hello good friends and neighbours all,
I'm going to die rather sooner than I'd like. I tried to protect my
neighbours from crime (or so i thought), and became the victim of it.
Complications in
hospital following this resulted in a serious illness. I now need a toe
transplant. Many people around the world are waiting for toe
transplants, too. Please volunteer to be a toe donor:
i know you guys have been wondering, so let "mr. spodo" (that's what all the
kiddies call me) tell you just how this happened.
yes, it is true. i'm going to die rather sooner than i'd like. i tried to
protect my
neighbors from crime (hey, i thought they were being attacked) and became a
victim.
i heard screaming coming from my neighbour's flat. she is a single mother
with a retarded (but not too badly retarded, mind you) 9-year old son.
hearing the screams i thought they needed protection from some sort of
lowlife other than myself. plus it would be a chance to see little percival.
(as it turned out, the lady of the house was screaming after she noticed
a red spot on the 9 -year-old's underwear while doing the laundry.
she asked the child what had made him bleed "from there."
"mr. spodo hurt me. he put his thing in there. but he told me not to tell.
that no one would understand and they would be mad at him," said little
percy, his
face aflame with embarrassment and shame.
anyway, as i was running over there in my bare feet (i had been exercising,
as a matter of fact, yanking my pulley after i had given it a proper lube
job) i stepped on a nail. damn it! i was having such a lovely afternoon,
exercising and daydreaming about little percy.
but i digress.
the result of my stepping on the nail was a nasty puncture wound, similar to
little percy's as a matter of fact, but mine didn't bleed nearly as much,
thank god.
as i approached their first floor flat , the missus came tearing out
clutching a carving knife. and she was making a beeline for your's truly.
i'm quite a thinker as you all know. and i put together what had happened in
a flash. percy had failed to keep our little secret. (i wonder if i can get
the all that ice cream and the 5 pounds back from the little blighter).
i turned tail and ran. i made good my escape and hid in a park until
nightfall. i then made my way to hospital to have my great toe examined, for
that was where the nail entered.
i was lying in a bed waiting to see a physician when i heard a gruff voice
right outside my door.
"have you a mr. spodosaurus here? we've managed to follow a small trail of
blood here from the scene of a ghastly crime against god, man, a little boy
and nature overall. and we believe the blood came from mr. spodosaurus'
great toe."
i shat myself instantly. not just a little squirter "i [censored] my pants" type
of thing that i always get after drinking too much but rather and explosive
blast of fecal matter that left my anus at mach speed or more i dare say.
plus i had had a rather large lunch that day.need i say more, boys?
i was practically afloat in [censored] in no time. and some of it found its way
into the puncture wound on my great toe.
now gangrene has set in.
you know the rest of the story. i need a toe transplant.
can you help?
thank you,
mr. spodo