Holidaze
I am generally [getting out the Wand O' Generalities and
waving it wildly about] able to read my prospective audience
accurately before subjecting them to my brand of humor. There have
been times, though, where I completely misjudge a portion of the
audience to ruinous results.
Last night was such a disaster.
There is an Indian family that we are (or were) very close
to. They have two children, boys that get along with my three
famously -- if for no other reason than their two boys will do
whatever my three girls ask/demand. The parents truly enjoy
SWMBO's and my company as well, which has allowed us to get to
that level of comfort where we joke incessantly about any and all
topics. Al and I are very comfortable talking and jockeying
without ever letting an edge or personality quirk get in the way.
SWMBO and <Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name¹> have MANY common
hobbies and interests, share "girl" talk (they ALWAYS go quiet
whenever Al and I walk in on them), and both are in charge of
their individual households. Al came from money and <Insert
27-random-letters-for-a-name> came from power when they lived in
India. Their marriage was, uhm, Old World but they managed to
overcome that anyway. They've lived in the US for fifteen years,
and as such have quickly adopted MANY customs and practices of our
backwater society. Their parents, Old World Adherents, have NEVER
approved of their living here, any of Al's measly engineering
jobs, her working, etc. The few times they've come to visit, Al
and <Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name> have spent large amounts
of time with us. This Holiday they weren't able to get in some
non-parent private time due to all their usual sources being
unavailable. We /were/ able to schedule some time for them to come
over for a meal and movie, though. Al, at first, tried to beg off
but I'm comfortable ribbing him into giving in. He finally
admitted that his parents were visiting and that they weren't able
to leave them like they normally did. I shrugged and said, "More
the merrier! Invite'em." He balked at first but after a few
minutes bantering he relented (probably to shut me up.) He went
home and told <Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name> about my
invite and she got on the phone to SWMBO. They talked for MANY
minutes but the gist was that we could handle her IL's.
Al's family arrived as SWMBO and I finished up in the kitchen.
(WHAT is it with people that they show up ON TIME?! Show up Late!!
A few minutes late! But don't show up early or on time!)
I went to the door, drying my hands in a towel, and asked
them all in. Al's father (AKA Pruneface) was already scowling,
hands clasped firmly behind his back. Al's mom (AKA Poison Ivy)
sauntered in behind. Al made introductions and I knew we were in
for a very strained evening. The kids immediately took off towards
our playroom and that allowed us to sit around a jaw for a bit.
Al was clearly experiencing a migraine from this event.
<Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name> was also experiencing a
level of stress that even two boys couldn't match. I tested the
waters with some minor [VERY UNOFFENSIVE, might I add] jokes.
SWMBO, with a very subtle move, grabbed my hand. I sighed and
pulled my horns in. We sat there, like six junior high kids
playing a Truth or Dare game. No one wanted to say anything.
Finally SWMBO asked if anyone wanted anything to drink. Al and
<Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name> both asked for glasses of
wine. That actually seemed to soften the parents. They also asked
for whatever was convenient. When I listed our entire stock (from
Coke to my favorite SMS), Pruneface cracked a smile. He chose the
least offensive, Coke. Conversations quickly opened up and I was
bemused by the parent's very British accents. I have worked with
Indians for many years and never run in to any with British
accents. <shrug> I'm sheltered.
Dinner was simple; the kids all ate at the kitchenette
(watching Kim Possible) and the adults all ate in the dining room
(away from the TV so I'd eat and talk.) Poison Ivy spent a
majority of the meal and evening talking at SWMBO, never to. She
was cordial and polite. And took every opportunity to zing <Insert
27-random-letters-for-a-name>: our house was bigger, our china was
nicer, our kids were better behaved. It just didn't stop. We
eventually finished dinner with Al and <Insert
27-random-letters-for-a-name> simmering quite nicely.
Spawn and their youngest (a stunning specimen of the
definition of what Handsome really is) came toddling out of the
kitchenette, declaring they were finished eating. Spawn told
everyone that she and Joseph were going to go watch her movie -
and then she planted a big smooch on his cheek and gave him a
takedown hug. Joseph took it like a trooper. I chose that moment
to bring out my favorite joke and ribbed Al that Spawn was going
to marry that boy if we didn't watch them. Al's ALWAYS been able
to make a funny comeback but Poison Ivy immediately bristled and
said something clipped, in a language I don't know. Al dropped his
eyes to the table, his cheeks crimsoned from the blast he'd just
received. <Insert 27-random-letters-for-a-name> was also looking
down at the tablecloth.
Pruneface stood up, and put his napkin on the table and
turned to leave. Poison Ivy was also walking her requisite
one-step-right-two-steps-back. Al and <Insert
27-random-letters-for-a-name> stood up and called to their boys.
All four looked like they'd just swallowed lemon wedges. Al never
once lifted his eyes on the way to the door. Al and <Insert
27-random-letters-for-a-name> thanked us for the dinner and bid us
goodnight. I haven't seen him today but I'm positive that I just
torpedoed the friendship. <sigh>
¹ Her name is 27 letter long and I have tried over the years to
say it. I am mentally deficient in my language abilities, though.
Her nickname is still fifteen letters long and no easier to say
for me.