im jennifer. im 23, but have lots of experiences in life and i consider myself a strong person. but there are times where i feel like just giving it all up. well here it goes. i've been in a relationship for seven years. yes, pretty long i know. the issue is that he just cannot stop smoking weed. i mean it may not sound serious but its just tolling on me big time to where i just tend to break down. its everyday and lots of it. i mean its rediculous. i used to smoke too, in college or wuteva, but it just is a waste. we've talked and i gave him an altermatum but he felt like he's too good for altermatums. maybe i was stupid to fold, but we're still together. see, the issue is that its wasting his money, and then he comes to me and others when he's broke. not always, but at times and it gets me tight. very tight. i tell him but he doesnt seem to understand the magnitude of wuts going on with me. maybe he just doesnt get it. see, i know that after a long time together, people tend to fade...but i make sure that that doesnt happen. i hold myself well. i mean im not gorgeous but i know im very pretty and have a good head on my shoulders. im 5'2 an 110lbs. i keep myself good for the interest and it doesnt seem to matter. i dunno but maybe something else is making him not care. i'd appreciate any advice. anything at all. thanx😕
Health Nutrition and Supplements · Public discussion
advice needed
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- Health Nutrition and Supplements
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- 31 August 2005
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- 1 September 2005
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- refinnej
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7 years is 7 years, but life is just too short to waste on a pot-head who won't grow up and take responsibility for his own financial security. My advice is to move on...if you gave the ultimatum and he ignored it, its his loss...
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I used to smoke a lot also. I had figured out that I was self medicating. I looked back as long as I could remember and I was not the happiest person before my love affair with smoking. When I was high all the time I could get things done, I was motivated, I was happy. All the while masking symptoms of depression. It took a divorce for me to finally face my issues and to deal with life straight. I must confess that I still occasionally smoke but it is no longer a huge part of my life.
Ultimatums rarely work. An effort will be made to keep the peace but then it is business as usual. If you hassle him about it resentment will build and strain your relationship. If he continues to smoke your resentment grows further and strains the relationship. See the cycle you are caught in?
You can change the dynamics of the relationship on your own. You can pull away from him. Don't nag him about smoking. Pull a 180 on that issue. Start to do things on your own. Go out with the girls and be vague about your plans. Don't always answer his calls, let emails go for a day or so. Change your hair style. Give him the sense that he is in jeopardy of losing you or that you are about to move on. He will sense all these things and begin to panic. When he does and asks, "what is going on?" Calmly explain to him that you love him but the relationship is headed nowhere unless things change. Use "I" statements so as not to put him on the defensive. If all that does not work, move on.
Markz
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thats true too. 7 years is a lot of my time that i cant get back, which sucks. its his loss, yes, but its just a shame, you know. like i dont understand how people can just ignore the important things in life and just roll with the garbage. some people just need a lesson. maybe like time off from him would make him feel it? hopefully it dont backfire. but if it does, i guess i need a plan B. just prepare to get out there and do my best with myself. sounds positive and right but its gonna be harder to do than say! thanx for the help.🙂
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