Joque Du Jour, Consumer goods labels

How about "serving suggestion - lettuce not included", on boxes of taco
shells? :-)

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

*On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

* On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email hidden]> wrote in news:Omelet-
[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Not to discount all the others but this was my favorite!

Thanks!

Andy

"Andy" <q> wrote in message news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email hidden]> wrote in news:Omelet-
[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Not to discount all the others but this was my favorite!
Andy

If you loved that, this will keep you smiling for days. :-)
www.engrish.com

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

<snipped>

Heck, I needed that laugh. Thanks Om.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

*On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

* On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

Yesterday I bought some masks for dusting, all of them said something to
this effect:

Warning: Improper use may cause sickness or death.

Whut! From mask itself, or the dust? Wouldn't you already be sick or dead
from not wearing it?
Or if you survived before putting it on, would an improper fitting make it
worse and you would die? All sorts of ramifications were going on in my
brain.
Dee Dee

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

<snipped>

Excellent! I must add my favorite, printed on an automobile windshield
sun shade:

"Do not drive with shade in place."

--
Peter Aitken
Visit my recipe and kitchen myths pages at www.pgacon.com/cooking.htm

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

For a portable tabletop gas grill (the box said "tabletop" in large
letters on two sides):

DO NOT USE ON TABLETOP

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

This reminds me of a toy I got as a kid - made in a foreign country. It
was some toy you stick in water and it "grows". The directions said:
"For the delight of enjoying the swelling and jiggling which amuse the
youngest the animals."

We all got a big kick out of that.

-L.

In article <[email hidden]>,

JoeSpareBedroom said:

How about "serving suggestion - lettuce not included", on boxes of taco
shells? :-)

Yet another good one. ;-)
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email hidden]> wrote in news:Omelet-
[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Not to discount all the others but this was my favorite!

Thanks!

Andy

I've actually seen this one. ;-D
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

JoeSpareBedroom said:

"Andy" <q> wrote in message news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email hidden]> wrote in news:Omelet-
[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Not to discount all the others but this was my favorite!
Andy

If you loved that, this will keep you smiling for days. :-)
www.engrish.com

Oh my! <lol> I just bookmarked that.
Looks like some of the wierd stuff I see at the oriental market. <G>
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

Chatty Cathy said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

<snipped>

Heck, I needed that laugh. Thanks Om.

Cheers! :-)
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

Dee Randall said:

Yesterday I bought some masks for dusting, all of them said something to
this effect:

Warning: Improper use may cause sickness or death.

Whut! From mask itself, or the dust? Wouldn't you already be sick or dead
from not wearing it?
Or if you survived before putting it on, would an improper fitting make it
worse and you would die? All sorts of ramifications were going on in my
brain.
Dee Dee

It's amazing what one finds when reading fine print on labels....... ;-D
Sometimes our litiganous (sp?) society is good for a good laugh!
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

Peter A said:

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

<snipped>

Excellent! I must add my favorite, printed on an automobile windshield
sun shade:

"Do not drive with shade in place."

<lol> That's a good one!
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

KevinS said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

For a portable tabletop gas grill (the box said "tabletop" in large
letters on two sides):

DO NOT USE ON TABLETOP

Ah, so place it on the ground? ;-)
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson

In article <[email hidden]>,

-L. said:

OmManiPadmeOmelet said:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

This reminds me of a toy I got as a kid - made in a foreign country. It
was some toy you stick in water and it "grows". The directions said:
"For the delight of enjoying the swelling and jiggling which amuse the
youngest the animals."

We all got a big kick out of that.

-L.

<snork>
Reminds me of a lot of the subtle "adult" humor that one sees in a lot
of kids programming nowadays. ;-)

"Pinky and the Brain" comes to mind......

and other cartoons of that Genre'.
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a [censored]"
-- Jack Nicholson