thick trunk.

Few people claim to be able to throw logs 90 feet. A rock would have
been more plausible, but it would have been less impressive.

Then Jute / McCoy claims that the explosion from within the tree blew
him thirty paces away--

And fifteen feet _up_ into a tree.

Few people claim to survive explosions 90 feet away that hurl them
another 90 feet horizontally and 15 feet vertically. (Even fewer
people make such claims for a mere cigar tube of nitroglycerin
surrounded by two feet of solid wood--for that kind of effect, most of
us would make up a 50-pound bomb dropped by the Air Force.)

But presumably it will turn out that all distances were measured with
a "certified calibrated government approved" pedometer.

And the strange upward trajectory of McCoy / Jute will be explained by
the fact that he merely forgot to mention that he rode a cannonball to
the moon--

Er, Baron von Munchausen rode a cannonball fifteen feet _up_ into the
tree.

The nicest touch in the story is the "black tree snake" that was
spectating in the tree and refused to bite our hero.

Anyone who doubts the snake will be informed that the late Steve Irwin
certified the serpent on a "calibrated government approved"
herpetometer.

My fellow travellers (communists who don't get along well with my crew
of right-wing McCarthy-ites) will be pleased to learn that I've added
"certified calibrated government-approved" South African assassins and
a squad of South American Nazis to our ranks.

Really.

No fooling.

At least, that's what Andre Jute / Andrew McCoy says:

"The apartheid security police, BOSS, twice sent assassins after
novelist Andrew McCoy on publication of 'Atrocity Week' and 'The
Insurrectionist'. South American Nazis hunted him for 'Cain's
Courage'."
http://members.lycos.co.uk/fiultra/THE%20WRITER'S%20HOUSE.html

Since tree snakes have failed my communist/right-wing/apartheid/nazi
coalition, I plan to terminate Jute / McCoy with mild prejudice next
spring by mailing one of these creatures to Ireland with instructions
to hunt him down:
http://i13.tinypic.com/53sdipy.jpg

The "certified calibrated government-approved" ruler next to my
cold-blooded assassin is 18 feet long, so Jute / McCoy will have no
chance at all.

Oops! Make that 18 inches. But it can tear a bullfrog to pieces with
those claws, so he'd better hope that it glides "away with only a
single disdainful look over its shoulder" when he finds it in his bath
tub.

Yikes! A nut who claims on his web site that the South African
government is sending assassins after them and that South American
Nazis are hunting him! Luckily, he blows himself up and hides in
trees.

I thought he was a blow-hard from the get-go, but I had no idea that
he was so flamboyant.

Cheers,

Carl Fogel