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Can You Do This Ben?

Started by B. Lafferty · · Last activity · 21 posts · 748 views

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Road Cycling
Published
2 December 2006
Last activity
4 December 2006
Original author
B. Lafferty
Posts
21
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  1. No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
    service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
    recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
    Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
    advising him to play weak moves.

    There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
    amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
    receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
    position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
    opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
    according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.

    Revenue streams would be:

    1.. Commission on the dental fees.
    2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
    3.. A percentage of prize money won.
    4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
    For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
    the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
    we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
    dentists there.

    http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=693

  2. B. Lafferty said:

    No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
    service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
    recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
    Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
    advising him to play weak moves.

    There's that old saying, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean
    that they're not out to get you. In light of recent events in London,
    maybe it's not so far fetched. Then again we are talking about Bobby
    Fischer...

    Quoted message said:

    There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
    amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
    receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
    position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
    opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
    according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.

    Revenue streams would be:

    1.. Commission on the dental fees.
    2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
    3.. A percentage of prize money won.
    4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)

    For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
    the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
    we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
    dentists there.

    I thought lawyers started out like records - 33 1/3%

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    R

  3. RicodJour said:

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
    Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.

  4. RicodJour said:
    B. Lafferty said:

    No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
    service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
    recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
    Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
    advising him to play weak moves.

    There's that old saying, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean
    that they're not out to get you. In light of recent events in London,
    maybe it's not so far fetched. Then again we are talking about Bobby
    Fischer...

    Quoted message said:

    There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
    amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
    receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
    position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
    opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
    according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.

    Revenue streams would be:

    1.. Commission on the dental fees.
    2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
    3.. A percentage of prize money won.
    4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)

    For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
    the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
    we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
    dentists there.

    I thought lawyers started out like records - 33 1/3%

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    R

    Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
    ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
    As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
    damage done to the bottom line through managed care.

    Steve

  5. Donald Munro said:
    RicodJour said:

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
    Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.

    I actually don't know who this guy is:

    http://www.birillo.com/

    I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
    My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
    when we visit.

    Steve

  6. Steven Bornfeld said:
    RicodJour said:


    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
    ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
    As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
    damage done to the bottom line through managed care.

    Hmmm, you know I'm starting to wonder. Only one of you posts, those
    pictures could be Photoshopped. Maybe there isn't an evil twin at all!
    Maybe it's all some sort of elaborate...

    Oh, God. What did I just say?! I've seen Marathon Man and Little Shop
    of Horrors! You're not going to torture me are you? Oh, wait,
    dentists don't do house calls. I'm safe. Whew.

    R

  7. RicodJour said:
    Steven Bornfeld said:
    RicodJour said:

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉


    Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
    ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
    As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
    damage done to the bottom line through managed care.

    Hmmm, you know I'm starting to wonder. Only one of you posts, those
    pictures could be Photoshopped. Maybe there isn't an evil twin at all!
    Maybe it's all some sort of elaborate...

    Oh, God. What did I just say?! I've seen Marathon Man and Little Shop
    of Horrors! You're not going to torture me are you? Oh, wait,
    dentists don't do house calls. I'm safe. Whew.

    R

    I've done housecalls, but it's a mission of mercy. The only photo I
    know of us out there Papai put on rbr website--it must be easily 10
    years old.
    I wish Mark WERE photoshopped sometimes.

    Steve

  8. In article <[email hidden]>,

    Steven Bornfeld said:

    Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
    ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.

    So which one of you two has the poster of Sir Larry saying, "Is it safe?" on the
    wall?

    http://www.cinemovies.fr/images/data/films/Pfilm68941177705707.jpg

    --
    tanx,
    Howard

    Never take a tenant with a monkey.

    remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

  9. Howard Kveck said:

    In article <[email hidden]>,

    Steven Bornfeld said:

    Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
    ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.

    So which one of you two has the poster of Sir Larry saying, "Is it safe?" on the
    wall?

    http://www.cinemovies.fr/images/data/films/Pfilm68941177705707.jpg

    What a ridiculous photo. That's not how you do it!

    Steve

  10. RicodJour said:
    Quoted message said:
    Quoted message said:

    If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    Donald Munro said:
    Quoted message said:

    The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
    Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.



    Steven Bornfeld said:

    I actually don't know who this guy is:
    http://www.birillo.com/

    Conclusive. I mean what New Yorker wouldn't want a dog that doesn't
    require a Pound scooping device when taken for a walk.

    Quoted message said:

    I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
    My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
    when we visit.

    Must be Max van Heeswijk on The List then.

  11. Steven Bornfeld said:

    My brother has a manic whippet named Max.

    As opposed to what other type of whippet?

  12. B. Lafferty said:

    No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
    service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
    recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
    Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
    advising him to play weak moves.

    There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
    amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
    receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
    position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
    opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
    according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.

    Revenue streams would be:

    1.. Commission on the dental fees.
    2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
    3.. A percentage of prize money won.
    4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
    For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
    the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
    we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
    dentists there.

    http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=693

    Hell, I'll just get somebody to kneecap your opponent. Rates adjusted to the
    size of the match. Cheaper, easier, surer.

    Ron

  13. Donald Munro said:
    RicodJour said:
    Quoted message said:

    > If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
    > enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
    > wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" 😉

    Donald Munro said:
    Quoted message said:

    The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
    Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.


    Steven Bornfeld said:

    I actually don't know who this guy is:
    http://www.birillo.com/

    Conclusive. I mean what New Yorker wouldn't want a dog that doesn't
    require a Pound scooping device when taken for a walk.

    The NY times is fine.

    Steve

    Quoted message said:


    Quoted message said:

    I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
    My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
    when we visit.

    Must be Max van Heeswijk on The List then.

  14. Fred Fredburger said:
    Steven Bornfeld said:

    My brother has a manic whippet named Max.

    As opposed to what other type of whippet?

    I've actually seen some that appear to be good on a leash. I look at
    it charitably; that Max is the worst of a generally bad bunch.

    Steve

  15. Fred Fredburger said:
    Steven Bornfeld said:

    My brother has a manic whippet named Max.

    As opposed to what other type of whippet?

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

    R

  16. RicodJour said:
    Fred Fredburger said:
    Steven Bornfeld said:

    My brother has a manic whippet named Max.

    As opposed to what other type of whippet?

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

    BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
    during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
    themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
    both.

    R

  17. RicodJour said:
    RicodJour said:
    Fred Fredburger said:

    Steven Bornfeld wrote:

    > My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
    As opposed to what other type of whippet?


    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

    BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
    during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
    themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
    both.

    R

    The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
    doctor-patient relationship.
    You get over the squeamish part real quick.

    Steve

  18. In article <[email hidden]>,

    Steven Bornfeld said:
    RicodJour said:
    RicodJour said:

    Fred Fredburger wrote:
    > Steven Bornfeld wrote:
    >
    >> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
    > As opposed to what other type of whippet?
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

    BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
    during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
    themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
    both.

    R

    Quoted message said:

    The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
    doctor-patient relationship.
    You get over the squeamish part real quick.

    I suppose if you didn't get over it you wouldn't have much of a career.

    Next time I go, I'm eating onions, Oreos and brocoli beforehand.

    --
    tanx,
    Howard

    Never take a tenant with a monkey.

    remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

  19. Howard Kveck said:

    In article <[email hidden]>,

    Steven Bornfeld said:
    RicodJour said:

    RicodJour wrote:
    > Fred Fredburger wrote:
    >> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
    >>
    >>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
    >> As opposed to what other type of whippet?
    > http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit
    BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
    during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
    themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
    both.

    R

    Quoted message said:

    The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
    doctor-patient relationship.
    You get over the squeamish part real quick.

    I suppose if you didn't get over it you wouldn't have much of a career.

    Next time I go, I'm eating onions, Oreos and brocoli beforehand.

    Yeah, we love this. How about this? When I was a little baby dentist
    and perhaps just a wee bit less assertive about this kind of thing, this
    young pig walked into my treatment room for her first appointment still
    carrying a bag and chewing a mouthful of Cheeze Doodles.

    Steve

  20. B. Lafferty said:

    No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
    service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
    recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
    Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
    advising him to play weak moves.

    Not sure if I'm the "Ben" you seek - I don't do dental work
    without a license anymore, although I might be able to find
    you some people with a microwave antenna powerful enough
    that you'll be able to receive signals on unmodified fillings.

    Sadly, it doesn't help my chess game. After GWB passed the
    Patriot Act, I started wearing a tinfoil hat and since then I
    haven't been able to get any transmissions, even from the
    orbiting alien mind control satellites. If only Bobby Fischer
    had taken my advice, things could have been very different.

    Ben

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